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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28083717">Good in Bed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerys/pseuds/aerys'>aerys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Love Victor (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, BDSM Scene, Blindfolds, Butt Plugs, Cock Warming, College, Crossdressing, Daddy Kink, Eventual Romance, Exhibitionism, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Handcuffs, Happy Ending, Hook-Up, Humor, Kink Exploration, M/M, Marijuana, Masturbation, No Strings Attached, Nonbinary Character, Power Exchange, Power Play, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Roleplay, Rope Bondage, Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Roleplay, Slapping, Smut, Spanking, University, Wax Play</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:08:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>130,644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28083717</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerys/pseuds/aerys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Benji is an art student and Victor is a bio major at Georgia State. One day, they meet on Grindr and decide to hook up. But could that lead to something more?</p><p>(Venji college fwb to lovers AU)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andrew Spencer/Felix Weston, Benjamin "Benji" Campbell &amp; Victor Salazar, Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Mia Brooks/Lake Meriwether</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>170</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Best I Ever Had</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Benji sighs loudly, biting back his blush, and sets his phone down on the table before burying his face in his hands and running his fingers through his hair. “I thought you liked Derek.”</p><p>“No, I <i>tolerated</i> Derek. He wasn’t that cute,” Mia says, setting her soldering iron down before holding her open palm out. “Lemme look for you. Hand it over.”</p><p>“Wish you’d have told me that before,” Benji grumbles, doing as she asks, before returning to his half-finished acrylic painting.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a Friday evening near the middle of the semester at Georgia State, shortly after the leaves have dried and turned orange and red and yellow and fallen from the trees to the earth to become fertilizer for more plants to grow, death bringing new life. The air has grown colder, and cuffing season is just around the corner. But within the walls of the mostly-empty art building on campus, the cold cannot seep in. </p><p>Benji has just spent the last two hours staring at the canvas before him, watching as his pastoral scene, depicting the rolling green fields and rocky mountainous terrain, along with a lake reflecting the afternoon sun, gains its shades and colors. He layers on more of a dark, earthy brown at the base of one of the mountains to give it more depth, before pulling his brush away and examining it. There is something still not quite right about the way it looks, and if he has to put <em> one </em>more layer of paint on top of it, he knows he’ll lose his fucking mind.</p><p>“<em>Goddammit</em>,” Benji says loudly to no one in particular as he sets his brush aside for the moment.</p><p>A giggle floats to his ears from beside him, and he narrows his eyes before glancing around the room quickly to ensure they are truly alone; they are.</p><p>“It’s that bad, huh?” says a short, brown-skinned, black-haired girl--his best friend, Mia--beside him as she pauses her work and lifts her goggles from her face.</p><p>“Not <em> bad </em> but more… Not <em> good </em>.”</p><p>“So… bad.”</p><p>“No. I just need to not look at this for a few minutes,” Benji says, rising from his seat and rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, disregarding the scratchy sensation of dried paint scraping against the thin flesh of his eyelids. A few pieces peel off and fall to the floor. He takes his phone from the table beside him. “At least your… <em> thing </em> looks cool.”</p><p>“This isn’t a <em> thing </em> , it’s an <em> experience. </em>Look,” Mia says, stepping aside and presenting her sculpture--a tall tower of sorts that radiates points and curves like a star with blue, white, red, orange, and purple parts, that has just collapsed into itself, a metal supernova. “And you can even go inside it. I call it… ‘Dying Star’.”</p><p>“Huh… that’s actually pretty cool,” Benji says, admiring the massive construction. “Kinda makes my little landscape look like it was made by a toddler.”</p><p>“Don’t say that, it’s nice! I mean, plus, you’re pretty versatile. Metal sculpting is my specialty but you’re good at <em> everything </em>.”</p><p>“Sounds fake, but okay,” Benji says with a grin as he unlocks his phone. “Anyway… I’m probably gonna be here all night like a fucking nerd. Not like I have anywhere else to be. What about you?”</p><p>“Same, though. I wanna finish this thing before the weekend because I still have more sculptures in this series I wanna get started on.”</p><p>“Do you wanna get something to eat in like… a half hour or so?”</p><p>“Yeah, good idea. I got so into this that I forgot about like… eating.”</p><p>Benji chuckles as he opens Grindr as he’s wont to do when he has a moment of downtime. He’d had a few hookups in the past couple of weeks, but they’d all been mediocre, lackluster, and forgettable, cruel, or just plain clingy; he’d ended up blocking all of them afterward. Even though he doesn’t have a whole lot of success, he still comes back; he has no idea why. </p><p>“Mia, as a fellow artist, I need your opinion on something,” Benji says, sitting on his stool and biting his lip as he scrolls through his phone before holding it up in front of Mia’s face. “What do you think of this guy?”</p><p>“I’m flattered that you respect my opinion enough to ask,” Mia says, leaning over and examining it. “Eh, he’s all right. You can do better.”</p><p>“I mean… I’m not looking to marry him or bring him home to my parents, I just want him to fuck me.”</p><p>“You can’t tell me there aren’t <em> any </em> cuter guys around. Like, I’m sure there are like a few hundred other gay guys at Georgia State you can hook up with. And most of them are <em> way </em> cuter than Derek.”</p><p>Benji sighs loudly, biting back his blush, and sets his phone down on the table before burying his face in his hands and running his fingers through his hair. “I thought you liked Derek.”</p><p>“No, I <em> tolerated </em>Derek. He wasn’t that cute,” Mia says, setting her soldering iron down before holding her open palm out. “Lemme look for you. Hand it over.”</p><p>“Wish you’d have told me that before,” Benji grumbles, doing as she asks, before returning to his half-finished acrylic painting. </p><p>“Well, I know you liked him so what was I gonna do, tell you I thought he was ugly and a douche-bag?”</p><p>“Yeah? Of course I would want you to? Even though we’re like… bandmates and whatnot now.”</p><p>“Okay, well, he’s ugly and a douche-bag. Now you know.”</p><p>“Lovely, thank you so much,” Benji says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Any luck?”</p><p>“Don’t interrupt me,” Mia snaps. “Oh, wait. Here we go… What do you think of… this guy?” she asks, flipping the phone around and showing the screen to Benji. “He’s like half a mile away, tall, fit, plays basketball and likes animals. A bit weird to put in a hookup app profile but fine... But if you don’t hook up with him, I will.”</p><p>“Oh, <em> fuck </em> he’s hot. But there’s no way he’s a… oh, <em> vers </em> top, I guess that makes sense. I can work with that,” Benji says, dropping his paintbrush on his apron-clad lap. Mia withdraws the phone and types something quickly. “Wait, what are you doing?” Benji asks, his voice rising a few octaves.</p><p>“He’s exactly your type…” Mia says with a wicked grin. “But yeah, I just sent him a message.”</p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you? Give that back!” Benji says, rising from his seat to snatch his phone away from her. His phone clicks as he looks down at the screen. “Oh. He responded.”</p><p>“Nice, what did he say?” Mia asks, pausing before putting her goggles back over her eyes.</p><p>“‘Are you free at 9? 😁’. Aww, he’s so nice,” Benji says. He checks the clock on his phone; 6:50; still plenty of time. “I can’t believe you wrote ‘Please, sir, may I touch your dick? 🥺’ like I’m some sort of Victorian orphan.”</p><p>“I think people appreciate a little bit of politeness,” Mia reasons with a shrug. </p><p>“Well, I guess I can’t complain because it worked, and he just sent me his location,” Benji says, pocketing his phone. </p><p>“You should go get ready for your dick appointment,” Mia urges, shooing him. “Get out of here!”</p><p>“All right, all right. Thank you for that,” Benji says, kissing her cheek as he unties his apron and then jogged across the room to hang it on the wall. “I owe you one.”</p><p>“Honestly, all I wanna know is that you’re staying safe and not getting pregnant or impregnating someone else,” Mia teases in response. </p><p>“Don’t worry, mom, I have condoms. But sorry for bailing on our little date.”</p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll get over it. But I’m proud of you, honey. Have fun!” Mia says with a short wave before she returns to her work. </p><p>“See ya!” Benji says, throwing his bag over his shoulder as he runs out of the room and down the corridor.</p><p>Benji stumbles into the dining hall and grabs whatever looks edible that day that also won’t be too heavy because he still wants to look snatched later on. It’s after 7:30 when he leaves, cursing to himself as he rushes into his room while praying that his roommate and Mia’s childhood friend, Andrew, isn’t there. </p><p>When he pops his head in, he sees that their double room is, in fact, empty, because Andrew was most likely out with the rest of the basketball team partying or doing some other stupid shit that Benji avoids going to because he hates being around alcohol and it’s always too loud. </p><p>He showers and makes sure all his body hair is taken care of before he styles his hair, letting a little piece fall out of place and onto his forehead as he winks at himself in the mirror. Once he finishes that and brushes his teeth, he opens his closet to choose an outfit. </p><p>“Hmm… which of these says ‘blow my back out’?” he mutters to himself, leafing through the shirts he has hanging in his closet. </p><p>After a few minutes’ deliberation, he settles on a form-fitting black v-neck, dark skinny jeans, a black leather jacket and combat boots. He examines himself in the mirror for a moment before he grabs his phone and his keys and heads out the door. It’s 8:45.</p><p>The campus is still alive with the sound of drunk sorority girls parading across the sidewalk and repetitive trap music blaring through speakers not far off in the distance. Benji shoves his hand in his pockets as he approaches the massive, white, U-shaped complex that houses the sophomore dorms. </p><p>Raising an eyebrow as he stares up at the gargantuan structure, he pulls out his phone and messages the guy--whose name turns out to be Victor--and tells him he’s outside. He waits a moment before he sees him--tall, with brown skin and kind eyes, wearing skinny jeans and a green plaid button-up. Benji can’t help but smile--he isn’t sure if it’s because of Victor’s basic fashion sense or simply because the guy is <em> so </em>cute or maybe it’s just his brain anticipating him getting fucked. Or maybe all three.</p><p>“Hey! Benji, right?” Victor says, extending a hand with a smile. “How are you?”</p><p>“Yeah… hi. Nice to meet you,” Benji says, feeling a bit awkward as he shakes Victor’s hand. “I’m… all right.” <em> You don’t really care about how I am. </em>“Um… You look hotter in person than I was expecting you to.”</p><p>Victor opens the door and motions for Benji to go ahead of him. “Oh, uh. Thank you. You, too, actually. Like… <em> wow. </em>You look so badass.”</p><p>Benji chuckles, blushing a bit. “Thanks.”</p><p>They enter Victor’s dorm, which is an apartment he shares with a few other students. Victor takes off his shoes before he leads them down the carpeted corridor, and Benji does the same after Victor takes his jacket and hangs it in the closet. Benji is surprised to hear that it’s… quiet; he can barely hear the noise of cars driving over the nearby highway, and there doesn’t seem to be any other sign of life around. </p><p>“Can I get you anything to eat or maybe a drink?” Victor asks him gently as he opens the door to what Benji can only assume is his room. “Make yourself comfortable. And just let me know if you need anything.”</p><p>“Just water is fine, thanks,” Benji says, glancing around for a moment before sitting down at the edge of the bed on the soft sheets that make him feel as if he’s sitting in a nest.</p><p><em> He could be a serial killer… it’s always the nice ones </em> … Benji thinks, as he plays with his fingers. He isn’t used to guys being so… <em> nice </em>. </p><p>A moment, later, Victor returns holding a glass of water and iced tea, shutting the door behind him.</p><p>“So, uh… what are you studying?” Victor asks, offering the glass of water to Benji, who takes it gratefully. “I’m a bio major ‘cause I wanna go to vet school later on.”</p><p>“Fine art,” Benji says, taking a sip before putting his glass down. He strips his shirt off and tosses it aside before doing the same with his pants so that he sits there on the bed in only his black boxer briefs. </p><p>“That’s cool. I was never any good at art but I respect the craft,” Victor says and Benji sighs.</p><p>“Okay, look. It’s really sweet that you’re trying to like, get to know me and I appreciate your hospitality and all that, but I have a twenty page paper I have to work on for art history and I want you to fuck me so I don’t have to think about it for a little bit,” Benji says, playing with the waistband of his underwear. </p><p>“What’s it on?” </p><p>“What’s what on?”</p><p>“Your paper. What’s the subject matter?”</p><p>“I-- well. Nothing too fancy, just on the evolution of popular artistic styles in the Interwar period,” Benji says with a shrug. </p><p>“Oh, so like, Dadaism and shit,” Victor says, before taking a sip of his tea again. </p><p>“Uh, right… You’re actually exactly right,” Benji says, raising an eyebrow. “Anyway… are we doing this or what?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Of <em> course </em>. I just feel weird just inviting people over and being like ‘show hole’ right away, ya know? It’s kinda rude,” Victor says, setting his drink down on the nightstand beside his bed before shedding his plaid shirt.</p><p>“That’s fair,” Benji says with a shrug as he sidles beside Victor. “First, we should set some ground rules, though, okay? You can kiss me anywhere you want except on the mouth, don’t like… stare at me while we’re fucking because it’s weird, wear a condom,” Benji pauses and smacks a wrapped condom against Victor’s chest as he says this, before he continues: “and if you want to do any freaky shit just ask me before you do it. I also don’t have any diseases, fyi.”</p><p>“Cool. I guess… same.”</p><p>“Okay, uh… Then, can I take my underwear off?” Benji asks, glancing up at Victor through his eyelashes. </p><p>“Of course, go ahead,” Victor says softly, his eyes betraying his eagerness.</p><p>Humming, Benji slides his boxer briefs off him and drops them on the floor, and Victor watches him with rapt attention. He presses his mouth against Victor’s beautiful brown skin, peppering it with kisses and sucking on it, knowing it would leave marks behind. There’s something intoxicating about the way Victor smells, musk and sandalwood looming over him and making him want more. He pulls away after a moment.</p><p>“Your turn,” Benji says with a smirk, running his hand through his still damp hair. He can feel himself getting hard just from knowing Victor’s eyes are all but glued to his lap.</p><p>“It’s only fair,” Victor mumbles.</p><p>Swallowing, Victor slides his pants off, followed by his underwear, and his face reddens as he sits exposed, the air making him shiver. But Benji can’t focus on his face at that very moment; as soon as he sees Victor’s dick, the blood already struggling against the confines of his flesh, Benji’s mouth goes dry. He’d seen a lot of nice cocks in his day, but there’s something especially pretty about Victor’s.</p><p>“Can I suck your dick?” Benji asks.</p><p>“I would love nothing more,” Victor says, his voice husky.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji takes Victor’s hard length into his hand, feeling it pulsate in his palm. It’s bigger and heavier than he expects it to be, which makes him want it in his mouth even more. And so Benji stares up at Victor as he parts his lips and takes his cock in, before he closes his eyes and lets himself sink even lower, letting his throat relax slowly because he wants to get <em> all </em>of it down there. </p><p>Victor gasps softly, threading his fingers through Benji’s hair and removing his fringe from his face so he can watch him for a moment. And as soon as Benji starts playing with Victor’s balls, he can feel the way the other tenses inside him, and Victor pulls himself out, biting his lip.</p><p>“Do you want me to fuck you now?” Victor asks softly. Benji nods.</p><p>“How do you want me?” Benji asks, his voice hoarse.</p><p>“On your back,” Victor says, and Benji complies.</p><p>Sitting between Benji’s legs, Victor slathers his fingers in lube, staring at it for a moment before leaning down and sliding his digits inside Benji and letting his gaze rest on the other’s chest for a moment before pressing his lips against Benji’s skin and sucking on it as he fingers him, and Benji can only close his eyes, writhing at the torturous, slow movements as Victor takes his time to open him up properly. He could almost be frustrated--<em> almost </em>, because Benji appreciates the sensation of Victor’s attentiveness. </p><p>Benji opens one eye, clutching at the sheets and gasping as Victor touches the spot inside him that makes him shudder. His mouth and hand playing with Benji’s nipples make him wonder where he’s been all this time. He doesn’t know what to focus on--it’s all so overwhelming, the sensation crashing over him like a tsunami.</p><p>And it’s almost as if Victor knows that Benji is on his last bit of patience because he removes his fingers from inside him and rolls the condom down his stiff cock.</p><p>“Wait,” Benji says. It’s starting to become too intimate. “Let me turn around so you can fuck me from behind.”</p><p>“That’s fine,” Victor says.</p><p>Sighing, Benji flips around, pressing his face into the soft sheets that make him want to go to sleep. “Just don’t stab me in the back, please,” he says with a chuckle.</p><p>“Well, you’re definitely about to get <em> something </em> in you,” Victor replies. </p><p>Benji raises an eyebrow, kicking himself mentally for laughing, before he says: “Put it in me already. I’ve literally been waiting all night.”</p><p>“I’m getting to it, relax,” Victor teases, before he slides inside, and Benji gasps, eyes rolling back in his head.</p><p>“<em>Fuck </em>.”</p><p>“How does it feel?” Victor asks, resting his hands on top of Benji’s on the bed, pinning him down.</p><p>“<em>Mm… </em>Incredible. But please just… stop asking me questions and fuck me so I can’t walk tomorrow.”</p><p>Victor buries his face between Benji’s shoulder blades, planting a little kiss there before he pulls out and slides back inside. Benji tenses, moaning as he hits that spot inside him. He does it again. And again. And Benji can barely hold himself up on his knees, so Victor grips at them tightly, pulling him back toward him so he can fuck him deeper, and all Benji can do is whimper and moan and scramble against the sheets for purchase as he presses back against each thrust. </p><p>Despite his quickened pace, there is still something so gentle about how Victor handles him, as he reaches between Benji’s legs and strokes him until he cums in his hand, his body becoming overstimulated instantly as Victor thrusts into him a few more times before he groans into the flesh of his back and cums, too, whispering sweet nothings just loud enough for Benji to hear.</p><p>Benji simply lies there as Victor pulls out of him, shaking and sticky, the ringing in his ears just starting to subside after a few minutes as he stares straight ahead, in a daze. He’d never cum this hard in his life. </p><p>“Hey… Benji… You good?”</p><p>He doesn’t answer for a long time. Victor strokes his hair gently.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine I just… needed a moment,” Benji says, turning over to be on his back again, eyes fluttering closed. "That was probably the best sex I've ever had."</p><p>“Oh, really? Thanks... Let me clean you up,” Victor says, clearing his throat and smiling softly to himself. “And I’ll get us a different blanket.”</p><p>“Us? Are you inviting me to sleep over?”</p><p>“I can’t let you leave like this, you’re kind of a mess.”</p><p>Opening his mouth to argue, Benji holds his hand up to cover his yawn instead. “Fine.”</p><p>The last things he sees before he drifts off to sleep are two shining brown stones hovering over him. </p><p>Benji awakens, squinting at the morning sun. He glances around through heavy, weary eyes at the unfamiliar surroundings before he sees the form lying beside him, pupils fixating on the ridges of the spine as the light blankets them. Every part of his body is sore.</p><p><em> Not this shit again… </em>Benji thinks with a sigh, rolling out of bed and searching for his discarded pieces of clothing on the floor and pulling them on quickly, not paying attention to how he looks. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t sleepover after a hookup again, but clearly that plan hadn’t worked. Again.</p><p>He pats himself quickly and frowns. Phone. With a groan, he returns to the bed, hands roaming across the surface of the sheets as he attempts not to make contact with Victor’s skin. Where the fuck had his phone gone…?</p><p>“Hey, everything okay?” comes the gravelly muttered voice like metal on a wire from beside him, and Benji freezes.</p><p>“Uh, yeah--I’m fine. Just--can’t find my phone, is all.”</p><p>Victor sits up and all Benji can do is stare at his torso, which is littered with little purple and brown spots. Benji swallows and looks away.</p><p>“It’s right here,” Victor says, picking it up from his nightstand, then holding it out and stifling a yawn. “You sure you don’t wanna stay for breakfast? I make really good pancakes.”</p><p>Stopping in his tracks, Benji kicks himself for actually considering it for a moment as he takes his phone in his hand. He <em> does </em>like pancakes. And if he could prolong the time before he would inevitably need to limp across campus in his dick appointment clothes on a Saturday morning, then he would do it. With Victor staring at him like that, those wide, brown eyes twinkling and making him weak in the knees, the ground beginning to jostle beneath him, he shakes his head.</p><p>“Thank you, but no thank you,” Benji says. “I should go. But, uh… I had a lot of fun.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s fine. And for the record, I had fun, too. We should do this again sometime,” Victor says, jumping out of bed and shimmying into a pair of shorts with a soft smile. “I’ll walk you out?”</p><p>“Oh, uh… maybe we can. But not anytime soon. I’m kinda busy with, you know--”</p><p>“Your art history paper, right?” Victor says, opening the door and motioning for Benji to go ahead of him. “It sounds really interesting, though. I’d love to read it sometime.”</p><p>“Sure,” Benji says curtly as he walks down the corridor, and the door falls shut behind them. “Thanks again for, uh. Not murdering me in my sleep.”</p><p>“No problem, you’re way too cute to kill, anyway,” Victor says with a chuckle, leaning down to kiss Benji on the cheek as they stand before the main entrance. “Get home safe, and let me know when you make it back to your place?”</p><p>When Victor pulls away, his face tinges a bit red, and Benji can feel the heat rising to his cheeks, too, like little pockets of fire under his epidermis. He smiles, but Benji nods, short.</p><p>“Bye,” Benji says with a small wave.</p><p>“See ya around,” Victor says, and he watches him go.</p><p>Outside, Benji shields his face from the elements, the brightness distorting his vision. He wishes his heart would stop doing that <em> thing </em> … The thing where it’s like <em> duh-dun duh-dun duh-dun </em>, really fast like the cylinders in a high-powered sports car as it rips across the road. Whatever it is, it’s fucking uncomfortable. </p><p>As soon as he arrives at his dorm, he remembers Victor’s words. He pulls out his phone and opens Grindr, going back to the messages between him and Victor. Finger hovering over the little circle with a line through it in the top right corner, Benji chews on his lip. He ponders. </p><p>None of his other hookups had ever offered to make him breakfast before. Or even showed any interest in knowing he made it back to his dorm a few minutes away. And none of them had ever actually tried having a conversation with him before they got busy. It was weird. But also, somehow… really sweet. Benji finds himself staring at his phone with his lip curled up on one side. Exhaling, he goes to the keyboard instead.</p><p>“<em>Made it home. I can barely move. Thanks again 😉 </em>”</p><p>He collapses back onto his own bed and stares up at the ceiling as he drops his phone beside his head. The familiar clicking noise jolts him from his peace. He lifts his phone again and reads the message.</p><p>
  <em> “Good to hear 😊 Hope you get enough rest. Wanna meet next week?” </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hot and Cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victor and Benji see each other again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“This is the first I’m hearing about a Victor,” Andrew says, raising his hand to his chin. </p><p>“Oh, he’s just some guy I’m hooking up with,” Benji says, a small blush creeping across his cheeks. He uncaps some blue and yellow paint and mixes the shade that he needs to correct his mistake.</p><p>“He’s not just <i>some guy</i>, he's probably the most perfect guy you can sleep with,” Mia says, swooning. “Not only is he athletic and hot, he’s also nice and considerate and… he’s smart, too, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s a bio major, so he’s pretty smart,” Benji says, not taking his eyes off his work. “And he’s also very, very <i>gay</i>,” Benji adds, pointed.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another Monday means another afternoon in the room Benji and Mia had commandeered in the art building so they can be alone and get their work done as they chat. With Mia’s busy schedule, these are the only times when Benji can catch up with her. The air outside is heavy and grey, the wind rattling against the light aluminum structure of the building that had been constructed only a few years earlier. </p><p>Sitting and staring at the painting before him--this one depicting distorted chopped up body parts floating through a field of red with silver bubbles suspended around them over what looks like a desert--Benji scrunches his face in concentration. This piece isn’t giving him nearly as much grief as the previous one, but it still feels like it’s missing something, the image within his mind’s eye like a pair of slightly unbalanced scales that need only a feather or two to even out. </p><p>“So… how did things go with basketball boy?” Mia asks, breaking Benji from his focus.</p><p>“Oh, god. Don’t even get me started,” he says, pulling out his earbuds from where Dolly Parton’s “Here You Come Again” blares in his ears as he all but throws his arms up in the air.</p><p>“Shit… I’m sorry, man. I hope things go better for you next time.”</p><p>“No, you don’t understand. Let me put it this way… He’s a <em> service </em>top.”</p><p>Realization dawns on Mia’s face and she breaks into a grin as both her eyebrows shoot into her hairline. “<em> Ohhhh. </em>”</p><p>“Yeah. But holy shit, it was incredible. Like probably the best I’ve ever had. <em> And </em>I’m seeing him again this week,” Benji says, flicking away the fringe that had fallen into his face.</p><p>“<em>Nice, </em> look at you!” Mia says, holding her hand out. Benji gives her a high five, smearing paint all over her hand, which she wipes on her apron with a small smile. “ <em> Finally </em>. Tell me about him, I wanna hear everything.”</p><p>“Well, if I’m being honest, I was a bit… apprehensive about seeing him again,” Benji says, chewing on his lip for a moment. “Like, he was <em> so </em> friendly. And it kinda weirded me out at first. He was asking me a lot of personal questions and like… he wanted to feed me. And before you ask, <em> not </em>just his dick. Like, actual food.”</p><p>Mia narrows her eyes. “What sort of personal questions?”</p><p>“Like, what I’m studying, what my art history paper is on… that sorta stuff.”</p><p>“So lemme get this straight. Or, <em> gay </em>, I guess… You were upset he was trying to be polite and respectful and not just jumping right to putting his dick in you.”</p><p>“See, when you put it like that it makes me sound like an idiot.”</p><p>“You kinda are,” Mia says, rolling her eyes. “Even though I’m with Lake, if I was hooking up with a girl who actually talked to me and wanted me to feel comfortable, I would be fucking <em> grateful </em>.”</p><p>“I realized that after I almost blocked him.” Benji says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. </p><p>“If you actually went through with it, I would have honestly kicked your ass,” Mia says, clicking her tongue. “He sounds really lovely, though.”</p><p>“He is, actually. And did you know that after I got back to my dorm on Saturday I actually finished my whole paper over the weekend? His dick is like Adderall.”</p><p>“Wait, I thought you weren’t sleeping over anymore?”</p><p>“Me, too, but my whole body felt like jelly afterward so he was like ‘you’re too much of a mess to leave’ and I just like. Fell asleep,” Benji says with a shrug. </p><p>“Just don’t get too attached,” Mia warns, brandishing her torch in Benji’s direction. “You know what they say about post-coital cuddling sessions.”</p><p>“I know, I know. That’s why I have an appointment with another guy tonight.”</p><p>“Maybe you’ll finally end up with an actual hoetation soon,” Mia says with a chuckle. “Lemme see this one.”</p><p>Benji scrolls around on his phone for a moment before showing the screen to Mia. </p><p>“Well, he certainly is… muscular,” Mia says, grimacing. </p><p>“Yeah, I know his face is kinda fucked up, but he has a nice body,” Benji says defensively, staring down at his phone again. “And I don’t have to see him again if I don’t want to.”</p><p>“Sometimes, your taste is very questionable,” Mia muses. “But I’m not judging you, obviously. And he could surprise you. Maybe he’ll be <em> even better </em>than Victor.”</p><p>“I’m not gonna get my hopes up,” Benji says with a sigh. “Anyway--”</p><p>They’re interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming in from the corridor, and Benji pauses, eyes darting to Mia and holding her gaze for a moment. The art building doesn’t get a lot of traffic during the day, so it’s unusual for people to be walking about, especially since most classes don’t start until later. </p><p>“Oh, hey. What are you two chatting about so loudly I can hear your voices all the way down the hall?” comes a familiar voice from the doorway.</p><p>“Andrew!” Mia all but shouts, not even bothering to put her torch down as she runs over and wraps her free arm around his middle. “I haven’t seen you all semester.”</p><p>“Hey, man. You’ve been a ghost lately,” Benji says with a smile and a small wave.</p><p>“Yeah, Fee and basketball and pre-law and frat shit have been keeping me busy,” Andrew says with a shrug. “I figured since Mia and I have our little catch up dinner soon, I may as well drop by and surprise you two.”</p><p>“Shit, I almost forgot,” Mia says, pulling out her phone and scrolling through it. “I think I set an alert for that but it probably got buried under queries and student council emails and all that other stuff. People need to stop needing my attention. Oh shit. <em> And </em>Lake called me. And texted me. Uh oh… Lemme take this...”</p><p>Mia dashes out of the room and into the corridor, pulling the door closed behind her and leaving Andrew and Benji alone.</p><p>“Whatcha workin’ on there, Campbell?” Andrew asks, padding over to where Benji is sitting in front of his easel and standing behind him, his body uncomfortably close. He leans down, his face right beside Benji’s, staring straight ahead.</p><p>“I wanted to try something a bit different. This is a surrealist piece and it’s meant to be more of a commentary on the transformative nature of physicality. So, basically, how humans can physically transform the body and how that affects us psychologically, in turn,” Benji explains, glancing to the side. He swallows. </p><p>“Interesting… but what <em> is </em>it?”</p><p>“That’s for you to interpret for yourself,” Benji says with a roll of his eyes. “It’s meant to be… abstract. Like, there are influences from Dali and Kahlo, even though obviously Kahlo argued that her work wasn’t surrealist but realist--”</p><p>“Benji, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Andrew says with a chuckle as he stands up straight and stares at the painting again. “But I’m looking forward to seeing this when it’s finished. I know it’s gonna look cool.”</p><p>Andrew claps him on the shoulder before he crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head to the side. Benji shifts away from him, suffocated by his presence in the circle of his personal space bubble. He wishes he could be as cool as Andrew after they had hooked up in the end of last semester, and even though it had been one time and they realized they were better off as the strictly platonic friends they had been for the past almost two years, Benji still feels the sharp, thorny blanket of awkwardness around them whenever they’re alone. He clears his throat.</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji grits out. He wants Mia to come back. “How’s Fee?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, they’re good. I just spent the last like… hour or so watching them dig in the dirt because they said they have to ‘practice for when they go to an actual archaeological site’ which is… uh, kinda cool, I guess. All they ended up finding were some ants, though, and now they have... Twenty new pets.”</p><p>“You two seem so… different,” Benji says with a chuckle, mixing some red and yellow paints together on his palette.</p><p>“Maybe so,” Andrew says with a shrug. “But they’re funny and cute and weird in a charming way and they make me happy so that’s all I care about.”</p><p>Benji doesn’t need for Victor’s face to pop into his mind at that moment, but it does anyway despite his wishes. He shoves it away, adding it to the precarious stack of memories in his mind and shutting the door quickly, locking it before the door has a chance to pop open from the weight pressing on it from within. </p><p>As soon as Benji opens his mouth to respond, the door clicks open, and Mia returns.</p><p>“Sorry about that, ya’ll,” Mia says, a bit out of breath as she stomps over to her stool. “Lake is writing an article and she needed some quotes from the student council president. What did I miss?”</p><p>Sighing with relief, Benji thanks whatever higher power is up there for her return. He returns to his painting.</p><p>“I was just telling Benji about Fee’s pet ants,” Andrew says with a chuckle.</p><p>“They got <em> more </em>?” Mia says, eyes wide.</p><p>“Yeah, there’s a whole formicarium full of them now.”</p><p>“As long as they don’t get out then it’s probably fine,” Mia says with a sigh. “Anyway… Benji, did you tell Andrew about Victor?”</p><p>Benji’s hand slips and sends a thick orange line across the middle of his painting. “<em> Fuck </em> Mia, warn me next time. I’m gonna have to go over this again.”</p><p>“This is the first I’m hearing about a Victor,” Andrew says, raising his hand to his chin. </p><p>“Oh, he’s just some guy I’m hooking up with,” Benji says, a small blush creeping across his cheeks. He uncaps some blue and yellow paint and mixes the shade that he needs to correct his mistake.</p><p>“He’s not just <em> some guy </em>, he's probably the most perfect guy you can sleep with,” Mia says, swooning. “Not only is he athletic and hot, he’s also nice and considerate and… he’s smart, too, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s a bio major, so he’s pretty smart,” Benji says, not taking his eyes off his work. “And he’s also very, very <em> gay </em>,” Benji adds, pointed.</p><p>“And I’m a lesbian, but I can acknowledge when someone is objectively good looking,” Mia says, rolling her eyes. “How did you describe the sex again? ‘Incredible’, right?” </p><p>Grumbling, Benji swats at her with one of his clean paint brushes. The heat climbing his face with the knowledge that Andrew is there makes him sweat. He wonders if Mia would still talk about these things if she knew about him and Andrew; but neither of them felt the need to tell her and perhaps it was for the best. Andrew glances at Benji, and Benji’s eyes dart to meet Andrew’s in turn; Andrew then looks down at his phone.</p><p>“Mia, we should probably get going. I wanna give us time to eat and catch up and still make it to basketball practice on time,” Andrew says.</p><p>“Right, good call. Lemme just grab my things,” she says, scrambling about and removing her apron before grabbing her satchel. “Okay, I’m ready.”</p><p>“Bye, guys. Have fun,” Benji says with a wave.</p><p>“See ya, B,” Mia replies.</p><p>Andrew raises his hand in Benji’s direction with a wink before he and Mia slip out into the corridor, leaving Benji to his painting--alone. He knows he won’t be there long because he still has to clean his room a bit before messed up face guy arrives to fuck his brains out--even if he does plan to kick him out right after. Or maybe he could take a page out of Victor’s book and ask him to stay the night…</p><p>Benji shudders at the thought. <em> Hell </em>no. He needs space or this whole charade falls apart, a house of cards collapsing in on itself because it has no structural integrity. </p><p>When Benji finally corrects the spot he’d made a mess of, he sighs. It had taken all his remaining patience to fix it, and he’d emptied his mind of it for the day. At 7:30, he packs his bag and runs to grab something quick to eat for dinner before he returns to his dorm, washes up, then cleans up as best as he can before he sits down to wait. </p><p>The guy is supposed to show up at 9, but Benji checks his phone at 9:15 and sees nothing telling him he might be running late. He already regrets all the effort he’d wasted getting ready, his eyes falling closed as he scrolls through his twitter feed in bed, when he finally gets a message at 10:10 saying: “<em> I’m outside </em>”.</p><p>“<em>Fuck off </em> ” he writes back, then presses the little circle with the line through it before he strips and puts on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and climbs into bed. He reaches out to his nightstand, taking the copy of <em> The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles </em>he’d borrowed from the library for his literature class and opening it to the page where he’d left off. </p><p>----------------------------</p><p>“Hey, Vic, dinner’s ready!” Fee calls from down the corridor, their voice wafting through the air along with the strong scent of tomato and garlic and oregano and whatever else they had added to their concoction.</p><p>“I’ll be there in a sec,” Victor calls back.</p><p>He tucks his calculator into his organic chemistry textbook along with his notebook, glancing at his room and cringing when he sees how disheveled it’s gotten over the course of the week. Granola bar wrappers, empty Gatorade bottles and crushed up cans of Red Bull litter the floor around the bin in the corner, and Victor almost panics until he checks the time, exhaling relief when he sees that he still has two hours to tidy up before Benji arrives, because he would be more than humiliated if someone else saw the substandard conditions he subjects himself to on a daily basis. He feels the golden glow of luck cast itself upon him as he thinks about how he’d had to actually leave his own room to hook up this week instead of having anyone over. But maybe he should clean up a bit before dinner… </p><p>Once his floor is spotless, his mind lightens, and he can finally go and enjoy his dinner with his best friend. He enters the kitchen, mouth watering at the scent, and grabs a plate from the cupboard before he shovels a pile of pasta onto it. </p><p>“How’s my bestie doing?” Fee asks through a mouthful of pasta as they make room for Victor to sit beside them on the bench. Today they’re wearing blue and purple hair clips to keep their long fringe out of their eyes.</p><p>“Sorry I took so long, I had to clean up a bit…. I’ve been okay but I’ve had a bit on my mind,” Victor says, taking a bite of his pasta, eyes widening. “Fee, this is delicious, thank you so much.”</p><p>“No problem, man. And it’s all good, I know you have a little uh… romp with Benji scheduled soon, so it’s normal to be nervous about it,” Fee says with a grin. “But hopefully my delicious food can calm your nerves a bit.”</p><p>“I hope so,” Victor says, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I guess I’m just… a little confused, is all. And that makes it hard to figure out how to sorta… proceed.”</p><p>“To be fair, most people confuse me, which is why I’m studying anthropology,” Fee says with a dramatic shrug. “You know, so I can better understand my own species. But I can definitely try to help somehow.”</p><p>Victor chuckles, covering his mouth with his hand for a moment before he replies. “My problem is I think I’ve been too… how do I say this… full-on? Maybe? With the guys I’ve been hooking up with.”</p><p>“In what way?”</p><p>“Like… maybe the reason most of them, aside from Benji, don’t want to see me again is because I like… do too much? I guess they’re expecting it to just be like, they come in, we… do it, and then they leave? Maybe I should like… Pull back a bit?”</p><p>“It could just be that they don’t appreciate your hospitality, Vic. Like, I understand that these sorts of things are supposed to be more casual but I don’t think there’s anything <em> wrong </em>with being a gracious host and someone who looks after people, even if you might not see them again.”</p><p>Chewing and pondering, the wheel in his mind speeding up as he takes in his friend’s words, Victor stares off into the distance, watching the cars rolling down the highway outside the window. </p><p>“I think I should try just… not giving a fuck. Like I noticed it last week when Benji was over, actually. He seemed really confused when I like, was asking him about what he’s been up to or when I offered to let him sleep over. You know, normal people things. Or at least, that’s what I <em> thought </em>were normal people things. Until… recently.”</p><p>“Hmm… That’s tough. I can see why you would say that. Our social rules are really strange and still don’t make a lot of sense to me but you might actually be onto something…” Fee says, finishing up the rest of their food before leaning back and patting their stomach. “And now I’m really full and I don’t know how I’m gonna be in any state to get out of here and carry my ants across campus with me.”</p><p>“How the hell am I supposed to invite him in and not just like… want to give him some of this delicious pasta?” Victor says, burying his face in his hands.</p><p>“Well, if he’s not expecting any then just… don’t, I guess. But I’ll admit I would feel bad, too,” Fee says, taking their plate to the sink and washing it. </p><p>“So I basically have to just like… change my whole personality. Cool. I can do that. Just be a guy who doesn’t care about <em> anyone </em>else. Easy peasy,” Victor says with a nervous giggle. </p><p>“See, even though I don’t agree, I’m going to support you no matter what ‘cause you’re my bro, bro. My bestie. Maybe people really <em> are </em>just out there expecting you to be cool and distant. Good luck,” Fee says, their voice sounding suspiciously cheerful to Victor’s ears. “Let me know how it goes. And stay safe.”</p><p>“Thanks?” Victor says, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Fee claps Victor on the shoulder before wandering down the corridor to their room and Victor can hear the loud <em> fwump </em>as Fee plops down on their bed for a moment, before the sound of shuffling and footsteps drifts in Victor’s direction. Fee returns, carrying a giant glass box full of sand.</p><p>“I’m off. Tell Benji ‘greetings’ from me. Or don’t, your choice,” Fee says, waving before opening the door and disappearing down the hallway. “Anyway, see ya.”</p><p>“Bye.”</p><p>Victor sighs, and he glances down at his plate where a few pieces of pasta remain. Suddenly, the sight of food makes him ill. He cleans up after himself before hopping into the shower, thankful that his other roommates are out for the rest of the evening. Then he dresses himself, opting for a plain black shirt and skinny jeans this time around. He connects his phone to his speakers and turns on the playlist he specifically compiled for when he has hook up partners over and puts it on shuffle. “Partition” by Beyonce comes on, the heavy bass line floating through the room.</p><p>It’s 8:58 when Victor’s phone clicks and he checks it.</p><p>“<em>I’m here 😉 </em>” the little banner on his screen reads. </p><p>He wants to respond as soon as possible but he lets it be for a moment. It’s 9:03 when he finally responds.</p><p>“<em>Be right there </em>” he messages back. No emojis. He feels like a monster.</p><p>With a sigh, he pockets his phone and walks down the hall to the entrance where Benji is waiting for him--clad in his leather jacket but this time wearing a starry black crop top--and as soon as he sees Victor’s face, he smiles. In his hand, he has a little baggie, which he holds out to him. </p><p>“Hey, what’s up?” Benji asks, as he steps inside, kissing Victor on the cheek. “You look really good. I uh, brought some cookies for you and your roommates. I baked them earlier today so they’re super fresh.”</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, Victor can feel his stomach do a somersault as he steps back. He hadn’t been expecting Benji to be so affectionate all of a sudden. He takes the cookies, feeling his heart leap into his eyes.</p><p>“Hey,” Victor says, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning. “Thanks. And uh… you look… nice, too.”</p><p>“Thank you. How was your week?” Benji ventures, as they walk down the hallway together. “I actually managed to finish my art history paper over the weekend and it came out better than I expected.”</p><p>“Uh… cool,” Victor says, unlocking the door to his dorm and stepping aside for Benji to enter. He has to stop himself from asking questions; his stomach burns and pricks and rolls within him because he wants to know more. But all he says is: “My week was… fine.”</p><p>Victor sets the cookies down on the table and watches Benji for a moment as he takes his shoes off and sets them down beside the door before he shrugs his jacket off, holding it out to Victor. “Aren’t you gonna take this from me? Like you did last time?”</p><p>“Closet’s right there,” Victor says, pointing, and Benji’s face falls a bit as he turns to open it and puts his jacket away himself. The screaming inside his brain gets progressively louder with each passing moment as he pours two glasses of water.</p><p>“So, uh… How’re your… school things going?” Benji asks as they walk down the corridor to Victor’s room. </p><p>“Fine,” Victor says as he closes the door with his foot and sets the glasses down on the nightstand. He doesn’t elaborate.</p><p>“Okay…” Benji says, sitting down on the bed and watching as Victor pulls his shirt over his head, followed by his pants, and tosses them aside before sitting down next to him. “Well, I don’t know if this will make any difference to you, but I’ve been thinking about your dick this whole time.”</p><p>“Cool. Are we doing this or what?” Victor asks, staring down at the exposed strip of flesh on Benji’s middle, his brown eyes already dark with lust.</p><p>Benji swallows, eyes glued to Victor’s chest and then his gaze trails down to Victor’s lap. For a moment, all he does is stare. He nods as he pulls his crop top off, followed by his jeans, before sidling beside Victor on the bed. Victor drapes his arm around Benji, pulling him closer, and brushes his hair aside before he presses his mouth against Benji’s neck as he rests his hand on Benji’s thigh. </p><p>“I like this song,” Benji mutters, closing his eyes as “Body Party” by Ciara plays, the slow, smooth r&amp;b and pleasant lyrics soothing both their nerves. </p><p>Victor feels the vibration of Benji’s throat against his skin, saying nothing in response but savoring the sensation for a moment before he trails kisses down his chest, sucking on one of Benji’s nipples as he reaches into his underwear with his free hand and strokes him in time to the rhythm of the music. Benji reaches out blindly, slipping his hand down the front of Victor’s underwear, too, and feels the wetness of his pre-cum coating his palm. He gasps as Victor slows his strokes to a painful, glacial pace, and all he can do is thrust into Victor’s hand. </p><p>“Turn around,” Victor mutters in his ear as he turns to lie on his side. He slides his underwear off him and rolls a condom down the length of his dick. </p><p>Doing as Victor asks, Benji turns to lie on his side with his back facing Victor. Kissing his back as he instinctively does, Victor slides his lubricated fingers into Benji’s hole one by one, stretching him slowly and, as he did last time, taking his time. He doesn’t have to rush. Victor is thankful for the music playing in the background because he feels so fucking awkward; he just wants to talk to Benji, but instead, all he does is wiggle his fingers around inside him and make him moan and shudder and press himself back against Victor. </p><p>“That feels so fucking good,” Benji breathes, and Victor removes his digits, humming, before planting a series of kisses down Benji’s spine.</p><p>“I’m gonna put it in you now,” Victor says as he lubes his cock up and positions himself behind Benji.</p><p>“Please,” Benji begs.</p><p>When Victor does as Benji asks, he bites at the spot where Benji’s shoulder meets his neck to stifle his moan, the sensation of Benji’s tight heat engulfing him about to send him over the edge. He stays like that for a moment, allowing Benji to adjust, as he wraps his arm around his middle and presses his face into Benji’s hair. </p><p>Victor pulls out before he slips back into Benji, slow at first, before he quickens his pace a bit, hitting that spot inside Benji that makes him dig his nails into Victor’s arm as he clutches at him and pushes his ass back in time with Victor’s thrusts. Victor can feel himself getting close.</p><p>“Can I choke you?” Victor murmurs in Benji’s ear, as he pinches one of his nipples, making the other gasp sharply.</p><p>“Y-yeah… just… not hard--<em> ah </em>--please,” Benji manages to grit out.</p><p>“I know,” Victor says.</p><p>Trailing his hand up Benji’s chest and to his neck, Victor rests his fingers on the outer part of Benji’s throat, pressing down gently. Benji strokes himself quickly, cum spilling into his hand as a wave of euphoria crashes over him, feeling lightheaded just as Victor releases his hold on him and groans, finishing before pulling out of Benji’s trembling body.</p><p>He says nothing as he rises from the bed, disposing of his condom and cleaning himself off before trekking down the hall to the bathroom to bring a washcloth to clean Benji up, as well. </p><p>“How are you feeling?” Victor asks when he returns to see Benji staring at him from his spot on the bed. </p><p>“Fine,” Benji says, allowing Victor to take care of him for a moment before he rises to his feet, wincing. “I’m gonna go.”</p><p>“Okay…” Victor says, screaming at himself to tell him, “<em> No, stay here, I’ll take care of you </em>” but he doesn’t say that bit out loud. </p><p>They dress themselves in silence, Benji struggling a bit, but Victor is thankful once again for the music playing in the background, even though nothing could make time move any faster. He watches as Benji faces him, an unreadable expression on his face, before he follows him out the door to the entrance to the building again. </p><p>“G’night,” Victor says. “I had fun.” <em> Get home safe. </em></p><p>“Yeah,” Benji says, swallowing before he says: “Night.”</p><p>Victor watches him limp away, pressing his lips together into a line and feeling his heart sink in his chest. He returns to his dorm with his hands shoved in his pockets. A little after ten, his phone clicks.</p><p>“<em>Made it home in one piece. </em>”</p><p>Exhaling, Victor sets his phone on his nightstand, eyes hanging heavy on his face as he drifts off to sleep.</p><p>When he awakens to the birds chirping and the light shining in through his window, he reaches out for his phone. He has a notification from Benji again.</p><p>“<em>What was last night all about? </em>”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, hope you're well. Here's another installment of this story. Hope ya'll enjoy it because I'm having a blast writing it! Thank you again to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji&gt;callmevenji&lt;/a&gt;%20for%20helping%20w%20consulting%20on%20this%20project,%20this%20is%20as%20much%20her%20baby%20as%20it%20is%20mine.%20And%20thank%20you%20to%20&lt;a%20href=">thatonegayslytherin</a> for so graciously allowing me to borrow their hc of Fee being nonbinary because it just works, ya know? We all remember that "I'm pretty sure I'm a boy" line from the show lol. Anyway, hope ya'll enjoyed this and all the dramas and see you in the next installment! And remember, 1 comment = 1 Venji having a nice time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A New Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji and Victor have a talk; Victor cooks dinner.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally, Benji and Victor are alone. Benji helps Victor clear the table and deposit all the dishes into the sink, before he leans back against the table, stretching a bit to show off his abs as they peek out from beneath his crop top. Victor tips his head to the side.</p><p>“Are you trying to seduce me?” he asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows as he leans back against the kitchen sink directly across from Benji.</p><p>“I don’t know… is it working?” </p><p>Victor’s gaze trails down Benji’s body before returning to his face. “Yeah,” he says.</p><p>Benji swallows, biting his lip, before he says: “I guess we should get to it, then.” </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victor stares at the message, blinking as his stomach throbs, as if someone had just punched him in the middle of the road and left him to deal with it on the pavement on his own. He inhales, holding his breath for a moment before exhaling. No need to start spiraling right away. </p><p>The fact that Benji reached out is a good sign; he could have blocked him after last night. The sting of humiliation rises in Victor’s throat again, though, making him feel even worse. He should have listened to his gut last night instead of trying to play the cool guy he clearly isn’t. Staring down at his hands, Victor thinks about the way Benji looked at him as he left, mentally scolding himself. He’d still come a long way from getting angry at himself to the point of almost crying even <em> thinking </em> about forgetting to thank the bus driver or the waiter or the cashier at the store. But he doesn’t like being the reason why someone feels bad. Not even good sex will make someone stay if he’s an asshole.</p><p>Sighing, Victor promises himself he won’t pull something like that again. He goes to the message, staring at it for a moment longer and turning it in his mind as he thinks about how to respond. Writing was never his forte.</p><p>“<em>What do you mean? 😳 </em>” He writes.</p><p>A moment later, Benji writes back: “<em> I think you know what I’m talking about. You were so friendly the first time but now you’re being weird af. Can you pick a personality and stick with it instead of having a different one every time I see you?” </em></p><p>Ouch. But Victor can’t even find it in him to be hurt by this because Benji isn’t telling him anything new.</p><p>“<em>I’m sorry about that. Can we video chat so I can explain? 🥺 </em>” Victor writes.</p><p>He stares at his phone and waits for what seems like an eternity. Then he sees one letter pop up on the screen in the chat.</p><p>“<em>k </em>”</p><p>Not even a capital, no punctuation, just a single letter that shows him he has one chance to fix this. He sits up and plugs his headphones in before calling Benji. The phone rings. And rings. And Victor counts. Nine rings.</p><p>There is silence for a moment, and then he sees Benji’s eyes piercing him through the screen like little hazel daggers. He doesn’t even look angry, more… tired.</p><p>“Hey,” Victor says softly. </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Swallowing, Victor glances down at his hands for a moment to collect himself before he begins. </p><p>“So, about yesterday…”</p><p>“I’m listening.”</p><p>“Look, I’m sorry again. I think I psyched myself out and thought you didn’t like me being too friendly so I tried to tone it down with… disastrous consequences, clearly,” Victor says, staring at the wall in the background of Benji’s screen. “I thought that was what was keeping me from hearing back from guys because I keep getting blocked and I needed the reason to be something I can actually sorta control.”</p><p>Benji looks down and chews on his lip for a moment, clearly mulling, before he speaks. “I’ll admit it was weird for me at first, with you being so friendly. I was… uncomfortable. Because it’s just so unusual, you know? But it’s actually really charming.”</p><p>“Oh. Thanks, I guess. I wasn’t trying to be weird, I was just… trying to be myself, because I like being kind to people.”</p><p>“See, that’s the thing. I just want you to be normal. And to not have to play roulette to guess which personality you’ll have on each time we meet. Like especially since you’re the first guy who I<em> haven’t </em> blocked due to treating me like garbage.”</p><p>“Really?” Victor asks, blinking, flattered for a moment. “People <em> actually </em>go around treating you like crap?” he adds, the bubbling of anger pulsating in his veins. He doesn’t like that at all. </p><p>“Yeah, but you got close this time... I just don’t wanna play mind games. If I wanted that I would just get in a relationship,” Benji says, rolling his eyes. “Can we please just… be ourselves? I’ve got enough to worry about. When I’m coming over to get fucked I just wanna be able to shut my brain off, you know?”</p><p>“Of course,” Victor says, sighing. “No drama. But thank you for accepting my apology and not cutting me off. And I’m sorry people are assholes; I don’t wanna be like that.”</p><p>“You’re on thin ice,” Benji says, but he smiles with those words. “I’m glad you’re self aware.”</p><p>“In that case… Do you wanna Netflix and chill on Friday? Also, I’ll be cooking so you can eat here if you want,” Victor suggests. “I promise you. No mind games, no tricks. Just me being my normal self. And we can watch whatever you want.”</p><p>“I’d like that. Oh, also uh… will whatever you’re making be vegan?” </p><p>“Uh, I can <em> make </em>it vegan, sure,” Victor says, scratching his head. “I’ve been trying to cut down on animal products myself because I honestly feel bad for eating them…”</p><p>“Yeah, I get that,” Benji says, his eyes seeming far more lustrous than before. “Thank you, though.”</p><p>“No problem, it’s the least I can do. And by the way, the cookies you made yesterday were <em> amazing </em>.”</p><p>Benji looks away, cheeks gaining a small bit of pinkness as he waves his hand. “I’m glad you liked them… anyway, I should probably go. But thanks for calling me. I’m also really glad we talked this out honestly because it would have been such a waste. Like, you’re so good in bed that you make all the other guys I’ve slept with seem like amateurs.”</p><p>“O-oh… Thanks. And I appreciate you being honest with me, you know. Things really got off to a... weird start… But I guess part of it was that we didn’t know what to expect.”</p><p>“I think you just do things a bit differently. But that’s not a bad thing. I wish more people were… polite and chivalrous,” Benji teases. “What time should I be at your place?”</p><p>“Let’s make it 8.”</p><p>“Cool, sounds great. See ya then.”</p><p>“See ya.”</p><p>Victor ends the call and sighs in relief, the weight sloughing off his back and onto the ground. That could have gone much, <em> much </em>worse. Even though he’s forgiven he still knows he needs to be better about letting his actions speak for him. </p><p>He wants to stay in bed longer, but he has studying and homework and basketball practice and hook ups hanging over his head in a continuous rotation like a chaotic carousel threatening to careen from its anchored position and collide with any bystanders in the area. And so he rises to face the day, the air feeling a little bit lighter.</p><p>The week passes by quickly. He has several hook ups scheduled, because he doesn’t have to put in a lot of effort to get people interested in having sex with him--the struggle is getting them to have sex with him <em> more than once </em>. It takes a little bit of time, but soon he has three guys who actually want to see him more than once—Kayden, a cute, dark-haired guy with light brown skin who he met on the basketball team; Chase, a pale, blond guy from his bio class who he ended up sleeping with after they were paired together on a project; and of course, Benji, who he’s meant to see tonight. He doesn’t like to pick favorites; but he knows he has one. </p><p>It’s almost 7:30. Victor is happy he’s spending more time in the library lately because his room actually looks decent today. He picks up a few pieces of laundry and puts them in his hamper, then makes his bed before he goes to shower quickly. Once he’s done, he goes into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. He’s alone at the moment, which is one of the few times when the dorm is quiet. Victor connects his phone to his speakers so he can break the silence, and he hums along as Beyoncé’s “7/11” starts to play, the intensity slowly building before the trap beat drops. </p><p>Swaying his hips along to the music, Victor measures some rice and puts it in a pot, washing it before setting it to boil on the stove. He pulls out several blocks of tofu, presses them, and then cubes them. After that, he brings out some vegetables—broccoli, peppers, string beans, mushrooms—and washes them before he gets to chopping them roughly and setting them aside. There’s something relaxing about chopping, he notices, but his relaxation is short-lived as the door behind him opens and Fee, Andrew and Lake enter.</p><p>“Hey, Vic!” Fee says with a smile, “whatcha makin’?”</p><p>Andrew smiles and waves at Victor, and he and Fee introduce Victor and Lake. Wiping his hand on his apron, Victor offers her a hand to shake.</p><p>“It’s just a bit of vegan stir fry with rice,” Victor says with a shrug as he oils a pan and drops the tofu in to fry. “Wanted to try something a little different, especially since Benji is coming over soon. He should be here in a few minutes. Help yourselves to drinks, though. I would get it myself but my hands are kinda… occupied.”</p><p>“Wait, like Benji Campbell?” Andrew asks, standing up to open the fridge. He takes out a pitcher of iced tea and sets it on the table, along with a stack of glasses from the cupboard before returning to his seat.</p><p>“I was gonna ask the same thing,” Lake says, sitting down at the table and pouring a few glasses, sliding two across the table for Andrew and Fee, then two more for herself and Victor.</p><p>“Uh… I don’t actually know his last name,” Victor says. “We met on Grindr and he literally <em> just </em>gave me his phone number the other day. Are there, like, other Benjis on campus I should know about?”</p><p>“No, it’s just sorta funny because he’s Andrew’s and Fee’s and my friend. It’s such a small world… maybe I can make an article out of this… ‘Hookup apps: The future of friendship’. What do you think?” Lake says.</p><p>“Definitely… intriguing,” Fee says as they trek down the hall, playing with their headband. “BRB, need to uh, check on my kids.”</p><p>“Vic you gotta stop spending so much time at the library because maybe you would actually know people who aren’t on the basketball team or in your classes,” Andrew teases. </p><p>“You know I would if it weren’t for my scholarships,” Victor replies, stirring the contents of the pan. He shuts off the rice. “You guys know I can’t do math so I have to spend more time on it even though I’m most likely never gonna use it again...”</p><p>“It’s okay, sweetie, most people are bad at math,” Lake says. “Except me, obviously.”</p><p>“No need to brag, Lake, we know you’re good at everything,” Andrew says with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>“Not <em> everything </em>… Just most things,” Lake says with a sly grin.</p><p>Just then, a knock at the door startles Victor and he almost drops his spoon on the floor as he sets it aside before he runs to open the door. </p><p>“Hey, Benji, how are you?” Victor says with a smile, stepping aside to let him in. “Lemme take that for you.”</p><p>“Hey, Vic. I’m all right… It smells really good in here,” Benji says, shrugging off his thick leather jacket to expose his loose burgundy crop top sweater. He takes off his shoes as he hands his jacket to Victor and mirrors his expression. </p><p>“Thanks, come on in. You look really nice, by the way. And, uh… we have a bit more company than I was expecting but I think you all know each other, so it should be fine,” Victor says, motioning for Benji to sit at the table with his friends.</p><p>“Thank you… Do you need any help with anything?” Benji asks, playing with his hair.</p><p>“Not yet, but I’ll let you know,” Victor says, his voice warm. He leads them back into the kitchen. </p><p>“Oh my god, Benji, you look <em> amazing </em>,” Lake interrupts them with a loud gasp as she shoots up from her seat and runs over to hug him. </p><p>Benji chuckles, hugging her back. “Thanks, it’s good to see you, too. Oh, hey, Andrew,” he adds, glancing over Lake’s shoulder with a small wave.</p><p>“That’s all I get?” Andrew says, feigning hurt.</p><p>“I see you… more frequently,” Benji says curtly, taking a seat beside Lake so she can sit between him and Andrew. “I haven’t seen Lake in like… a month.”</p><p>Lake pours a glass of iced tea and slides it over to Benji, who takes it gratefully and downs it. </p><p>“Uh, Doctor-Future-Vet, I think I need your help,” Fee says, carrying a small tank into the kitchen. Inside, a gecko lies with its feet in the air in a bed of dirt and pieces of wood. “Lizards aren’t supposed to do this, right?”</p><p>“Have you tried poking it with a stick?” Lake asks. </p><p>“I… did not,” Fee says.</p><p>“Maybe he’s just taking a nap,” Andrew says, rubbing circles on Fee’s back. </p><p>“Let me see…” Victor says, peering over the top of the grates and then leaning down to look through the glass. “I think Andrew might actually be right. But also Lake is right that you should try poking him. Just… <em> gently. </em>”</p><p>Fee returns to their room and a moment later calls down the hall: “Abe Lincoln, Jr. is alive! Oh, but now he looks pissed at me for interrupting his ‘me’ time.”</p><p>Victor chuckles, glancing at Benji, who eyes him back with a grin as he rests his head on his arm and leans against Lake as they chat. He wonders if he’s simply used to Fee’s antics as he returns to his cooking, flipping the tofu around so it gets golden on all sides, before tossing in the chopped up vegetables and a sauce he’d made to go with it. Soon the meal comes together and he shuts off the stove. </p><p>“Can someone set the table, please?” Victor asks, and Benji leaps from his seat quickly.</p><p>“I got it. Just tell me where everything is,” Benji says, and Victor can’t stop his lip from curling up. </p><p>“Plates are over there,” Victor says, pointing to the top right cupboard, “utensils are there,” he points to the drawer beneath it. “Napkins are… somewhere.”</p><p>Benji chuckles as he pulls out the supplies and sets the table. Victor wonders why he’s so compelled to help when the reality is they aren’t technically even friends. But he seems far more at ease, more relaxed, than he had in the previous times Victor had seen him, and something about that is… endearing. He isn’t meant to have favorites, though.</p><p>Victor pours the contents of the pan into a dish and puts the rice into another one before he brings it to the table and sets the food down. Sighing, he removes his apron and washes his hands before calling Fee and sitting down beside Benji as everyone at the table scrambles for food. A minute later, once everyone had tasted it, a chorus of ‘this is so good’-s erupts around them.</p><p>“All right, I’ll be the first one to admit it. When Campbell told me you two were sleeping together, and that you’re apparently really good in bed, I didn’t actually believe it. I thought ‘this nerd? <em> He </em> gets bitches?’ Because I figured, I only know one Victor on campus, and he couldn't be your guy because there’s <em> no </em>way he’s as good as you're describing. But, lo and behold...” Andrew says through a mouthful of food.</p><p>Victor chokes, unsure of whether to laugh or cry, so he does both. He reaches for a napkin to wipe his face. “Andrew, what the fuck… I’m not <em> that </em>much of a nerd. ”</p><p>Benji sets his fork down and rubs the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he tries to hide the redness on his face. “You really don’t have to advertise this to the whole campus.”</p><p>“We’re all friends here,” Andrew says with a shrug. </p><p>“You’re lucky Victor’s too nice to poison your food,” Lake says.</p><p>“I’m sorry about that, Victor. Like, I’d really only talked to Mia about… us and I don’t know why she felt the need to bring it up to Andrew. It was meant to be private,” Benji says.</p><p>“It’s okay, I wasn’t expecting all of us to know each other and to be in each other’s business, but it happens,” Victor says with a chuckle, face red, too. “And I’ll admit it’s definitely good for my ego. Although, I mean, it’s not like anyone knows all the gruesome details.”</p><p>Reddening even more, Benji shoves a forkful of food into his mouth. Lake does the same and finishes up the food on her plate before pushing it away from her. She chews and swallows quickly before pulling out her phone and her eyes widen.</p><p>“Oh shit, I almost forgot I have an interview with the president of the LARP club for my article called ‘LARPing: America’s Nerdiest Extreme Sport’,” Lake says, holding her hands up in front of her and making an arch with them as she emotes the title of her article. “I just know it’s gonna be a hit. Thanks for the dinner, though, Victor, it was divine. And it was lovely meeting you. I gotta run.”</p><p>As Lake gets up to leave, she gives everyone a hug before waving at them and blowing a kiss and then disappearing into the hallway. Fee, Andrew, Benji and Victor chat over their dinner before Fee and Andrew leave to go to one of the parties at which Fee is DJing that night. </p><p>Finally, Benji and Victor are alone. Benji helps Victor clear the table and deposit all the dishes into the sink, before he leans back against the table, stretching a bit to show off his abs as they peek out from beneath his crop top. Victor tips his head to the side.</p><p>“Are you trying to seduce me?” he asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows as he leans back against the kitchen sink directly across from Benji.</p><p>“I don’t know… is it working?” </p><p>Victor’s gaze trails down Benji’s body before returning to his face. “Yeah,” he says.</p><p>Benji swallows, biting his lip, before he says: “I guess we should get to it, then.”</p><p>“Sure. Lemme make some popcorn first. If you still have room for it, that is.”</p><p>“<em>Of course </em>I have room for popcorn. It’s mostly air, anyway,” Benji says, rolling his eyes. </p><p>With a giggle, Victor rummages around in the cupboard and pulls out a little bag, which he unfolds and places in the microwave. He sets the timer before turning back to Benji.</p><p>“Thanks for feeding me dinner,” Benji says. “It’s been a while since I had a nice home cooked meal and the chance to sit and hang out with my friends. It was really nice.”</p><p>“No problem. I really love having people over and getting to forget that I have so much shit going on in my life.”</p><p>“It seems like you have a lot of people in your life who you like to take care of and who appreciate you for that, though. You’re really… kind. And I used to think that was lame. But it’s actually pretty cool.”</p><p>Victor shrugs with a small smile. “Thanks. It’s just how I was raised. But... you’re pretty perceptive.”</p><p>“Honestly, I feel bad that I was so curt with you during our first meeting. I was uncomfortable with how genuinely kind you were because I wasn’t used to it. So thanks for still wanting to see me after that.”</p><p>“I get it. But just because we’re having sex doesn’t mean I shouldn’t treat you like a person,” Victor replies, locking his gaze with Benji’s. “It’s what you deserve.”</p><p>“Hmm… I guess you’re right,” Benji says, pensive.</p><p>“And for the record, I think you’re really kind, too. I wasn’t expecting you to bring me cookies last time,” Victor says, glancing at the microwave before looking back at Benji. “Although I think Fee ended up eating most of them because I left them unattended.”</p><p>He chuckles. Benji opens his mouth to respond when the microwave dings. </p><p>“Looks like the popcorn’s ready,” Victor mumbles as he opens up the door to the microwave and takes out the bag, opening it carefully before dumping it in the bowl he removes from the cupboard.</p><p>They go into Victor’s room, where his laptop is sitting on the bed. Victor strips his shirt off before he opens his laptop and turns it, then slides under the covers; he pats the spot beside him and Benji follows suit, settling himself against Victor, who wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him close.</p><p>Benji had told Victor that he hadn’t really Netflix and chilled before, so it’s a bit strange for him, but Victor does what he can to put Benji at ease. Benji chooses the movie—<em> Midsommar </em>— because he had heard positive reviews and wanted to see what the hype was about. Victor agrees even though he isn’t the biggest fan of horror films, but he doesn’t elaborate why; Benji doesn’t need to know that he’s a bit of a baby when it comes to scary movies.  </p><p>Victor senses Benji observing his face for a moment as he chews on a piece of popcorn while they watch, hand tensing on his shoulder. He glances at Benji from the corner of his eye as he slips his other hand under the covers and rests it on the inner part of Benji’s thigh.</p><p>Beside him, Benji shifts and tenses, and Victor can feel his heart instantly beginning to race as he moves slowly upward, digits dragging gently along his skin but also sending sparks of pleasure directly to his groin as he watches Benji’s response to how he teases him. </p><p>Biting his lip, Benji pulls down his pants under the covers, along with his underwear, and drops them on the floor, body shivering next to him as Victor’s grip returns to his leg. He tries to continue focusing on the movie, but the way Benji presses into him eagerly makes Victor want to touch him more. Glancing at him to the side, Victor can see Benji raising an eyebrow as a particularly peaceful scene out in the countryside plays out on-screen. Victor wonders when things are going to actually get interesting, but he keeps watching, enthralled by the scenery. </p><p>When Victor strokes his leg, Benji squirms under his touch. Victor breathe-laughs but it’s not because of something happening in the movie. But he can feel Benji’s eyes on him. And when Victor bypasses the spot he knows Benji wants touched the most right now in favor of tracing along Benji’s abs, Victor’s lip curls up on one side as he glances over to see the tears welling over his lower eyelids. His dick twitches in his pants.</p><p>“I’ll stop teasing you now, I can see how much it’s upsetting you,” Victor says, taking hold of Benji’s dick and giving it a squeeze before dragging his warm hand along the shaft a few times as Benji lets his head fall back against Victor’s arm.</p><p>“Can I touch you, too?” Benji breathes.</p><p>Victor removes his hand from Benji for a moment, making him whine, before he reaches down into his own pants and pulls himself out, the throbbing of his erection almost becoming unbearable. He takes Benji’s hand and guides it to his lap, before returning to stroking Benji, delighting in the sounds of his little moans</p><p>At this point, despite the fruitlessness, Victor still finds himself trying to pay attention to the movie despite trying to multitask and it’s… not going well, to put it simply. The sensation of Benji’s skillful hold on him is enough to have his brain hazy but the weight of Benji’s cock in his own palm is on a whole different level of inducing brain short-circuiting. </p><p>Chuckling to himself again, Victor trails along Benji’s dick, going lower so he can hold his balls, gently tugging at them and making Benji press his lips together as he tries to contain himself. Victor leans down to kiss him on the neck as he moves his hand even lower, prodding at Benji’s hole. Benji smirks at Victor. </p><p>“Can I—“</p><p>“Yes, please,” Benji says quickly, shifting so he can lie on his back and spread his legs to give Victor easier access.</p><p>Biting back a smile, Victor reaches beside him to the nightstand, where he’d gotten the lube and condoms ready, and uncaps the lube, squirting a generous amount into his fingers. He slips his hand back under the covers and slides his first digit into Benji with ease as he relaxes into his touch. </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re still trying to watch,” Victor says with a giggle as he slides another finger into Benji.</p><p>Gasping, Benji rolls his eyes. “<em> Mm... </em>it’s starting to get good.”</p><p>Victor presses two fingers deeper into Benji, wiggling them a bit and smiling down at him when Benji shudders. “The exposition was a bit slow, wasn’t it.”</p><p>“Mhm…” is all Benji can say.</p><p>“And I’m guessing this feels good?” Victor asks, kissing Benji’s neck again as he slides another finger in.</p><p>“What do… <em> ah </em>… you think?” Benji says, pausing mid-stroke around Victor’s dick, overwhelmed by the sensation.</p><p>“Did I tell you to stop jerking me off?” Victor teases.</p><p>“N-no…” Benji says, and he goes to continue before Victor removes his hand for him.</p><p>“I don’t wanna cum yet,” Victor says, adding a fourth finger and stretching Benji even further. “But god, you’re so <em> fucking </em>hot right now, Benji.”</p><p>“Thank—<em> ah— </em>thank you…” Benji replies, staring at Victor’s lips and wishing in that moment he could break that one particular wall he’d put up around him. But he doesn’t.</p><p>Victor hums as he removes his fingers from Benji’s hole, leaving him feeling a sort of emptiness. He unwraps a condom, rolls it down his rock-hard erection and slathers it in lube.</p><p>“Come sit on my lap. I’m not doing all the work today,” Victor says with a grin.</p><p>“Okay, but can we put the subtitles on?” Benji asks. “I can’t hear what they’re saying when you keep asking me questions.”</p><p>“Are you serious? We can pause the movie, you know.” </p><p>“I’ll probably fall asleep before we finish it but I wanna know more about this creepy Swedish cult.”</p><p>“Fine,” Victor says with a chuckle as he wipes his hand on his leg before doing as Benji asks. “Happy?”</p><p>“Very,” Benji says, swatting at Victor. “Now lie down so I can sit on your dick properly.”</p><p>“All right, hop on,” Victor says with a chuckle.</p><p>“With pleasure.” </p><p>Benji strokes Victor’s cock a few times before he sets himself over it and sinks down on it. Victor can only watch his back, running his hand down Benji’s spine as he grips him around the waist firmly to steady him. When Benji moans softly, adjusting to the sensation of Victor inside him, Victor has to resist the urge to pull out and slam right back into him.</p><p>“<em>Fuck </em>,” Benji says, shifting a bit on Victor’s lap.</p><p>“You’re so... <em> tight </em>, Benji,” Victor murmurs, caressing his sides with the backs of his fingers.</p><p>“<em>Mm… </em>I know.”</p><p>Chuckling, Benji grinds his hips down onto Victor’s cock, glancing behind him as Victor bites the inside of his cheek. When Benji does it again, Victor shuts his eyes tightly, nails digging into the flesh of Benji’s hips. Benji lifts himself up on his knees and slams back down, touching himself as he does this. </p><p>“Can you--<em> mm-- </em>see all right?” Benji asks, a hint of a smile in his voice as he bounces up and down on Victor’s lap.</p><p>Victor opens one eye with a groan; all he can see is the way his dick penetrates Benji’s hole over and over again. He can’t take it anymore.</p><p>“Hold on...” Victor says, pushing himself up onto his elbow and finally rising to sit up. “Get off for a second.”</p><p>“Kinda fucked up how they’re throwing all these old people off a cliff, huh,” Benji says, as Victor takes the pillows from behind him and stacks them up in front of him. </p><p>“What kinda movie is this again?”</p><p>“See, if you were paying attention you would have learned that the people in the cult get killed when--”</p><p>“The fuck?” Victor asks, and if this were any other time he would have gone soft. “Actually, forget I asked. Do you still want me to fuck you?”</p><p>“Yeah, obviously,” Benji says, as if Victor had asked the stupidest imaginable question, which he probably had.</p><p>“Can you get on your hands and knees, then?” Victor asks, and Benji complies, leaning on the stack of pillows as Victor positions himself behind him.</p><p>Benji continues to watch as Victor slides into him from behind, and Victor tries to focus on the task at hand. He glances to the screen for a moment, seeing the characters’ faces contorted as they scream over something he’s not quite sure about as Benji mutters “oh shit oh fuck” over and over again, moaning wantonly, and Victor realizes it isn’t because of the movie. </p><p>He strokes Benji’s cock in time with his thrusts and Benji cums all over his hand, shuddering around him and pushing Victor over the edge, too. When he slides out and disposes of the condom, he returns to clean them up and sees Benji still in the same position, eyelids heavy as he tries to keep himself awake long enough to see the end of the movie. Victor had already stopped paying attention. </p><p>Finally pausing the movie, they rearrange themselves again, turning off the lights and slipping back under the covers with Benji resting his head on Victor’s chest so he can see the screen properly. </p><p>They fall asleep woven together like a braid, and when Victor asks Benji if he’ll stay for breakfast the next morning, this time, he says yes. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hehehe thank you once again to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> for being my lovely consultant on this project hehe. And thank you all for reading and providing feedback! I've been very pleased with the amount of feedback this story has been getting and I'm glad ya'll are enjoying things so far! As always, 1 comment = 1 Venji having a nice time! Hope you continue to enjoy this story and will tune in for more!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Often</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victor and Benji hang out in the library.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“So… I’ve been here since… like seven-thirty and I don’t feel like I’m making that much more progress,” Victor grumbles, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms as he stares up at the ceiling.</p><p>Benji faces him, head resting on his hand. “Wanna take that study break you were talking about before?” he asks. </p><p>“You asked that way too quickly,” Victor muses, sitting up straight again. “But that’s actually a great idea.”</p><p>“I have my figure drawing class in a bit anyway so it would be nice to get this out of me so I can actually pay attention,” Benji says with a sly grin.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s eleven am and Benji is still in bed with the curtains drawn because he doesn’t have class until much later in the day. He scrolls through his twitter feed, reading about some nonsense fandom drama he doesn’t <em> actually </em>care about, when he remembers what day it is. Biting his lip, he goes to his messages.</p><p>“<em>You still up for tonight like usual? 😈🍆” </em>Benji writes to Victor. He doesn’t wait for more than a few moments when he gets a response.</p><p>“<em>Not sure but most likely not 🤔 I have a lot of studying to do so I’ll probably be grinding hardcore in the library for the next few weeks 😪” </em>Victor writes back. </p><p><em> “You’re welcome to come keep me company if you want though 🙃” </em>he adds immediately after.</p><p><em> “I might actually take you up on that offer 🤓 I have some studying to do too and being in my room is just giving me an excuse to do nothing” </em>Benji writes.</p><p>“<em>Cool. I’m on the top floor. Nice and quiet 🤭” </em>Victor writes.</p><p>“<em>But we can always take a study break 😏” </em>he adds.</p><p><em> “Ok gimme like an hour. See ya 😜” </em>Benji writes back quickly.</p><p>Benji sets his phone down and hops into the shower, sighing as the warm water cascades over his body. Once he finishes, he steps out into his room, pleased once again with Andrew’s absence. He doesn’t bother to cover himself as he rubs at his damp hair with his towel before opening the closet. </p><p>It’s getting colder but he still wants to look hot, so he opts for a navy turtleneck crop top over a pair of ripped skinny jeans. He puts on his thicker, fur-lined leather jacket and zips it up, the lining tickling his stomach a bit, and steps into his boots before grabbing his laptop and books and shoving everything into his bag before pocketing his keys and phone and finally, taking his portfolio in his hands.</p><p>He pauses for a moment before the mirror just as his phone dings. </p><p><em> “I’m waiting for u… Check sc </em> 😉” Victor’s message says. </p><p>Glancing around out of habit just to be sure he’s alone, Benji opens Snapchat and taps on the thread between him and Victor. He sees the image of what he recognizes as Victor’s hand beside the outline of his dick straining against the confines of his sweatpants. The photo right after shows him holding his hard cock in his hand.</p><p>Benji swallows, eyes widening; he didn’t know Victor had it in him; he’s definitely braver than Benji would have thought. He can feel himself getting hard almost immediately as he unzips his jacket and pulls his crop top up a bit to expose his chest and takes a picture. Then he turns around and pulls his jeans down a bit, followed by his underwear, to show his ass, then snaps another photo before sending it with the caption “<em> eat my 🍑”. </em></p><p>Victor immediately writes back: “<em> Looking forward to it 😌🙏🏽”. </em></p><p>And so he dresses himself again, throwing his bag over his shoulder before heading out into the cool air to the library, which is a little bit of a walk across campus. </p><p>He’d never run to a dick appointment before, but something compels him to this time around, and he arrives at the library in record time before continuing on his way up the stairs to the last floor, where he shoves the door open to see an ocean of empty tables, until he finally spots the familiar form on the opposite side of the room. Jogging over, he unzips his jacket and waves as Victor looks up from his laptop over the top of his black, thick-framed glasses and smiles. </p><p>“Hey, what’s up?” he says.</p><p>Benji takes the seat at the table beside him and holds his finger up for a moment as he catches his breath before he says: “Hey.”</p><p>“Did you run here?” Victor asks, shaking his head and smirking.</p><p>“Maybe I did,” Benji says with a grin as he runs his hand through his hair. “I didn’t know you wore glasses. They look really good on you.”</p><p>“Thanks. I really only need them for reading, though, most of the time I’m fine,” Victor says with a chuckle. He’s dressed casually in a pair of grey sweats with a dark grey cable knit sweater over it and Benji finds his gaze wandering to Victor’s lap. </p><p>“Hmm… yeah on one hand it sucks for you that your eyes are bad but on the other you look hot so it might be worth the trade off,” Benji teases, and Victor giggles. </p><p>“Well, your outfit is really sexy,” Victor says, eyeing Benji’s middle. “Seems like you wear a lot of crop tops. But you didn’t have to dress up if we’re just gonna be studying, you know,” he adds, poking Benji’s side. </p><p>“Thanks. I just felt like it, is all,” Benji lies, smiling and making a show of letting more of his skin peek out as he leans down to pull out his computer and books from his bag.</p><p>“Aren’t you <em> cold </em>?”</p><p>“A hoe never gets cold,” Benji says with a wink. </p><p>“That explains why I’m always overheated…” Victor says with a chuckle. </p><p>Benji smacks his hand over his eyes and doesn’t even bother containing his laugh. He composes himself after a moment. “Anyway… what are you working on?”</p><p>“Just orgo, as usual. And a little bit of evolution and labs and shit. There’s so much <em> math… </em>which I was never great at,” he says, burying his head in his hands. </p><p>“I mean to be fair you did get accepted into the program so you can’t be <em> that </em> bad at it,” Benji points out as he opens his laptop and sets his art history textbook beside it.</p><p>“Hmm… true. I just struggle with it a lot and it’s annoying,” Victor says with a resigned sigh.</p><p>“Yeah, I get it. I’m <em> so </em>glad I don’t have to do math. Even though it's not that hard... When you work as a barista you learn to do quick math in your head.”</p><p>“Aren’t you lucky,” Victor says, his sarcastic words blunted by the warmth in his voice. “Anyway, I need to continue on this stuff for a bit longer…”</p><p>They spend about an hour chatting in between studying in the deserted top floor of the library, the sexual tension like a weighted blanket between them. Benji can barely focus with his dick straining against his pants. When Victor takes his glasses off at around one and sets them down on the table to rub the stress from his eyes, Benji watches him hungrily.</p><p>“So… I’ve been here since… like seven-thirty and I don’t feel like I’m making that much more progress,” Victor grumbles, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms as he stares up at the ceiling.</p><p>Benji faces him, head resting on his hand. “Wanna take that study break you were talking about before?” he asks. </p><p>“You asked that way too quickly,” Victor muses, sitting up straight again. “But that’s actually a great idea.”</p><p>“I have my figure drawing class in a bit anyway so it would be nice to get this out of me so I can actually pay attention,” Benji says with a sly grin.</p><p>Victor laughs before he asks: “Do you think we need to do the thing where one of us goes to the bathroom first and then the other follows or nah?”</p><p>“Fuck that, there’s no one here,” Benji says as he rises from his seat and takes Victor by the wrist to pull him up.</p><p>Shrugging, Victor follows Benji into one of the stalls in the bathroom and locks the door behind them before he presses Benji back against the wall and drops to his knees. He undoes Benji’s jeans, smirking as he eyes the outline of his dick straining against the front of the fabric.</p><p>“We’ll have to be quick, then,” Victor says, as he tugs down Benji’s pants before he begins rubbing at his still clothed cock. “Have you been hard this whole time?”</p><p>“I’ve been hard since before I left my dorm,” Benji says as Victor pulls his underwear down to expose his stiff erection, making Benji shiver. </p><p>“No wonder you were squirming around so much…” Victor teases, wrapping his fingers around Benji and pumping his dick a few times, chuckling as Benji threads his hand through Victor’s hair, tugging at it insistently.</p><p>“Just sh-shut up and suck my dick…” Benji says, as his head falls back and Victor finally does what he asks.</p><p>Benji sighs as Victor takes him into his mouth, sucking on the head of his cock and playing with his balls as he slowly slides his mouth further and further down around Benji’s erection, as Benji presses his lips together and covers his face with his arm to suppress a moan. When Victor relaxes his throat, his nose brushing against the prickly hairs of Benji’s neatly trimmed bush, Benji has to bite his arm to stop himself from crying out in pleasure. </p><p>Victor reaches up Benji’s chest, slipping under his crop top and toying with his nipples as he carries on deep-throating Benji for a few minutes, until Benji can feel himself on the brink of orgasm, body racked with shudders. He pulls away, wiping his mouth in the back of his hand to prolong the experience a bit.</p><p>“Turn around,” he says, voice hoarse. “I’m gonna eat your ass.”</p><p>“Oh fuck, <em> please, </em>” Benji says, complying. He scrambles against the wall as he obeys.</p><p>Humming, Victor grabs Benji by the hips to pull him closer, kneading his ass with his strong hands before giving him a few light smacks to stimulate blood flow. He then peppers a trail of nibbles along the tight expanse of Benji’s ass as he groans. Whining softly, Benji can only give into Victor’s ministrations, the sensation going right to his groin and making his leaking dick twitch even more. </p><p>When Victor spreads Benji’s cheeks apart, Benji braces himself against the wall, legs already a bit wobbly from his arousal. As Victor laps at his hole, first gently around the outside and then with more precision as he spears it with his tongue, sliding it inside him, Benji can only cover his mouth again as he thrusts his ass back against Victor’s face, eyes rolling back in his head. Victor pulls away for a moment, laughing softly as he spreads Benji even more before returning his tongue to Benji’s hole, savoring the taste of his flesh and the way he allows himself to succumb to the pleasure from Victor’s touch.</p><p>Victor speeds up the movements of his tongue as he slides a finger inside Benji’s tight heat, moving it in and out as Benji finds it progressively more difficult to hold himself up, his knees buckling beneath him as Victor strokes against his prostate. Sighing, he adds another finger, wiggling it around inside Benji’s hole and chuckling when Benji lets out a moan before clapping a hand over his mouth, face reddening all the while.</p><p>“God… you’re so fucking cute, Benji,” Victor says, as he stretches Benji further and moves his digits around as tears prick at the corners of Benji’s eyes. “I guess I should finish you off because you’ve been waiting so patiently… Turn around, please.”</p><p>Benji does as he’s asked and Victor shifts on his knees. He takes Benji’s cock in his mouth again as he slides his fingers back inside Benji’s hole, but Victor only has to stroke for a moment before Benji gasps and finishes in his throat and Victor swallows every last drop of his cum as Benji’s entire body shudders with his release and he sees white blasting behind his eyelids for a moment, the ringing in his ears deafening for a moment. Victor lets Benji’s dick slip out of his mouth before he rises and shakes the stiffness in his legs out, sniffling. </p><p>“Holy shit…” Benji mutters, leaning back against the wall as he dresses himself again, trying to catch his breath.</p><p>“We aren’t done here yet,” Victor says. </p><p>“I know that,” Benji replies.</p><p>He smiles as he gets on his knees and pulls Victor’s sweatpants down, eyes widening when Victor’s erection all but springs in his face. Victor stares down at him, brushing the hair from Benji’s face as he watches him suck on the head expertly, the little moans erupting from Benji’s throat creating pleasant vibrations around his cock.</p><p>“You can pull my hair harder and fuck my face, if you want,” Benji says a moment later as he removes his mouth from Victor’s dick, a little clear string of pre-cum hanging from his lips and still connecting them. “And uh… can you cum on my face? But not in the hair, I just washed it.”</p><p>“Yeah, I got it,” Victor says, stroking Benji’s hair gently as the other returns his mouth to his erection, taking him down his throat in one go and gagging a bit. </p><p>Benji looks up through his eyelashes and watches Victor bite his lip to contain his moans as he bobs his head up and down, stroking Victor’s shaft and then his balls a bit, before Victor threads his fingers through his hair, holding him firmly--but not enough to hurt--as he thrusts into Benji’s mouth. Once his movements become more erratic, he pulls Benji off him, and Benji pushes his hair back as he strokes Victor’s shaft, closing his eyes and opening his mouth as Victor finishes on his face, the warm, sticky liquid dripping down his skin and onto his tongue. He swallows a bit of Victor’s cum, feeling filthy but enjoying the salty flavor nonetheless. </p><p>They both stare at each other for a minute as they catch their breath, before Victor tucks himself back into his pants and helps Benji up before cleaning his face as thoroughly as he can, which isn’t saying much. As Victor unlocks the door to the stall and pulls it open, footsteps interrupt them as another guy walks in to see them exiting the stall together; his eyes widen, scandalized. </p><p>Victor’s eyes go round, too, his face reddening as he simply stands and stares before averting his gaze, but Benji walks out as if nothing out of the ordinary has just happened, and washes his hands then scrubs soap on his face and splashing some cool water on it before patting himself dry with a paper towel. They don’t speak to each other as Victor washes his hands or as they fix their appearance, but as soon as they exit, Benji can’t stop himself from giggling.</p><p>“That was fucking hilarious,” he says.</p><p>“No, it was fucking <em> embarrassing, </em>” Victor says, before he adds with a whisper: “That guy’s literally in all my classes. How the hell am I supposed to face him on Monday?”</p><p>“Oh… That sucks for you,” Benji says, clicking his tongue. “Although, to be fair, you weren’t the one who had to wash cum off his face.”</p><p>“I mean, true, but he has no idea who you are.”</p><p>“He’ll get over it. Plus, he’s probably just gonna be jealous and think ‘that guy gets bitches’ and by bitches I mean me. And whoever else you’ve been fucking because it would be a shame not to share your gift.”</p><p>Victor smiles weakly as they return to their table. “At least we got a good study break in.”</p><p>“Yeah… Now I’ll actually be able to focus on my work for a bit even though I might honestly get horny again, because… Well, it’s like you keep getting better and better at this,” Benji says, nudging Victor in the arm with his elbow. </p><p>“Thanks. You’re pretty good at sucking dick yourself,” Victor says sheepishly.</p><p>“Aww, you’re so nice,” Benji says, sitting back down and opening his laptop up again. He crosses his arms over the table and yawns, resting his head in his arms. “Damnit, now I feel like going to sleep.”</p><p>“I have a secret for that,” Victor says, rummaging around in his bag and picking out a can of Red Bull. He slides it across the table. “We need to replenish our electrolytes. And the caffeine will help, too.”</p><p>Benji stares at Victor for a moment before taking the can and turning it around to read the ingredients. “This is full of garbage,” he says.</p><p>“It’s not <em> full </em>of it, there’s only a little bit of garbage,” Victor says with a shrug as he opens a can and takes a long sip as Benji watches at him. </p><p>“Fine,” Benji says, following suit. He can’t afford to take a nap right now, even if the flavor of energy drinks makes him cringe. </p><p>“Do you want some snacks?” Victor asks, pulling out a bag of assorted seasonal fruit, along with some chips and hummus. </p><p>Exhaling relief, Benji smiles. “Sure. I’ll admit I was worried you were gonna pull out a bunch of candy based on your clear Red Bull addiction.”</p><p>“My diet isn’t <em> that </em>bad, I just don’t have a lot of time to sleep or money to buy coffee all the time,” Victor says with a roll of his eyes. </p><p>“I’m not judging you…” Benji replies, taking an apple and biting into it. “Thanks.”</p><p>“So, wait. What class did you say you have later on, again?” Victor asks, taking another sip of his drink.</p><p>“It’s just figure drawing. Basically you get to look at someone sitting around naked for a few hours and draw them. It’s pretty fun but like… a lot of the guys are really hot and also sadly very straight. Although I did hook up with a few of them afterward and they turned out to be… not as straight as they thought,” Benji says with a chuckle. “Apparently you get paid for modeling, too.”</p><p>“Huh… That doesn’t sound bad…” Victor says, stroking his chin.</p><p>“Which part? The sitting around naked part, the painting part, or the hooking up with closeted guys part?”</p><p>“The modeling bit--I could use the money. Although, I suppose the last bit, as well, even though I’m not in the closet,” Victor says with a mischievous grin. </p><p>“No one even knows that we fucked <em> in </em>the room,” Benji says, wiggling his eyebrows. “Or maybe they just don’t care, I don’t know. But anyway… I’d love for you to be one of my subjects. One of my many muses. Actually, I have a thing with all the details here...”</p><p>He opens one of his folders and digs through the papers within before he pulls out the one he seeks, sliding it across the table to Victor, who takes it, furrowing his brows together. </p><p>“Thanks,” Victor says, eyes scanning the page. “Wait, I can get <em> a hundred </em>dollars a session? Although I don’t know if I’ll have any time in the coming weeks…I guess I can make some time because it would be so worth it...”</p><p>“Oh, no pressure, I get it,” Benji says, waving his hands in front of him. “Maybe you’ll have more time next semester.”</p><p>“Hmm… I’ll figure something out,” Victor says, more to himself than Benji. </p><p>They continue to study together for the next few hours, and Benji is proud of himself for actually being productive and staying on task. He makes a lot of progress on his music theory work before he notices the time, rushing to throw his things into his bag and grabbing his portfolio, then saying a quick goodbye to Victor as he dashes out of the library to the art building for his figure drawing class, coming in just before the professor and taking a seat beside Mia, who gives him a curious glance. </p><p>“Notice anything different about me, Mia?” Benji asks as he takes out his supplies and sets them on his easel.</p><p>“Now that you mention it… you’re kinda glowing,” Mia says, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Exactly,” Benji says, looking triumphant. “That’s the power of good dick. I think it cured my acne, too.”</p><p>“Okay, but where were you all day, B? You can’t tell me you’ve been literally just fucking around this whole time.”</p><p>“Library,” he replies quickly.</p><p>She makes a face, lips twisting and eyes narrowing. “You never go to the library.”</p><p>Their professor eyes them pointedly as they wait for the model to join them in the room. </p><p>“I was hanging out with Victor,” Benji says, glancing to the professor, who has her back turned for a moment.</p><p>“<em>Oh… </em>So, you guys are friends now?” </p><p>“Hmm… I guess so,” Benji says with a shrug. “He has a lot of studying lately so our little Netflix and chill sessions might become less frequent.”</p><p>“Ahh… So you’re his booty call. That makes more sense.”</p><p>“No, I don’t think so. It’s not like that,” Benji says, eyebrows pressing together so hard they threaten to fuse together. “Or at least… I don’t think that’s what it was about. He seems like a genuinely good guy and I don’t think he would invite me to study with him if he didn’t want me to be there.”</p><p>“I don’t know…”</p><p>“Okay, well, I don’t know what your problem is,” Benji says; he can feel the heat rising in his face with his temper.</p><p>“Look, all I’m saying is that you should be careful. You’re already getting attached to him, I can see it.”</p><p>“We’re literally just having fun. And I have a bunch of other guys I’m seeing, too, and so does he, so there’s no way I’m gonna get attached to him. I feel like you’re just jealous that he and I are becoming friends so fast.”</p><p>Mia scoffs, her voice rising. “You think <em> I’m </em> jealous of <em> him </em> ? Give me a break. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even <em> have </em>friends who you didn’t also sleep with.”</p><p>“Well, at least--” Benji says, but then he stops himself. <em> At least my mom still loves me. </em> He may be angry at her, but he would never stoop that low. </p><p>“At least <em> what </em>?” Mia goads him.</p><p>“<em>Nothing </em>.” </p><p>“That’s what I thought,” Mia says, fuming, as she turns away. </p><p>All Benji can do is glare at her, throwing darts and daggers at her with his pupils. The door to the classroom opens and the model--a guy with wavy dark red hair, a chiseled jawline, and a tattoo on his neck of a skull--walks in. Benji watches as he disrobes and stands in the middle of the room as those in attendance fall silent. All thoughts of Victor and his rage at Mia float from his mind as he fixates on the model and begins to sketch a little <em> too </em>intently. </p><p>When the model turns with his face in Benji’s direction, Benji locks eyes with him--even though he knows he isn’t supposed to--tipping his head to the side. He raises an eyebrow, biting his lip as he tries to figure out a way to get the guy’s attention and get some idea if he’s interested or not. The guy has a pretty dick, too, and an <em> amazing </em>body, Benji notes, as he adds a bit more detail to the groin area of his drawing with a smirk. He would just have to find out after class…</p><p>Once the class is over and the model clothes himself, Benji and his classmates turn in their finished drawings and clean up their supplies. Benji moves quickly, keeping his eye on the model, who has gone over to chat with their professor. </p><p>Somehow, Mia is even quicker than him, stashing all her supplies hurriedly and slipping out of the room without saying anything else to him, which is probably for the better. He almost hates himself for thinking, <em> “She’ll get over it, </em> ” and diverting his own attention to this ultimately insignificant task; he knows he’s being a shitty friend, but <em> she </em>started it.</p><p>Benji sighs as he puts his jacket on and pulls out his phone, pretending to scroll as he watches from the corner of his eye as people leave. The classroom empties one by one, and the professor walks away from the model, leaving him alone. Now is Benji’s chance to make a move.</p><p>“Hey,” Benji says, sliding in front of the model and holding his hand out. “I’m Benji. It’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>“Uh… hi? Alan,” the model says, as if Benji actually cares what his name is. He blinks, taking his hand and shaking it awkwardly. “Can I help you?”</p><p>Tucking his hair behind his ear and playing with it, Benji stretches, making sure to expose as much of his midsection as he can. “Oh, no, I just haven’t seen you around before and I wanted to get to know you, is all.”</p><p>Alan swallows, eyes grazing his stomach before they return to his face. He blushes. Benji grins. He drops his portfolio on the ground and says “oops” before bending over to pick it up, turning so that his ripped-jean-clad ass is in full view. </p><p>“Did you, uh… maybe wanna hang out tonight?” Alan asks.</p><p><em> Bingo. </em>That was way too fucking easy. </p><p>“Uh, yeah, that would be great,” Benji says, walking them both out of the room and kicking himself for not bringing condoms with him. “Wanna come to my place?”</p><p>Looking up from his phone, Alan says: “What’s that? Sorry.”</p><p>“I <em> said </em>did you wanna come to my place?”</p><p>“Oh, sure.”</p><p>They walk together across campus in relative silence, which Benji is fine with; he’d had enough socializing for the day. He just wants to get this over with, even though he doesn’t know what’s compelling him forward as if he were attached to an invisible string right now. When they enter Benji’s room, which is deserted as it always is on a Friday night, Benji’s lips betray him before he has a chance to catch them.</p><p>“Do you want something to eat?” he asks absently.</p><p>Alan raises an eyebrow. “No, thanks. I think we both know why we’re here.”</p><p>“Yeah… we do...” Benji says, his voice trailing off as he draws the curtains and motions for Alan to sit on his bed. “Some ground rules… Don’t kiss me, don’t stare at me while we fuck, and wear a condom.”</p><p>He then strips and throws his clothes aside before reaching into his drawer, pulling out lube and a condom and putting them on the bed. Shoving Alan down and straddling his lap, Benji sighs as he undoes Alan’s pants. Alan brushes his hair away from his eyes and leans up to kiss him, but Benji pushes his face away.</p><p>“What did I <em> just </em> say? <em> Don’t </em>kiss me,” he warns.</p><p>“Okay…” Alan says, rolling his eyes. </p><p>“I mean it.”</p><p>“All right, I get it,” Alan responds, staring down at his cuticles, bored.</p><p>Benji notices, but says nothing. He lets Alan fuck him anyway. And when they’re done, and Alan kisses him even though he told him not to <em> three </em>times, he tells him to fuck off as he locks the door on him. He’s been far too patient with far too many people, most of whom don’t deserve it.</p><p>Shaking his head, Benji changes his sheets and takes another shower before putting on his sweats and a t-shirt. He peers through the peephole on the door, exhaling relief when he sees that the corridor is empty and Alan, as far as he knows, has left. It’s barely nine when he goes to the laundry room and puts his sheets to wash. </p><p>He sits in front of the washing machine, watching it spin for a moment, hypnotized, before he rises to see a pale guy with luscious black hair enter. There’s no way he’s straight. Benji stares; this guy is way cuter than Alan. But he’d already had sex twice today. He can’t handle a third time, and he <em> definitely </em>isn’t going to shower again. And so he retreats to his room.</p><p>Benji returns a bit later to move his laundry to the dryer and runs into a guy he actually recognizes from his building, a tall guy with dark skin and long, blond locs. Benji doesn’t know if he’s straight. He waves politely. The guy gives him a little nod and he blushes before he leaves.</p><p>Once he comes back to the laundry room for the final time to collect his things, he sees another guy, a beefy looking one with a buzz cut and brown skin who probably plays football. Benji swallows. 99.99% certain he’s straight. But he can get it, too.</p><p>When he’s finally back in his room with his fresh sheets, Benji realizes he might have a problem.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all, thanks once again for reading! Hope you enjoyed this hehe. Also, as always, thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> for being my lovely consultant, couldn't have done it without her letting me scream in her dms about this story lmfao. It was a fun one to write for a variety of reasons hehe. Hope it wasn't too filthy for ya'll lmfao. Anyway, as usual 1 comment = 1 venji having a nice gay time!! See you in the next installment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. You're My Inspiration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji draws Victor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“That’s the guy you were telling me about, right?” Ruth asks, nudging Benji in the arm as she goes to take a sip of water from a bottle. “I’m guessing you weren’t expecting him?”</p><p>“Yeah… I mean I told him about it but I wasn’t expecting him to take it seriously. He’s ballsy as fuck.”</p><p>“I’ll say… but yeah he’s definitely hot. The pictures you showed me don’t do him justice.” </p><p>“Ugh I know, right?”</p><p>“Why don’t you go and talk to him?”</p><p>“Doesn’t look like I would even get a chance to, he has a whole fan club now.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The early December air whistles across the campus, the weak sunlight barely casting a glow on what it touches for the short hours for which it shows itself. It’s ironic, because Benji can relate. The cold has made him crave human touch but he hasn’t been able to get enough of it. </p><p>He sits at the desk in his dorm, still in his pajamas, as he finishes up the last few pages of the book he’d borrowed from the library, <em> Kafka on the Shore </em>this time. But he finds his mind wandering again. </p><p>Benji sighs. He remembers with a pang the fact that Victor has been busy lately and as such has been spending most of his time in the library buried in his computer and textbooks instead of in Benji, where he could argue Victor belongs much more urgently. They don’t cross paths for more than study sessions and quickies in the library bathroom. And the guys he’s seen in Victor’s stead have been, as usual, disappointing in several ways, most of all because they couldn’t give fewer fucks, but they still managed to stave off at least some of the itch Benji has for sex. </p><p>Regardless, and he hates to admit it, he’s gotten to the point where he has no choice but to take care of himself a bit more. But it isn’t the same as a real human man with a real human dick and real human hands. And his own wrist is starting to get tired. </p><p>Of course Benji could join Victor in the library, but he mostly has group projects and painting to do, and so he spends more time in the art and music buildings lately. It’s nearing the end of the semester and as a result, the work he’d put off is starting to require his urgent attention. </p><p>Closing the book and exhaling aloud, Benji wishes reading didn’t take him so long these days due to all the distractions sitting on his mind blocking the advancement of his thoughts beyond his basest, most animalistic urges. He has his figure drawing class soon but all he wants to do is crawl back into the nest of his bed and curl up under the covers. </p><p>Setting the book aside, Benji rises from his seat and opens his closet. He raises an eyebrow; somehow all the clothes he normally wears have ended up in the laundry, but he doesn’t have time to wash things now. When he glances at his phone, he all but jumps; 2:05 pm. </p><p>That means Benji has just enough time to shower, dress himself, make himself something quick to eat, and then sprint across campus to the art building. He could do that. </p><p>Without a further thought, Benji bolts into the bathroom, trying to scrub the barraging thoughts from his brain in the process. He dries his hair and fishes out his last outfit from the closet—a short-sleeved black and white checkered crop top and a pair of tight red shorts that make his ass look better than it should—and dresses himself before making himself a quick packet of ramen even though he knows he’s going to feel disgusting afterward.</p><p>At 2:45, Benji throws on his leather jacket and boots, grabs his portfolio, and leaves, hoping he can keep up his streak of arriving in class before the professor. But more importantly, he wants to arrive before all the seats get taken so he can avoid sitting next to Mia.</p><p>The winter air bites at his bare calves as he makes his way across the pavement, his footsteps like live rounds echoing in the distance of the unusually empty campus. But that tends to happen near the end of term, although it doesn’t make it any less weird. </p><p>At 2:56, when Benji barges into the classroom to see three open spots, Mia glances at him and he makes eye contact with her for a heartbeat before looking away and sitting on the opposite end of the room next to a shy girl called Ruth who wears her hair in long box braids and has braces. She always finds something nice to say about Benji’s work, so he took a liking to her immediately and they became friends over the last few weeks. He can feel Mia’s eyes piercing them like lasers when they speak, but he ignores her stare, unzipping his jacket and hanging it up on the hook behind him instead.</p><p>“Wow, Benji, you actually made it in before Barret, I’m impressed,” Ruth says, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she unzips her pencil case and sets her supplies out in front of her.</p><p>“I know, right? Let’s hope I can keep it up til the end of the semester,” Benji says with a chuckle.</p><p>“Honestly, I’m a bit worried about the final exam. I feel like I haven’t really improved that much from the beginning.”</p><p>“It’s hard to see the difference yourself but I promise you, you’ve definitely made progress. When you look at the rest of your portfolio you’ll definitely see it.”</p><p>“You’re probably right…” Ruth says, rubbing her chin with her hand. “By the way, I wonder who the model will be this week. Hope they’re hot.”</p><p>“The guys have been but I can’t tell with the girls. They were probably… pretty?”</p><p>“To be fair, there’s something beautiful about all of them,” Ruth says with a smile as she sharpens one of her blunted pencils. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s true…” Benji mutters, before he swallows and lets his eyes drift to where Mia sits alone.</p><p>“Hey, didn’t you and Mia used to be BFFs? You two sat together all the time until a few weeks ago,” Ruth says, leaning in to whisper in Benji’s ear. </p><p>Benji bristles. “We had… a disagreement.”</p><p>“Well, if you ever wanna talk about it, you know I won’t snitch on you…” </p><p>“Okay, good to know. Thanks...” Benji says noncommittally. “Anyway… Kappa Sig is having a party next weekend and I might break my almost four years of being teetotal and get completely sloshed before finals because I’m fucking <em> stressed </em>. You wanna come? They probably won’t let me in unless I bring a girl with me. You know, ratios.”</p><p>“You sure that’s a good idea? I’m not a big partier. Wouldn’t you rather just come over to my place and we can drink in the peace and quiet?”</p><p>He pretends to think about it. “I mean I’m not either but once in a while it’s kinda nice.”</p><p>“Well, we’ll see,” Ruth says. “I don’t know if my boyfriend would be okay with it. He’s always telling me horror stories about what happens at these parties.”</p><p>“If your boyfriend tries to tell you what to do you should just dump him,” Benji says with a roll of his eyes before he stares at his cuticles.</p><p>Ruth frowns. “I’m not gonna dump him. He’s just looking out for me.”</p><p>“Hmm…” is all Benji can say.</p><p>Before he can think of a more engaging response, Professor Barret enters from the corridor across the room, not the main door, and holds the door open. The room is packed, each seat arranged in a circle occupied by a person at an easel. Behind Professor Barret, a familiar figure enters and Benji can feel his mouth go dry instantly. He swallows. </p><p>Victor strides into the room wearing a long black robe, his cheeks a bit flushed but not enough to be noticeable unless observed by a trained eye. He fiddles with the fabric of his robe before undoing the front and shrugging it off him, depositing it on the black meridienne behind him as he stares at the wall. </p><p>Benji’s mouth drops open and he catches himself, averting his lustful gaze from Victor’s nether regions just as his subject looks in his direction; Victor’s Adam’s apple bobs as his eyes dart away, too. The sound of pencils and charcoal scratching at paper fills the air of the room that Benji has suddenly realized is hotter than he has anticipated it to be. He gets right to work doing his warm-up drawings, making his best attempt to capture the essence of Victor’s presence even if he only has a few minutes to do so. </p><p><em> Didn’t think he had it in him… </em>Benji thinks with a smirk as Victor turns around and stretches his arms behind him, showing off his taut backside. He clears his throat; he needs to be professional.</p><p>Tilting his head to the side, Benji draws the tattoo on Victor’s shoulder blade, which he had never actually gotten a good look at until now, in the proper lighting of the classroom. Four almost photo-realistic carnations, intricately detailed but with line work that isn’t too thick or overwhelming, in red, pink and white and contrasting with the warm brown of Victor’s skin. Benji wonders how long Victor had to sit for something so meticulous, and how much it must have hurt to have a needle jabbing at him thousands and thousands of times. He’d always wanted some tattoos himself but never had the money for them or a decision on the desired placement. Regardless, it was as if each time he saw Victor he learned something new about him and found something new to be enthralled by.</p><p>The room is quiet aside from the sound of the artists at work. Benji peers at Victor from behind his easel, taking notes of the parts of him he’d seen up close many times before. He bites back a smile as Victor sits down on the meridienne and rests his elbows on the back of it, spreading his legs apart; his eyes rest on Benji, as if to say “<em> Come here.” </em>It takes everything in Benji to refuse the pull of Victor’s gaze. At least for now.</p><p>Despite Victor’s confident pose, Benji can see the way his chest rises and falls sporadically, as if he is trying his best to contain himself as twenty pairs of eyes observe him. He breathes deeply through his nose to calm down, his mouth set in a down-turned arch. Benji doesn’t know if he would be able to handle the heat of scrutiny himself; he likes being looked at, but something about strangers seeing him unadorned, in his most natural state, with no facade—Benji feels as if it would break him. But with Victor’s pupils glued to him, Benji hopes no one else notices the way their eyes catch each other in an unshakable hold.</p><p>“<em> Shit,” </em> Benji curses under his breath as his charcoal pencil drops from his hand and rolls across the floor. He rises quickly and bends over to pick it up, not realizing his short-clad ass is all but right in front of Victor’s face.</p><p>When Benji returns to his seat, Victor has crossed his legs and changed his pose to one where he is resting against the back of the meridian, still upright, with his arm propping up his head as he sets his sight on something that isn’t Benji, but it does nothing to dampen his arousal. He wishes Victor would look at him again. But he pushes that thought away, cheeks burning, as he returns to his paper, drawing Victor in his new pose. </p><p>Professor Barret makes her rounds to the students, pointing out areas where they can improve. When she arrives beside Benji, she raises an eyebrow as she takes the red-rimmed glasses off the crown of her short black hair and and puts them on to examine his work. </p><p>“Are you okay?” She asks, a ghost of a smile hovering over her thin lips, eyebrows knit together in concern. “You’re shaking and sweaty.”</p><p>“I’m fine, professor. Just hoping I’ve improved from last week, is all,” Benji lies, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. </p><p>“Relax, kid. You always do well at this. The attention to detail is stunning, but you could stand to lighten the lines a bit, the chiaroscuro is… dramatic. You’re unusually heavy-handed today.”</p><p>“Oh. Thank you, professor. I’ll try.”</p><p>“You have good eyesight, too, Benji. But watch the perspective,” she says knowingly, before she departs to critique the rest of his classmates.</p><p>Benji exhales relief and returns to his drawing, switching out his charcoal for a pencil again. He remembers Professor Barret’s words and puts less pressure on the paper as he draws. When he flips a few pages further into his sketch pad, he can feel the deep ridges left behind. Ruth chuckles from beside him and he shoots her a glare.</p><p>The professor calls for them to take a short break, and Victor pulls his robe back on as he shakes out his limbs. Benji watches him, making his way toward Victor, only to be cut off by a horde of other students swarming toward him. Frowning, Benji crosses his arms over his chest and pouts.</p><p>“That’s the guy you were telling me about, right?” Ruth asks, nudging Benji in the arm as she goes to take a sip of water from a bottle. “I’m guessing you weren’t expecting him?”</p><p>“Yeah… I mean I told him about it but I wasn’t expecting him to take it seriously. He’s ballsy as fuck.”</p><p>“I’ll say… but yeah he’s definitely hot. The pictures you showed me don’t do him justice.” </p><p>“Ugh I know, right?”</p><p>“Why don’t you go and talk to him?”</p><p>“Doesn’t look like I would even get a chance to, he has a whole fan club now.”</p><p>Ruth giggles and Mia shoots them a look again as she stands beside her easel alone. Victor raises his eyes to Benji from within the crowd and smiles at him before returning to his conversation. </p><p>“Barret was so funny asking if you were sick when you’re just horny,” Ruth says as she erupts into peals of laughter and Benji smacks her arm playfully. </p><p>“Shut <em> up </em> , I am <em> not.” </em></p><p>“Bro… you look like you belong in an ice bath. Or better yet a cold shower. And you can’t tell me you aren’t at least a little bit jealous of all the attention he’s getting.”</p><p>Benji wants to retort but all he can do is bury his face in his hands as the professor resumes the class. </p><p>Victor strips his robe off again, this time without hesitation, before he takes a seat in the middle of the chaise longue, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands, a smirk playing at his lips as he raises his gaze to the ceiling. Benji gapes at the way Victor’s biceps tense, the way his quadriceps look as if they would pop out from beneath his flesh. Something about the image makes Benji want to keep it as a snapshot in his own mind, hidden away from the prying eyes of others.</p><p><em> Keep it professional… </em>Benji thinks as he shades in the lean musculature of Victor’s frame, remembering the way he feels against the pads of Benji’s fingers especially since he can’t touch him now.</p><p>He presses his mouth closed tightly in an almost nonexistent segment as he outlines one of Victor’s hands that he can see peeking out from the nook of his knee, and all Benji can think about is how soft yet rough they feel when they’re on him, the weight of them pushing down on his back as his face presses into the mattress, gripping at his hips tightly and leaving crescent marks in their wake, squeezing his neck just hard enough for it to feel good, leaving red prints behind on his ass, wrapped around his—</p><p>
  <em> Snap.  </em>
</p><p>“<em>Fuck.” </em></p><p>Benji reaches for his sharpener and takes a deep breath. He doesn’t pay any mind to the curious glances cast in his direction. But his shorts are too tight and he thinks that maybe the circulation to his brain has been impeded by all the blood going to his dick right now.</p><p>Soon Victor gets into his final pose as he reclines against one of the pillows on the meridienne, letting his head fall back as his feet plant themselves like two stumps forcing their roots through the floor, one bent at the knee and the other stretched out a bit, and he lets his arms rest above his head, digits linking together loosely in what one could call surrender, face serene, relaxed, finding Benji across the room once more. But Benji can see the power behind Victor’s eyes; he knows what he is capable of; but Benji shoves that thought aside, focusing on what his own hands can do instead. </p><p>The session ends and Victor pulls his robe back on as Benji and his classmates submit their completed drawings to Professor Barret. As usual, Benji takes his time putting away his things and watches as some of his classmates go to chat with Victor again. </p><p>He watches with a curled up lip, pointed canines glinting, as one of his classmates approaches Victor with a little piece of paper in her hand and splotches of red on her face. She smiles shyly as she hands it to him, and Victor shakes his head, saying something Benji doesn’t catch as his gaze darts to Benji for a split-second, and the girl’s expression falters. Then she withdraws her hand and waves awkwardly before all but running out of the room. Victor cringes and scratches the back of his head as the rest of the students empty out of the room, followed by Professor Barret, who wishes them a good weekend before dashing and saying something about traffic getting out of Atlanta. </p><p>Once door swings closed and they’re left alone, Benji stops pretending to fiddle with his supplies. He rises from his stool, shoving his hands in the pockets of his shorts as he crosses the chasm between him and Victor.</p><p>“Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see you here so soon,” Benji says as he pulls Victor to him and kisses him on the cheek.</p><p>Victor returns the gesture, lips lingering before he pulls away, eyes twinkling like little pools of stars on his visage. “Hey. I figured I would surprise you.”</p><p>“Well, you definitely did. Are you sure that was your first time modeling? You’re a natural,” Benji says, playing with the ends of his hair and the belt of Victor’s robe simultaneously. He notices that Victor is wearing different cologne today; he smells more like spice and musk than wood.</p><p>Scrunching his mouth to the side, Victor removes Benji’s hand from him. “Thank you… it was… a bit different from what I expected it to be but by the end I didn’t feel as awkward.”</p><p>“Oh really? Why’s that?”</p><p>“Well… I guess I got used to being looked at. It also helped that one of my favorite artists was in the audience right there,” Victor says, pointing to the spot where Benji had sat minutes before.</p><p>Benji rolls his eyes and Victor pokes him gently on the nose. He can’t help but smirk. Victor is too cute for his own good and he knows it. “You’re so corny.”</p><p>“That definitely… rhymes with how I’m feeling right now,” Victor teases, his face reddening again. </p><p>“Oh my god,” Benji says, covering his face with his palms. “I can’t believe that girl tried giving you her number, you’re such a dork.”</p><p>“Not everyone has a functioning gaydar,” Victor says with a shrug and Benji laughs.</p><p>Wiping a tear from his eye, Benji says: “<em> Anyway… </em>I spent all of class thinking about fucking you and my professor thought I was sick which is a bit humiliating but it’s fine I guess. I’m fine.”</p><p>“Is that why every time I see you, you’re wearing less and less clothing? Although it’s hard to call what you’re wearing ‘clothing’ since it leaves so little to the imagination,” Victor teases.</p><p>“This was unplanned but… maybe so,” Benji says with a devilish grin. “I’ve been getting a bit overheated lately.”</p><p>“Well…” Victor whispers in Benji’s ear, making him shiver, “you just spent over two hours staring at my bare ass. Don’t you think it’s only fair for you to return the favor?”</p><p>“I didn’t get to touch it,” Benji says with a pout.</p><p>Victor takes Benji’s hands in his own and brings them to his backside, gasping softly as Benji kneads the tight flesh through the fabric of his robe. Benji chuckles as Victor touches his middle, sliding his fingers like little fiery coals under his crop top as he leans down to kiss Benji’s neck. Victor turns them around and shoves Benji down onto the meridienne before climbing on top of him and pressing his mouth against the other’s chest.</p><p>Benji slides his shirt over his head and discards it before letting his head drop back against the pillow beneath him. He threads his digits through Victor’s hair as the other trails kisses down his body, stopping just above the waistband of his shorts.</p><p>“You’re onto something, Victor. We should christen this thing ‘cause it’s new,” Benji says, bucking his hips up as Victor unzips him and strips him down to his underwear.</p><p>“And you’re sure we won’t get in trouble for this?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Oh, come on. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t sure,” Benji says as he pulls his underwear off, gaze hovering over Victor’s lips for a moment before flitting back to his face. </p><p>“If you say so…” Victor says, narrowing his eyes with a sly smile, before he takes Benji’s already hard cock into his mouth.</p><p>“Fuck you and your—<em> ah— </em>mouth, Victor Salazar,” Benji grits out, tugging at the short hair at the nape of Victor’s neck.</p><p>Chortling, Victor lets Benji’s dick pop out from between his lips as he pushes Benji’s legs up against his rib cage—after all, he knows Benji is pretty flexible—and all he can do is hold the backs of his thighs and breathe out tiny moans as Victor licks down his cock and then along his balls before prodding at his hole with his tongue. Benji can’t help but feel spoiled with the way Victor seems to genuinely enjoy going down on him. He bites the back of his arm, shuddering, Victor slides a finger inside him. But he wants to return the favor. And he wants Victor to take that <em> stupid </em>fucking robe off.</p><p>“Wait, Victor,” Benji says, clearing his throat as he sets his legs back down on the meridienne. </p><p>“You okay?” Victor asks, eyebrows pressed together in concern, and Benji can’t stop himself from reaching out and resting a hand on Victor’s cheeks </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine. I just… I wanna suck your dick while you eat my ass, is all,” Benji says.</p><p>Victor sits up, raising an eyebrow. He glances to the side, stroking his chin for a moment before saying: “How?”</p><p>Benji snorts as he pushes Victor back gently against the surface of the chaise longue. “It’s okay, baby, I know your brain is a little overworked.”</p><p>Reclining backward on his elbows, Victor watches as Benji tucks his hair behind his ear and turns around so both of his knees rest on each side of Victor’s head as he straddles his face. When Benji leans down to undo Victor’s robe and finally open that annoying piece of fabric, Victor can’t help but shudder at the cool air striking his overheated skin.</p><p>With a sigh of delight, Benji takes Victor’s thick, throbbing, leaking cock into his hands, practically drooling at the sight. When Victor brings his hand down against his ass with a loud <em> smack, </em>Benji can’t help the upward twitch of his lip that adorns his face as he glances over his shoulder to see the familiar red shape pulsating angrily against his flesh, his dick feeling even harder than it had a moment ago as a result. Benji lowers himself and takes Victor’s erection into his mouth just as Victor pulls his hips down so he can lap at Benji’s hole again. </p><p>As Victor thrusts his finger inside Benji, muttering about how tight and fucking <em> decadent </em>Benji’s ass is, Benji can only moan around Victor cock as he pushes it farther into the back of his throat. It’s getting progressively more difficult to focus on sucking his dick as Victor adds more fingers, curling them inside and finding Benji’s prostate with ease and making it harder and harder for Benji to hold himself up on his knees. Eyebrows crashing together and face contorting in pleasure, Benji supports himself on his elbows, thanking whatever higher power is out there that Victor is strong enough to hold him up so Benji doesn’t crush him. It would be too embarrassing to have to explain what happened in the emergency room. </p><p>When Victor thrusts into Benji’s throat, groaning at the sensation of Benji relaxing around him, pliable at his touch, Benji can only let his eyes roll back in his head as Victor’s thrusts become more erratic and he fills Benji up with his cum with a moan. And Benji chokes but swallows it, sucking Victor dry and emptying his cock as sperm drips out of his nose. </p><p>Wiping his nose in the back of his arm, Benji rests his head on Victor’s stomach as he stretches him more, adding another finger as he moves his other hand down to stroke Benji’s erection. Even though Victor has already cum once, he shows no sign of slowing down, wrist twisting inside Benji as he continues touching him; Benji whines, knowing he’ll cum soon if Victor keeps it up but not wanting to before he can properly feel Victor’s thick cock inside him. </p><p>Humming, Victor smacks Benji’s ass one more time for good measure before removing his fingers and making Benji pout at the loss. </p><p>“Make yourself comfortable and I’m gonna go get a condom and lube...” Victor says, glancing at Benji’s face before he adds, “and I’ll bring you some water and tissues because you look like a mess. Sorry about that.”</p><p>“Thanks. I feel like I just snorted your cum,” Benji says, his voice hoarse and nasally. “It happens, though. You know, it’s part of the game and all that.”</p><p>When Victor returns, bearing gifts, Benji gulps down half of a bottle of water in one go before offering it to Victor, grateful. Once he can breathe again, Benji positions himself with his elbows over the back of the meridienne.</p><p>It only takes Victor a few minutes to get hard again, and he strokes himself a few times before rolling the condom on and lubing up. He kneels behind Benji, kissing his shoulder before sliding inside, sheathing himself as Benji thrusts back against him. Victor buries his face in the crook of Benji’s neck, cocooning him in his embrace, before he pulls out and slips back in again slowly. He builds up to a quicker rhythm soon, delighting in the soft whimpers and moans falling from Benji’s lips as he weaves his fingers through Victor’s hair as if he intends to fuses their heads together. </p><p>Victor bends Benji over every surface he can find—over the desk, over some of the tables in the back of the room, over the counter where they keep spare supplies—and Benji knows his legs will give out at any moment when Victor presses him up against the glass of the door, not even bothering to pull the little curtain down to give them some privacy. </p><p>But Benji wouldn’t even care if anyone saw them because as he’s too far gone, his brain transported to a world where the only thing that matters is the sensation of Victor plowing into him until he cums so hard, seeing stars, that he doesn’t even have to be touched. He’s lost track of how many times he’d cum that day. And when his muscles contract around Victor’s cock, Victor moans into his ear as he cums for a second time.</p><p>Benji can feel himself sliding down the slippery surface of the door when Victor pulls out of him, but the strong hands around him stop him from collapsing in a heap on the floor. Victor’s lips on his forehead awaken him from his daze as Victor cleans him up.</p><p>“All good?” Victor asks, as Benji has come to expect. </p><p>“Holy shit…” Benji says after a moment, as he slowly pulls on his clothes with shaky limbs, wondering if he will even have the motor skills to hold onto anything for the rest of the week.</p><p>Once Benji has a chance to drink some more water, almost spilling on himself in the process, he sighs. Victor watches him, finally dressing in his own clothes and not the robe that Benji has come to despise. Benji could fall asleep on the plush cushions of the meridienne but he knows he shouldn’t. He lets Victor pull him up and leans against him. How the hell does this guy have so much stamina?</p><p>They leave the classroom in comfortable, spent silence after ensuring everything within is spotless, washing their hands, and fixing their appearance as best as they could. Their fingers brush together as they walk through the corridor, and if Benji wanted to, he could reach out and take Victor’s hand. He thinks about it. Just as the gears in his cranium boot up, Victor stops in his tracks.</p><p>“Isn’t that your friend Mia?” He asks, gesturing to one of the lit classrooms, which ironically used to be where Benji used to spend most of his evenings. Inside, Mia stands over a metal sculpture of what looks like a giant bird with tongues of metal fire around it.</p><p>“Uhh… yeah. Why?”</p><p>“Don’t you wanna go say hi to her? I saw her in class but I didn’t get a chance to properly introduce myself. Maybe we can study together?”</p><p>“I—sure, why the hell not...” Benji mutters to himself as Victor pushes open the door gently. “I just remembered I have a painting I need to finish up, anyway...”</p><p>Mia looks up from her sculpture, eyes sparkling as she sets her gaze on Victor. Benji approaches cautiously, and when Mia’s gaze lands on him, her face instantly falls, expression sour. She shifts her jaw to the side and licks at her teeth as she looks between them.</p><p>“Hi, Mia, nice to meet you, I’m Victor,” he says, offering her his hand.</p><p>She sets her torch aside and shakes his hand. “Hi. I’ve heard… a lot about you.”</p><p>“Oh, uh, that’s cool. I like your sculpture, by the way. Phoenixes are sick.”</p><p>“Thank you. Anyway… What are you two love birds doing here?” Mia says, putting on what Benji knows is her best fake smile as she takes her torch from the table. </p><p>Victor says: “Well, we were just uh—“.</p><p>“Fucking,” Mia says, cutting him off and glaring at Benji as she brandishes her torch. “Because obviously no consequences will come of it, right? Benji can just do <em> whatever </em>he wants with whoever he wants whenever he wants and not listen to anyone else, right?”</p><p>Benji swallows, gritting his teeth. Victor raises an eyebrow and gives Benji a look, as if he knows he’s just led them both into a lion’s den.</p><p>“Okay, so I’m sensing some tension between you two…” Victor says, raising his hands in front of him in surrender. </p><p>“There’s no tension,” Mia says, grinning wider, and the fact that it doesn’t reach her eyes makes Benji’s stomach drop. “I’m just kinda busy here and you’re kinda ruining my mojo.”</p><p>“I have some work I need to finish. You don’t own <em> this </em> room,” Benji says to Mia, pointed, as he takes the painting he started a few days ago—an art nouveau and surrealist-inspired piece depicting half of a face with dark eyes, brown skin and dark hair, floating amidst a field of waves and starry galaxies. </p><p>“There’s like a hundred other rooms you can use instead. Why don’t you go find your new BFF Ruth?” Mia says, and the words are like brands in Benji’s eardrums. </p><p>“Looks like my little plan for a study party isn’t gonna happen,” Victor mutters more to himself than anyone else.</p><p>“She’s not my new BFF,” Benji says with a sigh. </p><p>“Whatever. But that painting sure looks familiar. And you know what I said about that…”</p><p>Benji sees a flash of red in his mind’s eye and before he can stop himself, he snaps. </p><p>“At least my art doesn’t look like it could be some old lady’s lawn ornament,” Benji all but shouts.</p><p>“Literally <em> fuck off </em>, Benjamin,” Mia replies, throwing a rolled up piece of aluminum foil at him. “Consider yourself uninvited to my Christmas party, too.”</p><p>Benji knows that if it were anything heavier, it would leave a mark. But Mia’s words sting him right down to his core as if he’d just drank molten lava.</p><p>“Fine. We’re going,” Benji says, as he grabs Victor’s wrist and pulls him out the door.</p><p>“It was nice meeting you!” Victor calls as he waves to Mia, who returns the gesture, looking stiff.</p><p>When they are out in the corridor, the door to the room closed behind them, Benji wipes the corner of his eye before he turns to Victor and says: “Sorry you had to see that.”</p><p>“Do you wanna talk about it?” Victor asks, as always, so gentle.</p><p>“No thanks,” Benji breathes. He leads them to one of the empty rooms and sets his painting down on an easel. “It’s… sorta private.” </p><p>Victor nods, sitting beside him and staring at Benji’s profile for a moment before he says: “I understand.”</p><p>Benji knows Victor can only imagine, but as he puts his brush to the canvas, the adrenaline coursing through his veins beginning to wane and seeing the doppelganger of the man sitting beside him swimming in the scenery created by his own mind, he wonders if it’s even important at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all, thanks so much for bearing with me during that little delay. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas holiday if you celebrated. It was a little stressful for me and I ended up with a migraine but I'm good to go for now haha. Anyway, as usual, thank you to my lovely friend <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/">callmevenji</a> for lending me her big, beautiful brain and for helping keep me on track for this project. And thank you for reading and supporting and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Finally, as usual, 1 comment/kudo = 1 venji having fun and not being dumb. Anyway, see you in the next chapter and thanks once again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Swimming Pools</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang go to a party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“We’re literally the fucking <i>same</i>, I really don’t get it,” Benji says, voice a wire slicing through the air.</p><p>“No we <i>aren’t</i>. You’ll literally fuck anyone you see. I actually have <i>standards</i>.”</p><p>“It still doesn’t make you better than me.”</p><p>“Yeah, it does. And then you wonder why people hate you… because that’s all you know how to do. Is how to fuck and be a hoe.”</p><p>“I don’t care,” Benji says, blinking back tears. “You can have Victor.”</p><p>Benji sighs and retreats from the kitchen, wandering into the hallway full of bodies and deafening music. He finds a spot on the couch and pulls out his phone, head pulsating and wavy. When he opens Grindr, he can see that quite a few guys in his vicinity are on it. Perfect. If Connor wants to call him a hoe, he can be a hoe. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benji’s first semester of his junior year has passed by in a blur. It’s the week before finals and in the typical college fashion, everyone’s on their grind to finish their last assignments and prepare for final exams, packed into every spot they can find at the library and any other spot on campus where they can be surrounded by the academic ambiance that will help them succeed in their studies. Stress is at an all time high, students’ nerves pulled taut like threads until they snap and the only panacea ends up residing at the bottom of a bottle of booze or pills or a screaming match or some other terrible mistake. </p><p>On a cool but sunny Saturday afternoon, Benji types away at yet another art history paper--this one in particular about the CIA’s use of abstract expressionism during the Cold War which Benji ends up finding absolutely <em> fascinating </em>. Beside him, sits Victor, who is in the midst of going over some orgo notes he’d highlighted in orange, as Lake and Fee sit across from them, engrossed in their own work. Lake doesn’t let the fact that Benji and Mia are no longer speaking to each other deter her from her friendship with Benji.</p><p>It had been thanks to Victor, of course, that the group had managed to get a table in the first place because everywhere around them was crammed full of people, to the point where brawls would break out if seats were left unoccupied for too long. And it’s no longer even that quiet anymore; the top floor is better than the lower ones, where the noise could be likened to the inside of the dining hall filled with bees, but it could still break one’s concentration periodically. </p><p>Now is one particular time when Benji’s focus diverts from his work, but it’s not because of the commotion of bodies at the nearby tables. No, this time, it’s because Victor had pulled his chair closer to Benji’s so their legs touch as they study.</p><p>Lip curling up, Benji glances to the side to see Victor’s hand creeping to his leg, fingers kneading at his thigh as if he’s trying to knead dough for a loaf of bread. When Benji’s eyes flit to Victor’s, he sees they’ve stopped moving; he’s simply staring at the page of notes as his hand traverses Benji’s body, pace glacial. He looks to Fee and Lake, who both seem not to be paying them any mind, too busy with their own work to notice the way Benji bites his lip as Victor palms the front of his pants. </p><p><em> God </em>he doesn’t want Victor to stop.</p><p>Biting back a moan, Benji wonders if the fact that Victor plays piano has anything to do with how well he also plays Benji’s body. Casting a look over both shoulders and seeing that the coast is clear, Benji undoes his pants and lets Victor slip his hand inside; no one else is any wiser.</p><p>Benji keeps typing, pretending he’s still working but all that flows from the taps are gibberish strings of letters he knows he’ll have to go back and delete but right now, he doesn’t care, because Victor’s fingers wrap around his dick and he needs to stop his eyelids from fluttering closed and giving him away. </p><p>Victor moves deftly, and when someone passes by behind them--oblivious to his ministrations from beneath the table--he jumps, eyes widening. Benji chuckles before clearing his throat, fidgeting in his seat as he spreads his legs wider. He wants to touch Victor, too, but he knows that his face will give it away; right now, the only thing keeping them from getting caught is Fee’s and Lake’s and their classmates’ tunnel vision, and nothing else. </p><p>A ghost of a grin paints Victor’s face as he watches Benji from the side; Benji finally stops typing. He bites his lip, breathing loudly through his nose as Victor strokes him faster, somehow still managing to keep the machinations of his arm discreet. </p><p>Lake looks up; Victor slows down; Benji’s attention snaps across the table. </p><p>“How’s your essay going, Benji? All done?” Lake asks, setting her pen down on the table and rocking from side to side in her chair.</p><p>“Fine,” Benji grits out. “Just… mm… taking a break.”</p><p>Scrunching his face to the side and burying his face in his free hand, Victor snorts as he rubs his fingers against Benji’s shaft a bit faster. Benji feels his face heat up as he presses his lips down into a line, eyebrows knitting together in pleasure under Victor’s guidance. </p><p>Squinting, Lake darts her eyes between them, honing in on Benji’s reddening cheeks. Like an eagle prepared to dive and snatch up its prey in its talons, Lake watches them for a moment before her mouth drops open.</p><p>She lowers her voice when she says: “Victor… you’re not seriously giving Benji a handjob under the table.”</p><p>Benji’s face reddens about ten shades more, now resembling the skin of a cherry; he isn’t one to be ashamed about what he likes, but there’s something about being called out for it that makes Benji’s skin crawl as if a colony of Fee’s ants had decided to take a detour on him instead of on the ground where they belong. </p><p>“<em>No, </em> he’s not! M-mind your own business, <em> ” </em>Benji almost stammers; the students at the table beside them quiet their chatter immediately, startled.</p><p>“Victor, show me your hands,” Lake says, before she shakes her head and mutters something to herself. “You know what, on second thought, never mind. I don’t wanna see. At least go to the bathroom if you’re gonna be nasty.”</p><p>Somehow, through all this, Fee is still focused on their work, pupils and sclerae glazed over in deep hypnosis as they stare at their laptop, unblinking. And despite being caught by Lake, Victor’s hand is still in Benji’s pants, and Benji can’t even find it in him to be mad about it.</p><p>He glances to the side to see that Victor, too, has his cheeks flushed and hiding behind his palm, before he finally releases his hold on Benji and sits up straight. With his other hand, he reaches into his bag and shuffles around for a moment before pocketing whatever he’d found within. </p><p>Swallowing the lump in his throat, Benji glares at Victor and then at his lap, where the familiar image of Victor’s now erect cock looks like it has a mind of its own as it tries to force itself through his sweatpants. And when Victor looks at Benji, gently cocking his head in the opposite direction, it makes Benji want to clear the table and shove Victor down on it so he can ride him and show him just how fucking <em> frustrating </em>he can be.  </p><p>But Benji knows he can’t, and so instead, he nods, and VIctor rises from the table; Benji watches him go--he’ll join him in a few minutes, because he doesn’t need to look suspicious. Lake groans.</p><p>“Victor, I saw you slip a condom from your bag, you ain’t slick. I <em> know </em> what you’re doing,” Lake says, eyelids hooded. “You guys can just go together, literally <em> no one </em>gives a fuck.”</p><p>“Fine,” Benji says, as he follows Victor into the bathroom.</p><p>There’s a guy standing in front of the mirror when they enter, but neither Victor nor Benji pay him any mind as they both slip into one of the stalls. As soon as Benji locks the door, he pushes Victor up against the wall, rubbing his clothed cock on Victor’s..</p><p>“<em>God, </em> Victor, you’re so fucking <em> annoying </em>sometimes, you know that?” Benji says, sticking his hand down Victor’s pants and shuddering as he holds his thick, throbbing cock, feeling the weight in his grip as Victor lets out a soft moan. </p><p>Grinning, Victor lets his arms rest at his sides as Benji strokes him furiously. He doesn’t care if they have an audience. And he doesn’t even stop Benji when he turns around and presses his ass up against Victor’s groin, breath getting heavier with each passing second. After his need to punish Victor for getting him so hot and bothered dies down, he soon realizes that what he really wants is for Victor to slide into his hole and fill him up and make him forget all the information he’d just spent the last few hours gathering. </p><p>Benji pauses when Victor reaches in front of Benji and undoes his pants, sliding them down around his knees along with his underwear, and Benji simply allows it. And when Victor flips them around so Benji is the one pressing into the wall, he can’t even find it in him to complain.  </p><p>“You’re so cute when you get frustrated,” Victor says with a chuckle as he shifts behind him, uncapping the bottle of lube he’d brought with him and squirting it on his fingers as Benji watches him over his shoulder. </p><p>“Well, you’re cuter when you stop talking and actually fuck me,” Benji says, wiggling his ass in an attempt to goad Victor further. “I deserve it since you’ve been making me wait so long.”</p><p>“Mhm… You’re right,” Victor says, slipping the first finger into Benji’s tight heat, and after the nth time, he finds Benji’s prostate easily. “How does that feel?”</p><p>Victor doesn’t even need to wait for a response as he sees Benji clap a hand over his mouth. Benji pushes back against Victor, taking him further inside; he doesn’t close his eyes, instead meeting Victor’s pupils in the middle as Victor inserts another finger, scissoring him and stretching him and moving at a pace Benji likes. He knows Victor is taking enough care not to hurt him, but not prolonging this period of preparation longer than it needs to be because he’d grown more in-tune with Benji’s tells and when Benji is close to his breaking point; Victor knows how much Benji can take and knows when he just wants to be fucked raw, and now is one of those times. </p><p>“Please… j-just put it in me…” Benji begs, his face contorting in pleasure as Victor presses his face into the back of his neck and plants a kiss there. </p><p>“Gimme a second… you’ve been so patient already…”</p><p>A few more seconds pass, and Victor finally removes his fingers, rolling the condom down the length of his own cock before wrapping one arm around Benji’s middle and using his other to guide himself into Benji, smacking him gently on the ass before burying his cock in him all the way to the hilt as Benji thrusts himself back onto him. </p><p>“<em>Fuck </em> …” Benji moans, letting his head drop back against Victor’s shoulder, shivering at the sensation of Victor’s pulsating cock filling him up, as Victor brings his hand up to grip at his neck gently. “Just… give it to me good. I don’t c-care if they hear… just <em> fuck </em> me. Hard and… <em> mm </em>… fast.”</p><p>Benji’s eyelids flutter closed as Victor kisses his neck and murmurs in his ear, the vibrations against his skin coupled with the feeling of Victor’s dick inside him almost pushing him over the edge already. It’s as if Victor’s flesh is made of magma and Benji’s own is made of water and the sizzling and the steam of their contact wants nothing more to elicit an explosion. </p><p>Doing as Benji asks, Victor pulls out of him and all but rams his cock back inside Benji, the movement alone enough to shake the wall as if it were directly atop a tectonic plate. Benji does his best to contain himself but once Victor lifts one of his legs off the ground, bending it at the knee and holding it up so he can thrust in <em> even deeper </em>, Benji knows that if he bites down any harder on his arm to suppress his moans he’ll more than likely draw blood. </p><p>Sweaty hands sliding around the surface of the wall for purchase, Benji grits his teeth as he takes Victor over and over again, the sensation of his chest sliding against his back and containing him as he thrusts into Benji bringing him ever closer to orgasm, until he finally cums, body shuddering and squeezing Victor’s cock as Victor shoves his fingers down his throat to quiet him as he cums with a groan against Benji’s hair.</p><p>When Victor slips out of him, Benji leans against the wall, fingers jostling as he watches Victor dispose of his condom. His mouth is dry and his legs feel like they’re made of the same material as jellyfish and he feels like he won’t be able to talk or <em> walk </em>for days. After Victor cleans them up and Benji dresses himself with some difficulty, they both hobble out of the stall, ignoring the stares at this point.</p><p>They wash their hands, fix their hair, and straighten their clothes as best as they can before returning to their table, where Lake looks up at them expectantly. Benji winces as he sits down.</p><p>“Sooo… how did it go, boys? Did you two have fun? Finally got it out of your system?” Lake says.</p><p>Fee looks up. “Oh, hey, guys. Where did you two go?”</p><p>“Yes, Lake it was… fun,” Victor says, then clears his throat before turning to Fee. “Bathroom.”</p><p>“We weren’t even gone that long,” Benji says, taking a sip of water. Victor takes two cans of Red Bull out of his bag and slides one across the table without looking. Benji grabs it, setting his water aside and popping open the can before downing it. “It was only, what, five minutes?”</p><p>“Try twenty, dipshits,” Lake says with a roll of her eyes.</p><p>“Ohh… you were doing the horizontal tango. Or I guess this would be the vertical tango. Which would be regular tango… Okay that metaphor doesn’t make as much sense as I thought,” Fee says.</p><p>Victor smacks his hand over his eye and chuckles before pulling out some snacks from his bag. </p><p>“I don’t know why this needs to be news every time it happens,” Benji says, taking an orange from the pile of snacks and starting to peel it. </p><p>“It’s just funny that you two try to keep it a secret and then act all weird when you get caught,” Lake says with a giggle.</p><p>“Then maybe next time just don’t say anything?” Victor suggests, narrowing his eyes at Lake. “Anyway... “</p><p>“<em>Anyway </em>, what are ya’ll doing tonight?” Benji asks the table. </p><p>“Obviously I’ll be at the Kappa Sig party, it’s silly you even had to ask,” Lake says, closing her book and setting it aside. “Mia’s busy with some fundraising event thing for student council as per youzhe.”</p><p>“Andrew wanted to take me to that and I’m still contemplating if I wanna go. Like, on one hand, it would be a great way to study my fellow man. But on the other hand… They don’t allow… pets. Last time I got kicked out of a party because my ants were, and I quote,” Fee makes quotes in the air, “‘biting people’,” they say, shaking their head before taking a sip of water and sighing. “So, long story short, I’m undecided.”</p><p>“Okay… well, <em> I </em>have a lot of studying to do and so I will have to pass,” Victor says, parsing through his notebook and running his hand through his hair as he sees the amount of notes he still needs to get through. </p><p>“Oh, come <em> on </em> Victor, you should take a few hours to just relax. It’ll make you less stressed <em> and </em> you’ll do better on your exams,” Benji says as he nudges Victor with his elbow.</p><p>“Yeah, you can go back to being a nerd for the other 364 days in the year after the party,” Lake says.</p><p>“The school year doesn’t have 365 days…” Victor says, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“You know what I mean, Victor, don’t be smart with me,” Lake replies, pointing at him menacingly. “It’ll be <em> fun. </em>You can come in for like, an hour or two, and then go back to your dorm and study. No one’s gonna make you stay the whole time.”</p><p>“Well, if Vic goes, I’ll go, <em> obviously </em>,” Fee says.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to get my other friend Ruth to come along and her boyfriend is one of those weird overprotective types who’ll only <em> allow </em> her to go to a party if she knows a few people so if all of us go plus Andrew then she’ll most likely come, too,” Benji says, giving Victor the widest puppy-dog eyes he could muster. “ <em> Please </em>, Victor?”</p><p>“Wait, he seriously tries to tell her what to do? That’s so messed up,” Fee says.</p><p>“Ruth needs to dump her boyfriend, he sucks,” Lake says, “but also yeah, Victor, listen to Benji. How can you <em> not </em>say yes to such a hot piece of ass?”</p><p>“<em>Hey! </em>I’m so much more than a hot piece of ass!” Benji says with a giggle. </p><p>“I don’t know… I have a lot riding on these scholarships…” Victor says, resting his head on his hand.</p><p>“Well, there’s one thing you <em> won’t </em> have is me riding on your <em> dick </em>if you don’t come to this party,” Benji teases. </p><p>“That’s a low blow, Benji, no pun intended,” Fee says.</p><p>“Do you really wanna risk it?” Lake asks, her tone foreboding.</p><p>“Uhh... “ Victor says, gaze searching as he eyes his friends. “Okay, <em> fine </em> . Fine, I’ll come to the party. But <em> only </em>for a few hours, and then I’m coming right back to study,” he says quickly.</p><p>“Yessss!” Lake says, throwing her fist in the air. “Victory!”</p><p>“Oh, thank goodness, buddy. I’ll finally have someone there who’s not completely weirded out by me,” Fee says.</p><p>“You know, I wasn’t actually serious about not having sex with you if you don’t go to the party,” Benji says, waving his hands in front him. “I was just joking.”</p><p>“I know. But, I just… I really should take a bit more time for myself because all I’ve been doing is studying and basketball and occasionally hooking up and it’s not the healthiest lifestyle to have. You guys are right that I need to relax a bit more. Like, I already have a 4.0 so realistically even if I don’t do <em> amazingly </em>on my final exam, I’ll still probably be fine,” Victor says.</p><p>“That’s the spirit,” Lake says. “But also dang, 4.0, that’s not bad at all. Hot <em> and </em>smart.”</p><p>“Well, I <em> also </em> had a 4.0 until like last week when my stupid English professor gave me an A- for going ‘off topic’ in one of my paragraphs because I wrote about the LGBT movement in the modern day. Since, you know, I was writing about a book that had a major <em> trans </em>character--” Benji says, before Lake holds up her hand.</p><p>“Benji, please, I already heard this story like twenty times, we know. It’s unfair, get over it. We can’t all have straight As,” Lake says with a sigh, exasperated.</p><p>Crossing his arms over his chest, Benji pouts. “I just know I’m gonna hear about it from my parents over the break and I’m <em> not </em>looking forward to it.”</p><p>“That sucks,” Victor says, resting a hand on Benji’s knee. “I didn’t know your parents were so hard on you.”</p><p>“Eh, I’m used to it,” Benji says with a shrug. He sits up straighter. “Anyway… Party starts at like 9 so we’ll show up at--”</p><p>“8:15,” Fee says. </p><p>“<em>No. </em>Probably closer to 10,” Benji says.</p><p>“Let’s meet up at the quad at like… 9:45 and go from there,” Lake says.</p><p>They all agree, checking their phones; it’s already after 6 pm. After studying for a bit longer, they decide to head to the dining hall to get dinner together before breaking off and returning to their respective dorms to get ready. Benji texts Ruth to ask her if she’s still interested in tagging along, and she quickly replies with a yes. . </p><p>Once they all part ways at 8:45, Benji enters his room to see Andrew in the midst of scrutinizing himself in front of the mirror as he adjusts the sleeves of his jacket. He greets him quickly before making a beeline to the bathroom and turning on the shower, hoping that by the time he’s finished, Andrew is gone.</p><p>He closes his eyes and sighs as he takes in the sensation of warm liquid traversing his body, heating him up from the outside in. The temperature has gotten much lower and he isn’t looking forward to trekking about through it but he knows he has no choice. Once he turns off the water, Benji steps out of the shower and peeks out through the door, exhaling relief when he sees the room is empty. He towels off his hair as he cards through his clothes, making a face at each option until he remembers he’d hidden away some more risque pieces for special occasions.</p><p>“Perfect…” he says to himself as he reaches into the back of his closet and pulls out a black mesh cropped tank top with black crosses on it, along with a pair of red booty shorts with the word “Psychoanalyze Me” on the back with the word “Anal” bedazzled on them, because he had seen it a while ago and bought them because he thought they were fucking <em> hilarious </em>. He pairs the outfit with his black combat boots and smiles at himself in the mirror. Yeah, he looks hot as fuck, as usual.</p><p>Humming, Benji slips some condoms into his pockets along with his phone and keys before exiting, praying that the walk to the frat house will be bearable. When he walks outside, he realizes immediately that this was a horrible idea, his nipples spearing his shirt and goosebumps popping out of his skin; but it’s too late now. He knows that the frat house will be a steam room, anyway, so he can only look forward to that as he meets up with his friends at the quad.</p><p>Lake has changed into a short, cheetah-print dress with a deep v-neck and matching heels, and she’s only a little bit more covered up than Benji. Fee is wearing a black steampunk-inspired jacket with silver buttons and a vest underneath, a pocket watch nestled within for… some reason Benji doesn’t understand, but it looks cool, so he can’t complain. He figures Fee didn’t get the memo about the typical frat dress code, but no one seems to mind; Andrew drapes an arm over them and kisses them on the cheek. Victor, meanwhile, gapes at Benji, and Benji’s eyebrows sprout into his hairline because he had actually dressed up stylishly this time. A thick, dark jacket over a grey knit sweater, with grey skinny jeans and white sneakers--the whole ensemble reminds Benji of some model-esque street-wear, and Benji knows Lake <em> definitely </em>helped him. Ruth arrives a moment later in a more casual outfit, a cute navy sweater-dress with black leggings and a pair of matching Docs.</p><p>“Hey… you look… <em> wow </em>. You must be freezing, Benji,” Victor says, shrugging off his jacket, but Benji stops him with a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says, his face heating up a bit. “I’m actually okay, it’s not a long walk to the party, anyway.”</p><p>“You sure?” Victor asks, pupils drifting to Benji’s middle. </p><p>Benji shivers. “Yeah, absolutely.”</p><p>“Can I at least put my arm around you?” Victor asks. “So I can, you know, share my body heat a bit.”</p><p>Biting his lip as they walk, their shoulders brushing against each other, Benji only has to follow the labyrinth of his own mind for a moment before he says: “Yeah, okay.”</p><p>They walk down the sidewalk in a pile, taking up the entire width of it as Benji grabs Ruth by the arm, linking their elbows together like two stitches in a sheet of fabric, which is something Benji could use a <em> lot </em>more of at that moment. Fee, Lake and Andrew have gone a couple of feet ahead of them, leading the way. </p><p>The street is mostly quiet, aside from the deep, pumping bass and electronic music penetrating the air as they near the source. From the opposite end in the dark, Benji can see groups accumulating and approaching the Kappa Sig house, with some already giggling drunkenly as they make their way through the cold night air. Many of the girls, most likely from the nearby sororities, wobble along in their high heels and short, tight dresses, also not taking much heed of the temperature.</p><p>Colorful lights paint the sky outside around them varying shades, making the frat house look like it’s situated directly below the Aurora Borealis. The outer facade is made of red brick with white Corinthian columns and every time Benji sees them he can’t help but snort at the weak excuse for neoclassical architecture. He’d never been a fan of neo-colonial architecture, anyway; he always finds it pretentious.</p><p>When they enter, some of the Kappa Sig guys greet Andrew and Victor with intricate handshakes as if they’re close friends, and Benji watches from the side of his eyes, curious. He knows Victor is popular, but he’d never seen just how much. </p><p>Victor introduces Benji to some of the guys, but Benji can’t hear well over the sound of loud rap music coming from the speakers. They retreat into the back of the house, where there’s a kitchen full of guys playing beer pong and pouring drinks for people who ask for them. The music here isn’t as loud, and there’s surprisingly more space to move around. Once they all get their drinks, Lake grabs Ruth by the hand and pulls her along into the basement so they can go and dance before Benji even has a chance to tell them to wait up.</p><p>Andrew and Fee wander off, leaving Benji and Victor alone. Benji leans against the shitty plastic counter top, his shoes sticking to the floor that he imagines has probably never been cleaned, as he sips his vodka and soda from his red cup as Victor chats up one of his basketball teammates, listening to some boring-ass story about the team mascot that Benji doesn’t care much about. It’s been too long since he tasted alcohol, and he had expected to hate the taste of it because that was what he had thought when he drank it for the first time when he was sixteen. </p><p>He hates that it goes down smoothly and tastes fucking <em> delicious </em>. And he’d even poured himself mostly vodka with a top-off of soda. </p><p>“Hey, Victor,” Benji says, tapping him on the shoulder. “Please don’t let me drink more than this. <em> Please. </em>”</p><p>“I won’t,” Victor reassures him. “I promise.”</p><p>Benji feels out of place here, he realizes--a lion among a pack of wolves. He takes another sip of his drink, staring at the game of beer pong before him, before he feels a phantom of a presence beside him. </p><p>“Didn’t think I’d see you here, Campbell,” says a familiar voice he hadn’t heard in a long while, and he had hoped to keep it that way.</p><p>“Oh. Hi, Connor,” Benji says politely. </p><p>The guy is about an inch taller than him, with a similar build, and also… unsurprisingly, wearing a crop top and booty shorts. He’s pale, with mousy brown hair and an, in Benji’s opinion, average looking face that he wouldn’t be able to recall in a crowd. Every time he sees him, Connor tries to start shit with him. And every time, Benji has to restrain himself from jumping him.</p><p>“You look… unwell,” Connor says, eyeing him up and down as he takes a sip of his drink. Benji figures it’s something like plain vodka, which wouldn’t be that much worse than what he has in his hand. “It’s like you get more raggedy every time I see you.”</p><p>“What do you want, Connor?” Benji asks, rolling his eyes as sliding away from him as he takes a large gulp of his drink.</p><p>“I just wanted to chat with my fellow homo, is that a crime?” Connor says, sliding back over to him. “Are you with someone?”</p><p>“Just here with my friends,” Benji replies, trying to seem nonchalant. “Why don’t you get back to yours? Oh wait, you don’t have any.”</p><p>“That’s rich coming from you, bitch.”</p><p>Benji shrugs, but he drinks again. “I don’t care.”</p><p>Connor’s eyes dart to Victor, who is in the midst of a deep conversation with the guy from earlier. He looks back at Benji, whose arm is still touching Victor’s gently. </p><p>“You’re with Victor Salazar,” Connor says, his face lighting up.</p><p>“What? No I’m <em> not </em>,” Benji scoffs. </p><p>“Really? Then you won’t mind if I do this, then…” Connor says, shoving Benji aside as he nestles himself between Victor and Benji.</p><p>The guy Victor was talking to walks away, and Victor turns his attention to Connor and Benji. </p><p>“Uh… Hi. Do I know you?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Connor Hart. I’m a <em> huge </em> fan,” he says, twirling his hair on the tip of his finger before offering the other hand to Victor to shake. Their hands linger for a moment as Victor eyes him slowly up and down. “Benji and I were just catching up.”</p><p>“It’s good to meet you… Any friend of Benji’s is a friend of mine,” Victor says with a chuckle. Connor puts on a cheesy smile that Benji knows only covers a rotten façade. </p><p>“You did really well at the basketball game the other day, by the way,” Connor says, wrapping his free hand around Victor’s arm and making a show of feeling his muscle. “Oh, wow… You’re so… strong…”</p><p>The sound of plastic clattering to the floor rings out and Connor bends over, wiggling his booty-short clad ass right in front of Victor’s face. It’s as if time slows down when Victor’s eyes latch onto Connor’s behind as he all but begins to salivate, and Benji can only watch as he finishes his drink down to the last drop, setting his cup aside. Victor swallows as Connor rights himself and says “oops, my phone.”</p><p>“Haha, better be more careful,” Victor says, blushing a bit.</p><p>Connor turns to Benji and winks. Benji feels like he’s going to combust and melt into the floor with the sheer power of his rage. </p><p>“Can we have a moment?” Benji says in the sweetest voice and the widest smile he can muster as he grabs Connor by the arm and drags him aside. His facade drops as soon as they’re away from Victor’s sight. “What the hell are you doing?”</p><p>“Nothing, obviously. Just chatting.”</p><p>“God, you’re so fucking transparent. I know another thirsty bottom when I see one.”</p><p>“I’ve heard so many amazing things about him, mostly about his long dick and the fact that he knows how to use it… God, he’s fucking hot.”</p><p>“Yeah all of that is true but there’s more to him than that. He’s also like… really sweet and stuff.”</p><p>“But you’re not with him so why do you care?” Connor asks, looking up from his cuticles. “Unless you’re sleeping with him, too. Which wouldn’t surprise me because you’re the biggest whore I know. I guess the football team wasn’t enough, huh? You had to try out the basketball team, too?”</p><p>Benji’s eyes dart to Victor, who is chatting with another guy from the team and laughing at something he said that he isn’t privy to. His gaze returns to Connor’s face, and if it weren’t for the vodka in his system right now, he would probably have punched him. But he can feel his blood vessels relaxing, taking the edge off the blade of his anger.</p><p>All Benji can say instead is: “Why are you being like this? What did I ever do to you?”</p><p>Connor shrugs. “You should start respecting yourself more. Literally <em> everyone </em>knows you’re a slut, it’s not just me who says it.”</p><p>Pressing his lips together into a line, Benji swallows the bile mixed with alcohol in his throat. He doesn’t normally care what people think of him; but hearing this from Connor feels like a jab in the stomach from a lance that he can’t remove. </p><p>“We’re literally the fucking <em> same, </em>I really don’t get it,” Benji says, voice a wire slicing through the air.</p><p>“No we <em> aren’t </em> . You’ll literally fuck anyone you see. I actually have <em> standards </em>.”</p><p>“It still doesn’t make you better than me.”</p><p>“Yeah, it does. And then you wonder why people hate you… because that’s all you know how to do. Is how to fuck and be a hoe.”</p><p>“I don’t care,” Benji says, blinking back tears. “You can have Victor.”</p><p>Benji sighs and retreats from the kitchen, wandering into the hallway full of bodies and deafening music. He finds a spot on the couch and pulls out his phone, head pulsating and wavy. When he opens Grindr, he can see that quite a few guys in his vicinity are on it. Perfect. If Connor wants to call him a hoe, he can be a hoe. </p><p>He rises and slides beside one of the guys who he recognizes from his building, the one with blond locs about whose sexuality he’d speculated about but whom he hadn’t pursued because of some reason he forgets because of the alcohol still vibrating through his veins, but he’s otherwise lucid. The guy downs his drink, leaning against his friend who stands beside him also with a drink in his hand but looking relaxed otherwise, probably six and a half feet tall, pale and with black hair and piercing green eyes. </p><p>When Benji introduces himself, he can feel their eyes on him. He can see Victor pass by him from the corner of his eye with his arm around Connor’s shoulder and Connor gives Benji the widest grin he’d ever seen from him. Benji’s stomach drops. And over the music punching against him, Benji asks the two guys beside him if they want to fuck him. Without hesitation they say yes. And when they wander down the hallway into one of the rooms and shut the door, Benji can only think about Victor.</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>Victor sits on one of the couches in the big main living room of the frat house, sipping at his rum and coke. Connor is on his lap, kissing at his neck. But Victor can’t focus. He watches Benji from across the room as he chats with two guys he doesn’t recognize; they’re probably new members of the football team or something, based on their size. Benji only had one drink, so he’s still holding up well, but something stirs in him as he watches one of the guys grab at Benji’s ass; and Victor feels his pulse quicken even more when Benji giggles and presses himself against the guy’s muscular chest. </p><p>Hand shaking, Victor downs the rest of his drink and crushes the red cup before setting it aside. He can’t do anything as he watches Benji leave with the two guys in tow, knowing he’s still coherent, as he disappears into the long hallway. </p><p>“Hey… do you wanna get out of here? Maybe find us a room?” Connor whispers in Victor’s ear, rubbing at his leg. </p><p>“Yeah, good idea, Benji,” Victor says absently.</p><p>“Benji?” Connor asks, lip twitching. “Oh, please, I’m <em> way </em>hotter than Campbell, gimme a break.”</p><p>His entire body goes rigid. “What?”</p><p>“I can’t believe this… He’s probably full of diseases because he’s literally fucked everyone and their dads.”</p><p>Gritting his teeth, Victor removes Connor from his lap as gently as he can, even though he would like nothing more than to throw him across the room. </p><p>“What’s your problem?” Victor asks him, pointed.</p><p>“I’m just saying… You seem so… respectable. Why would you hang out with <em> him </em>?”</p><p>“Well, first of all, Benji is my <em> friend </em> and he’s a good person who doesn’t shame people for having sex, unlike you, and second of all, you’re being really fucking mean right now and I don’t appreciate that. Oh, and <em> third </em> of all, ask me about my body count, because you would probably hate me if you knew how high it is. But you don’t really care about that, do you. You’re just trying to make yourself feel better by tearing someone else down. I feel bad for <em> you </em>.”</p><p>Connor giggles. “God, you’re like a giant, sensitive baby. I can’t believe I actually wanted to sleep with you. What a waste of a good dick.”</p><p>“Too bad. I’m getting out of here,” Victor says, standing up and leaving Connor on the couch alone.</p><p>Sighing, Victor shuffles along the linoleum floor blindly, shoving past bodies crowding around him. He pushes open a door at random. And when he sees the two guys from before lying in bed, with Benji--who’s already fully bare--in the midst of undoing one of their pants, Victor freezes in his tracks. Benji looks up, his face instantly falling when he sees Victor’s face, mouth agape, eyebrows squeezing together. His stomach does a flip and he has to resist the urge to go and throw up. He’s not jealous or anything.</p><p>They make eye contact for a moment, before Benji looks away, biting his lip, face reddening under Victor’s gaze. Victor averts his own eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat and retreating before saying “sorry”.</p><p>“Victor, wait!” Benji calls as he slides out of the bed and collects his belongings that had been scattered across the room. He jumps into his tiny shorts and puts on his crop top inside out and backward before he takes his phone and keys and boots in his hands. </p><p>Tilting his head to the side, Victor does as Benji asks, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door to give him some privacy. He hears voices from the other side of the door, inevitably Benji telling the two guys he changed his mind, before he pops out from the room, eyes downcast, shoulder sagging.</p><p>“I was gonna go back to my dorm now… Did you want me to walk you back to yours?” Victor says gently. He doesn’t mention Connor or the guys Benji just almost slept with.</p><p>“That sounds nice, actually. Thanks,” Benji says, still looking at the ground. “I’m… sorry you had to see me like that.”</p><p>Victor doesn’t say anything as they walk through the hallway, because he knows even if he did, Benji wouldn’t be able to hear. He texts the rest of their friends to tell them they’re going. They go outside, where the air is still and quiet and the only thing that observes them is the moon and the faux Northern Lights.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t knock…” Victor says with a soft chuckle, before changing the subject. He removes his jacket. “I know you didn’t want it when I offered it to you before but… <em> Please </em>take my jacket. You know, alcohol actually lowers your body temperature which can lead to hypothermia,” he says, draping his jacket over Benji’s frame.</p><p>“Good to know,” Benji says softly, drawing the fluffy material of the inner lining closer to him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t mention it.”</p><p>“No, seriously. I appreciate you looking out for me. You didn’t need to, I can manage on my own.”</p><p>Victor shrugs. “I know you can manage on your own but sometimes we could all use a little bit of help. I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Like I didn’t want you to do something you regretted, I guess. And sometimes it can be nice to just sleep in your own bed.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Benji says, sighing as he looks up at the sky. “How did things go with…Connor?”</p><p>“Oh, God, he turned out to be a huge dick. We didn’t even do anything.”</p><p>Benji holds a hand in front of his mouth sarcastically, feigning surprise. “<em> Really? </em>I would never have thought!”</p><p>Victor giggles but becomes serious again almost immediately after. “He said some really nasty things about… you, actually. I’m not gonna repeat them but I did have to school him on why he’s a fucking hypocrite and why slut-shaming is totally not cool.”</p><p>Sighing and staring at the ground, Benji presses his lips together before he turns to Victor. “I can imagine what he said. None of it’s news to me because I guess I do have a bit of a… reputation.”</p><p>“Me, too,” Victor says, chewing on the inside of his lip. “But I guess it’s different for me.”</p><p>“Yeah, I was gonna say... No one is gonna shame you and call you a hoe for sleeping around. Because you’re masc. And a top. Which is unfair, but that’s how it is.”</p><p>“I mean… I’m not that much more masc than you,” Victor points out with a soft chuckle. “And people seem surprised when I say I’m a top which is kinda hilarious. It’s probably because of my face.” </p><p>“Oh, please. You could basically pass for straight despite being <em> extremely </em> cute,” Benji says, rolling his eyes. “I, on the other hand, am literally wearing booty shorts and a crop top in the dead of winter and no one has to speculate about anything, they just <em> know </em>.”</p><p>“Yeah, I see what you mean. But also, it <em> is </em> pretty unfair and really shitty. I don’t think that about you, though, for the record. The being a hoe thing, I mean. Or anyone, for that matter. There’s so much politics behind it and it’s all so stupid. Like I don’t get why we can’t all just all be nicer to each other?”</p><p>“I‘ve heard people say that everyone is basically vers and that can be the case for a lot of people but like I don’t think that’s the way to go about solving the problem, you know?”</p><p>“Right? It’s not hard to just be respectful to people without caring about their roles.”</p><p>“Honestly… also, like, I didn’t wanna seem like I was being jealous or petty or making things into a competition but I knew Connor was a jerk. He’s constantly giving me shit and seriously needs to get a life.”</p><p>“No, I get why you wouldn’t wanna say anything about it. Like, I wouldn’t tell you who to sleep with, either. Unless it was like, dangerous.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“But I really don’t like people who are assholes for no reason other than to like, belittle people and try to make themselves look better. We’re all gay, we don’t need to make life harder for each other than it already is.”</p><p>Benji doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, but something about Victor’s words moves him, taking his heart from his chest and jiggling it about within his rib cage to draw the tears to the corners of his eyes. He rubs them away with his knuckles. </p><p>“Are you crying? Did I say something wrong?” Victor asks gently, pausing in his tracks. They’re already outside the door to Benji’s building. Benji leans against the red bricks that constitute the simple exterior. </p><p>“No, no… I think it’s just the exhaustion and the after effects of the alcohol coming out,” Benji lies with a breathy chuckle. “I’m okay, though.”</p><p>“You’ve had a long day,” Victor says, nodding in understanding and resting a hand on Benji’s shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah… thanks for walking me back. And for taking care of me. And for defending me. You didn’t have to do any of that.”</p><p>“It was just the right thing to do. And you’re my friend, Benji. It’s just what… <em> friends </em>… do.”</p><p><em> Friends </em>. That’s what they are to each other, Victor has to remind himself. He swallows, biting his lip as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. </p><p>“Well, you’re a good friend, Victor,” Benji says with a small smile playing at his lips.</p><p>“Thank you. So are you,” Victor says, not wanting to leave despite the cold bombarding his skin like icy little hammers threatening to freeze his limbs and then smash them apart.</p><p>“Here lemme give you your jacket back,” Benji says, going to slide it from his shoulders.</p><p>“No, it’s really okay. Hold onto it. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yeah. I don’t have a long walk back and I run pretty warm… But you should go get some rest now. It’s late.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says, wondering if the heat creeping up his cheeks is from his body attempting to re-regulate homeostasis or something else entirely. “Time to go sit in the shower in the fetal position because I’m too sore to be vertical right now.”</p><p>“Good luck with that. And I hope you feel better fast,” Victor says, his eyes shining like stained glass in the light of the lamps that line the sidewalk. Victor leans down to press his lips to the other’s cheek before Benji stops him with a hand on his chest.</p><p>“Wait, actually… I have a question, before you leave,” Benji says, voice just above a whisper.</p><p>“Hm? Is everything okay?”</p><p>“I know it’s probably really stupid but…” Benji says, running his hand through his hair and exhaling. “If we weren’t sleeping together, would you still, like… actually <em> wanna </em> be my friend?”</p><p>Victor doesn’t hesitate for a second. “Of course. I think you’re really cool. And you’re really fun and helpful, too. It just seems like we get along well and sorta… have similar values, I guess.”</p><p>“Oh… thanks,” Benji says, grinning at the ground as he fidgets with his hair. “That’s uh… really nice of you to say.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not just saying that because I like having sex with you, for the record. I do actually mean it. Like, for example… I don’t feel like I’m torturing myself when we have our study sessions together.”</p><p>Benji laughs. “To be fair, we do end up having sex anyway so that probably explains a lot.”</p><p>“You <em> know </em>that’s not what I mean,” Victor says with a chuckle. “It just makes all the formulas and theory and fucking--stoichiometric equations more bearable when I’m not doing it all alone.”</p><p>“That makes sense.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Victor says, gaze softening as he looks at Benji in the dimness. “But… Why do you ask? About whether I would still wanna be your friend?”</p><p>“It’s just sorta been on my mind lately,” Benji says, fiddling with the bottom of Victor’s jacket. He pauses, taking a deep breath. “When I had my fight with Mia she… said that if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have any friends who I didn’t also sleep with. And I’m starting to think she might be right.”</p><p>Victor frowns, eyebrows converging. “She actually said that to you?” When Benji nods, Victor’s shoulders tense. “Isn’t she supposed to be your best friend? Er… <em> was </em> , I guess. Either way, that’s really mean. And I don’t see how that can <em> possibly </em>be true.”</p><p>Resting his head back against the wall, Benji shrugs. “People can be cruel. But I’m also not innocent here.”</p><p>“Even if that <em> was </em>the case, though, it still kinda sounds like she’s shaming you for something that really shouldn’t be a big deal. Like, a lot of people find out they aren’t compatible but that doesn’t mean they can’t be friends, right?”</p><p>“Maybe you’re right…” Benji says, stroking his chin in thought. </p><p>“All I’m saying is that… you shouldn’t beat yourself up over that. Because you’re a <em> great </em>guy and it seriously just sounds like she was saying that to hurt your feelings,” Victor says with a warm smile.</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says, mirroring Victor’s expression for a moment before it falters again. “I guess I just miss talking to her and being friends with her like we used to be.”</p><p>“I get it. But I’m sure she’ll come around. Maybe she’s just busy and doesn’t have time for socializing. Just… don’t take it personally, I guess. Because there are other people who like you and wanna be your friend, myself included.”</p><p>“Yeah… you know, you’re really wise, Victor.”</p><p>“Thank <em> you </em> ,” Victor says, gazing softly at Benji before he adds. “Also it’s like… one in the morning and you’re shivering <em> and </em> look like you’re about to pass out so I’m gonna go back to my place and you should go take that shower you were talking about. Deal?” </p><p>“Deal,” Benji says, pushing himself off the wall and standing up straight.</p><p>“All right… Goodnight, Benji,” Victor says, brushing some of the hair from Benji’s face before leaning down to finally kiss him on the cheek, lips lingering before he pulls away. </p><p>“Goodnight, Victor,” Benji says quietly, as if speaking any louder would awaken the rest of the world which was more than likely in the throes of deep sleep, watching the other for a moment before he opens the door to his building and enters, a gust of wind erupting into the air.</p><p>Victor waits a few seconds after the door falls closed, before he turns on his heels and treks into the night, as the stars twinkle above, watching over him like his own personal guardians. He looks back one more time before mentally kicking himself and continuing onward as he buries his hands deeper in his pocket, breath hovering around him like a nest of cotton candy in the cold.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all, thanks again for tuning in for this chapter. And thank you as always to the lovely <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a>, who is consistently acting as my consultant on this and doing an amazing job at keeping me on track. This chapter was definitely a doozy but I wanted to reach my goal of 300k words on ao3 before the New Year and I did it!! Go me!! Anyway, this chapter deals with a lot of issues that I'm sure you'll have picked up on, especially stuff that affects the gay community and how these things can be toxic (mostly slut shaming/bottom shaming and even a bit of shaming people for potentially having STIs or being HIV positive which is also harmful). I hope you enjoyed it. I know it was very long and I don't think all of the rest of the chapters will be this long but that's just what happened this time around lol. Also, I'm aware of the term "raw" having a sort of double meaning in the context that it was used in during the Venji sex scene and it's often used to mean having sex without a condom but in this case, it doesn't mean that, I just didn't think any other word would convey what I wanted to say. Anyway, thank you once again for reading and supporting. 1 comment/kudo = 1 Venji having fun and not being stupid!! See you in the next installment and Happy New Year ya'll! Let's hope 2021 is not bad!! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Don't Kill My Vibe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victor cooks soup.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“Like, you wanna marry him and have two point five kids and a dog and live in a house with a white picket fence,” Lake corrects them.</p><p>“You guys are crazy,” Victor says, closing his laptop and gritting his teeth as he shovels his things into his bag. </p><p>“Well, <i>you</i> didn’t answer my question,” Lake says.</p><p>“People don’t really get that worked up over their ‘just friends’ being sick, don’t you think?” Fee asks, scratching their neck with the back of their pen. “Sounds like you <i>like like</i> him.”</p><p>“I don’t <i>like like</i> him, we aren’t five,” Victor huffs, zipping his bag closed more forcefully than he means to. “We’re just two grown ups hanging out and occasionally having sex and partaking in healthy communication and having boundaries without the need for a relationship. <i>Ow!</i>” Victor hisses, the flesh on his fingers catching between the teeth of the zipper and breaking skin.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victor opens his eyes, blinking weariness and soreness and tightness from them as he shifts in his seat. He wipes the side of his mouth, grimacing when he realizes he's drooled all over himself and the wall. The bright morning sun pierces through the glass of the dirty library windows, casting a white sheet over everything and blinding Victor to the fact that he’d fallen asleep and spent the night in the library--again. His body aches and he forces himself out from the corner of the room to stand, leaning back and stretching his limbs as wide as they’ll go and shaking them out. </p><p>He runs his hand down his face, swallowing the acrid taste of stagnant saliva and feeling the unpleasant unevenness--almost a roughness--of his un-brushed teeth against his tongue. Glancing at his phone, Victor groans. It’s already almost 8:30; he’d just lost an hour and a half of studying because he’s too <em> fucking </em>tired and had forgotten to set an alarm. He hadn’t even closed his laptop before passing out, the dark screen staring blankly at the wall before it. Oh well. </p><p>His phone buzzes in his hand; a notification indicating there’s a message from Lake in the group chat pops up. </p><p><em> “On my way! To lib hold the table” </em>the message reads.</p><p>“<em>Omw* stupid autocorrect </em>” comes the follow up message.</p><p>“<em>K I’m in the back😊” </em>Victor replies quickly with a tired chuckle.</p><p>Sighing, Victor watches a few stray students mill about, some he recognizes from yesterday evening who he imagines also succumbed to the same fate as he had, because some of them are still clad in yesterday’s clothes, wrinkled and disheveled. They don’t have time to slack off with finals coming up. And Victor knows he’ll be able to sleep all he wants once they’re over. He just needs to power through for a few more days… </p><p>Eyelids like lead weights on his visage, Victor slides back into his seat and turns his laptop back on with the intent of studying some more, even if his brain is so fried, he can barely comprehend any human language.</p><p>“Hey, nerd,” Lake says, cutting Victor from what would barely constitute true thoughts as she drops a stack of textbooks on the table. “Oh, god, you <em> slept </em>here, didn’t you.”</p><p>“Buddy!” Fee says, wrapping their arms around Victor and clapping him on the back. “I see you spent the night here again. No offense but… you’re a bit of a disaster. Maybe you should like… go home and shower and take a nap in like, an actual bed.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Victor lies. “I can’t afford to sleep right now.”</p><p>“You’re wearing the same outfit I saw you in yesterday and you look like you’re about to keel over and <em> die, </em>” Lake says dramatically. “If you don’t go back willingly Fee and I will just carry you,” she adds, threatening.</p><p>“Yeah, we can’t have <em> two </em> of our friends sick at the same time,” Fee says.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Victor asks, concern lacing his voice.</p><p>“Didn’t you hear? Benji has like the flu or whatever because he thought it would be cute to wear a glorified napkin to the party we went to on the weekend when it was <em> literally </em>freezing outside,” Lake says, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“How are you fine, then?” Victor asks, raising an eyebrow at Lake. “You weren’t wearing much more than he was.”</p><p>“Oh, honey. I don’t get sick.”</p><p>“It’s true,” Fee says, adjusting their headband. “Lake has the immune system of an infant completely up to date on all their vaccines. The CDC used her as a case study one time, called her a medical marvel.”</p><p>Lake flips her hair over her shoulder. “Yup, I’m <em> basically </em>Wonder Woman.”</p><p>“That’s DC, Lake. You’d probably be more like Black Widow, if we’re talking about the canon of the Marvel universe,” Fees says as-a-matter-of-factly.</p><p>“<em>Anyway </em>, I’d love to continue this super fun chat about mediocre superhero movies with you two but uh… Is Benji okay? I was wondering why he wasn’t texting back...” Victor says.</p><p>“Yeah, he’s fine. Just laying in bed, probably sleeping. What else can he be doing? He’s not <em> dying </em>,” Lake says with a shrug. </p><p>“That kinda sucks,” Victor says, eyebrows knitting together.</p><p>There’s a pause as Fee and Lake glance at each other across the table from Victor, before returning their gaze to him. Groups of students begin to pour into the library; someone runs over and steals the chair from beside Victor before he even has a chance to respond.</p><p>“What’s the deal with you two, anyway?” Lake asks after a moment, voice low; she pops a red piece of gummy candy between her lips and chews it fast. Fee leans in, too.</p><p>Victor giggles nervously, squirming in his seat. “Uh… what do you mean?”</p><p>“Oh stop it, Victor, you know what I mean,” Lake snaps. “You <em> like </em> him.”</p><p>“He’s my friend, of <em> course </em>I like him,” Victor replies, face heating up.</p><p>“I think what Lake is <em> trying </em> to say is that… you like him as <em> more </em> than a friend. Right?” Fee says.</p><p>“Like, you wanna marry him and have two point five kids and a dog and live in a house with a white picket fence,” Lake corrects them.</p><p>“You guys are crazy,” Victor says, closing his laptop and gritting his teeth as he shovels his things into his bag. </p><p>“Well, <em> you </em>didn’t answer my question,” Lake says.</p><p>“People don’t really get that worked up over their ‘just friends’ being sick, don’t you think?” Fee asks, scratching their neck with the back of their pen. “Sounds like you <em> like like </em> him.”</p><p>“I don’t <em> like like </em> him, we aren’t <em> five</em>,” Victor huffs, zipping his bag closed more forcefully than he means to. “We’re just two grown ups hanging out and occasionally having sex and partaking in healthy communication and having boundaries without the need for a relationship. <em> Ow! </em>” Victor hisses, the flesh on his fingers catching between the teeth of the zipper and breaking skin.</p><p>“<em>Right… </em>” Fee says, jaw hinged to the side, licking at the backs of their teeth. </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking even bringing this up,” Lake says sarcastically. “It’s not like you’re gonna go back to your place <em> right now </em> and cook him some soup instead of going to sleep and taking care of <em> yourself </em> like a normal person.”</p><p>“Leave me alone,” Victor mutters as he slips his arms into the sleeves of his jacket and buttons it up.</p><p>“But you’re not denying it,” Lake points out.</p><p>“<em>Goodbye </em>, Lake,” Victor says, glaring at her. “See you later, Fee,” he adds less forcefully as he waves, half-hearted, in their direction, before storming out of the room.</p><p>Running down the stairs of the library, Victor exhales loudly as he shoves the doors open to the outside, exposing himself to the early morning air. The campus is empty, for the most part, aside from the occasional student going into the library or one of the other buildings on campus, like lone worker bees pollinating individual flowers before returning to the colony in the evening. </p><p>Victor puts his earbuds in and plugs them into his phone, pressing “shuffle” as he tries to even his breathing. The familiar chords of Beyoncé’s “Halo” begin building in his eardrums, and Victor feels his heartbeat drop as he watches the trees like black hands outstretched toward the heavens, swaying in the breeze, reminding him that he’s alive. He can get through this. </p><p>Without thinking much of it, Victor opens the message thread between him and Benji and even though he doesn’t expect a response, he writes:</p><p>“<em>Hey I heard you’re sick 🤒 Hope you get well soon😔” </em></p><p>The song changes as Victor approaches his building. He allows the warmth to embrace him as he walks through the doors and then into his dorm, kicking off his shoes and padding across the floor to the kitchen. Setting his back down on the bench, he then opens the fridge, glancing inside to see what ingredients he has. </p><p>He rubs his eyes before opening the internet application on his phone and typing in “how to make vegan soup” before pressing “enter” and leaning over the counter on his elbows, scrolling through the results and humming along to the light chords of the song floating into his eardrums.  </p><p>Once he finds a recipe that seems easy enough, Victor takes out some vegetables from the fridge, setting down some onion, garlic, ginger, carrots, celery, mushrooms and the works, before washing what needs to be washed, peeling and chopping it all up into rough pieces. He searches through the cupboard for some seasoning, throwing in dashes of turmeric and coriander and bay leaves as well as some coconut oil and seaweed he finds tucked away in the back that he never figured out a use for. At this point, he knows he’s deviated from the recipe quite a bit. He puts everything into a big pot and covers it with water before placing it on the stove, then adding some salt to the water and putting the lid on it while waiting for it to come to a simmer. </p><p>After putting the soup to cook, Victor sits down at the kitchen table, pulling out his laptop and opening it up. He returns to his orgo notes again for a moment before raising his gaze back to the stove and getting back up. Mouth scrunching to the side, he pauses, before opening the cabinet and withdrawing a bag of rice and a box of elbow noodles. He puts a pot of salted water on the stove, then pours a bit of rice into another pot, washes it until the water runs clear, and then adds a bit of water and salt to it and sets it on the stove, too. </p><p>Victor smiles as he takes the lid off the big pot of soup and stirs the contents, taking a spoon to taste it. His eyebrows jump and he gasps as he takes another sip of the light brown broth. Nodding, impressed with his own handiwork, Victor licks his lips before covering the soup again so it can cook some more. Once the smaller pots begin to boil, he mixes and then covers the rice, lowering the temperature on the burner, before adding the noodles to cook in the other pot and stirring them so they don’t stick together. </p><p>As soon as Victor sits back down at his computer, his phone dings and he glances over to see a notification indicating he has a message from Benji. Raising an eyebrow, Victor opens the message. It reads:</p><p>“<em>Hey, thanks for checking up on me 😊 Should be all good soon 🤞” </em></p><p>Biting his lip to suppress his smile, Victor writes back:</p><p>“<em>I have something for you that should hopefully help a bit 😅 Will come by soon❤️” </em></p><p>He looks away for a moment, then, when his eyes dart back to the screen, his heart rate spikes, punching through the bones of his ribcage. <em> Shit! </em>He hadn’t meant to send that emoji.</p><p><em> “Oops🙊 didn’t mean❤️ pls ignore </em>” he writes back, but he knows it’s too late.</p><p>Victor slumps over his laptop, face buried in his arms as he groans, cheeks burning as if he had just stuck his whole head in the oven. When his phone dings, he has to force himself to read the message on the screen.</p><p>
  <em> “It’s fine lol nbd 🤭 thx tho😇 ” </em>
</p><p>Smacking himself in the forehead, Victor can’t make his body release the tension. He leaves the soup to simmer on the lowest possible temperature before shutting off the rice and straining the noodles. Then he wanders down the corridor and strips his clothes off before taking a quick shower and finally brushing his teeth, leaving the bathroom feeling refreshed and not like he’d spent the last uncountable number of days in the library. When he returns to the kitchen, nothing is on fire, but the smell of vegetables mingling together wafts through the air, yet Victor still feels the sensation of being chased by the blood in his own veins. Even as he sits down to read his notes, he can’t focus anymore.</p><p>Once the soup has cooked long enough to draw out all the nutrients from the vegetables within, Victor shuts off the stove, tasting it one more time and sighing; it’s even better than it was before. He ladles the broth into a few jars and packs the rice and noodles into separate little tupperware containers before putting everything in a bag and tying it tightly. Then he empties his backpack and puts the bag inside carefully. He grabs his keys and phone before sliding into his jacket and shoes, then exits his dorm.</p><p>Humming along to the song playing in his ears,--”Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé--Victor makes his way across campus. The sun has hidden behind the clouds in the blue sky, and Victor shoves his hands into his pockets, the air frigid against his fingers and his exhausted, weathered face. </p><p>He approaches the red brick building, staring at the door and frowning when he realizes he can’t enter. Sighing out a puff of clouds from his lips, he peeks in through the window and watches as someone exits, before catching the handle right before it slammed shut and sneaking inside. He removes his headphones as he rummages around in his memory, finally figuring out the route to Benji’s room.</p><p>Benji lives all the way at the end of the long hallway, and Victor stands outside, opening up his backpack and removing the bag of soup from within. He swallows, heart hammering, incessant and dull, and knocks.</p><p>“Who is it?” says the voice from the other side of the door.</p><p>“It’s Victor,” he says.</p><p>“Gimme a minute,” Benji says.</p><p>From outside the door, Victor can hear scrambling and a gentle pitter patter that nears the door only to stop and move away. Raising an eyebrow, Victor waits in silence until Benji finally opens the door after a few minutes, dressed in a loose white crop top and black shorts, hair perfectly styled just well enough to distract from his sunken eyes and the gauntness of his cheeks. Victor’s eyes drift to his midriff before returning to his face, and he can’t stop the racing of his thoughts.</p><p>“Hey,” Benji says, nose blocked and distorting his voice. He holds his hand out in front of him. “Don’t come too close, I don’t want you to get sick from me,” he adds, turning away so he can cough into his elbow.</p><p>“Hey…” Victor says, resisting with all his might the urge to reach out and stroke Benji’s cheek before wrapping him in a soft blanket and putting him to bed. “You didn’t have to get all done up for me, you know.”</p><p>“I know,” Benji bristles, shrugging. “I did it for myself.”</p><p>Victor nods, but he doesn’t believe it. Benji sniffles and sighs, leaning against the door from a distance. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to like… have an attitude. I know you’re just being your typical kind self...”</p><p>“Oh uh… thanks. But it’s fine. I get it… Anyway, I uh… brought you some soup. But please be careful, it’s still very hot,” Victor says, holding the bag out to Benji for him to take. “I wasn’t sure if you liked it with rice or noodles so I made both. And it’s all vegan, of course.”</p><p>Benji stares at him, taking the bag in his hand without looking at it, eyebrows rising on his forehead. “Thank you…” he says quietly, as if speaking any louder would make both Victor and the soup disappear. He sets it down on the desk behind him. When he turns back to Victor, his eyes are glassy, eyelids unable to hold the weight accumulated upon them.</p><p>“Don’t mention it. I figured it might help you get better. And I--wait, Benji, are you okay?” Victor says.</p><p>Wiping the falling tears with the back of his hand, Benji sniffles again. “You really didn’t have to do this, Victor. Especially since you have finals to study for.”</p><p>“I wanted to,” Victor says, waving his hands in front of him in surrender. “Plus, it didn’t even take that long. I was mostly just watching it cook while I studied,” Victor lies. </p><p>For a moment, Benji is quiet, and Victor wants nothing more than to hold him to his chest and stroke his hair as he cries but he respects his space and stays away as if repelled by the same pole of another magnet. </p><p>“This is probably one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me,” Benji says, beaming despite his tears. “God, I’m a mess… Being sick just turned me into a baby, I guess,” he adds with a watery chuckle, using the bottom of his shirt to dab at the corners of his eyes.</p><p>Victor chuckles with him, lip curling up on one side as his ribs clench, little wings tickling the inside of his stomach. “I should probably let you get back to bed so you can keep resting, you must be tired. You look like you haven’t slept much.”</p><p>When Benji’s eyes flutter closed, he nods. “Good plan.” He feels his forehead with the back of his hand. “This stupid fever has been keeping me awake.”</p><p>“That sucks,” Victor says, lines appearing on his forehead as he watches him, concerned.</p><p>“Yeah but… I’ll be fine. Thanks, though. For the soup. And for checking up on me. I appreciate it.”</p><p>With a crooked smile, Victor nods. “No problem. I’m gonna get going now. But… get better soon and good luck on your finals. Also, enjoy the soup. I promise you, I didn’t poison it,” Victor says with a short laugh, gaze lingering on Benji’s face for a moment as he waves. “See ya.”</p><p>“Bye, Victor.”</p><p>Benji closes the door slowly and the last thing Victor sees is one of Benji’s golden eyes peering back at him through the receding crack, before he disappears, leaving Victor standing in the hall, alone again. He returns to his dorm in silence, grinning all the way there. </p><p>A few days later, Victor gets a message from Benji, saying:</p><p>“<em>Thanks for the soup😋🥣 it was really delicious and I feel so much better now😗 Wanna come over to my place after your final so I can thank you properly?😈” </em></p><p>---------------------------</p><p>Benji lies in bed under the covers, his bare skin sliding against the surface uncomfortably as gooseflesh sprouts where the air hits it and he shivers in wait. He has his phone hovering over his face as he types a message, thumbs moving over the keys expertly. Even though the semester ends tomorrow, he isn’t looking forward to going back home. He sighs.</p><p>“<em>What’s w you and Mia? I want more details😒 </em>” Lake had written, eliciting one of the most dramatic eye rolls Benji could muster in response.</p><p>“<em>I think she’s jealous because she’s not my priority anymore. She said I wouldn’t have friends I didn’t sleep with if it weren’t for her but it’s whatever😑 </em>” Benji writes in response. </p><p>“<em>Don’t be passive aggressive with me Benjamin🤬” </em>she writes back almost instantly.</p><p><em> “That is pretty mean tho I will say. I would be proud of her if you weren’t also my friend tbh🤯” </em>she adds.</p><p>
  <em> “I’m not being passive aggressive. I’m just saying I don’t care anymore😴” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You obviously do care🙄” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Nuh uh” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yuh huh” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Nuh uh” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “K well I’m done w this convo bc we aren’t getting anywhere👿” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wait fine I do care a little😫 And I may have told her something along the lines of ‘your art looks like lawn ornaments’ which… wasn’t one of my proudest moments🙃” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT TO HER!!!!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know… like I said NOT proud of it🤐” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m joking🤣 I’ve roasted her much worse than that ur too nice to do any real damage smdh” </em>
</p><p>“<em>Uh ok good to know I guess” </em></p><p>
  <em> “But for real lemme talk to her bc smth isn’t adding up” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She was on my case abt Vic for a while as well bc she said I was ‘getting too close’ to him which is… hilarious isn’t it😆” </em>
</p><p>There’s a pause on Lake’s end, and Benji waits for the ellipses to appear for a few minutes before they finally do; he narrows his eyes.</p><p>“<em>Ya lol haha idk what she’s talking about you two aren’t close at all🤔” </em></p><p>“<em>You’re being weird😶” </em></p><p>As soon as Benji sends that message, a knock startles him and he sets his phone aside, then sheds his blanket, rising and jogging over to see who’s there, smirking as the air hits his flesh and he opens the door, leaning against the wall seductively. He lets his head fall back against the hard surface as Victor ogles him, gaze trailing from his face down his legs and back to his face again.</p><p>“Hey there, good lookin’, like what you see?” Benji asks, pushing himself off the wall and grabbing Victor by the front of the jacket as he pulls him into the room and slams the door behind him.</p><p>“Uh, hi. I wasn’t expecting to see… all of this right away,” Victor says, gesturing vaguely at Benji’s middle as he allows the other to lead him further into his abode. </p><p>Benji chuckles as he unbuttons Victor’s jacket and slides it off his shoulders before draping it across the back of the chair at his desk. “I figured I’d surprise you. You’re finally a free man, Victor.”</p><p>“How did your week go?”</p><p>“Well, unsurprisingly, my figure drawing professor <em> and </em>my painting professor loved everything I submitted and I got all As on that stuff which I was kinda expecting. But I have to wait a bit for the grades on my essays which… I’m not really looking forward to. How ‘bout you? Good you don’t have anymore exams to worry about… especially that stupid orgo stuff.”</p><p>“God don’t even remind me,” Victor says, dragging his hand down his face as Benji pushes him onto the bed and fumbles with his belt.</p><p>“Okay, fine. No more shop talk,” Benji says, undoing Victor’s pants and dropping to his knees as he pulls Victor’s cock out and grins as he strokes it.</p><p>“I’m excited to go back home and just do nothing at home for a few weeks, though. But I probably won’t know what to do with myself,” Victor says, running his hands through Benji’s hair and gazing down at him.</p><p>“Damn… I wish I was <em> excited </em>to see my family but I’m trying to put off going home as long as possible,” Benji says, exhaling loudly as Victor’s dick gets progressively more erect in his hand.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I… don’t really wanna talk about it, honestly,” Benji says, frowning, before he adds: “I really just wanna suck your dick right now and not think about my family because that’s… a little weird.”</p><p>“That’s fair,” Victor says with a chuckle, as Benji takes him into his hot, wet mouth. “Mmm…”</p><p>Benji grins around Victor’s cock as he sucks on the head, humming as he licks along the side and Victor’s grip in his hair gets progressively tighter until he can feel the skin on his face pulled taut. He chuckles as he relaxes his throat, gagging nonetheless as Victor shoves him down on his cock with a moan and holds him there for a few moments, just as he likes it, until he releases him. Benji slips a hand up Victor’s shirt as he sucks on him, feeling the lean muscles of his chest and delighting in the way Victor bucks forward into his face from the added stimulation. </p><p>Victor pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it behind him before reaching down to rub against Benji’s shoulder blades, the touch encouraging Benji as he bobs his head faster on Victor’s cock, throat slick and eyes tearing from the sensation of Victor’s girth filling him up. But even though Benji isn’t ill anymore, he knows his throat is going to hurt for a whole other reason tomorrow, but he doesn’t even care, because his eyes are rolling into the back of his skull as Victor caresses Benji’s face and it makes him want to shove Victor’s cock even farther back into his throat even though he<em> knows </em> it won’t go back anymore. </p><p>When Victor finally pulls Benji off him, kissing his cheek gently, he removes the rest of his clothes and sits against the wall, motioning for Benji to join him on the bed. Benji can only smile as he brings the condoms and lube from his nightstand and sets them beside Victor, before he crawls over to his lap.</p><p>“Can we try something a little different this time?” Benji asks, voice hoarse.</p><p>“Sure, what were you thinking?” Victor asks, curious.</p><p>“Well… I know I’m usually pretty adamant about you <em> not </em>looking at me while we have sex, but… Is it bad that I wanna try?”</p><p>“Why not? You know I don’t mind, I like the view,” Victor says with a sly grin.</p><p>“You’re so fucking easy,” Benji says with a roll of his eyes, but his words hold no bite. </p><p>“I’m a simple man. All you need is a cute face and a nice ass,” Victor says, punctuating his statement with a smack to Benji’s behind. “But the fact that you’re funny and charming also gives you like a million more points in my book.”</p><p>Benji covers his face in his hand, the aggressive wisps in his chest almost overwhelming him. He shoves Victor playfully before he straddles his lap, knees sore even as he rests them on the soft, plush sheets of the bed. He sighs as Victor kisses down his chest while he lubes up his fingers before reaching behind Benji and sliding inside his hole as Victor takes one of Benji’s nipples in his mouth, biting down gently and making him moan as Victor adds another finger and stretches him slowly, taking his time as usual. Benji gazes down at him, mouth hanging open as he watches Victor’s lips on his skin, shivering at the sensation of Victor touching him all over, every nerve ending like a little tiny pinpoint of an explosion on his epidermis.</p><p>And when Victor glides lower, taking Benji's erection into his mouth and adding another finger to stretch Benji’s hole even more, massaging that spot inside him that makes him shudder like mad. Benji can’t stop himself from sliding both hands through Victor’s short hair as if he were trying to pull fistfuls of grass from the earth. </p><p>Victor pulls away for a moment, reaching beside him and unwrapping the condom before rolling it down his stiff cock and slathering it with lube. He wraps his arms around Benji’s waist gently, allowing Benji to guide himself to Victor’s dick; he slides down it slowly, sinking back down to Victor’s lap as he adjusts to having Victor inside him, pulse like an asteroid breaking Earth’s atmosphere and shattering into pieces before raining down to the ground at inhuman speeds. Benji falls against Victor’s chest, arms snaking around his back as he buries his face in Victor’s hair, the scent of Victor’s deep musk heightening his arousal even further. He lets his eyelids flutter closed as he thrusts his hips up until the tip of Victor’s cock almost falls out of him, before he slams his himself back down, hitting his prostate almost directly and making his whole body rack with shudders.</p><p>Barely able to breathe as he rocks his hips against Victor’s cock, Benji can’t help but dig his nails into the skin of Victor’s sweaty back, knowing he’ll leave long segments behind but not caring because Victor’s dick inside him always drives him absolutely fucking <em> feral </em>. He can’t even stop himself from crying out when Victor holds his sides and plunges deeper into Benji in time with his downward thrusts, falling into a pleasurable rhythm as he hits that spot inside him again and again. </p><p>As Victor’s thrusts become more erratic, and they cling to each other even harder with each movement, Benji finds his hand grasping at Victor’s neck as he looks down at him, barely able to keep his eyes open in the process. His body feels even hotter now as he presses down on the sides of Victor’s throat, his own orgasm building, and he covers Victor’s lips with his own, swallowing the moan that leaps from Victor’s throat as he cums. He’d always wondered what Victor’s mouth tastes like.</p><p>The sensation of Victor’s tongue against his own, the taste of himself mingling with the unique sweet essence of Victor, the fact that <em> Victor is kissing him back </em> and making him feel safe and protected in his arms, pushes Benji over the edge, and he can only take back his original assessment because he actually does cum harder than he ever had in his life, shaking so hard and seeing white and wondering if he’s having some sort of reaction just as Victor pulls away. But Benji can’t stop the moans that drop from his mouth as he clenches every muscle in his body before he finally comes down from the high, feeling sweaty and sticky and forgetting how he needs to breathe.</p><p>“Why did you kiss me?” Victor asks, snapping Benji back to reality instantly. He can’t tell what’s in his voice, but the flat tone scares him.</p><p>Benji presses his lips together into a line, unable to look him in the eye as he sits before him, swallowing before he says: “I… don’t know. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“We had an agreement, Benji.”</p><p>“I know,” Benji says quietly, face scrunching as he can feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again, but he knows he can’t let them fall. He already knows what he has to do. “I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Okay… Don’t let it happen again,” Victor says with a sigh, exhaustion written on his face.</p><p>For a moment, no words go exchanged between them as Benji sits on Victor’s lap, chewing on his swollen lips. But then he removes himself from Victor entirely, kneeling beside him and taking a deep breath.</p><p>“We need to end this, Victor,” Benji says, voice cracking even though he wills it not to. </p><p>“What do you mean? Why?” Victor asks, reaching out and cupping Benji’s face for a second before the other pulls out of his grip.</p><p>“I mean what I said. It’s over. I just… don’t wanna see you again.”</p><p>Victor says nothing as he gets up from the bed, but Benji can’t even bear to look at him as he gathers his things and dresses himself again. Benji wishes he would stop moving at such a glacial pace. But when Victor doesn’t even argue as he puts on his jacket and says a hollow “goodbye”, Benji looks up just in time to see the glint of light shining off Victor’s bronze cheeks as he leaves. The only explanation he has is that his mind is playing tricks on him.</p><p>As soon as the door falls shut, Benji collapses into his own lap as if every bone in his body is shattered, head in his hands as the tears cascade from his ducts, an endless sea pouring down his face as he wails, knowing that no one around him will care to hear him. </p><p>He draws the covers around him, cocooning himself as he cries, never able to reach catharsis, until he hears the door click open. But he doesn’t even bother to hide as Andrew enters and drops his bag on the floor, concern etched with deep lines into his brown face. </p><p>“Whoa, Benji, what the hell happened to you?” Andrew says, sitting down beside him.</p><p>Benji immediately quiets, whimpering pathetically as Andrew wraps an arm around his shoulder. He wipes his face in the cover, swallowing the lump in his throat.</p><p>“I ended things with Victor,” Benji says, voice just barely above a whisper, hoarse with overuse. He doesn’t know how long he’d been weeping.</p><p>“Oh, shit. Sorry to hear that, man,” Andrew says, rubbing circles on his back. “There’ll be other better guys out there who’re… good at sex stuff. You’ll find ‘em.”</p><p>Burying his face in his hands, Benji’s whimpers again as his eyes dribble some more tears, and he wipes them away with a deep frown, eyebrows pressing together. “I wish you were right.”</p><p>Andrew sighs. “I know it’s tough right now, but in a few days you’ll forget all about what’s-his-name and get on with your life. Trust me.”</p><p>Raising his gaze from his lap to Andrew’s face, Benji leans in, letting their faces connect.</p><p>And Andrew shoves him away, gentle but firm. “No, Benji. We’re not doing this again. I have a partner who I love very much, and I’m not gonna mess that up because you don’t know how to act when you’re upset,” he says, but there is no malice in his voice, only a tinge of annoyance.</p><p>“I’m sorry…” Benji says, taking a deep, shaky breath before he can start crying for a third time. “I’m so sorry I just… I don’t know what to do. I like him <em> so </em>much and I just… threw it all away. Because I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him. I feel so fucking stupid.”</p><p>“Why don’t you just talk to him about it?” Andrew asks, but Benji groans.</p><p>“It’s… not that simple.”</p><p>“Well, why not?”</p><p>“Because it was never supposed to go this far,” Benji says, letting his head hang. “And now I lost a friend. A really fucking <em> good </em> friend who’s also a really decent human being.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s fair. Salazar is… pretty good. But you still have other friends, right?”</p><p>“Yeah… I guess you’re right…” Benji says, although he isn’t fully convinced. “And thanks for listening. Also, sorry for kissing you. I need to stop being so fucking messy.”</p><p>“No problem. I get it, I’m irresistible,” Andrew says, ruffling Benji’s hair before he gets up from Benji’s bed. “Get some sleep, Campbell.”</p><p>“G’night, Andrew,” Benji says, curling up into a ball under the sheets and closing his eyes. </p><p>But no matter how hard he tries, sleep never comes. The only thing that greets him is Victor’s tear-stained face and the sensation of his own heart ripping and shattering over and over again until the morning light shines in through the curtains.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all, thanks for reading once again. Please don't be angry at me for this, there will be a happy ending!! There's just gotta be a lil bit of the dramas, u feel? Can't be too easy, after all. Anyway, as usual, thanks to my lovely friend <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmenvenji</a> for her help as my consultant, I will never stop thanking her for her help with the ideas bit of this story!! She really does know what's up, so I hope you'll read her works as well. Anyway, hope you continue to enjoy the story, I can assure you it'll be worth it at the end. It's a good time for me to write, too, ofc haha. Well, see ya'll in the next installment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Suburbia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji goes home.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just then, the door behind them opens and Alice exits, jumping when she sees Benji and Victor sitting on the stoop together.</p><p>“Oh… Hi, love. Am I interrupting something? Benji, is this--”</p><p>“Mom, this is Victor,” Benji says with a soft smile as Victor stands to greet Alice with a handshake, but she embraces him instead.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Campbell,” Victor says politely.</p><p>“Oh, please, call me Alice,” she says, before turning to Benji and whispering: “Make sure you feed him. He seems like a nice boy.”</p><p>Benji’s face grows warm again. “Don’t worry, I will,” he says, before looking to Victor and saying: “Do you wanna come inside? I made lentil soup.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The road is empty and open, a flat, lifeless black expanse flanked by green and brown streaking by on both sides through the windows like brushstrokes, painting the sky as if God were one of the great Impressionist masters. </p><p>From the radio, a gentle guitar riff floats out just loud enough to block out the thoughts of Victor along with the incessant clicking noise that pierces the air whenever Benji’s driving--he hasn’t had the money to take it to get checked out and his own tinkering only made it worse--but whatever, it still works. For now. Even if he has to lie to his friends and say he doesn’t have a car, it’s still better than letting them see the piece of junk he has to drive.</p><p>Benji sniffles, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he sighs and slows down, brakes squeaking and vibrating against the wheels--perhaps that’s another thing worth checking out--and he turns down the familiar street in Creekwood lined with apartment blocks, many littered with curly, white, exaggerated letters on the sides and pieces of the outer walls missing and broken windows covered with blue tarps and cardboard taped in their place that Benji knows will stay up for months. </p><p>The bit of grass outside is overgrown and brown, pieces of paper and cigarette butts embedded within it. Benji can’t help the grimace that curls his lip as he pulls into an open spot on the side of the road, parallel parking outside one particularly run-down looking building that’s six stories tall, its exterior dark and mossy. </p><p>When Benji exits the car and slams the door a little too hard, he yelps as the mirror clatters to the pavement, shattering all over the street. He groans, running his hand down his face as he writes himself a mental note to fix that at some point before he leaves. </p><p>Staring at the ground for a second, Benji’s shoulders sag as he just leaves the glass because he knows it won’t detract from the fact that his neighborhood is a shithole, and he opens the trunk, pulling a duffle bag and his guitar case out and being a bit more careful on closing it this time around before he locks the car from the outside--not that he needs to, because he wouldn’t be mad if someone just took it, although he also knows no one would even want it.</p><p>He slings his bag over his shoulder, guitar in hand, and treks down the sidewalk with weeds growing between the cracks, opening the door to the building and letting the heavy metal door fall closed with an echo through the red-tiled interior that also happens to smell of mildew and stale air and concrete. </p><p>The sound of stomping and heavy breathing serves as a soundtrack to Benji’s ascent to the third floor. Once he arrives, he takes a moment to breathe, unzipping his jacket and leaning over with his palms on the fronts of his thighs before he swallows, takes a deep breath, and knocks.</p><p>For a moment nothing happens, and then the sound of movement approaching startles him. Benji stands up straight, stepping back as the door swings open and a short, blonde woman greets him. </p><p>“Hey, mom.”</p><p>“Hey, honey, don’t you look nice,” Benji’s mother, Alice, says, hugging him and giving him a kiss on the cheek as she pulls him into the apartment.</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says with a small smile as he sets his things on the floor and removes his jacket, then kicks his shoes off. “I missed you.”</p><p>Benji’s father, Richard, appears in the doorway and hugs him stiffly; Benji wonders if it’s just because his mom is right beside them. “Good to see you, son. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re still wearing women’s clothes.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji scoffs. “Wonderful to see you, too, <em> Dad. </em>And what’s wrong with women’s clothes?”</p><p>“Nothing. I’m just saying that since we already know you’re, you know… <em> gay </em>, you don’t need to advertise it to the whole world, right?”</p><p>“Leave him alone, <em> Dick </em>,” Alice says, emphasizing the diminutive as she narrows her eyes and smacks him on the arm. “You know how fashion changes over time. This is the style now.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s gender neutral since, you know, it’s just a piece of fabric,” Benji says bluntly. “You know men used to wear high heels and dresses back in the day.”</p><p>“Jeez, I can’t say anything without you two jumping on me, huh,” Richard says, clicking his tongue. “What happened to my First Amendment right? Free speech, remember that? Of course you don’t, college is full of liberals who just wanna censor anyone who doesn’t agree with them.”</p><p>Lip twitching, Benji eyes Alice, who shakes her head. “Free speech doesn’t mean you’re free from criticism, just means the government can’t arrest you, Dick. We’ve been over this,” she says gently, patting him lightly on the shoulder. “But enough of this. Benji, you must be hungry. Come sit down. Tell me how things went at school.”</p><p>Benji shuffles into the kitchen, pungent with the scent of chili, which is right beside the main doorway. Across from the kitchen is a little sitting room that opens to the balcony, where Benji can see the clothes flapping on the clothesline as they dry in the afternoon sun, right across from where Richard sits, passed out in front of their little television in his green cloth armchair that Benji can’t recall not seeing as he grew up. Down the small corridor are two tiny bedrooms and a bathroom that doubles as the laundry room. </p><p>“So… talk to me,” Alice says, yawning and grabbing a bowl from the cupboard. </p><p>Shrugging, Benji leans against the counter, eyes downcast. “Not much to say, honestly. I’d rather hear about what’s been going on here without me.”</p><p>“Same old, same old,” Alice says as she ladles some chili into a bowl and sets it on the table before she sits down on one of the old rickety wooden chairs and motions for him to sit beside her. “I made this vegan just for you. Meat’s expensive, anyway.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says, grabbing a spoon and digging in. He eats quickly; he had, as usual, skipped breakfast that day, but he won’t tell his mom that.</p><p>“Are you sure everything’s okay, sweetie?” Alice asks, leaning her head on her hand and letting her other hand rest on Benji’s arm. “You seem… kinda down.”</p><p>Glancing over his shoulder to see his dad sleeping in his armchair, Benji rises from his seat, letting his mom’s arm fall away. He washes his dishes, setting them on the drying rack before returning to his spot and leaning forward on his elbows. </p><p>“I guess I’ve just been… really tired,” Benji lies, exhaling loudly. “This semester has been pretty tough.”</p><p>“Oh, honey, c’mere…” Alice says, bring Benji’s head to rest on her shoulder. “Why don’t you take the next few days to rest, don’t worry about cooking and doing all that other stuff, even though I <em> do </em>miss your food.”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, mom. I can still <em> do </em>stuff, I’m not just gonna sit around and have you wait on me.”</p><p>“All right… I can also tell Mrs. Brandeis and Mrs. Jackson you won’t be available to babysit, if you want.”</p><p>“It’s fine, really, mom. I need stuff to do, anyway, otherwise I’ll just be bored over the break. I also start at Brasstown again tomorrow because I could honestly use the money, too,” Benji says, neglecting to mention the fact that he basically subsisted through the semester on ramen, convenience store food, and things he’d snuck out of the dining hall in the handful of times he went there, and half of those times Mia had swiped him in. “Plus, you know what dad always says--”</p><p>“Since when did you care about what your dad says?” Alice muses, brushing the hair away from Benji’s forehead. </p><p>“He may be wrong most of the time but that doesn’t mean I don’t care what he thinks,” Benji retorts, crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p>Alice giggles. “Anyway… did you get the early shift at Brasstown so we can see each other before I go to work?” she asks.</p><p>“Yeah. And I can’t believe you’re <em> still </em>working the night shift.”</p><p>“It pays the bills, <em> and </em> I want you to have some spending money!”</p><p>Benji gives her a tight-lipped smile, because he doesn’t want to tell her that he used a lot of the money she’d given him to buy clothes at the thrift store, and the rest to buy himself a new Fender. Well, a new second-hand Fender, of course. There’s no way in hell he can afford one that’s <em> actually </em>new.</p><p>Body relaxing against the warm solidity of his mother’s presence, Benji allows her to wrap her arm around his shoulder as they chat a bit longer, Benji’s dad snoring across from them as they quiet their laughter so as to not wake him. Soon Benji recuses himself in his room as Richard eats dinner in silence before he goes to work for the night; Alice takes a nap before her shift at the store, leaving Benji alone.</p><p>He soon realizes the mistake he made in going to sit in his room on his own, stomach dropping, the sensation of longing tugging at his innards, threatening to tear the tissue of his organs to shreds. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Benji pulls out his phone and opens Grindr as he rolls onto his stomach on his bed, feet accidentally kicking the wardrobe standing sandwiched edge to edge between the back wall and the bed</p><p>Frowning, he scrolls and scrolls… and scrolls… through all the options of men he can hook up with nearby. He can’t invite them here, he reasons, even though he also doesn’t care about what some strangers think of him. Benji isn’t <em> actually </em> embarrassed about the giant posters of a young Leonardo DiCaprio and Noah Centineo he hung right beside each other over his bed, that he’d worn the ink off with how many times he’d practiced kissing them. He’s grateful his mother never paid it any mind. </p><p>After scrolling for a few minutes and realizing that absolutely <em> none </em>of these guys are catching his eye, he groans. They’re all too far away, he decides. Even with no one around to hear his internal monologue, he’s still lying. Without thinking, he goes to Instagram, scrolling through pictures of the vast blue ocean and plush, white sandy beaches where people are on vacation. He rolls his eyes, flipping onto his back, phone hovering over his face.</p><p>As he scrolls down further, one post in particular incites a swift punch in the gut, knocking the breath from him and setting him on fire simultaneously, and he drops his phone directly on his nose, swearing as he massages it, a lone tear stinging at the corner of his eye. That lone tear multiplies quickly, and soon the floodgates open as he blinks and picks his phone up to peer at Victor’s smiling face as he sits with his arm around a girl with a cascade of dark, wavy hair dressed in black and wearing a neutral expression. </p><p><em> Shit </em>, that’s right; Benji had forgotten to unfollow Victor. But as usual, something stops him from doing that now. </p><p>He can only stare, roving over the disheveled dark brown hair that Benji remembers being so soft, and how it would tickle his hands when he went to pull it; he thinks of those wide, shining, expressive eyes that remind Benji of a baby deer and he wants nothing more than for Victor to look at him while they have sex, to feel his gentle gaze on him and to feel warm from the sensation of simply <em> knowing </em> that Victor wants him and that he’ll be nothing but kind to him and take care of him after. He misses the sound of his own name on Victor’s tongue, misses his voice <em> . </em> Hell, he misses <em> him. </em></p><p>Benji feels like an idiot as he covers his face with his forearm to block the sound of his sobs so his mom doesn’t hear and awaken, since she needs to be rested for work, as her shift starts soon. But as always, he doesn’t want to be there; he wants the dilapidated cage around him to disappear. He tells himself he only needs to endure it for a few weeks but that barely does anything to console him. And so he goes to sleep because he knows that’s the only thing that can help him in that moment.</p><p>The days pass quickly as Benji puts in as many hours as he can at Brasstown, as he does whenever he’s home on break, coming home in the late afternoons to a quiet apartment with creaky joints from standing all day as he goes to prepare dinner. Sometimes he brings home some food from Brasstown but not much lately since people have started snitching on each other and he would rather not get caught. </p><p>After work he would babysit for the neighbors as he’s done since he was in high school because they like him and pay well and for the most part, the kids aren’t complete monsters most of the time, especially when he whips out his guitar and shows them how to play some chords.</p><p>And once the kids go to bed, he gets a few sketches done as he sits quietly in the tiny living room; he wonders when his hand will tire of drawing those wide, shining eyes, that dark hair with the faintest of curls, and who can forget the dark spot on his cheek… Benji knows he’ll have to start a new sketchbook soon, but he wonders if maybe he has another problem.</p><p>Sometimes afterward he even has a few hours to see his friends, but soon realizes how little they have in common, with some of them already engaged and planning for their future after college; Benji hasn’t gotten to that point yet. He’s barely planned what he’s going to make for dinner tomorrow. He still sees them sometimes, though, because in the end, he’ll do anything to keep himself out of the apartment, crawling back only to pass out until the next morning when the cycle begins again. </p><p>Benji knows he sounds like a fucking nerd when he says he can’t wait to go back to school. And he’d never been more grateful that he has scholarships to pay for his expenses because he doesn’t know if he would be able to handle work on top of school. </p><p>The only good part of being home is the few hours he spends with his mom. The rest… not so much. Perhaps they could have had a better living situation but the fact is that Benji’s parents are still paying off medical bills from his dad’s accident a few years back. But Benji knows it isn’t his fault. </p><p>One day after the holidays, in a particularly cool day, Benji is subsumed with the small crowd that gathers in the queue to the counter at Brasstown, shouting out orders for customers as one of his colleagues whips them up and pours them into red and green and blue holiday-themed paper cups with little snowflakes and snowmen on them. At the end of the line, the face that he’d drawn more times than he could count appears before him, and his breath hitches in his throat as he looks away, the eye contact alone enough to stir the hot, bubbling cauldron within him.</p><p>He puts on his best fake smile and his customer service voice as Victor gazes up at the menu; Benji knows he’s only pretending to read so he doesn’t have to look at him. But he can’t, either; he can only look past Victor’s face as he speaks.</p><p>“Hi, welcome to Brasstown. How can I help you?” Benji says, scaring himself with how easily he can swallow his pain and strengthen his façade.</p><p>Victor’s Adam’s apple bobs before he unglues his eyes from the menu. “Hi, uh… can I get a… medium vanilla mocha, please?”</p><p>“Sure, coming right up,” Benji says with a huge forced smile. “Gimme a second.”</p><p>Benji slips away from the counter and taps his colleague, a tall girl with long dark hair and strong eyebrows called Lana, on the shoulder. “Hey, can we switch for a second?” He whispers in her ear.</p><p>Lana frowns. “Why?”</p><p>“Just… because. I need this for a few minutes. And the guy at the counter already paid so just take the person after him,” Benji lies as he takes a cup from the stack and a pen. </p><p>Rolling her eyes, Lana complies. “You owe me, Benji.”</p><p>She goes to the counter and waves Victor away to the pick-up area as he approaches with money in his hand and a raised eyebrow; Victor pockets the money as he narrows his eyes. Meanwhile, Benji scribbles a note on the cup quickly as he waits for the coffee to brew. It reads:</p><p>“<em>Dear Victor, </em></p><p>
  <em> I just want to say I’m sorry. My shift ends in like fifteen minutes so it would be cool if we could actually talk face to face and then I can give you a real apology. You don’t have to accept it but I think you deserve it after how I treated you. </em>
</p><p><em> Love,<br/></em> <em> Benji 🖤” </em></p><p>Sighing, Benji pours the coffee into the cup and puts a lid on it before stepping up to the counter and handing it to Victor.</p><p>“Here ya go. It’s on the house,” he says with a nod, and Victor takes it with an unreadable expression.</p><p>“Thank you. Bye,” Victor says as he turns to leave, stopping right before the door and turning on his heel.</p><p>Victor sits down at one of the tables in the corner and sets his coffee in front of him, glancing up at Benji, whose eyes flit to him for a moment. Benji can feel his facial muscles straining from the way his lips stretch into a wide smile—a genuine one this time—as he returns to the register to take more orders.</p><p>Once he finishes his shift, Benji rushes to remove his apron and his uniform before returning to his civilian clothes and making his way over to the table where Victor is sitting scrolling through his phone, pulse racing quick enough and with enough force to barrage through the wall. He slips into the seat across from Victor, making him jump.</p><p>“Hey, thanks for waiting for me,” Benji says, watching as Victor pockets his phone and takes a sip of his coffee.</p><p>Peering at him over the top of his cup, Victor sighs before putting it down. “It was weird not seeing you around lately.”</p><p>“I know… And I wanna say I’m sorry for how I ended things. It wasn’t right of me to just make that decision after I just straight up ignored the boundary we both agreed on,” Benji says, fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. He’s dressed more casually than usual; he hadn’t expected to see anyone he knows.</p><p>“Well… I appreciate that. Thank you,” Victor says, taking another sip of coffee as he stares down at the table.</p><p>“Also… it wasn’t true when I said I didn’t want to see you again. I guess I’m just… not used to letting people in. But I like being your friend.”</p><p>“I like being your friend, too,” Victor says before he exhales loudly. “But to be fair, I did also kiss you back.”</p><p>“Now that you bring that up…” Benji says with a soft chuckle, cheeks heating up as he takes note of the space between their hands, large enough that a few molecules could fit. “I didn’t wanna say it, but it’s good you did.”</p><p>“Well, I should have stopped it. So it’s hypocritical of me to be upset at you for crossing the boundary when I was encouraging it,” Victor says, pensive. He makes eye contact with Benji for a moment, irises vibrating. “I couldn’t stop it because I liked it too much.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Benji swallows, pressing his lips together into a tight line, the heaviness of Victor’s gaze and his words pushing down on him as if they intend to stack more and more of themselves atop him like rocks on his back until he collapses to the ground. The weight of that admission almost accomplishes that already, but Benji rights himself.</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“So… where do we go from here?” </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Well…” Benji says, running his hands through his hair and staring up at the ceiling. “I wasn’t even expecting to have an opportunity to run into you again and say what I needed to say to you so this is all really just off the cuff.”</p><p>“For the record, though, I forgive you, if that’s any consolation.”</p><p>Smiling, Benji sits up a bit straighter. “Thanks. That was fast.”</p><p>“Oh, god, I’m <em> horrible </em> at holding grudges. I mean I basically forgave you as soon as I left your place.”</p><p>“Huh... “ Benji says, raising an eyebrow. “Me, too, usually. Although I will say the whole thing with Mia has brought out an ugly side of me that I… don’t really like,” he adds, feeling his mood sour again as he slumps over and plops his head on his hand as he rests his elbow on the table. </p><p>“Well.. do you want friend advice or ‘I wanna fuck you so I’m gonna say what you wanna hear’ advice?” Victor asks.</p><p>“The first option, please. I’m tired of people lying to get in my pants.”</p><p>“Have you tried apologizing to <em> her? </em>”</p><p>“No, she started it,” Benji says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I just left her alone.”</p><p>Victor tilts his head, eyelids hanging low. “Maybe she also didn’t know how to approach it but unless one of you stops being stubborn, nothing’s gonna change. And you shouldn’t just count on her to put in all the work, regardless of who started it.”</p><p>“You’re probably right,” Benji grumbles. Victor takes a sip of his coffee, grinning and leaning back in his chair.</p><p>“I’m just saying… there’s no sense losing your best friend because of something like that. You two just need to talk.”</p><p>“Okay, you already proved your point, I get it,” Benji says, shaking his head as his lip curls up on one side. “Anyway… thank you. For taking the time to talk to me. And for being so cool about the whole thing.”</p><p>“No problem. I honestly didn’t even know you worked here.”</p><p>“It’s just on breaks from school so I can grind and save up money for food during the semester,” Benji says with a sigh, “and now I have to go home and do shit around the house. So I probably won’t see you til the semester starts.”</p><p>“That sounds rough,” Victor says, eyebrows knitting together in concern. </p><p>Benji shrugs. “Eh, I’m used to it. School is chill in comparison.”</p><p>“Well, I’m gonna go home and try to keep my sister and mom from killing each other, which is always fun,” Victor says, sarcasm lacing his voice. </p><p>“Oof, good luck with that,” Benji says, as he rises from his seat and leads Victor out the door.</p><p>“I’m going down this way, so… see ya. But, I would like to see you again. At some point.”</p><p>Chuckling and not caring about the repeated fluttering tickling the inside of his ribs, Benji lifts himself up on his toes and kisses Victor on the cheek. “See ya around.”</p><p>With a wave, Benji turns in the opposite direction, glancing over his shoulder after a moment to see Victor doing the same, before he returns him, a smile plastered to his face. When his mom asks him what’s gotten into him, taking note of his chipper attitude, he can barely contain himself. </p><p>“Aww, I’m so glad he makes you happy, sweetie. This Victor boy sounds so perfect,” Alice says, swooning, as she sits down at the table to eat, hair wrapped up with a white towel on top of her head.</p><p>“Well, I don’t wanna call him <em> perfect </em>, but… yeah he kinda is,” Benji says, a goofy smile contorting his face. He shuffles down to the entrance of the kitchen and calls: “Dad, dinner’s ready!” before returning to the table.</p><p>“So, wait, are you two together or what’s the story?” Alice asks, taking a spoonful of some lentil stew that Benji had prepared and blows on it before putting it between her lips.</p><p>“Not exactly, we’re not putting any labels on it or anything yet.”</p><p>“Hmm… okay. Well, if you <em> do </em>decide to do anything, just make sure you use condoms--”</p><p><em> “Mom, </em>please, I know,” Benji says, burying his face in his hands. “We don’t need to have ‘the talk’, I’m a grownup.” If only she knew...</p><p>“What’s this I hear about using condoms?” Richard says as he enters the kitchen, sitting on the opposite side to Benji. </p><p>Choking on his stew, Benji glares at Alice as she pats his back gently. </p><p>“Oh, I was just telling mom about this guy I like, that’s all,” Benji says once he’d finally regained his composure.</p><p>“Well, we’re not sending you to that school to think about hooking up with boys, you know that, right?” Richard says as he stirs the contents of his bowl. “You’re there to study so they don’t take your scholarship away.”</p><p>“I know,” Benji says, rolling his eyes. “I get good grades.”</p><p>“Dick, please. You don’t need to throw a fit whenever he talks about liking someone,” Alice adds.</p><p>“All’s I’m saying is you’re already wasting time getting that useless art degree so you better be the best damn artist in the world once you’re done with it,” Richard says.</p><p>Bristling, Benji stares down at his bowl and says nothing.</p><p>“God, I need a cigarette,” Alice says, rising from her seat and opening one of the drawers under the kitchen counter and pulling out a box and a lighter. She opens the window before pulling out a cigarette from the box and lighting it, then tosses the box back into the drawer. “Do you really think berating Benji is gonna make him change his mind, Dick? You’re constantly on his case for <em> something, </em>and you wonder why he never wants to come home to see us.”</p><p>Benji spoons more stew into his mouth and chews without much vigor. He misses the days when his parents would close themselves in their room and have their fights in private.</p><p>“You give him too much free will, Alice. Maybe if we’d been stricter, he would be going to do something that’s actually useful, like law or medicine. You know, something that can actually make <em> money </em>,” Richard replies. </p><p>“Ya’ll know I’m literally <em> right </em>here, right?” Benji says, voice wavering. “Not everyone is cut out for those professions and I shouldn’t have to defend myself for my choices every time I come home.”</p><p>Alice takes a long draw from her cigarette before putting it out in the sink. “You’re right, honey. It’s not our choice to make.”</p><p>“Well, maybe it <em> should </em>have been. Then maybe he wouldn’t be parading around the town in women’s clothes and being irresponsible--”</p><p>“Dad... can you not?” Benji says, tired of the same spiel.</p><p>“Then stop being an <em> embarrassment </em>to this family!” Richard all but shouts.</p><p>The words feel like a punch in the stomach as Benji’s stomach drops into his feet, the sting and burn of shame filling his core as if he’d just stuck himself with nettle. Benji stands, saying nothing in response as he runs out of the kitchen.</p><p>“<em>Dick </em> , what the hell is wrong with you?” Alice roars in response, but it’s too late. “Benji, <em> wait! </em>”</p><p>He slams the door behind him and locks it before collapsing against it in a heap with his face in his knees, smearing his jeans with his tears. Down the hall, he hears the indistinguishable words of his parents as they continue their verbal sparring match without him.</p><p>But soon Benji tires of the shoebox that is his room, the walls feeling as if they’re creeping toward him ever so slowly with the intent to compress him. Once the screaming dies down, the house is quiet again, with Benji’s dad all but throwing the front door closed as he leaves. After a few minutes, Benji retreats from his room, passing by his mother, who stands hunched over the kitchen sink with another cigarette in her hand, not paying him any mind as he slips his shoes and jacket on. </p><p>“Are you okay, mom?” Benji asks, and Alice turns, wiping her face with her wrists, her blonde hair sticking to her sweaty forehead.</p><p>“Yes, baby, I’m fine. Are <em> you </em>okay?” she asks, pulling Benji into a hug and kissing him on the forehead. </p><p>He knows she’s lying for his own sake. “I… don’t know. I think I’m gonna go outside for a bit. I need some air.”</p><p>“Okay. Stay safe, honey. I’m gonna go to work in a bit but I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Bye. Love you.”</p><p>“Love you,” Alice echoes.</p><p>Benji trudges down the stairs to the ground floor before shoving the door open to the outside and letting the winter air caress his skin like an icy cloak. He shoves his hand in his pocket and withdraws his phone, opening the message thread between Victor, which had sat abandoned for a few weeks.</p><p>“<em>Hey, are you busy? </em>” he writes.</p><p>“<em>No, why </em> ? <em> 😊 </em>” Victor responds immediately.</p><p>“<em>Do you wanna come to my place? I need someone to talk to🥺 </em>”</p><p>
  <em> “Sure omw. Text me ur address pls😇” </em>
</p><p>He sits down on the stoop, resting his head on his fist as he stares down the road to where the trees fold together, intertwining until linked hands become a chain becomes a single black point of saturation in the distance. </p><p>Soon he sees the familiar figure growing from afar, and he can see Victor absolutely <em> booking </em>it toward him. When he arrives, out of breath, he sits down beside Benji on the stoop, their shoulders pressing together in a way that feels more like home to Benji than the apartment building behind him.</p><p>“Hey!” Victor says.</p><p>“Hey. I didn’t expect you to run to see me,” Benji says with a chuckle. “Do you want some water? I can get you some…”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Victor says with a wave of his hand. “You messaged me at the right time. I was getting my ass handed to me in Monopoly.”</p><p>“Oh. You could have told me you were busy, I don’t wanna keep you away from your family.”</p><p>“There are some things that are more important,” Victor says, gaze soft.</p><p>Benji bites his lip to suppress a smile as he knocks Victor in the arm with his elbow. “That’s so cheesy but appreciated.”</p><p>“What happened?” Victor asks, tone serious all of a sudden.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Benji fidgets with his fingers on his lap. “My parents got into a fight again and my dad basically called me an embarrassment, which was… I’m not gonna lie, it hurt a little.”</p><p>Victor rests his hand on Benji’s back. “Are you all right?” </p><p>“Yeah, I just… don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this right now. I don’t feel like anyone else would understand.”</p><p>“I get it,” Victor says, rubbing his back gently. “That’s really mean of your dad to say that, though.”</p><p>Nodding, Benji fills Victor in on the details, and Victor listens intently. </p><p>“If it’s any consolation, I also had to deal with my parents constantly fighting before they separated and I know how shitty it can be when they take things out on everyone around them when they’re unhappy. It’s unfair and you don’t deserve it,” Victor says. “I know this is a bit of a different situation but just know that what your dad said isn’t true.”</p><p>“Thanks. Like, I knew he didn’t agree with a lot of my choices but like… I feel like he was being lowkey homophobic, too. It’s like everything I do wrong comes back to the fact that I’m gay, which is ridiculous.”</p><p>“What the hell?” Victor says, body tensing as he slips his arm around Benji’s shoulders. “That’s awful.”</p><p>“Mhm. Thank goodness my mom was there because I don’t know what I would have done if both my parents were on the same page or if I’d been alone. But anyway…” Benji says with a sigh and an air of finality. “Thank you for listening to me and I’m gonna try to not like. Constantly put my problems on you but I feel sorta alone lately.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Victor reassures him, kissing Benji on the cheek. “I appreciate you trusting me.”</p><p>“At least I get to go back to school in a few weeks and not have to deal with this nonsense for at least a little bit…”</p><p>Just then, the door behind them opens and Alice exits, jumping when she sees Benji and Victor sitting on the stoop together.</p><p>“Oh… Hi, love. Am I interrupting something? Benji, is this--”</p><p>“Mom, this is Victor,” Benji says with a soft smile as Victor stands to greet Alice with a handshake, but she embraces him instead.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Campbell,” Victor says politely.</p><p>“Oh, please, call me Alice,” she says, before turning to Benji and whispering: “Make sure you feed him. He seems like a nice boy.”</p><p>Benji’s face grows warm again. “Don’t worry, I will,” he says, before looking to Victor and saying: “Do you wanna come inside? I made lentil soup.”</p><p>“That… actually sounds really nice,” Victor says. </p><p>“Well, I’m off, you two. Make sure you use prot--”</p><p>“Have fun at work, mom!” Benji says loudly, cutting her off.</p><p>“Bye, Mrs. Camp--I mean, Alice! It was good meeting you!”</p><p>“Bye, boys! Love you, Benji!” Alice says, as she disappears around the corner.</p><p>--------------------------</p><p>Victor opens the door to his own apartment, slipping inside. Outside, it’s dark, the still midwinter air chilling him through the fabric of his jacket nonetheless. Within the apartment, the heat engulfs him, wrapping Victor up like a blanket of small coals as he enters, only to see that he isn’t alone.</p><p>“Hey, mijo. I wasn’t expecting you to be gone so long,” Victor’s mother, Isabel, says, her dark brows scrunched together in worry on her lined face, her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She sits in her flannel pajamas on the couch, elbow resting on a stack of pillows, knees curled up to her chest; she mutes the television...</p><p>“Hi, mom. I just uh… my friend had a little bit of a thing and needed someone to talk to,” Victor says, removing his jacket before he sits down beside her. “I wasn’t expecting him to give me dinner, too.”</p><p>“Friend, huh?” Isabel asks, making room beside her as she tilts her head to the side. “Is this the basketball player or the artist?”</p><p>“The artist. Benji. And I have a few friends who play basketball so you have to be more specific,” Victor says, pressing his lips together and looking past her, before continuing. “He was having some trouble at home. I didn’t know he lived a few blocks past Brasstown.”</p><p>“It was nice of him to give you dinner and I’m glad you were able to talk with him. Adrian ended up cleaning us all out after you left,” Isabel says with a soft chuckle. “But if you wanna talk more about your… friend, let me know.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Victor nods. “I will.”</p><p>“Is he cute, at least?” </p><p>“I mean… yeah. I can show you a pic. But he's also really sweet and funny, too,” Victor says with a laugh, his face growing hot as he pulls out his phone and taps around. “This is him,” he says as he shows Isabel the photo he’d taken of Benji playing his guitar on his bed and smiling at him. </p><p>Of course, this was a few moments before Benji got so frustrated with Victor roasting his song choices that he almost threw his guitar aside before pulling Victor down on top of him by the front of his shirt. But Isabel didn’t need to know that bit.</p><p>“Ohh, he <em> is</em>, you have good taste,” Isabel says, hand over her heart. “Good taste in <em> friends </em>,” she adds, knowing. “I hope you bring him over one day so I can meet him.”</p><p>“We’ll see,” Victor says, giving her a hug. “Thanks, <em> mami</em>. I think I’m gonna head to bed now, though. I love you.”</p><p>“Goodnight, <em> mi amor</em>. Get some rest, okay?” she says, patting Victor on the shoulder before he rises and pads down the corridor.</p><p>He sighs as he goes toward his room, only to be stopped by a sharp, piercing <em> psst, </em>like a cat hissing at him from down the hall. </p><p>“Yo, Vic,” his sister, Pilar, says, standing in the doorway to her room clad in a <em> My Hero Academia </em>t-shirt and red plaid pants. She pulls him in and shuts the door behind them. “Where were you?”</p><p>“I went to see Benji.”</p><p>“Oh, so you two are talking again?”</p><p>“Yeah, he apologized for everything and now we’re friends again, I guess. We had a good chat.”</p><p>“That’s really interesting…” Pilar says, sitting down on her bed and patting the spot beside her for Victor to sit down. “You accepted his apology fast, don’t you think?”</p><p>“Well, what was I supposed to do? Tell him to fuck off?”</p><p>“You could have been a bit… I don’t know, less <em> easy </em>. Make him work a bit harder for your forgiveness. So he sees what it actually means for him when he hurts you.”</p><p>Victor sighs, dragging his hand down his face. “I guess I just don’t see the point in prolonging the whole thing. Like, I was so happy when he wanted to make things right that I didn’t read too far into it. But anyway, this isn’t even about that. He just wanted someone to talk to today, that’s all. We didn’t even do anything else.”</p><p>“Okay, wait, that’s actually a little surprising,” Pilar says, eyebrows rising like two hills over her eyes. “How come?”</p><p>“Because… well, for one, neither of us were in the mood for it, and second… I just wanted to spend time with him and help him feel better. And just… talk, instead of distracting ourselves. I guess I just wanted him to be happy again.”</p><p>“Vic… it sounds like you have this disease that I heard about a while ago, the symptoms you’re describing sound so familiar,” Pilar says, feeling Victor’s forehead as he squints at her.</p><p>“Just spit it out, Pilar,” Victor says, removing her hand from him.</p><p>“The disease is called… You like him. As more than a friend.”</p><p>Sighing, Victor flops back on the bed. “Maybe you’re right.”</p><p>“Of course I’m right. You talk about him way too much for him to just be a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits. This is the real deal, Vic. You have <em> feelings </em>.”</p><p>Groaning, Victor grabs one of Pilar’s pillows and places it over his face as if he has the intention to smother himself. “Fuck,” he says, voice muffled by the material.</p><p>“Benji and Victor sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Pilar sings. “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.”</p><p>Victor smacks her in the face with the pillow and sits up. “Shut up, this is serious.”</p><p>“Hey, so is a baby,” Pilar counters with a shrug. “Just say it. Just say you like Benji and I’ll leave you alone.”</p><p>“I like Benji,” Victor says in a monotone, feeling his face instantly flush with warmth. </p><p>
  <em> Dammit. </em>
</p><p>He likes Benji.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thank you once again for tuning in for another installment of this story! This one is a bit different from the others because it will probably be one of the few or the only SFW chapter in the story haha. It was fun for me to write though because I liked being able to delve into a bit of B's psychology and his home life and such. Also I did indeed name B's dad Richard so it could be shortened to Dick bc he is... that. I hope ya'll are happy w the development!! Once again, a big thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> as well for her wonderful consulting work as usual. We stan a legend!!! Anyway, see you in the next installment and I hope you continue to enjoy this!! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Highest in the Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang plays with herbs.</p><p>(cw cannabis use)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“I hate to say this, Lake, but you got ripped off,” Andrew says with a smirk as he sits down on the couch and pats the spot beside him for Fee to sit down, too. “You got a dime bag.”</p><p>“Wait… Where did you get that?” Victor asks with a high-pitched chuckle. “You had that the entire time we were walking together and you didn’t tell me?”</p><p>“Victor… please don’t tell me you’ve never smoked before,” Lake says bluntly, plopping back onto the couch beside Mia. “And I did not get ripped off, Andrew. It’s the average price.”</p><p>“Oh, of course I have. I just hope you guys can keep up, is all,” Victor says, flustered.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The winter break has come and gone, and soon, Benji finds himself back at Georgia State, breathing in the fresh air of liberation. It’s the end of January, which means winter is still upon them, the days slipping quickly into nights and staying as such for far longer than is welcome, the prevalence of SAD awash across the entirety of campus; but life goes on. </p><p>Benji enters the overcrowded student center, for once dressed appropriately for the weather, observing as many of his peers gather in groups to catch up or to have the first club meetings of the semester. A cacophony of voices rips through the air, loud enough to almost overwhelm his eardrums; he’s saved only by the sound of music blaring in his ears (he picked heavy metal today, which he realizes had been an ideal option). Hands in his pockets, he treks across the carpeted hall, face lighting up when he sees Lake across the way in the spot where they had agreed to meet, with Fee curled up in a seat beside her staring down at something on the table. </p><p>“Hey, Lake. Hey, Fee. What’s up?” Benji says, removing his earbuds as he arrives and sits down at the table across from Lake.</p><p>“Oh, hey, Benji! How was your break?” Lake asks, rising from her seat to pull him into a hug. Her normally pale skin has taken on a golden hue.</p><p>“I have to go. My uh… chicken laid too many eggs and she’s freaking out because she can’t count over six,” Fee babbles, avoiding eye contact with Benji and rising to their feet before running out through the nearest doors.</p><p>“What’s gotten into them?” Benji asks once Fee has gone, raising an eyebrow and jutting a thumb over his shoulder in Fee’s direction as they disappear. “I didn’t know they had a chicken. Or that you’re even allowed to have one on campus...”</p><p>Lake shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe they got one over the break,” she says, waving her hands. “But anyway… you didn’t answer my question.”</p><p>“Well… my break was boring and shitty, as usual. I just worked the whole time,” Benji says with a sigh, but his expression transforms into a triumphant grin as he leans across the table. “<em> Buuut, </em>Victor and I did work things out at least. Turns out we live pretty close to each other, so we just happened to run into each other and voila.”</p><p>“Okay, look at you, solving all your problems!” Lake replies, impressed. </p><p>“How ‘bout you?”</p><p>“You won’t believe this, but… Mia’s parents took us all on a cruise to the Bahamas and it was <em> everything. </em>I think at this point my blood is like at least 90% lobster. But oh my god. Here, look,” she says, pulling out her phone.</p><p>“I saw your posts on insta, it seems really cool,” Benji muses, rolling his eyes. </p><p>“Maybe so, but I’ll show you again,” Lake snaps, and Benji obliges her.</p><p>“And this is from when we went swimming with pigs, they were <em> so </em>adorable. This one’s name was Mildred and she was honestly a queen. We stan,” Lake says as she swipes through her album and shows off a selfie she’d taken with Mia, the light pink and black pig sitting between them as they hold coconuts with colorful straws and paper umbrellas poking out of them. </p><p>“Aww, I’m glad you guys had fun,” Benji says, forcing a smile. “Listen, did you talk to Mia about… us, by any chance?” he asks, trying to change the subject.</p><p>“So… about that…” Lake says, pocketing her phone again with a scowl. “You hurt her feelings, B.”</p><p>“Well, she hurt mine, too,” Benji says, bristling, before he takes a deep breath and then exhales. “But I kinda gathered that. I guess I don’t really know why she’s so mad at me.”</p><p>“Do you really need me to spell it out for you, Einstein?” Lake asks, blunt.</p><p>“I mean… it would be helpful, yeah. I’m not a mind reader.”</p><p>“Sometimes, you can be a real himbo... I honestly thought you were one of the good ones<em> . Fine,” </em> Lake grumbles, muttering under her breath: “Why are men so useless?” </p><p>“Yes, I’m aware my gender is trash. I’m not gonna say ‘not all men’, but please just help me out here,” Benji says, exasperated.  </p><p>“Okay, well, you can start by acknowledging the fact that you accused her of being jealous of <em> Victor </em> --which I’ll remind you is really stupid and doesn’t make any sense--when she was just looking out for you so you don’t get your heart broken, <em> again </em>,” Lake says, as if she’d rehearsed her lines a hundred times in advance.</p><p>Benji looks down at the table, where his hands fidget with the corner of a napkin, and he swallows the lump in his throat. “Yeah, that was stupid of me, you’re right.”</p><p>“<em>And another thing </em> , instead of <em> talking to her </em> after the little incident in your drawing class--”</p><p>“I replaced her… with Ruth.”</p><p>“Bingo. Now, do I need to spoon-feed you more?”</p><p>“No, I got it. I should have just tried to fix things instead of… sleeping with Alan. God, he’s such a dick. But yeah… Mia was… right.”</p><p>“Of course she was,” Lake says, flipping her blonde waves over her shoulder and adjusting her green beret. </p><p>“She really got under my skin, though. But I shouldn’t have taken it out on her and then basically just abandoned her. I should have listened to her advice,” Benji says, burying his face in his forearms as he collapses into a heap with his arms crossed on the table. “Do you know where she is now? I wanna go talk to her,” he says, tilting his head so his chin smushes forward and rests atop his crossed pile of limbs. </p><p>“Uhh… she said something about a film class? So maybe try the art building?” Lake says, gesturing vaguely. “I don’t know, I’m not her keeper. Just text her.”</p><p>Groaning, Benji withdraws his phone from his pocket and scrolls through his messages until he arrives at the one titled ‘🌟Bestie🌟’. His fingers hover over the keys for a long moment as Lake watches.</p><p>He finally settles on: “<em> Hey, are you free? Can we talk? 🥺 </em>” and sends it as soon as he finishes constructing the sentence because he knows if he waits any longer, he’ll chicken out and overthink it. </p><p>“I guess I’ll go to the art building now, but thank you, Lake,” Benji says, resigned, as he rises from his seat and throws his bag over his shoulder. “I really just wanna solve this so we can just go back to being friends again.”</p><p>“Good luck, but I’ve got my eye on you, pretty boy,” Lake says as she narrows her eyes with a short wave.</p><p>“Thanks, I’ll need it. Bye,” Benji says. He doesn’t wait for a reply as he darts out the door and weaves around a group of jocks tossing a football around between each other. </p><p>For once, Benji is too focused to pay attention to the fact that the guys are wearing <em> really tight </em>shirts that show off the rippling of their muscles with each movement. He has more important things on his mind, the prospect of reigniting his friendship with Mia weighing so heavily on him that he feels like he’ll break through the crust of the earth and end up with the bottoms of his feet scorched by the mantle. </p><p>“Um… my <em> cabbages </em>are… teething,” comes Fee’s voice from nearby, and when Benji looks up, he sees Fee jumping as they very obviously turn away and run in the opposite direction. Benji raises an eyebrow before continuing onward.</p><p>As he approaches the art building, the late-January air bouncing off his overexerted form, he shoves the door open with his side only to hear a loud <em> thud </em>and a shriek leap out from behind it.</p><p>“Shit! I’m so sorry!” Benji says quickly as he enters, pausing as the door bangs closed behind him. Shaking his head to clear it, Benji approaches and holds out his hand. </p><p>“Oh. It’s you,” Mia says, voice flat as she averts her gaze. She smacks away his outstretched hand and rubs her forehead before pushing herself up to her feet and brushing herself off.</p><p>“Did you get my message?” Benji asks, crestfallen, as he watches her.</p><p>“What do you want, Benji?”</p><p>“Are you free now? I wanted to… apologize,” Benji says, picking at his cuticles.</p><p>“Was that it? Can I go? I have things to do.”</p><p>“Mia… <em> please </em> . I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and I’m sorry I made you feel like I was trying to replace or abandon you. <em> And </em> I’m sorry for just being a generally shitty friend,” Benji says, eyebrows weaving together as he pleads. “Seriously. I could <em> never </em> replace you. I know it’s not an excuse but I think the fact that you were right <em> once again </em>made me really desperate to prove you wrong. Can we please be friends again? I miss you.”</p><p>For a moment, Mia’s glare seems to grow even icier, cold enough to solidify and pierce him through the belly, and Benji knows it would be worth it just to see her expression dissipate, so he can see her smile at him again instead of looking like she wanted to strangle him every time she looks at him. And then her face softens, and she exhales as the tiniest of smiles sprouts on her lips. </p><p>“I’m sorry I uninvited you to my Christmas party,” Mia says quietly, taking a step closer. “And… the thing I’m most sorry for is for saying that you wouldn’t have friends without--”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Benji says, bridging the gap between her and pulling her into an embrace, relaxing as he feels her arms around his back. </p><p>She kisses his cheek gently before they separate, then dabs at the corner of her eye with the sleeve of her hoodie as Benji does the same. </p><p>“I regretted it as soon as I said it, but I was so irritated and my ego was so bruised that I couldn’t stop myself. And… I was being genuine but maybe part of me <em> was </em>actually a little jealous of how much time you would be spending with someone else who wasn’t me but like, you’re allowed to have other friends who aren’t me… There’s no excuse. It was just mean and unnecessary,” Mia says, rubbing Benji’s arm gently.</p><p>“No, I get it. You’re <em> always </em>gonna be my best friend, and I should listen to you more because I know you’re only looking out for me. I think I was just… frustrated. Because… well. I like Victor, Mia,” Benji says, staring at the ground as his face heats up.</p><p>“Wait, you’re still seeing him?” Mia asks, eyes widening as she adjusts her bag on her shoulder.</p><p>“It’s… a little complicated,” Benji says, hesitating.</p><p>“Well, tell me about it. We have a few months of catching up to do,” Mia says with a grin, wrapping her arm around Benji’s elbow and leading them outside again. The salt that had been in the wound washed away, replaced with a panacea so it can finally heal. </p><p>As they walk, Benji fills Mia in on the details, holding back a bit at first, but then, when the dam of self control crumbles, he finds his words trickling out more freely, hands gesticulating, his entire being becoming more animated with each passing moment and with each giggle that falls from Mia’s lips. His chest fills with the glowing sensation of fondness, the bud that had wilted in the past months blooming and coming to life once again as if the power of the sun had cast itself upon them both and reinvigorated their friendship. In a way, it had.</p><p>“I guess like… aside from that one time when I invited Victor over to talk because my parents and I got into a whole thing, I guess I’m… trying to figure out how to move things along. Like, we both agreed to be friends but like… I <em> really </em> like him, Mia. I even <em> deleted </em>Grindr. See?” Benji says, holding up his phone and swiping through the pages of applications where, lo and behold, Grindr was nowhere to be found. </p><p>“Wow, you deleted <em> Grindr </em>,” Mia says sarcastically, before returning to her normal tone. “But damn, this must be serious.”</p><p>“I can’t even look at Leo and imagine what I want him to do to me because all I see is Victor’s stupid pretty face,” he groans, his own cheeks flushing.</p><p>“Hmm… I thought you weren’t looking for a relationship?”</p><p>“I mean, I wasn’t. You know I have a lot of other priorities. But like… I don’t know, maybe it was also me thinking that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. You know how high-maintenance Derek was, and we weren’t even <em> technically </em>dating.”</p><p>“Interesting point… Actually, now that you mention it, you do seem like you’re not as stressed out with Victor as you were with Derek.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Mhm. From what you told me, Victor seems like… he’s not about drama, he’s sweet, he’s kind, thoughtful, considerate, good in bed… everything Derek <em> wasn’t. </em> Even when you complained about him it was because he was <em> too good </em>but once you got over it, things seemed like smooth sailing. Like he could be exactly what you need. Someone who respects you and who’s… stable.”</p><p>For a moment, Benji purses his lips in thought. He hadn’t even considered that, but as usual, Benji can’t deny that Mia is especially correct in this situation. “Huh… that makes a lot of sense. But also like… I don’t know where to go from here and I don’t think he does, either.”</p><p>“Okay, well… I might have an idea, then,” Mia says, tapping her chin. She stops them in the middle of the sidewalk, and a group of people swears at them as they go around; Mia pulls them both off to the side, stepping over twigs and brush as they stand among the trees. “It’s the first week of school so it shouldn’t be too busy for any of us… What if I had a little get together at mine and Lake’s place? I’ll invite you and Victor, and maybe Andrew and Fee?”</p><p>Benji opens his mouth and then closes it again; after a moment, he finally says: “I like the idea but… I don’t know what’s up with Fee lately. I feel like they might be avoiding me?”</p><p>“Why do you think that?”</p><p>“I don’t know. They were sitting with Lake and got up and left as soon as I sat down with the two of them, and then on my way over, they literally ran away from me. Both times they made up some preposterous excuse. It was… weird. Even by Fee standards.”</p><p>“You’re <em> sure </em>you didn’t do anything to them?”</p><p>“<em>Yeah </em> , I’m sure I would--Oh <em> no, </em>” Benji says, voice dropping, a sense of dread bursting through his entire nervous system like a continuous pump of black sludge threatening to drown him from the inside. </p><p>“What happened?” Mia asks, waving a hand in front of Benji’s face.</p><p>“I figured out what I did,” Benji says, digging the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and leaning over. “It’s because I kissed Andrew.”</p><p>“You <em> what </em>?” Mia cries. </p><p>A flock of birds erupts into the sky with a chorus of flaps that make Benji’s sense of foreboding even heavier, more raw, as if another word would carve chunks of meat from his bones.</p><p>“When I broke things off with Victor, Andrew came back a few minutes later and he was trying to comfort me, I… I didn’t know what to do so I kissed him. I swear, I didn’t want to <em> sleep </em>with him, I was just… I don’t know. I don’t know what I wanted but he was there and I just… yeah none of this makes me look good. God, I’m so dumb,” Benji says, running his hand down his face. “He was literally just trying to be my friend.”</p><p>“That’s so fucking messy.”</p><p>“I know. I’m… trying not to be. But I apologized and Andrew was surprisingly cool about it, although I guess it’s good he told Fee. He’s a trustworthy guy, but… I bet Fee hates me now.”</p><p>“Maybe when we all get together you guys can… talk about it?” Mia suggests after a moment’s pause, her face hopeful. “They probably don’t hate you but I can imagine it’s sorta… difficult to face the person who kissed your boyfriend. I know it’s kinda on-brand but… it makes you look like a homewrecker.”</p><p>“Yeah… I don’t wanna be a homewrecker anymore. My days of sleeping with other people’s boyfriends are <em> over </em>. Starting now,” Benji says with an air of finality. </p><p>“That’s what I like to hear,” Mia says with a laugh. “So… how about this Friday night, my place, around nine? I’ll send out a group message. It’ll just be a nice quiet time, no loud music, no hooliganism, just a group of friends hanging out and watching zombies rip people’s faces off.”</p><p>“Okay that actually sounds really fun,” Benji says, grinning mischievously. “Victor’s not a horror fan, though, so maybe he’ll bury himself in my arms and I can protect him.”</p><p>“Cuuute, I ship it,” Mia says in a sing-song voice, pulling out her phone and tapping around. A moment later, Benji’s phone dings.</p><p>“You’re so efficient,” Benji says, withdrawing his phone and staring down at the screen, where the notification tells him he has a message from Mia. He opens it and sees that, as he expected, she’d written a little invitation for them with all the information.</p><p>“I’m not student council president for nothing,” Mia says with a wink.</p><p>Chuckling, Benji leans against Mia’s smaller form, delighting in the fact that they’re now on good terms again. But their moment is interrupted about thirty seconds later when both Benji’s and Mia’s phones ding in tandem as their other friends send their RSVPs to the group chat. </p><p>“Shit, it’s getting late,” Mia says suddenly, looking up from her phone. “I just remembered I had class in a few minutes.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t let me keep you, then.”</p><p>“I’m glad you <em> literally </em>ran into me today, though.”</p><p>“Me, too. I’m glad we worked things out,” Benji says with a smile. “See you Friday?”</p><p>“Yeah, see you then! Love you, bestie! Bye!” Mia says, waving, before she bounds off across the sidewalk toward one of the other buildings on campus. </p><p>Benji feels far lighter than he had only a half hour ago, free of the burden growing out of his back like a calathea with all its diseased leaves; all he had to do was prune them so the plant can be revived, stronger than ever before. He wishes he’d done it sooner, but now is better than never. </p><p>He pops his earbuds in and slides his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he makes his way back to his dorm, humming along to some peaceful acoustic music. When he arrives in his room, he greets Andrew, feeling self-conscious, then sheds his jacket and shoes and plops backward into his bed. With a crooked smile, he stares at the ceiling, praying Friday would come sooner.</p><p>-------------------------------------</p><p>Standing in front of his closet with a towel wrapped around his waist, Benji brushes his damp hair out of his eyes as he scans his clothing options. Face heating up, he suddenly feels as if he’d forgotten every bit of fashion advice he’d ever accumulated, mind blanking on something as simple as throwing an outfit together. The image of Victor burning itself into his brain proves to make this task almost impossible and so he takes a deep breath. Clearing his mind, he tries again. </p><p>After a few moments of thought, he picks something out. He’d learned his lesson from last semester, opting for a simple black cropped hoodie with checkered sleeves and ripped jeans--and he would inevitably wear his thick, fur-lined leather jacket, so he could be cute but comfortable and most importantly, <em> warm </em>. After the month he’d spent at home, he knows now more than ever that he can’t afford to be sick or to jeopardize his position again. </p><p>Humming to himself, he glances over his shoulder to see Andrew lying on his bed, phone hovering over his face as he scrolls through something that’s clearly more engaging than Benji, which he’s grateful for nonetheless. He shuffles back into the bathroom to slip into his outfit and style his hair before exiting and checking the time on his own phone. 8:50.</p><p>They have a bit of time before they need to leave to be at Mia’s, since Benji doesn’t want to be too early, and he tries to calm his racing heart with some more deep breathing exercises. He has nothing to worry about, but the sensation of his chest compressing against his will, squeezing his bronchi together, has no place when he’s meant to be meeting with friends. Fidgeting with his hands for a moment, Benji then reaches out and unplugs his phone from the charger.</p><p>“You ready to go over?” Benji asks, rising from his bed and slipping his arms into his jacket and his feet into his shoes.</p><p>“Yeah, let’s go,” Andrew replies, leaping right up from his bed and following after Benji. “Fee said they’ll meet us there,” he adds.</p><p>Sighing in relief, Benji shoves his hands into his pockets as they make their way out of the building and into the cool night air, walking side by side, elbows brushing gently. He still feels that familiar sensation of lead pooling in the pit of his stomach whenever he’s around Andrew, and as they walk together in silence, the awkwardness palpable, Benji wants nothing more than for wings to sprout from his back and carry him to Mia’s so he can escape.</p><p>“Hey, Andrew. I have a question,” Benji ventures, staring straight ahead. He immediately feels two darts on the side of his face.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You told Fee about what happened the day before break… right?”</p><p>“Yeah. Are you upset? They had a right to know.”</p><p>“No, I’m just… curious. That explains why they were avoiding me all week,” Benji says, sighing in defeat. </p><p>“They don’t really know how to deal with conflict,” Andrew acknowledges, turning his eyes toward the sky. “I don’t know if you noticed, but Fee is terrible at being angry at people. They tried roasting me once in high school and told me I was a giant. Like, they actually thought it would hurt my feelings.”</p><p>Benji chuckles despite himself, but a moment later his face falls and he chews his lip, guilt written across his features. “Well… I do wanna make things right with them. I feel bad. Like obviously I wasn’t trying to steal you or anything.”</p><p>“I guess it’s different hearing it from me and it’s different having to actually see you. Like, they do know about… two semesters ago, and even though they trust me I guess it’s like… maybe they don’t trust you?”</p><p>Swallowing the lump in his throat, Benji presses his lips together. “That’s even more of a reason why I should talk to them, though. Like, maybe I should just reassure them? Because they <em> are </em> my friend and I don’t wanna turn them into an enemy.”</p><p>“No, I get it. They’re too nice to tell you to fuck off but they were <em> pissed </em>when they found out.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says sarcastically as they walk up the stoop outside of Mia and Lake’s house. He rings the doorbell.</p><p>The door opens, and Fee stands there, as if Benji and Andrew’s conversation had summoned them. Fee’s pupils go wide and they scramble to put their shoes on as Benji and Andrew enter, the door falling closed behind them.</p><p>“I just remembered I left the stove on,” Fee cries, panicking, as they attempt to slip out the door, only for Andrew to stop them with a hand on their chest.</p><p>“Hey, babe. Relax,” Andrew says, kissing them gently on the lips and guiding them back inside. “Benji wants to talk to you so <em> please </em>don’t run away again.”</p><p>“Benji, Andrew! You guys are right on time,” Mia says, padding through the corridor on the left-hand side into the foyer and offering the two newcomers hugs, before opening the closet and motioning for them to hang their jackets up within. “Fee was just telling me about this weird cocktail that uses scorpion venom which sounds awesome. I just put out some drinks so help yourselves. None of them have venom in them, though, unfortunately.”</p><p>“Thanks for having us,” Benji says with a chuckle as he kicks his shoes off, glancing to the side to see Fee inching closer to the exit again. </p><p>“Hey! I could go for some whiskey, I’m not driving,” Andrew says with a shrug as he takes Fee by the hand, whispering something into their ear.</p><p>“Andrew, can you join me in the kitchen, please?” Mia says, motioning knowingly and disappearing around the corner. </p><p>“Sure thing, Mia,” Andrew says as he unclamps Fee from himself and follows.</p><p>“I’m coming, too,” Fee says.</p><p>“No, you aren’t,” Mia warns.</p><p>A heavy, silent tension weighs upon Benji and Fee, neither of them able to look the other in the eye. But Benji knows he has to break it or else nothing will amount from this. He leans against the door.</p><p>“You’ve been avoiding me,” Benji says, a statement more than an accusation. </p><p>“<em>No, </em>I’m just… super busy this semester,” Fee says, almost tripping over their words. Benji knows they’re lying.</p><p>“Look, I know you’re pissed at me for kissing Andrew. And I’m sorry for that, I really am. My head wasn’t all there and it won’t happen again.”</p><p>“Pfff, what are you talking about? It’s fine, everything’s fine. I’m not mad.” </p><p>Benji sighs. “What can I do to make you trust me again?” he asks, biting his lip as his gaze drifts to the hardwood floors. </p><p>There’s another pause between them. Fee shifts their weight from one foot to the other. </p><p>“Okay, fine. I was a little pissed off about it. But I believe you. I just don’t know how to act around you, alright? It’s a weird situation to be in. And now I can’t even look at you without imagining you kissing Andrew,” Fee says, throwing their arms into the air in frustration. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Benji says again, stepping a bit closer to Fee. “I guess asking for things to go back to normal and for us to just be friends like usual is asking a lot. But if it’s any consolation, I only have eyes for one guy and it’s <em> not </em>Andrew.”</p><p>Just then, the doorbell rings, making Benji and Fee jump. </p><p>“I got it,” Benji calls. He turns back to Fee, lowering his voice. “Can we please just be civil, at least? Like no running away from me when I’m around? At least for our friends’ sakes?”</p><p>“Yeah, okay. I think I just need some time,” Fee says, leaning against the back of the nearest white leather couch. The doorbell rings a few more times, followed by a series of knocks, insistent. </p><p>“Cool. Thank you,” Benji says with a small smile, nodding before turning around and finally opening the door to see Victor and Lake standing there, with Lake’s finger hovering over the doorbell and Victor looking sheepish.</p><p>“Hey, took you long enough,” Lake says, as Benji steps aside to let her in. “Of course I had to forget my house keys.”</p><p>She presses a kiss to Benji’s and Fee’s cheeks as she enters, throwing her bag onto one of the couches. Victor follows her inside, closing the door behind them. When he greets Benji, craning down to kiss him on the cheek, his touch lingers a little too long, and the scent of his fresh, lightly spiced cologne wafts around them in a cloud; Benji knows he’ll smell it for days afterward. </p><p>Victor enters and greets the rest of their friends, chuckling over something Benji didn’t hear as he returns to the living room with a red solo cup in hand, Andrew and Mia in tow with their own drinks. Lake is in the process of digging through her silver bag, face lighting up when she finds her buried treasure, extracting a ziploc baggie of what looks like some crushed up green herbs.</p><p>But Benji knows better than that.</p><p>“All right, everyone,” Mia says, sitting down on one of the couches and motioning for Lake to sit beside her. “So I ordered us a bunch of pizzas and we have some movie options that we can pick out. Drinks are in the kitchen so help yourself. And yes, before you ask, there are a surprising amount of vegan pizzas, actually,” she says, glancing in Benji’s direction, as he pumps his fist and whispers “Yesss” more to himself than anyone else. </p><p>“I hope you ordered extra food, babe. We’re gonna need it,” Lake says, presenting her baggie of herb and a box of cigarillos to the room with a triumphant look. “Got this for forty bucks. I just walked into a room and said ‘god, what’s a girl gotta do to get some plant around here?’ and like… five of my friends offered me some.”</p><p>“I hate to say this, Lake, but you got ripped off,” Andrew says with a smirk as he sits down on the couch and pats the spot beside him for Fee to sit down, too. “You got a dime bag.”</p><p>“Wait… Where did you get that?” Victor asks with a high-pitched chuckle. “You had that the entire time we were walking together and you didn’t tell me?”</p><p>“Victor… please don’t tell me you’ve never smoked before,” Lake says bluntly, plopping back onto the couch beside Mia. “And I did <em> not </em>get ripped off, Andrew. It’s the average price.”</p><p>“Oh, <em> of course </em> I have. I just hope you guys can keep up, is all,” Victor says, flustered.</p><p>Benji can only shake his head with a grin as he sits down on the only available couch, and Victor looks around to see that the only open spot is beside Benji. He swallows and slides onto the couch, leaving a space between him and Benji. </p><p>“You don’t have to lie, Vic. I think it’ll be some people’s first time, too,” Benji says, curling up and scooting closer to Victor. </p><p>Mia flashes a tight-lipped smile. “I wish you would have told me you were bringing home extra fun things for us to do, Lake,” she says. “But I guess now’s as good a time as ever to try.”</p><p>“I’m actually kinda curious now, because I’ve never smoked before, either,” Fee says, stroking their chin. “If we watch something scary it’ll probably be really trippy when we’re high. Ohh, and maybe it’ll be even better when we’re cross faded… That sounds so fun…”</p><p>Victor’s eyes widen and Benji moves closer to him so their sides touch, a jolt of electricity meandering through their flesh. Benji leans over to whisper in Victor’s ear: “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, you know.”</p><p>“I know, but I wanna try,” Victor whispers back. </p><p>In the background, Lake opens the pack of cigarillos and pulls out one of the long, skinny sticks of tobacco, along with the grinder she’d procured from her bag. She empties the tobacco onto a piece of paper before putting one of the buds of weed from the baggie into her grinder and assembles it all into the wrapper from the cigarillo while Andrew tries to give her pointers that she promptly ignores. When she’s done, she has a surprisingly aesthetically pleasing blunt, which she holds up to show the group. </p><p>“What do you guys wanna watch?” Mia asks, as Lake lights the blunt and takes a draw from it beside her, holding the smoke in her lungs and passing it to Benji before she exhales expertly. </p><p>Benji takes the blunt, holding it to his lips and inhaling, the almost rancid, skunk-like smell invading his nostrils, but he doesn’t pay it any mind as he waits a moment before breathing out, plumes of smoke curling around him on the way out. He hands it to Victor, who holds it gingerly in his hand and stares at it, brows furrowed.</p><p>“Can we watch ‘The Exorcist’? I fell asleep last time and didn’t get to see the ending,” Fee says with a pout.</p><p>“No, we can’t keep watching that, it’s gross,” Lake says, shuddering.</p><p>The others begin to argue about movies as Benji watches Victor with a smirk. </p><p>“It’s not that difficult. The only advice I can really give to you is to hold it for a second and not to cough,” Benji says, resting a hand on Victor’s back. “And like I said, you’re always free to back out. No one’s gonna make fun of you.”</p><p>Victor nods and imitates Benji’s action from a moment earlier, making a face as the smoke hits his throat, sharp and bitter, and shuddering with the effort of holding back his cough, feeling as if his rib cage would break and his lungs would grow and escape their prison. His eyes water as he blows out a puff of smoke, chasing it with a sip of the rum and coke he’d poured himself and almost choking. Benji pats him gently and takes the blunt from his hand to pass over to Andrew, pupils flitting to Fee as they sit beside him.</p><p>“You did really well, Vic,” Benji says with a fond smile, his hand traveling up to the spot where Victor’s shoulder and neck connect and resting there. “<em> Way </em> better than my first time.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Victor says, voice hoarse as he wipes his eyes in his sleeve and leans into Benji’s touch unconsciously. “It smells <em> so bad </em>, though, Jesus.”</p><p>“Yeah… even after you get used to it, it’s still pretty gross,” Benji says, face beginning to droop and the familiar relaxing heaviness descending upon him like a weighted blanket. “Oh, that’s so nice,” he sighs, letting his head fall back against the top of the couch, eyelids fluttering closed like butterfly wings as they rest atop a flower in the breeze.</p><p>For a moment, Benji simply sits there, leaning against Victor, the high taking over. He then opens his eyes, glancing at Victor from the corners and seeing him through the gently vibrating haze around them.</p><p>“You good?” Benji asks.</p><p>Eyes slitting open, Victor scrunches his face up, speech a bit slurred and sounding far away. “I’m not sure. Everything feels really… slow? But it’s not bad, I guess.”</p><p>“Let me know if you get panicky, okay?” Benji says, blinking slowly and then wondering how his hand got to Victor’s leg and how Victor’s arm ended up wrapped around his waist. “Deep breathing definitely helps.”</p><p>“Okay,” Victor says, eyes red and glazed over as he leans his head on Benji’s shoulder with a crooked smile on his lips. Benji’s glacial heartbeat skips even though it probably shouldn’t; he becomes hyper aware of his breathing, as if diverting his focus will make him lose control of homeostasis entirely. </p><p>The blunt comes around again, and they both take another hit, melting against each other even further like two ice caps afflicted by the summer heat as Mia shuts off the lights and finally turns on the movie—“Dawn of the Dead”—and takes a seat beside Lake with a drug-induced giggle.</p><p>“I have the munchies. When will the pizza be here?” Fee whines, voice cracking as they loll against Andrew.</p><p>“In a few minutes,” Mia whispers, “but we can get some snacks if you want.”</p><p>Mia rises and grabs Fee by the hand. They stumble into the kitchen together; Benji returns his attention to the movie, barely following along with the storyline because the way Victor tenses beside him, even in his encumbered state, distracts him. </p><p>Victor turns his face away from the television after a few minutes, groaning quietly, and Benji raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” he whispers in Victor’s ear.</p><p>“Yeah, I just… don’t care for scary movies,” Victor replies, peering up at Benji from his spot on his shoulder.</p><p>“Do you wanna cuddle?” Benji asks without thinking.</p><p>Just then, the doorbell rings and Benji freezes.</p><p>“Pizza’s here!” Mia shouts a bit too loudly before chuckling to herself from the kitchen.</p><p>“I’ll get it,” Lake says, but she makes no move to get up, simply staring off into space.</p><p>“No, I think I should do the honors,” Andrew says, surprisingly coherent as he rises from the couch. “Everyone be cool.”</p><p>Benji looks over his shoulder as Victor buries himself further into his side and wraps his arms around his form, clinging to him like a sloth, but Benji doesn’t mind at all; in fact, the familiar weight of Victor is the only thing anchoring him to this planet and keeping him from floating off toward the starry void of space. He grins crookedly as he wraps his own arms around Victor’s middle, nuzzling against his hair.</p><p>Andrew returns to the living room with a stack of several pizza boxes, setting them down on the coffee table and opening the top box. Mia and Fee return, clumsily clutching bags of chips and dropping them on the table to create a proper stoner’s spread. They all help themselves, not even bothering to get any plates as they scarf down the contents with abandon, occasionally erupting into a chorus of giggles whenever someone in the movie gets merked in a particularly gruesome way, while Lake mutters something about the special effects being terrible and “The Walking Dead” being much better. </p><p>Once the laughter dies down again, Benji takes a bite of pizza and follows it with a handful of popcorn from the bag he’d commandeered as he observes Victor, who, for the moment, seems to have forgotten that they’re watching a scary movie as he chews his own slice loudly, expression vacant. But then when someone on the television starts screaming, Victor pauses mid-chew, gasping to himself, before he returns to sticking to Benji’s side. And Benji can’t help the sensation of his heart stuttering like a lone leaf in the breeze, biting his lip but not able to stop it from curling up as he observes him. </p><p>When they finish eating, Benji and Victor return to their wrapped-up state, legs curling around each other like a pile of wires. Benji can feel Victor watching him before he sighs against Benji’s neck, warm breath tickling his skin. And when Victor leans in further, kissing him right under his ear, Benji sighs, not having it in him to push Victor away, instead welcoming it, feeling the sensation going straight to his dick, pants becoming tighter much faster than he expected then to. He’d always wanted to have sex while high but didn’t trust anyone enough to try. </p><p>Victor trails more kisses along his neck as Benji brushes his hair aside to give Victor better access. With a quiet moan, Victor moves along Benji’s jaw, stopping once he gets to right next to Benji’s lips; he pulls away, staring at Benji, suddenly looking hungry despite having just put away more slices of pizza than he could count. </p><p>Benji swallows, exploring Victor’s face and landing on his lips. They look so plump and feel <em> so </em>good on him, but ever since he’d seen them for the first time, he wondered what they would feel like against his own. And when he got a taste of them—albeit briefly—before the break, Benji wants nothing more than to taste them again, because only Victor can intoxicate him, overpower him, and provide him with exactly what he wants.</p><p>“Are we about to kiss right now?” Benji says, their noses grazing against one another.</p><p>“Do you want to?” Victor asks, inching slightly closer as his eyelids fall closed, and Benji isn’t sure if it’s from the drugs or from some overwhelming desire for him or maybe a combination of both.</p><p>“I would love that,” Benji sighs, falling into Victor as their lips catch on each other.</p><p>The kiss is slow at first, Victor’s hand making its journey from his lap up Benji’s chest and then finally to his cheek, and they relax for a moment, merely mingling, before Benji opens his mouth, letting Victor’s tongue invade the cavern of his mouth. His breath hitches in his throat as Victor’s other hand slides between his hip and the couch, and Benji lets himself tumble forward onto Victor’s lap as he presses against Victor’s lean frame. </p><p>There’s something amazing about finally kissing Victor properly, about how Victor injects every ounce of respect and desire he has into each movement, but Benji adores how that kindness Victor exhibits in his daily life doesn’t stop him from claiming Benji just the way he likes it, taking control of him and knowing that whatever Victor does, Benji will allow it because he knows just how pleasurable it will be. And when they rub their clothed erections together as they kiss, the friction messing up the electrical current within their bodies entirely, it’s as if the rational parts of their brains shut off and begin operating purely on animal instinct. </p><p>Victor slides his hand down Benji’s sides, emitting a soft chuckle against his lips as Benji squirms in his lap while grabbing at his ass through his pants. Moaning, Victor deepens the kiss even further, resting his hand on the side of Benji’s neck as the other slips under his shirt, burning on contact from the spark of their arousal. </p><p>They make out for a while, their attention entirely off the movie and on the addicting, wet heat of each other's mouths at this point instead. Benji doesn’t want to pull away, content with suffocating if it means he can keep kissing Victor and feeling the way he touches him so deliberately, every nerve ending in his body set alight with want. He never knew he could be so enthralled with another person that kissing them feels like the vital oxygen he needs for survival. No one had ever made him feel this way.</p><p>Benji knows that if they keep this up, he’ll cum, already feeling the dampness of precum making him uncomfortable, wishing he could just shed his clothes right there and have Victor fuck him silly in front of all their friends, but even in his inebriated state he knows he’ll never live that down. And so they finally pull away, panting, with breath mingling together as if they intend to get high off each other’s presence.</p><p>“Victor…” Benji whispers in Victor’s ear, words like magma on his flesh. “I could kiss you for hours but… I <em> really </em>need you to fuck me right now.”</p><p>Glancing to their friends in the dark, Victor hums as he looks back at Benji’s face, irises twinkling in the dimness from the light of the television. Their friends seem engrossed in other things, not paying them any mind.</p><p>“I would… definitely like for us to have sex. But where can we go?” Victor asks slowly.</p><p>“Closet,” Benji says, rising to his feet on shaky, cottony legs, the room vibrating a bit as he rights himself and offers Victor a hand. </p><p>“Cool,” Victor says, as if this is a totally reasonable request. He takes Benji’s hand, leaning against him, and they tiptoe away to the closet in the foyer, keeping their eyes on their friends to ensure none of them turn around; they don’t.</p><p>As soon as they enter, Benji shuts the door behind them and pulls the cord to turn the light on. He strips his shirt off before stepping out of his pants, standing bare in front of Victor, before, a few seconds later, when he feels Victor’s pupils cutting through him, he covers himself with his hands, suddenly self-conscious. </p><p>“Do you have a condom? And also lube?” Victor asks, averting his gaze after a couple of seconds when he sees Benji’s reaction to his stare. </p><p>“No condoms, I ran out,” Benji says, pressing his lips together, face heating up. “Lube…” he adds, stroking his chin as he thinks for a moment, his brain taking its time to shuffle around his memories. “Oh, yeah. I have lube,” he finally says, carding through the contents of the closet to find his jacket. He produces a bottle of clear liquid and puts it on the shelf.</p><p>“You walk around with a bottle of lube in your pocket,” Victor muses.</p><p>“Yeah, so? I like to be prepared,” Benji says as-a-matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Not judging, just saying…” Victor says with a chuckle. “Are you okay with this?”</p><p>Benji closes his eyes and exhales loudly. He hasn’t had sex in over a month, and now that the opportunity presents itself, the conditions are less than ideal, but he can’t help the amount of sexual frustration he’d accumulated. Is it too much to ask for Victor to just stick his dick in him? </p><p>“Have you slept with anyone else lately?” Benji asks quietly, taking a step closer to Victor. </p><p>“You’re the only one,” Victor says, cupping Benji’s face and running his thumb across his cheek. </p><p>“Well… I haven’t seen anyone else, either, so...” </p><p>Victor raises his other hand to rest on the side of Benji’s neck as he slides the other down his cheek to rest opposite. Benji’s eyes flutter closed as he wraps his fingers around Victor’s wrists and Victor tilts his head up with his thumbs.</p><p>“<em>God </em>, you’re gorgeous,” Victor breathes.</p><p>“So are you,” Benji says with a smile, face heating up even more than he thinks is possible at this point, a kettle boiling over on the stove. “Is the no condom thing a problem, then?”</p><p>“Hell no.”</p><p>“Good, because I missed you so much,” he says, adding: “<em> You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel this way” </em>in his mind, because even when he’s lost most of his inhibitions, there’s still something holding him back from saying it out loud. </p><p>“I missed you, too,” Victor says, and he closes the gap between them again. </p><p>Benji steps forward, melting into Victor’s grip as their tongues brush against each other. He whines when he feels Victor smirking against his lips as his fingers dance down his chest, slipping under his shirt and prying it off him; they separate for a split-second before Benji tosses it to join his own clothes on the floor, before they go right back to kissing as Benji wraps his arms around Victor’s neck.</p><p>With a soft sigh as Victor bites his lip, Benji lifts his legs to clamp around Victor’s waist, climbing him like a tree, and Victor squeezes his ass firmly as he flips them and pins Benji to the door and then kisses him again.</p><p>Fingers tugging at hair, Benji wonders if he’ll ever tire of the way Victor’s tongue caresses his insides, as if that’s the only way to satisfy his own insatiable hunger. He doesn’t know if this is just the weed talking, but he never knew what it was like to desire someone beyond the realm of physicality, to want to surrender himself completely--mind, body, and spirit--until that very moment. </p><p>Victor undoes his pants, their faces still joined, and frees his erection, shuddering as the cool air strikes the sizzling surface of his skin. They separate again, panting and with sweat sticking their locks to their foreheads, their gazes fill with lust and longing and something else, something primal and unidentifiable. And Benji isn’t sure how much longer he can take it.</p><p>“Can you <em> please </em> just put it in me already?” Benji begs, head falling back against the surface of the door with a soft <em> thud </em>, feeling as if he’s close to crying.</p><p>“Let me finger you first,” Victor breathes. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”</p><p>“You won’t hurt me, I’m used to it,” Benji says, trying to ignore the throbbing of his own hard cock between them and the ache within him for the sensation that only Victor could provide. “I just want you inside me. <em> Please </em>,” he adds, stroking Victor’s cheek gently.</p><p>For a moment, Victor falls silent, but Benji can see the way he grits his teeth as he battles with himself, the clatter of swords clashing almost audible around them. It’s times like these when Benji wishes that Victor was less of a kind soul, so he wouldn’t even have to think about it. But when he bites his lip and gives Benji that <em> look </em>that says he doesn’t need to be convinced and reaches out to the shelf to grab the bottle of lube that Benji so graciously provided, Benji can only grin. </p><p>“This is the only time,” Victor warns. “Obviously I really wanna have sex with you and you obviously feel the same way--”</p><p>“Shh. Stop talking,” Benji says, placing a digit gently on Victor’s lips and looking past him. “Less of this,” Benji adds, opening and closing his other hand, “and more of this,” he says, flicking his wrist as he makes a jerking off motion in the air. “My legs are getting tired and I wanna look at you while we fuck.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes but reddening nonetheless, Victor opens the bottle of lube and slathers a generous amount of it all over his dick, trying his best not to drip it on the floor. When he feels it’s sufficiently lubricated, Victor shifts in Benji’s hold and puts the bottle back on the shelf, instead dropping on the floor with a groan. </p><p>“Okay, I’m gonna put it in now,” Victor mutters, and Benji instinctively draws him closer. “Stop me if it’s too much.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Victor’s eyebrows furrow together as he positions himself right before Benji’s hole and pushes inside as slowly as he can. Benji pulls their faces together as they moan into each others’ mouths as Victor stretches him; all he can do is take it, which he does gladly, eyes rolling back in his head, clutching at his back and grinding his hips down as Victor finally sheathes himself inside him, and he knows that if it weren’t for the drugs in his system, his heart would be racing like a freight train prepared to veer off the tracks. </p><p>“<em>Mm... </em> you feel so fucking good inside me, Vic,” Benji breathes, nibbling on Victor’s ear as he clenches his legs tighter around Victor’s middle. “You can move, I’m literally fine.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“<em>Yes! </em>Stop asking if I’m okay and just rail me,” Benji says, before he leans back against the door and guides Victor by the chin into another kiss. </p><p>Doing as Benji asks, Victor pulls out and slides back inside Benji a bit faster but still careful despite his high making his form a bit sloppy. He unhooks Benji’s legs from him and spreads them wider, gripping the backs of his thighs hard enough that his knuckles bulge out like living rope as he progressively speeds up his thrusts and gasps against Benji, devolving into open mouthed kisses that are more tongue and teeth than lip, and in turn, Benji scratches at his back and scalp with blunt nails, arching his spine and moving in harmony with Victor as he hit his prostate each time. </p><p>Benji’s eyes fall open in slits and he watches Victor’s face as he fucks him and looks at everything but Benji’s face, focusing only on making them both cum--always so fucking respectful. He groans, pleasure pooling in his stomach and he wonders why on earth he’d ever told Victor not to look at him. Something tugs at him as if he’s a marionette on a string (definitely the drugs) and he finds himself reaching out and tilting Victor’s visage toward him. </p><p>“Look at me,” Benji says. </p><p>And Victor does. </p><p>And as soon as he does, his face contorts and Benji feels as if someone had poured molten gold through his innards and he cums, too, seeing Victor’s face and then nothing at all, ears ringing as every muscle in his body contracts and he vibrates as Victor pulls out, seed dripping down the backs of his legs. </p><p>Victor gently unbends Benji and sets him down on the floor as they attempt to get their breathing back under control. He picks up their clothes and they both dress in shaky silence, the ordeal made a bit more difficult due to their high. </p><p>Neither of them notice that they put their clothes on inside out and backward as they shut off the light and stumble through the dark hallway into the bathroom to clean up, giggling as they return to their seats on the couch. Lake is the only one who notices their return, her tanned but light face like the moon in the darkness but she turns back to the movie immediately, not paying them any mind.</p><p>When they sit down, stomachs growling, Victor steals one of the boxes of pizza, offering some to Benji, and they eat with Benji sitting on Victor’s lap again, and as soon as something scary shows up on the screen, Victor buries his face in Benji’s chest until it passes, and Benji can’t help but feel even more endeared to him with each successive moment as he strokes Victor’s hair with a soft smile. He doesn’t normally even find this behavior cute, but somehow, because it’s Victor, he can’t get enough of it; he kisses Victor gently on the forehead.</p><p>Soon the credits roll and Victor falls asleep wrapped around him and Benji doesn’t know what to do in order to stop him from waking him. He yawns, covering his mouth with his arm as he shifts in Victor’s lap, accepting that this is just where he lives now. </p><p>Mia puts on another movie and curls up beside Lake, looking as if she, too, were in the process of winding down. Fee is snoring with their head on Andrew’s lap, and Andrew was absently running his fingers through their hair before he fell asleep, too.</p><p>Benji takes a deep breath, feeling guilt coursing through him as he touches Victor’s shoulder and jostles him.</p><p>“Hey, Victor,” he says. When Victor doesn’t respond, he tries again. “<em> Hey.” </em></p><p>A sharp inhale through the nose and Victor startles, rubbing his eyes and looking around as he relaxes his hold around Benji.</p><p>“How long was I out?” Victor asks, setting Benji down beside him. </p><p>“Just a few minutes,” Benji whispers. “Did you wanna… maybe lie down?” he asks.</p><p>“Sure. I don’t really feel like watching anymore.”</p><p>With a soft smile, Benji lies down against the back of the couch, patting the spot beside him for Victor to join him. Victor follows suit, lying down beside him so they can face each other. Benji can still see the tv, but with Victor in front of him, he has no use for the other view. </p><p>Victor peers at him through his brown eyes that look like little polished bits of onyx in the low lighting and Benji swallows, averting his shaky, swirling gaze for a moment before resting his palm on Victor’s cheek. When Victor mirrors his expression and sets his hand on top of Benji’s on his face as he brings their lips together, Benji melts another time, wishing they could have done this from the start.</p><p>He doesn’t know why, but his heart seizes in his chest, insides fluttering like a flock of frightened birds, when Victor whispers “Goodnight.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all, thanks for sitting tight and waiting for this chapter, I know it was a little bit of a wait because I was finishing up The stars will love me even if you don't. Anyway, I realize this chapter is a bit on the longer side, it really got away from me as I was writing but I suppose it makes up for the time ya'll had to wait haha. I wanna say thank you once again to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> for acting as my consultant and being so fire as she usually is tbh. Hope ya'll enjoyed this and as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback. 1 kudo/comment = 1 Venji having a nice time!! See ya'll in the next installment! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. We Can't Stop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Andrew shares a secret.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“You guys just didn’t wanna invite me to your dance party,” Benji teases as he enters the room, swinging his hips for a moment before he plops down at the table with his head in his arms. “Smells good in here.”</p><p>Shimmying his shoulders, Victor grins at Benji mischievously as he makes eye contact with him and twirls in place before he flips some pancakes onto a plate in a stack. Benji can’t stop the laugh that falls from his lips. </p><p>“Honestly, we don’t even need three people, two is more than enough,” Mia says, untying her apron and setting the coffee pot in the middle of the table. “Plus, this is my house, I don’t need to do all this, but I’ll set the table because I’m a <i>good host</i>.”</p><p>“God, you’re so full of it. Sit down,” Benji sighs, motioning to one of the chairs at the table as he pushes himself up. “I’ll do it.”</p><p>“Sure. Have fun,” Mia says as she sits down to watch.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunlight peeks in through the slits in the blinds hanging over the windows, casting golden sheets across the room. Birds chirp outside, providing a peaceful morning melody to those who have the pleasure or misfortune (depending on constitution) to be conscious at that hour. </p><p>For Victor, it’s momentary misfortune as he groans and stretches his legs out straight like a cat rising from it’s loafing position on the floor, eyes still remaining closed. After a few seconds, his heavy eyelids flutter open and he blinks a few times as he adjusts to the daylight. Once his pupils focus, Victor jumps a bit, face heating up, but he can’t stop himself from smiling.</p><p>Beside him, lay Benji, shoulder rising and falling in a steady rhythm as he basks in the glow, undergoing a further angelic transformation under Victor’s gaze with each breath. He looks peaceful, head stacked atop his joined hands, face smooth aside from the dusting of dark stubble sprouting from his chin and along his jaw. A lone lock of escaped hair decorates Benji’s forehead, and Victor gently tucks it behind his ear, careful so as to not wake him. When Benji doesn’t wake, he exhales relief.</p><p>Victor rests on his arm and  watches Benji sleep for a moment longer, lip curling up even more as his heart does somersaults in his ribcage. He wants nothing more than to pull Benji into an embrace, to kiss the breath out of him, to feel the warmth of his body against him, to run his hands through his hair, but Victor has to suffice with simply observing him from a short distance, wordless, and wait for him to awaken.</p><p>Nearby, a body stirs, and Victor remembers where he is; he glances over his shoulder to see Fee and Andrew wrapped around each other. From the opposite end, the metronomic noise of footfalls descending the staircase startles Victor from his spot. Yawning into the back of his hand, Victor slowly sits up, holding his head as it pulsates, as if a tiny grenade had burst behind his optic nerves.</p><p>“Gooood morning everybody,” Lake says in a sing-song voice as she leans on the back of the couch and peers down at Victor. “You two definitely had some fun together last night, huh,” she adds, wiggling her eyebrows.</p><p>Face aflame, Victor scoffs; his shoulders sag, because he knows he’ll never hear the end of it from their friends.</p><p>“Fuck off, Lake,” Benji says with a scowl, eyes still closed, as he rolls onto his back. “It’s too early for this.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not <em> that </em>early, it’s almost ten o’clock,” Lake replies as she stands up straight. “And I would lose the attitude because Mia and I were about to make us all breakfast.”</p><p>Benji mutters to himself as he props himself up on his elbow beside Victor, rubbing away sleep with his knuckles. </p><p>“Why are you being so loud?” Fee grumbles from against Andrew’s back, not moving.</p><p>“Get <em> up </em>losers!” Lake urges, before she retreats to the kitchen.</p><p>“Relax, Lake,” Mia says from the stairs as she descends, too, waving to her friends. “Morning, love birds. Or maybe I could compare thee to… rabbits,” she adds, holding up her arm as if she were about to recite a soliloquy with a knowing glint in her eye.</p><p>Victor freezes despite his body heat spiking and rendering him speechless for a moment as Lake throws her head back in laughter. Fee gives a half-hearted chuckle and Andrew doesn’t respond. Benji covers his face and flails his legs as he groans in humiliation.</p><p>“Anyway, we’re gonna go start cooking. Anyone who doesn’t wanna get up can just eat cold food, then, I don’t care,” Mia says.</p><p>“Do you guys need any help?” Victor asks, embarrassment subsiding a bit as he rises from his seat, only to be stopped by a clamp around his wrist.</p><p>“No, stay,” Benji says with a pout, cheeks still painted pink as he pulls Victor back down. </p><p>Victor chuckles, leaning over to give Benji a peck on the lips. When Benji threads his fingers through Victor’s hair, deepening the kiss, Victor almost melts into him as he cups Benji’s cheek, like two separate varieties of ice cream that had been sitting out for too long, mixing into a new flavor that’s even sweeter and more satisfying. Lake calls to Victor from the kitchen, but he doesn’t hear her.</p><p>When Benji releases Victor from his grip, irises shining, pure gold in the late morning light, he presses his own lips together into a thin line as Victor gazes down at him and brushes tresses from his face with a smile. </p><p>“It’s not fair to just make Mia and Lake feed us,” Victor says, before his mouth scrunches to the side as he takes one of Benji’s hands in his own.</p><p>“Then I’ll come help you,” Benji says, sitting up.</p><p>“We don’t need four people to help with cooking,” Mia calls from the kitchen, before she pops her head back into the room. “Vic, did you wanna maybe make pancakes? I hear you’re good at it.”</p><p>Scratching the back of his head, Victor chuckles. “Umm… I’d love to, but I think you’re gonna have to ask Benji if I’m allowed.”</p><p>Rolling her eyes and flashing a good-natured smile, Mia shakes her head. </p><p>“Well, obviously I’m not gonna get in the way of food,” Benji says, kissing Victor on the cheek quickly before shooing him. “Go!”</p><p>“All right, get in here, then,” Mia says, throwing Victor an apron.</p><p>Blowing Benji a kiss and earning a cheeky giggle, Victor disappears into the kitchen.</p><p>“Okay… where do you keep stuff like flour and baking powder and stuff?” Victor asks as he ties his apron around his waist. “I don’t wanna dig through your stuff.”</p><p>Mia looks up from the coffee machine as she presses the button to brew. “Flour and such is in the cabinet on your right, bowls are in the cabinet in front of you, milk is in the fridge but you’re allowed to go in there, just make yourself at home.”</p><p>Victor nods, withdrawing the supplies gingerly and setting them on the counter before he gets to work. Meanwhile, Lake puts on some music--”WAP” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion because, she says, it’s “a lyrical masterpiece”. Victor blushes as soon as the opening verse starts and Lake begins dancing and singing along as she pops some pieces of bread into the toaster and then pops her hip along with the song.</p><p>“You guys just didn’t wanna invite me to your dance party,” Benji teases as he enters the room, swinging his hips for a moment before he plops down at the table with his head in his arms. “Smells good in here.”</p><p>Shimmying his shoulders, Victor grins at Benji mischievously as he makes eye contact with him and twirls in place before he flips some pancakes onto a plate in a stack. Benji can’t stop the laugh that falls from his lips. </p><p>“Honestly, we don’t even need three people, two is more than enough,” Mia says, untying her apron and setting the coffee pot in the middle of the table. “Plus, this is <em> my </em> house, I don’t need to do all this, but I’ll set the table because I’m a <em> good host </em>.”</p><p>“God, you’re so full of it. Sit down,” Benji sighs, motioning to one of the chairs at the table as he pushes himself up. “I’ll do it.”</p><p>“Sure. Have fun,” Mia says as she sits down to watch. </p><p>“I’m sore because of you,” Benji whispers into Victor’s ear as he stands behind him and opens the cabinet beside him, then reaches inside to pull out plates.</p><p>Victor shivers as Benji’s breath hits his skin, but grins nonetheless, biting his lip. He knows he shouldn’t be so pleased with himself, but he does still feel a bit bad about it.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just wanted to let you know,” Benji says with a wink as he taps his hip against Victor’s with a giggle.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Victor tugs at the collar of his shirt, frowning when he realizes the tag is in the front. His body heats up again, and he contemplates pressing his face directly onto the range in front of him because it would be preferable to the knowledge that his and Benji’s little escapade had not gone unnoticed last night.</p><p>Sighing, Victor tips the rest of the pancakes onto a plate and turns off the stove before bringing the food to the table and setting it down. Benji leaves and then returns with Fee and Andrew in tow, and they all sit down to eat. They chat for a bit but it isn’t particularly lively, the atmosphere leaden with exhaustion.</p><p>Once they finish breakfast, Victor and Benji offer to clean up as Fee and Andrew depart for Fee’s dorm to sleep for the rest of the day. Victor envies them; he’s usually terrible at taking naps in the middle of the day.</p><p>Even though Mia and Lake are too polite to tell Victor and Benji to leave, they decide to go to Benji’s dorm together. With kisses on the cheeks, they exit into the late winter air on a particularly bright and unusually warm day as the gentle breeze floats about.</p><p>Benji loops his arm around Victor’s as they walk back to campus, staring off into space. Victor watches him with a crooked smile.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Victor asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence, heart clenching in his chest as Benji’s head snaps to the side and their gazes connect.</p><p>“Umm… Well, you’re probably gonna think it’s dumb. Like, full-on, head empty, no thoughts,” Benji says as a blush appears on his cheeks.</p><p>“It can’t be head empty if you’re actually thinking about something that isn’t nothing,” Victor points out.</p><p>“Okay, well… you know how sometimes you get songs stuck in your head?”</p><p>“Yeah. That can be super annoying.”</p><p>“Right? Anyway… I was thinking, like… how does that even happen? And I was wondering if I could control which song gets stuck in my head but so far nothing’s working. Like, I haven’t listened to ‘Call Me Maybe’ in like… years. And all of a sudden it’s in my head and I can’t get it out.”</p><p>Victor bursts out laughing. “Dammit, now it’s in my head, too. You suck,” he teases.</p><p>“To be fair, it could be worse. It could be the song from Titanic or even worse… ‘Baby Shark’.”</p><p>“<em>No, </em>not ‘Baby Shark’!” VIctor says loudly, clapping his hands over his ears as Benji doubles over with laughter. “I’ll admit, though. It is kinda nice.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t come for it, it’s actually kinda cute.”</p><p>Wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, Victor nods, before craning down to kiss Benji on the cheek. They’d already made it to campus and are only a few minutes away from Benji’s dorm. </p><p>“Hey, I wanted to ask you something, actually,” Victor says, pulling his arm a bit closer to his own body. “It’s uh… kinda personal, I guess.”</p><p>“Hm?” Benji hums, eyeing him curiously with a shimmering gaze.</p><p>“Uhh… it’s about… kissing,” Victor says, staring down at his feet, the seconds dragging between them like millipede legs. “Why were you--”</p><p>“So against it at first?” </p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>Benji’s Adam’s apple bobs and he mirrors Victor. When Victor’s eyes dart to Benji, he can see the little round crystals perched atop his lower eyelashes threatening a cascade, and even though his stomach drops and he feels like a bad person, Victor wonders if he’s ever seen someone as beautiful in his life. </p><p>“To be honest, it’s because I read an article one time about how kissing releases all these chemicals and endorphins that make us feel happy and connected to each other and since I don’t have time for a relationship, I don’t wanna get too attached to people I hook up with,” Benji says with a shrug. He opens his mouth again as if he wants to say more, but closes it again.</p><p>“Oh. I see,” Victor says. “What about me, then?” he asks, the knife in his chest making a deep gash down his belly and flaying him; the sensation would be preferable to what he’s feeling in this moment upon hearing this admission.</p><p>“I don’t know, honestly,” Benji says, gaze never unsticking from the pavement. “I guess I just don’t feel the pressure with… us.”</p><p>Victor raises an eyebrow, wanting to respond, but Benji stopping short in front of his building and pulling his card out to swipe them inside shatters him like a sheet of ice from his thoughts. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Benji asks gently as he leads them inside.</p><p>“Yeah. I’m fine,” Victor says with a tight-lipped smile.</p><p>Benji eyes him for a few seconds before he responds. “Cool. I was gonna take a shower now because I feel gross… did you wanna join me? I can lend you some clothes.”</p><p>He unlocks the door to his room and leads them inside as he sheds his outer layer and tosses it aside. Victor chews on his lip, contemplating the offer. As he watches Benji open his closet and lean over to pick something out from inside, pupils trailing up his ripped skinny-jean clad legs and to the exposed strip of his middle as his crop top becomes the victim of gravity, Victor can’t stop himself from gaping. When Benji rights himself and catches Victor’s gaze, he chuckles.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes,” Benji says as he steps over to Victor and gently pushes his chin upward to close his mouth before he presses their lips together. He must know that Victor can’t resist him the same way a sunflower can’t resist the pull of the sun.</p><p>“I didn’t say yes, but… yes,” Victor breathes against Benji once they pull apart as Benji strips out of his clothes and makes a show of it.</p><p>“We’re not having sex in the shower, though. I learned my lesson the hard way,” Benji says as he peels his jeans off and tosses them aside, standing, bare and proud, before Victor, who still has his clothes on. “I’ve never been waterboarded but I may as well have been the last time I did it.”</p><p>“That’s totally fine, honestly. I wasn’t planning to. Like, I didn’t even drink that much last night and I still feel… really tired for some reason?” Victor says as he pulls his shirt over his head.</p><p>“Probably from the sex,” Benji says, as he walks into the bathroom and turns the water on.</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Victor says, as he finishes removing the rest of his clothes and follows Benji into the shower.</p><p>Victor simply watches the way the water cascades down Benji’s taut form as he lathers shampoo through his hair before rinsing it out and letting his eyelids flutter open; when Benji raises his gaze to Victor’s, he gives him a small smile as he offers him the shampoo, and Victor takes it, feeling as if his soul would float out of his body and ascend into the heavens. His heart beats faster when their fingers brush and create what feels like a spark; Victor jerks his hand back quickly at the sensation. </p><p>He tries not to stare as Benji rubs soap on the rest of his body, glancing up at Victor through his eyelashes every so often as if he is intentionally playing coy. Victor swallows and looks away, and when he opens his eyes again, Benji is only a few inches away from him, baring his teeth as he rakes his pupils over Victor. </p><p>“So, I know I said no sex, but…” Benji says, looking down at Victor’s cock, which he should have expected would become erect from all the kisses and longing glances, but Victor hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Do you want me to take care of that for you?”</p><p>“If you want to,” Victor murmurs. </p><p>Benji licks his lips and nods as he takes hold of Victor’s erection with a skilled grip, sliding his hand down from base to tip as he presses even closer to Victor. With a soft moan, Victor pulls Benji into a fierce kiss like a solar storm breaching the Earth’s atmosphere as his palm rests on Benji’s waist and he breathes him in. </p><p>Victor’s touch wanders down to Benji’s backside and he kneads the firm flesh of his ass while Benji takes his other hand and guides it to his own hard dick. Instinctively, Victor jerks Benji off as he pushes him up against the wall, not breaking their kiss. The hot water crashing over them does nothing to alleviate the scorching eruption between them as they lose their senses and their wits entirely, the rest of the world falling away so that only the pounding of their hearts and the sensation of their hands on each other’s cocks are the only things that matter.</p><p>Their tongues tangle as Benji brings Victor even closer to him even though it’s impossible, and Victor almost feels bad for the way he’s shoving Benji’s skull back against the tiled wall, but Benji doesn’t seem to mind. They stroke each other faster as if in rhythm with their pulse, until Victor bites Benji’s lip and sees a flash of white as he spills his seed in his hand, his wrist starting to hurt as Benji cums a moment later, gasping and shuddering and gripping at him unsuccessfully due to the lack of friction. </p><p>Leaning against the wall and sandwiched between it and Victor, Benji rests his forehead against Victor’s as he evens out his breathing, and Victor does the same, rinsing his hand off under the running water before he cups Benji’s cheek and gives him a soft kiss.</p><p>With a lazy smile, Benji stands under the water again, tugging Victor along with him and tipping his head to the side, watching him with hooded eyes before he shuts off the water and gets them some towels.</p><p>“What happened to the ‘I’m not having sex in the shower’ thing?” Victor asks as he ruffles his wet hair with a towel before drying the rest of his body.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll admit, that was pretty nice,” Benji says as he exits the bathroom, opening the door and letting in the cold air from the room. “I guess it’s good you didn’t stick your dick in me this time because it would probably have hurt.”</p><p>“I told you…” Victor says with a roll of his eyes, pinching Benji’s behind and earning a giggle. </p><p>“Don’t get it twisted, though, I like the normal way better,” Benji says with a wink as he cards through his clean clothes and hands Victor a pair of sweatpants. “Okay so… bad news, I need to do laundry again and I only have two shirts left. Would you prefer a Spiderman crop top,” he asks, holding up the item in question, “or like… a regular t-shirt?” </p><p>Victor puts the pants on before he narrows his eyes and strokes his chin as he looks between the two items. “Well, I’ve never worn a crop top before so why not,” he says. “Plus, I don’t want you getting sick again.”</p><p>Benji pouts but hands it to Victor regardless. “I could always just wear a sweater…”</p><p>Chuckling, Victor slips the shirt over his head, blinking as he stands in front of the mirror and acclimatizes to the sensation of having his upper half covered and his middle bare; it’s strange, especially with the way it’s a bit too loose in the shoulders but just right everywhere else. He makes a face at himself in the mirror before shrugging. </p><p>“Not bad,” Victor finally says.</p><p>“It kinda suits you, actually,” Benji says as he pulls on his t-shirt and then slides into his bed, burying himself under his covers so only his head peeks out from beneath them. He shivers. “Wanna take a nap?” he asks, eyes wide as he blinks quickly in succession. “I could use your warm body next to mine.”</p><p>“That sounds really nice,” Victor says as he joins Benji in bed, the tiny twin size mattress barely wide enough to accommodate them both but it’s just enough room for them anyway.</p><p>They lay shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the ceiling, and Victor can hear the blood rushing through his veins due to their proximity alone. He swallows, looking at Benji from the side of his eye, and Benji does the same, letting out a breathy chuckle when their gazes connect again. </p><p>“This isn’t comfortable,” Benji whines, rolling over on his side and sidling closer to Victor. He takes Victor’s arm from his side and raises it, before slotting himself next to Victor with his head resting on the other’s chest, then brings Victor’s arm around his back. Finally, he lets his own forearm lay across Victor’s bare middle as he clutches at him and burrows into his side. “There we go. This is <em> so </em>much better.”</p><p>Victor beams against Benji’s hair, nuzzling against it before leaving behind a gentle kiss on his crown, as Benji stares up at him from his place on Victor’s chest with a smile of his own. They lay there like that, eyes falling closed, their heartbeats hammering, bodies becoming sticky with sweat despite the coolness around them, and Victor doesn’t know if it’s just the fact that it’s daytime that prevents him from falling asleep. </p><p>“Can’t sleep,” Benji says after an indeterminate amount of time has passed as he shifts in place. </p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>“Do you maybe wanna spoon?” Benji asks, lifting himself off of Victor’s chest and staring past him. </p><p>“Yeah, but first… um… can we kiss for a little bit?” Victor asks. He chews on his lip.</p><p>Benji gives him a crooked smile before he leans down and bridges the gap between them. Victor’s hand grips at Benji’s lower back, the molecules of his fingers joining those of Benji’s spine as their cells mingle and share electric pulses that are imperceptible to humans but still nonetheless enough to set Victor’s loins alight again. Benji climbs on top of Victor, rubbing himself against him and moaning quietly into Victor’s mouth as they quickly run out of air between the two of them. But Victor could kiss Benji for hours, until his lips split and he gets holes in his clothes from the friction of their bodies rocking against each other like ships over the roiling seas. If his body didn’t have any other needs, he would be happy to be permanently connected to Benji so they could kiss for the rest of their lives. </p><p>When they separate, panting and flushed, Benji bites his lip and slides off him before he turns around with his back to Victor, glancing over his shoulder as Victor molds himself up against him and wraps an arm around his waist, careful to not press his boner up against Benji this time around.</p><p>Victor sighs as he buries face in Benji’s neck, inhaling the scent of his fresh piney shampoo, and that sensation alone, with Benji overwhelming him and reminding him how safe he feels knowing Benji feels protected, too, is enough to knock Victor out almost immediately.</p><p>A loud <em> bang </em>rips Victor from his slumber and he jolts, blinking away light, as a figure enters and stomps through the room.</p><p>“Oh, sorry. Didn’t know you guys were sleeping,” Andrew says with a sheepish grin as he peeks into the bed. “God, don’t tell me you fucked <em> again. </em>As if last night wasn’t enough,” he teases.</p><p>“Don’t worry, we’re clothed,” Victor says, rolling his eyes as he rubs sleep from them and sits up. Benji stirs beside him and sits up, too, leaning against Victor and snaking his arms around Victor’s middle blindly.</p><p>“What do you want, Andrew?” Benji asks.</p><p>“I just think it’s funny how things come full circle,” Andrew says, resting against the back of a chair. “If I wasn’t with Fee, we could have a threesome.”</p><p>Victor pales, eyebrows knitting together and pupils dilating</p><p>“You’re so gross,” Benji says, throwing a pillow as Andrew laughs and dodges it. </p><p>“I’m just saying!” Andrew retorts.</p><p>“Huh?” Victor says, as if language itself had become too difficult a concept and he’s only able to construct one syllable sounds.</p><p>“You don’t think it’s hilarious that we’ve all slept with each other, just not all at the same time?” Andrew asks.</p><p>That was something Victor hadn’t been expecting to hear. It’s as if his insides have suddenly wound up into a tight ball and were pulsating within him, then snapped and popped out of his belly only to throw themselves into a furnace and now Andrew is making a meal of him like some sort of Hannibal Lecter wannabe. </p><p>He doesn’t know if he’s more angry at Benji for not telling him this crucial detail or Andrew for his remarks. But most of all, he’s furious at himself for the jealousy that he knows is leaching into his skin like a poison, an ugly emotion that he can no longer keep at bay. He knows it isn’t the first time, but this is the first time he can’t keep it down.</p><p>“Wait, what? Seriously?” Benji asks, wide awake now, as his head snaps to the side.</p><p>Holding his hands up in front of him in surrender, Victor’s eyes widen. “It was a long time ago, when we were still figuring stuff out in high school,” he says, before he feels the bile rising in his throat. “What about <em> you </em>, Benji? Care to explain?” he says, his voice slowly getting louder and sharper until it cracks; he regrets his tone immediately.</p><p>Benji recoils and tugs at the corners of his eyes as he blinks a few times. “Two semesters ago, Andrew and I may have… hooked up,” Benji says, staring down at his hands. “But that was it. We never hooked up again after that, I swear,” Benji pleads.</p><p>“Well, there was <em> technically </em>that time you kissed me after--” Andrew says.</p><p>“<em>What? </em>” Victor cries.</p><p>“You’re <em> not </em>helping,” Benji snaps. “But yeah, after I ended things with you, Victor, I… felt lonely,” he says with a soft sniffle.</p><p>“Why does it even matter, though?” Andrew asks, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not like you two are dating so none of that shit is relevant. I mean, I don’t even like Benji like that, but come on.” </p><p>“True…” Benji murmurs, and Victor glances at him, wondering if he means it or if he has to convince himself.</p><p>Victor wishes that sour, hideous feeling would vacate his body, but the more he thinks about it, the more he wants to punch Andrew in the face even though he didn’t do anything wrong. He takes a deep breath.</p><p>“Benji, I’m sorry for raising my voice at you and for being such a dick just now,” Victor says gently, wishing they could just get off the subject before he <em> actually </em>throws up and embarrasses himself. He rests a hand on Benji’s shoulder, surprised when the other leans into his touch.</p><p>“Apology accepted,” Benji says, wiping his face with his wrist. “It’s okay. I know it’s just a weird situation to be in.”</p><p>“Yeah… I figured you guys talked about it but I guess not… now it’s all out in the open,” Andrew says with a shrug as he collapses into his own bed, fully clothed, and pulls out his phone. </p><p>“Gee, thanks,” Benji says sarcastically.</p><p>“I guess it’s good we know. But it doesn’t change anything. Everything is just… the same as it was before I found out,” Victor lies, pulling Benji closer to him.</p><p>“Same here,” Benji says, pressing a kiss to Victor’s cheek.</p><p>“I should probably get going, though,” Victor says after a moment, feeling the thick wall of tension around each of them as a result of the knowledge that had been dropped like a mine and tapped by an unsuspecting passerby. “I have a lot of homework to do,” he lies again, the pit of his stomach becoming more and more raw and hollowed out.</p><p>“That’s a good idea, actually, I should get some work done, too,” Benji says as he stretches. “Wanna meet at the library?”</p><p>“Umm… I actually have some labs to do so I’ll be in the bio building,” Victor lies for a third time, wondering if God will finally smite him for his sins. “Maybe another day.”</p><p>“Oh… okay then,” Benji says, as Victor slides out of bed and pulls his jacket on. </p><p>“Thanks for the outfit. I’ll wash it and give it back to you next time we hang out,” Victor says with a forced smile. </p><p>“No problem. It looks really good on you,” Benji says with a smirk. </p><p>Victor leans down to give Benji one final kiss goodbye, savoring the taste of his lips and sighing, the jealousy sloughing off his shoulders like a discarded exoskeleton. He just wants to know that Benji is his, even if he isn’t. </p><p>When they part, Victor smooths Benji’s hair down before he straightens his stance. He waves, then exits out into the darkness, two wet divots freezing against his face as he stews with his emotions and wishing he could just carve his heart out of his chest and throw it in the river of his own tears.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all, thanks again for reading! Hope you enjoyed this installment because I feel like a lot of things happened despite this chapter being much shorter in comparison to the previous one lol. Anyway, I wanna give a shoutout and thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> as usual for being a legend and a great consultant through all this tbh. Finally, 1 comment/kudo = 1 Venji having a nice time and making responsible choices because I wanna hear what you think!! See you in the next chapter!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. For What It's Worth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lake has several ideas.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“No, I was thinking we could plan a surprise party for him. This is why I said don’t interrupt me,” Lake scoffs, flicking Benji in the arm.</p><p>“A whole ass <i>party</i>? Isn’t that a little ambitious?”</p><p>“Yeah. Unless that’s too much for you… I could always ask… Andrew, or god forbid, <i>Fee</i>.”</p><p>“That’s kinda mean… but yeah like I said, I’m in. I can handle it.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Electronic music cuts through the air of the art room, ricocheting off the industrial, windowless metal ceiling and the several tarps spread across most of the surfaces within. The door is closed, but it doesn’t matter, because there would be no one roaming the halls to hear, anyway, since it’s a late Friday evening and as usual, most people are out partying and drinking, anyway. </p><p>Benji sighs, rising from his position on the floor and stretching his limbs out as far as they’ll go, twisting his trunk to loosen out his back as he takes a deep breath. He’d been crouching over his sculpture and chatting with Mia long enough to lose track of time, and the fact that they can’t see the sun doesn’t help matters, either. </p><p>Glancing back to his work--a life-size sculpture of a man in dark brown clay, leaning down with hands resting on each side, enraptured with his own reflection as he gazes into an invisible pool of water--Benji can’t help but feel proud of himself. He hums along to the frenzied music playing as he wipes his forehead with the back of his arm and smears even more little brown streaks across his face; he doesn’t care, he’ll wash it off later. </p><p>When he steps back, dragging his hands down the front of his apron to get rid of the clay residue, he takes his reference drawing and compares it to the figure he’d managed to build, familiar shining dark eyes and curls staring back at him. Benji nods and Mia slides beside him. </p><p>“I need your help, B,” Mia says quietly, words wavering. </p><p>“Mia Brooks, sculptor extraordinaire, needs help from little old me?” Benji replies with a chuckle.</p><p>“Well, I don’t know how you did it, but it looks like you’re managing the clay sculpting a lot better than me,” she says, dragging Benji toward the other side of the room, where a lump of misshapen clay lay in a heap. “I think mine was too heavy and it collapsed,” she says, voice cracking. When Benji looks at her, he can see the little orbs gripping her eyelashes, dangerous.</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>“Yeah… Metal is so much easier to deal with…” she says, wiping her eyes.</p><p>“Umm--Okay… have you tried thinking a little bit… smaller, maybe?”</p><p>“You know I don’t do small, Benji.”</p><p>“True. Well, you can always try just like… coating a metal sculpture in clay, maybe?” </p><p>Mia pauses, opening her mouth before closing it again. She tips her head to the side. “Won’t that make it even heavier?”</p><p>“Also true… I don’t know if physics is gonna be on our side. Can I see your plan again?” </p><p>Groaning, Mia takes her sketch--a peacock with its feathers fanned out resting in the middle of a crescent moon--and shoves it into Benji’s hand. “It may have been the legs… I think they were too thin…”</p><p>Benji glances back over his shoulder to his own work, taking note of the detail work he still needs to put in. He whips back around to Mia’s work, examining her plan and stroking his chin. “Can I suggest some modifications, then?” </p><p>Nodding, Mia hands him a pencil. “Go ahead. I just wanna be done with this damn thing because it’s giving me so much trouble and I just wanna pass this class at this point… I don’t even know if I’ll have time to re-do it…”</p><p>“I’ll help you,” Benji says, as he draws a little sketch, adding more mass to the lower bit of the drawing so it’s sturdier. </p><p>“No way, you have your own shit to do.”</p><p>“I really just have to add the face and some minor details, easy peasy,” Benji says, waving his hand. He returns the drawing to Mia. “Seriously, let me help. It’ll go much faster.”</p><p>Narrowing her eyes, Mia takes the sheet of paper and flips it around. “Fine. Thank you. Now, can you walk me through what you did here?”</p><p>Smiling, Benji tucks his pencil behind his ear as he leans over the sketch, pointing out each of the corrections he’d made in the new drawing. “Basically, all we really need to do is put more of the center of gravity toward the lower part and get rid of the fragile bits. Also, we’ll build an armature this time so it doesn’t collapse again and it’ll be hollow, which will make it lighter. But overall the design is really cool.”</p><p>“Thank you, you’re a lifesaver, honestly,” Mia says, beaming. “Victor’s definitely rubbing off on you,” she adds, poking him in the side.</p><p>Benji blushes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>Mia simply shrugs. “You’re just… extra helpful lately.”</p><p>“Hey, I am <em> always </em> helpful.”</p><p>“Well, you used to get a little bit too absorbed in your own stuff, that’s all.”</p><p>Benji opens his mouth to retort when the door bursts open, revealing a sweaty, flustered Lake. Mia’s and Benji’s heads snap to the side.</p><p>“Hey, I called you like ten times, Mia! Do you have any idea what time it is?” Lake cries. “Hey, Benji,” she says in a calmer voice in Benji’s direction.</p><p>“Hey, Lake,” Benji says, waving awkwardly.</p><p>“Huh?” Mia says, as Lake approaches her and kisses her cheek. She pulls her phone out of her pocket. “Oh… my phone was on silent… But shit, we’ve been in here for <em> six </em>hours.”</p><p><em> “ </em> Did you forget we were supposed to go on a <em> date </em>tonight?” Lake snaps.</p><p>“Oh. Right,” Mia says, grimacing. “Sorry, I… Kinda had a little bit of a mishap with my sculpture and Benji was just trying to help salvage it…”</p><p>“That’s not good,” Lake says, calming down instantly, eyebrows downturned with worry. “Now I feel bad.”</p><p>“It’s okay, babe. Gravity is a wicked thing,” Mia says with a half-hearted grin. “Um… maybe we can try working on this tomorrow instead?”</p><p>“No, no. I don’t mind taking a rain check on our date,” Lake says, swatting the air and then chewing on her lip for a moment. “Oh! How about I order us some food, because y’all must be <em> starving </em>, and I can help you fix things up. I don’t have any other plans tonight, anyway.”</p><p>Mia and Benji stare at each other for a moment, blinking, before they shrug. </p><p>“Yeah, I could go for some food,” Benji says.</p><p>“I’ve been craving Thai lately, personally,” Mia says with a nod as she begins crushing down her collapsed sculpture with tears in her eyes. </p><p>“Thai it is,” Lake says, staring down at her phone as she taps around. Once she’s done, she sets her phone down on one of the tables and grabs Benji by the arm, pulling him into the corner.</p><p>“Did you get—“ Benji says, before Lake cuts him off.</p><p>“Yes, Benjamin, I’m aware of your dietary restrictions, and got you a bunch of vegan drunken noodles,” she says.</p><p>“Thank you,” Benji says, rolling his eyes as he folds his hands together as if for prayer. </p><p>“I’m actually glad I ran into you, though. I had a little idea…” Lake says, putting on some red lip gloss and popping her lips.</p><p>“Oh?” Benji says.</p><p>“You know how Victor’s birthday is coming up next week—“</p><p>“I didn’t know that,” Benji says, face flushing.</p><p>“Well you know <em> now, </em>so don’t interrupt me again,” Lake warns.</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“What did I <em> just </em> say, Benjamin?”</p><p>“Stop calling me that.”</p><p>“<em>Anyway… </em>Well, Victor’s turning the big two-oh on the fourth, or so he mentioned when I ran into him earlier today, and I don’t wanna bother Mia with this because she’s busy—“</p><p>“I’m in.”</p><p>“<em>Benjamin!” </em></p><p>“Look, I know you need help getting a gift so I’m in. And I can pick something up, too. It’s been a while since I went shopping...”</p><p>“No, I was thinking we could plan a surprise party for him. This is why I said don’t interrupt me,” Lake scoffs, flicking Benji in the arm.</p><p>“A whole ass <em> party? </em>Isn’t that a little ambitious?”</p><p>“Yeah. Unless that’s too much for you… I could always ask… Andrew, or god forbid, <em> Fee </em>.”</p><p>“That’s kinda mean… but yeah like I said, I’m in. I can handle it.”</p><p>“Yay!”</p><p>“Also, what if his like… actual <em> family </em> is planning something? Might be good to get them in the loop.”</p><p>“True… hmm… how to get their contact details without letting Victor know what’s up…”</p><p>“I was also just about to suggest we get Fee involved but knowing them they’ll spill <em> everything.” </em></p><p>“Yeah definitely a no…”</p><p>“Wait, he has a sister. Does she have insta?” </p><p>“Oh, brilliant idea…” Benji says, pulling his own phone out of his pocket and going on Instagram. “Her name is Pilar, I think…” he types it into the search bar. “Wait… it says she’s already following me…?” he says, eyebrows knitting together. </p><p>Lake’s eyes widen and she purses her lips. “Wild… anyway, you can handle sending her a little message right?”</p><p>“Yeah, I got it.”</p><p>“So what sorta theme are we thinking?” Lake asks, holding her hands out in front of her as she gesticulates wildly. “Red carpet, vintage, Great Gatsby… ooo maybe Rococo?”</p><p>“Ew, <em> fuck </em>Rococo. Come on, it doesn’t have to be anything too fancy. Like, anything where he can just hang out with his family and friends and spend time with them is plenty.”</p><p>“Boo, that’s <em> so </em>lame,” Lake says, stomping her foot. “But you’re probably right. So, no Kardashians…” she adds, crossing it out on her invisible list in the air.</p><p>“We can plan more of this later, I think Mia needs our help,” Benji says, motioning with his chin toward Mia, who looks distraught as she sits among a pile of tragically misshapen clay.</p><p>“Perfect timing, the food’s here,” Lake says as her phone pings. She darts out of the room as Benji sighs, covering his own sculpture so it doesn’t dry out, and then goes to help Mia recreate her vision.</p><p>They spend the rest of the evening constructing an armature and covering it in clay, which is something even Lake is able to do once Mia and Benji show her how to connect the clay to itself. Progress is much faster than if Mia would have done it on her own, but it’s still glacial, backbreaking work. </p><p>By the end of the evening, even after they’d put away as many noodles as would fit in their bellies, they stumble back to their dorms, and Benji doesn’t even bother taking a shower to wash all the dried clay off his skin and undoubtedly from his hair. Instead, he collapses into his bed on top of the covers, face-first, a pile of bricks on his back as the darkness overtakes him instantly like a thick, dark curtain. When he awakens, groggy and sore as if he’d been kicked in the spine by a pack of wild horses, he realizes he’s wrapped up in a little burrito, and he smiles at Andrew’s sleeping form.</p><p>The week passes quickly with sculpting and painting and party planning and figuring out what he wants to give Victor for his birthday. Benji ultimately settles on making Victor a sculpture, partially because he doesn’t have a lot of money left, but mostly because he knows that he can’t buy anything that would be able to come even within a hair’s-length of showing Victor how much he means to him, even if Benji can’t yet tell him with words.</p><p>He’s lucky enough to get the sculpture fired two days before the party, and he sighs in relief when it doesn’t explode in the kiln. Wrapping it with care, Benji hides it away under his bed in anticipation of the big day. He’d been so busy with classes and sculpting and planning the party with Lake, Pilar and Isabel (who, upon first contact, had divulged how much she’d heard about him from Victor, which had made him almost choke on the strawberries he’d been eating while he read the message), that he’d almost forgotten one crucial thing.</p><p>Once Benji and Mia successfully finish bringing Mia’s project back to life, Benji enlists Mia’s help in turn. He doesn’t know why, but as the days pass and they grow ever closer to the day of Victor’s birthday party, the sense of dread pooling in his belly, dragging him down like claws around his innards, becomes more forceful. It’s getting harder and harder for him to focus.</p><p>“Okay I need help picking out an outfit…” Benji announces, throwing open his closet.</p><p>“Why? Just wear what you would normally wear to a birthday party, it’s not that hard,” Mia replies, glancing down at her cuticles. </p><p>“I wanna wear something that says ‘I’m a perfectly respectable young man but also know how to have fun’. And I also don’t wanna wear crop tops anymore, it’s too cold for that lately.”</p><p>“So a hoe <em> does </em>get cold,” Mia teases.</p><p>“Shut <em> up, </em>I just can’t be getting sick again, that’s all. There’s too much at stake.”</p><p>“Fine… what’s this?” Mia asks, pulling out a white collared shirt with buttons and billowy sleeves. </p><p>“I wore that for Halloween… for my Victorian Dandy costume,” Benji sighs, snatching it away from her. “Although, on second thought…” he says, pursing his lips as he stares at it, the mechanisms in his brain picking up and starting to spin. “This actually might not be so bad… I can pair it with a belt maybe…”</p><p>Mia raises an eyebrow. “So you’re gonna wear a gay pirate outfit to meet your boyfriend’s family for the first time.”</p><p>“It’s not a <em> gay pirate </em> outfit, it’s <em> couture </em> , first of all,” Benji snaps, “and Victor isn’t my <em> boyfriend </em>, we’ve been over this,” he adds, a blush creeping up his cheeks.</p><p>“Then why are you planning his party if he’s not your boyfriend?” Mia asks.</p><p>“Hey, Lake is helping! She came up with the idea, not me.”</p><p>“Hmm… that’s not as convincing a statement as you think. Do you want my advice or not? I have things to do,” Mia says, narrowing her eyes as she rubs the bridge of her nose. </p><p>“Okay, okay… Fine, what do you <em> advise </em>?” </p><p>“Hold on…”</p><p>Eyeing the shirt in Benji’s hand, Mia reaches out and takes it from him, holding it up against his chest. </p><p>“Hold this,” she says.</p><p>“Yes, chief.”</p><p>She takes Benji’s hand from his side and brings it to the hanger, and Benji does as he’s told while Mia examines it, cinching the fabric at his waist and nodding sagely. </p><p>“Okay, I’ll admit your eye was right this time. It’s gonna be sorta dressy but maybe a vest would be nice with this whole ensemble?”</p><p>“I like where you’re going with this…” Benji says, pausing for a moment when he sees a round knit cloth from the corner of his eye. “<em> Oh </em> and my beret, so I can look like a proper art hoe.”</p><p>Blinking several times while making a face, Mia watches Benji grab at the black beret and place it gently askew on his head. “That’s definitely… a choice,” she says.</p><p>“Is that meant to be positive or negative? I can’t tell.”</p><p>“Actually… I’m shocked that this is actually… working,” Mia says, eyes widening as she stares at him. “I thought it would be a mess but it’s not… Has my taste just become extremely tacky because we hang out so much or are you actually <em> fashionable </em>?” </p><p>“You clearly have a very low opinion of my fashion sense and it hurts my feelings a little bit but also… the idea of you suddenly developing bad taste is fucking <em> hilarious </em>,” Benji says with a mirthful giggle. </p><p>“Hey, I don’t have <em> bad </em>taste…”</p><p>“Then just admit that I’m more fashion-forward than you,” Benji says, stripping his shirt off and putting on the puffy white shirt, before rummaging through his closet to find one of the black vests he has and buttoning is up over the shirt. </p><p>“That’s hot. You look like a Victorian dandy but somehow even gayer and a little French. If you just pair it with some black pants and those platform boots… it’ll be awesome.”</p><p>“Good idea. But damn, you’re right. I look snatched,” Benji says, standing to the side in front of the mirror and scrutinizing himself, admiring the way the vest cinches his waist and shows off his… assets. “Although I’ll pretend you didn’t say I look French because that’s a little bit insulting. I’m <em> much </em>less pretentious.”</p><p>Mia snorts. “Sure you are…”</p><p>“Who am I kidding, my taste is too expensive,” Benji says, draping his hand across his forehead dramatically. </p><p>Chuckling, Mia plops down on Benji’s bed, before her face falls momentarily and she clears her throat. “Not to change the subject, but… This whole thing has got me thinking... Seriously, B. I know you said you wanted to be with Victor and you’re putting all this energy into this. It’s a little unusual and it’s making me wonder what’s going on.”</p><p>Benji looks down at his hands as he turns around to face her and plays with his sleeves. He crosses the room and sits down beside her, pressing his lips together for a moment before he takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “He’s been… weird lately. It makes me feel like I did something wrong.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“Well, ever since we all hung out at your place, he’s been sorta avoiding me? Like after we came back here, we… <em> you know, </em> and then we were cuddling and--”</p><p>“Aww you guys <em> cuddled </em>?” Mia squeals. “That’s so cute, god.”</p><p>“<em>As I was saying </em> , we were cuddling and then Andrew showed up and we all started talking and Andrew was being… you know, his normal, no-filter-having self, and he let slip that-- <em> never mind </em>,” Benji says quickly, catching himself at the last minute, heat rising in his face like hands of fire smacking his skin. </p><p>“Not <em> ‘never mind </em>’, Benji. What did he say?”</p><p>“It’s private,” he mutters, turning away. “It’s just not my information to share.”</p><p>“Okay… that’s fine,” Mia sighs, swallowing thickly. “I understand. I don’t like you keeping secrets from me, but it’s fine…”</p><p>“Like I said, it’s not my job to expose anyone. So can we just drop it?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course… So, what happened after the… super secret convo?”</p><p>“Well, he looked hella uncomfortable and said something about needing to go do some labs in the bio building? He seemed pretty preoccupied so it must be a lot of work…”</p><p>“Wait, what are you talking about? Victor doesn’t have bio this semester.”</p><p>Benji raises an eyebrow. “Come again?”</p><p>“I don’t know where you were when he was telling us but he’s taking physics and chemistry this semester, not bio. I distinctly remember him saying that the other day,” Mia says, resting a hand on Benji’s shoulder. “B, I hate to say it, but… I think Victor might be lying to you.”</p><p>Mia’s words are like cold, hard smack across the face--and not the fun kind. Benji gains no pleasure from it, instead slumping forward with his head in his hands as he groans in frustration. </p><p>“Why the hell would he do that?” Benji asks, the question muffled by his own skin.</p><p>“Because boys suck? I don’t know,” Mia says with a shrug. “He didn’t ghost you or anything, right?”</p><p>“Well, no. Like, he’ll respond to my messages and stuff but for the past few days when I ask him what he’s up to and if he wants to hang out, he always just says he’s too busy… He said that last semester, too, but <em> somehow </em> we found time for a quickie in the bathroom. This time around, <em> nothing </em>. Like, not only is my hand starting to cramp--”</p><p>“Gross and TMI,” Mia says with a chuckle.</p><p>“What? It’s true. And besides that, I feel…  kinda lonely. Like, I miss having him around…” Benji sighs, falling backward against the bed. “I figured throwing this party for him would be a way to reconnect with him and show him how much I value him, but… I’m starting to think that maybe I’m wasting my time,” he says, staring up at the ceiling with heavy eyelids.</p><p>“There’s gotta be a reason for this, then… He probably has a lot on his mind,” Mia says, rubbing Benji’s arm. “You could always just talk to him at the party?”</p><p>Benji frowns. “I would<em> like </em> for this to be resolved before the party because part of the plan hinges on him thinking we’re going out someplace together and I can’t just kidnap him, he’s too strong,” he says.</p><p>“Right…” Mia says, humming to herself as she cards through her thoughts. “Maybe just… show up at his dorm and demand to speak with him?”</p><p>Opening his mouth up to speak, Benji closes it right away. He eyes Mia and nods. “That might actually be a good idea. The only thing is, I don’t know when or if he’s at his place at all lately. Although… I guess I could just ask Fee…” he says, withdrawing his phone from his pocket and constructing a message to Fee. “Doesn’t hurt to try.”</p><p>“Sometimes you gotta fight for your man. Even if he’s being a dumb bitch,” Mia says with a chuckle. “I’m glad things with you and Fee seem to be fine lately.”</p><p>“Thanks. I appreciate you,” Benji says, dropping his phone beside him on the bed before he sits up. “And yeah, I think once we got over the initial confrontation things just sorta organically worked themselves out, I guess.”</p><p>“That’s good!” Mia says, waving her fists in front of her. “But going back to Victor… Maybe this is about… whatever you and Victor and Andrew spoke about that I wasn’t privy to…” </p><p>“Maybe you’re right…” Benji says with a sigh, just as his phone pings. He picks it up. “Fee’s so nice… It looks like Victor’s at their dorm… I should go see him. But first lemme put some normal clothes on,” he says, quickly changing back into original shirt--a black knit turtleneck--and throwing his thick black leather jacket over it. “What are you gonna do now?”</p><p>“I don’t know… nap?” Mia says, gathering her things and sliding her arms into her jacket, too. </p><p>“God, good idea, you deserve some sleep,” Benji says, opening the door and motioning for Mia to exit ahead of him. </p><p>“Thanks for your help again. I honestly don’t know what I would do if you hadn’t offered to help.”</p><p>“All I ask is for 50% of the credit… just kidding,” Benji teases, as they exit into the cool February air. “Don’t mention it.”</p><p>“Well, good luck with Victor,” Mia says, turning on her heel.</p><p>“Thanks! Have fun passing out!” </p><p>They part with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>With a heavy exhale, Benji marches over to Victor’s building, the structure becoming more imposing with each heartbeat, with each breath, with each passing second as he waits for what seems like an eternity trudging on for someone to finally leave so he can get inside. Once he slips in, Benji makes his way to Victor’s floor, chest palpitating as his blood pressure threatens to cause an explosion of blood and guts. He arrives at the door; it stands there, glaring at him like a freshly installed headstone; he knocks.</p><p>For a long time, nothing happens. </p><p>But then, he hears some rustling on the opposite side of the door, and it swings open.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Oh, uh… Hey, Victor. Just the person I wanted to see.”</p><p>Victor’s face reddens a bit behind the frames of his glasses and he presses his lips together tightly into a line. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and scratches the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. And his normally neatly-styled hair is disheveled, curls standing in all directions. He steps aside from the doorway and motions for Benji to enter.</p><p>“Come on in,” Victor says, and Benji does, kicking his shoes off in the doorway. “Can I get you something to drink? Also, I just made some pasta if you’re hungry…”</p><p>Benji hesitates, wringing his hands. “No thanks, I’m fine. And I hope I’m not interrupting anything, I just haven’t seen you in a while,” Benji finally says as he sits down at the kitchen table.</p><p>“Sorry, I’ve just been… pretty busy lately,” Victor says softly, taking a seat beside Benji but putting some distance between them. </p><p>Something in the pit of Benji’s stomach drops, pummeling through the core of the earth and emerging on the other side, flying into the vacuum of space. He swallows, wanting to close the gap but knowing that it’s there for a reason.</p><p>“That’s the thing I wanted to ask you about, actually,” Benji says, resting his forearms on the table and looking directly at Victor. His voice cracks even though he doesn’t want it to when he says: “You’ve been lying to me about your bio labs. And you’ve been acting weird and I feel like I did something to make you want to avoid me.”</p><p>Victor’s Adam’s apple bobs, but he doesn’t deny any of it. The initial realization had been the dagger; Victor’s response is the twist of the knife in his heart. Tears prick at the corners of Benji’s eyes.</p><p>“Look, I… can explain,” Victor says slowly, holding up his hands in front of him.</p><p>“I thought you were better than that,” Benji snaps.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I know I fucked up,” Victor sighs, running his palm down his face. “Just hear me out. Please.”</p><p>“One can argue that I’ve already given you several chances but please. Enlighten me.”</p><p>“Well, first off, it would be good to remember that we <em> aren’t </em> dating, right?” Victor fires back, bristling. “So technically, I don’t owe you an explanation. But I want to give you one anyway.”</p><p>Benji tenses a bit. “Okay… You got me there, I guess.”</p><p>“It’s not you. You literally did nothing wrong, and you were just trying to be a good friend and reaching out to me and I appreciate that. But I think the talk we had with Andrew a few weeks ago… it kinda messed with me,” Victor finally admits, body deflating. “I’m sorry I was being so evasive and telling you I’ve been having labs,” he adds, reaching for Benji’s hand.</p><p>“<em>That’s </em>what this was about?” Benji asks, interlacing their fingers on the table. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”</p><p>“I didn’t want you to think I was being a jealous weirdo,” Victor says, taking off his glasses and placing them on the table before passing his sleeve across his eyes. Benji’s heart spasms in his ribcage and he wonders if his brain will continue signaling to his lungs to keep breathing, or if it’ll just forget to do its job. “Like, I have no reason to expect that you two would do anything and it’s none of my business but it was just… kinda shocking. I needed to process it, but you’re right, we should have talked about it.”</p><p>“God, I was convinced you weren’t even capable of experiencing jealousy but now that I know that you <em> are </em>capable of it… I don’t know, it’s actually kinda sexy,” Benji says with a sly grin as he sidles closer to Victor, their hips touching. He glances up at him through his eyelashes for a moment before cupping Victor’s face.</p><p>Victor’s face reddens again and he shakes his head, leaning down to kiss Benji gently on the lips. When they pull away, Victor brushes some of Benji’s hair out of his field of view. </p><p>“Thank you for confronting me about this so I could finally get my head out of my ass,” Victor says. “I miss spending time with you.”</p><p>Benji chuckles, feeling his face heat up. “Just don’t make it a habit… But I missed spending time with you, too. Maybe we should fix that?” he says, resting his head on Victor’s shoulder for a moment, before he remembers the plan he and Lake made. “Um… by the way… did you maybe wanna hang out this weekend? Like… Saturday at… 2-ish? With Lake and Mia as well?”</p><p>Gazing down the hall, Victor scrunches his mouth to the side. “I don’t know… I really <em> do </em> have a lot of work to do…”</p><p>Narrowing his eyes at him, Benji licks at his own teeth. “What did we literally <em> just </em>talk about?”</p><p>“Okay, okay. You’re right. One day won’t kill me.”</p><p>“Cool, this is gonna be fun,” Benji says, beaming, as he kisses Victor’s cheek once more and giggles.</p><p>“Where are we going? I need to know what I should wear.”</p><p>Panic coursing through his system, Benji jumps. “Uh… they didn’t say where exactly but that we should dress up… semi-formal.”</p><p>“Ohhh, so it’s kinda fancy… Okay, I’ll figure something out, then. Thanks,” Victor says, returning a smile to Benji, and he can feel himself melting into the floor once again at the sight. </p><p>“I should leave you to your work, then, so you can get it done before Saturday,” Benji says with a wink, as Victor slides out from beside him and allows for him to rise from his seat.</p><p>“Oh, you sweet summer child, the work of a bio major is never-ending,” Victor says dramatically, and Benji can’t help but laugh.</p><p>“I’m older than you…” Benji says, rolling his eyes but grinning fondly nonetheless. “And just do enough that you won’t have to be stressed about it when we’re out, okay?” he adds, as he puts his shoes back on and stands in front of the door facing Victor.</p><p>“I know,” Victor says, resting his hand on the wall beside Benji’s head and leaning down to kiss him one final time. “See ya Saturday.”</p><p>“Bye,” Benji struggles to exhale.</p><p>Once he’s out in the corridor, throat almost constricting to the point where he can barely breathe, Benji wonders if Victor, like a vampire, had just sucked all the air from his lungs, or if maybe, something more sinister is afoot. He gazes back at the closed door for a moment before he leaves, counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until Saturday arrives.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks for bearing with me, I know it's been a while haha. But I can promise you that the next chapter won't require such a long wait time. I've been a bit less energized lately because of my period/PMS/migraines but hopefully once it's over my brain will be revved up and ready to go again. As usual, thank you for reading and supporting this work, it's a fun time! And I know this is a sfw chapter but the next one is definitely... not lol. Anyway, another usual part of this note is me thanking <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> once again for her help in acting as my consultant. Sending positive vibes to her rn, she is the real MVP!! Thank you once again, and remember 1 kudo and/or comment = 1 Venji having a nice time! See you in the next installment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. One Year Older</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victor gets a surprise.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“Si, si. But much more stylish than I was,” Tito says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Still no novia, though?” he asks.</p><p>Victor takes a deep breath, using all his self control to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Tito, we’ve been over this. I’m not gonna have a novia because I’m gay,” he says, dragging his palm down his face with a sigh. </p><p>“Just checking,” Tito says with a wink. “I don’t know how long this phase will last…”</p><p>“Is that your boyfriend, then?” Nati asks, nodding toward Benji, who is in the midst of a conversation with Lake, Mia and Isabel. They’d found a spot in the kitchen by the food that had been set out on the table for people to take. </p><p>“The one who looks like a French street performer?” Tito asks.</p><p>Ignoring his grandfather’s comment and blushing, Victor follows Nati’s gaze and just at the moment, his pupils connect with Benji’s. When Benji gives him a soft smile, Victor finds himself staring for a little bit too long. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun shines in through Victor’s window, a clear, blue sky stretching out over the highway as cars flit in and out of view. He smiles at himself in the mirror as he rolls up the sleeves of his navy button-down and tucks it into his dark grey slacks, before sliding on a deep red belt around his waist. Leaving the top two buttons undone, he puts his arms through a grey blazer, leaving it unbuttoned, too, taking one last look before he grabs his phone and keys and slides them into his pocket. </p><p>He closes his door behind him and searches the hallway, noting that he’s entirely alone and the dorm is quiet. Humming to himself, he slips into his shoes and heads out the door, making his way down to the entrance and letting the early afternoon air overtake him. Just outside, he sees a figure clad all in black, beret and shades and leather jacket and boots and all.</p><p>“Hey!” Benji says, twirling about to face him as he pulls him into a hug and kisses him on the cheek.</p><p>“Hey… why are you dressed like you’re about to take a motorcycle to direct a play?” Victor asks with a chuckle as he motions to Benji’s ensemble. </p><p>With a shrug, Benji smiles before looping his arm through Victor’s. “I think the correct thing to say is ‘Benji, you look really fucking <em> cool </em>’,” he says, as they begin their stroll.</p><p>“Well, you <em> do </em>look really fucking cool, and also pretty hot…” Victor says, his face growing warm. “I think Pilar is gonna be jealous of your outfit.” </p><p>“Thanks. You look really good, too,” Benji says, reaching out and prodding at Victor’s hair. “There you go…” he mutters, and Victor wonders if the cold wind has colored Benji’s cheeks in that moment.</p><p>“So… where are you taking me?” Victor asks as they enter one of the many tall parking garages on campus.</p><p>“It’s a surprise,” is all Benji says. “Also, you should feel blessed that you’ll get to actually drive in my car with me because none of our other friends have seen it yet.”</p><p>“Remind me why that is again?” </p><p>“Because it’s janky and hideous.”</p><p>“Are you sure it’s… safe?”</p><p>“I mean I haven’t died yet, so…” Benji teases, unlocking the door and motioning for Victor to get in on the passenger side. Victor stares at him with wide eyes as he gets inside. “I’m joking. I just had it repaired so it should be good to go. Hop in.”</p><p>Victor hesitates before he does as Benji asks, but pauses when he sees a green gift bag resting on the seat. “Can I move this?”</p><p>Benji jumps. “I think it would be better if you hold that while we drive. It’s… fragile. And <em> don’t </em>open it.”</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, Victor says nothing as he sits down, putting the bag on his lap and buckling his seatbelt. Benji unzips his jacket, revealing his vest and the little red ribbon he’s tied around the collar of his shirt in lieu of a tie before he buckles up, too. </p><p>“Oh, that’s really cute,” Victor says, giving Benji a crooked smile. </p><p>Looking down, Benji bites his lip as he smiles before he starts the car and turns on the radio to a station playing classic rock. </p><p>“Thanks. I wanted to do something a little different,” he says as he drives out of the lot.</p><p>They make their way down the highway, the white light blanketing them and burning all at once as they chat away. Meanwhile, Victor cradles the surprisingly heavy bag in one hand and Benji’s leg in the other, and all he can do is admire Benji’s profile from the corner of his eye as if he were his very own dark angel, as they make their way down the familiar route to the suburbs of Atlanta.</p><p>“You’re taking me… to my own street,” Victor says with a giggle as Benji parks on the side of the road a little bit away from his apartment.</p><p>“So it seems,” Benji says with a grin as he gets out of the car.</p><p>“Why did you park all the way down here?”</p><p>“No one needs to see all this,” Benji says, gesturing toward his vehicle. “Got it?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“I’ll take that,” Benji says, holding his hand out for Victor to give him the bag. Victor raises an eyebrow but gives it to him anyway.</p><p>“Wait…” Victor says slowly as they make their way down the sidewalk toward his apartment, arm in arm. He slips his phone out of his pocket and checks the date and he can’t stop himself from smiling, the muscles in his face on overdrive as his lips curl upward. They’re outside the front door when Victor says: “<em> Ohhhhh </em> it’s my birthday!”</p><p>“Shhh. It’s supposed to be a surprise,” Benji says with a laugh as he leans against Victor’s shoulder. “At least pretend you didn’t know? I honestly thought I’d almost pulled it off,” he whispers.</p><p>“Well, I forgot, so… Also, how did you know where I live?” </p><p>“Let’s… talk about this later. They’re waiting for you,” Benji says, motioning to the door. </p><p>With a shrug, Victor opens the door to his apartment, putting on his best fake-surprised face as his family and friends leap out from behind the furniture in their living room with a loud “<em> Surprise! </em>” Across the room, a banner that reads “Happy Birthday, Victor!” stretches from one wall to the other in big red letters. Streamers and balloons of all colors decorate the living room. </p><p>“Happy birthday, <em> mijo! </em>” Isabel says, clad in a floral lavender dress and heels, pulling Victor and Benji inside and shutting the door behind them. She embraces both of them at the same time. </p><p>“Thanks, mom,” Victor says with a grimace.</p><p>“It’s good to see you again, Isabel,” Benji says with a chuckle.</p><p>“Don’t you look handsome…” she says when they part, giving Victor a once-over as she pats his shoulders. “And <em> Benji </em> , <em>mi amor</em>, look at you! So fashionable as always,” she says, turning to Benji and fawning over him, which makes Victor raise an eyebrow. “You two make such a cute couple… wait, I smell something burning…” she says, head snapping around toward the kitchen. “Excuse me for a moment…” </p><p>With that, she trots away, leaving Benji and Victor to blush at each other before the parade of happy birthday wishes interrupts them and Victor gets kidnapped by the rest of his family and friends. Smile plastered to his face to the point where it almost hurts, Victor makes his way through those who’d gathered as generic pop music floats around them. </p><p>Aside from his parents and siblings, along with his friends from school and a few of the guys from the basketball team, his grandparents also decided to make an appearance. Victor swallows the lump in his throat as he approaches them, remembering the previous times he’d seen them, and every time, it hadn’t gone well. He’s vaguely aware of Benji’s presence beside him.</p><p>“Hi, Abuela Nati, Tito, how are you?” he asks, voice wavering, as he endures hugs and greetings from his grandparents.</p><p>“Ay, <em>mi niño</em>, I almost didn't recognize you since you look so much like your grandfather did when he was your age. Right, Tito?” Nati says, holding his face in her hands.</p><p>“Si, si. But much more stylish than I was,” Tito says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Still no novia, though?” he asks.</p><p>Victor takes a deep breath, using all his self control to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Tito, we’ve been over this. I’m not gonna have a novia because I’m gay,” he says, dragging his palm down his face with a sigh. </p><p>“Just checking,” Tito says with a wink. “I don’t know how long this phase will last…”</p><p>“Is that your boyfriend, then?” Nati asks, nodding toward Benji, who is in the midst of a conversation with Lake, Mia and Isabel. They’d found a spot in the kitchen by the food that had been set out on the table for people to take. </p><p>“The one who looks like a French street performer?” Tito asks.</p><p>Ignoring his grandfather’s comment and blushing, Victor follows Nati’s gaze and just at the moment, his pupils connect with Benji’s. When Benji gives him a soft smile, Victor finds himself staring for a little bit too long. </p><p>“Uh… no. He’s not<em> , </em>” Victor says absently as he slowly averts his gaze. </p><p>“Hmm…” Nati hums, and Victor tilts his head at her. “Would you like him to be?” she asks.</p><p>“Maybe,” Victor says quietly. There’s a momentary pause between them. “Anyway… it’s good seeing you,” Victor says a bit louder, giving them a curt nod before he departs.</p><p>“Oh, god, you look traumatized,” Pilar mutters into Victor’s ear, pulling him out into the hallway out of earshot of their grandparents. “How did it go with Tito and Nati?”</p><p>“Hello to you, too,” Victor says dryly.</p><p>“Hey, I already wished you happy birthday,” Pilar says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Spill.”</p><p>“I mean… I feel like they’re <em> trying </em> ,” Victor says, scratching the back of his head. “Honestly, as long as they don’t give Benji a hard time, I’m not even… oh <em> god </em> ,” Victor says, watching as Benji sits down and drums up a conversation with his grandparents. “They’re <em> talking </em>…” he whispers, more to himself than to Pilar.</p><p>“Hey, relax. You’re here to have fun, not try to put out fires, okay? Just loosen up a bit, man. Do you want me to get you some tequila?”</p><p>“But I’m not legal…? Mom won’t be happy about that.”</p><p>“You’re not driving anywhere, right? You can have a couple shots, it won’t kill you.”</p><p>“Fine… but <em> only </em>two.”</p><p>Pilar slips away for a moment and returns almost immediately carrying two shot glasses. She hands them to Victor. “Cheers. We don’t have any lime, though.”</p><p>“I don’t mind. That was fast, though.”</p><p>“I already poured them and I figured you would need it,” Pilar says with a shrug, and Victor makes a face before he nods; she’s right.</p><p>“Do you want a chaser?”</p><p>“No, I’m good,” Victor says, tipping his head back and letting the burning golden liquid slosh down his throat. He gives the second one a go and cringes a bit. “Actually, lemme get some water…”</p><p>Victor returns to the kitchen with a smirking Pilar, pouring himself a cup of water and downing it as he watches the scene in the living room unfold. Benji had removed his shades and shed his jacket, exposing his vest and puffy sleeves and looking radiant as usual in Victor’s eyes. It’s as if he can feel Victor watching him because as soon as he does, Benji’s eyes flit to him and he smiles again, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear before erupting into laughter at something that Victor’s grandmother had said. </p><p>He sighs, tearing his gaze away and taking a plate as he approaches the food, piling on a little bit of everything--empanadas, platanos, pasta, what looks like fried chicken, some colorful rice, vegetable curry, spring rolls, an eclectic mix of foods that makes Victor realize that most of it had been brought in by his friends. </p><p>Taking a seat at the table with Andrew and Fee, along with some of his buddies from the basketball team, Teddy and Kieran, Victor falls into conversation with them about fantasy football, which he knows a decent amount about but hasn’t been following much lately.</p><p>Soon, he can feel the effects of the alcohol muddling his mind like a pond during a storm, his brain becoming heavy in his head while his problems fly away for the moment. He watches Benji mingle, chewing on autopilot until his body forgets the sensation of food from how rote the movements become. Something about the way Benji seems to effortlessly get along with everyone, his sheer magnetism, makes him think back to his grandmother’s question, as Benji seems to subconsciously hear his thoughts and thus, returns to his side.</p><p>A bit later, once everyone had eaten, Pilar suggests a game of Mafia. She drags Victor into the living room, sitting him down beside Mia and then placing herself on his opposite side. </p><p>“No, no, no… you’re not sitting there,” Victor snaps. </p><p>“Why not?” Pilar asks, scandalized.</p><p>Victor glances up, waving to get Benji’s attention. “That’s Benji’s seat. <em> Move </em> . Please. I’m the birthday boy so that means I’m your overlord today and you <em> have </em>to listen to me.”</p><p>Pilar rolls her eyes and groans but does as Victor asks, sliding down a seat and watching as Victor pats the chair between them. Benji flashes a grin as he sits down and leans against Victor’s shoulder, eyelids fluttering closed at the warm sensation of their close contact.</p><p>The rest of the guests gather there, too, sitting in a circle. Pilar takes a deck of cards and separates them, counting thirteen out and setting the rest aside.</p><p>“Who wants to be the mayor?” Pilar asks.</p><p>There’s a hush, and Fee nudges Andrew. “You have a good voice,” they say.</p><p>“Fine…” Andrew mutters, before he says: “I’ll be the mayor.”</p><p>“Cool…” Pilar says, giving him a notebook and a pen. “Now the rest of you, there are thirteen cards in here. Aces are Mafia, King is the Detective, Queen is the Doctor, and the rest are Civilians. <em> Don’t </em>show anyone your cards or tell anyone who you are unless you want the death penalty,” she explains. “And no, that’s not a joke, your character will literally die and you’ll be disqualified this round. Every night, the Mafia decides on one person to kill. And the goal of the game is to basically keep yourself alive as long as possible. By any means necessary.”</p><p>They pass the cards around and everyone takes one, starting with Victor. He peeks at the card, trying his best not to let anyone else see: Ace of Spades. </p><p>His lip twitches and he clears his throat, sitting up a bit straighter and putting on his best poker face. Benji raises an eyebrow beside him but says nothing. As the others pick up their cards and look, Victor notes their reactions, Fee in particular, whose eyes go wide and they grin, before they catch themself and go neutral, too.</p><p>“All right, folks, listen up. It’s nighttime, which means anyone who is <em> not </em>Mafia, close your eyes.” </p><p>Victor watches as everyone but Adrian, Fee, and Teddy close their eyes. He smirks and scans the crowd before his eyes land on Lake, and he points to her. Adrian points at Pilar, and Teddy and Fee point to Kieran. Stroking his chin, Victor grins as he points to Kieran, too. With a shrug, Adrian concedes, and they decide that Kieran will be their first body.</p><p>“Mafia, close your eyes. Now the detective gets to come out…”</p><p>Closing his eyes, Victor waits. </p><p>“Finally, the Doctor gets to decide who he’s gonna save…” A few moments pass, and Andrew speaks again. “Okay, it’s the next day, y'all, and it looks like the Mafia have shivved… <em> Kieran! </em>”</p><p>“Aww, man!” Kieran cries, pouting as he gives his card to Andrew.</p><p>“And it looks like… you got a Civilian. A sad day indeed. Rest in peace, Kieran. Sometimes I even feel like I can hear his voice… Anyway, it’s time to deliberate. Whodunit?” Andrew says.</p><p>Scanning the crowd, Victor grits his teeth to keep his expression neutral. He strokes his chin, gaze resting on Lake. </p><p>“Obviously it was Fee!” Lake says, pointing an accusatory finger at them, and Fee covers their mouth in feign offense.</p><p>“<em>Me? </em> Do I <em> look </em>like a murderer?” Fee fires back. “You know I’m a terrible liar.”</p><p>Lake stomps her foot. “Dang it, you’re right…”</p><p>“The only reason you accused Fee was because <em> you’re </em> mafia, Lake,” Victor says, clicking his tongue and shaking his head.</p><p>“Wait, that’s a good point,” Benji says from beside him, leaning forward. “You were really quick to throw the first stone.”</p><p>“<em>Hey! </em>What about you, Mister? You seem real quick to agree with Victor,” Mia says. “Don’t tell me you two are in cahoots.”</p><p>Victor and Benji stare at each other with raised eyebrows. “No we aren’t!” they say simultaneously.</p><p>“Hah! Then that means one of you is Mafia!” Lake says with a sly grin.</p><p>The entire room erupts into chaos as they argue their cases, until Andrew calls time and Armando becomes the prime suspect. “All right, all right. That’s enough. It’s time to decide if Armando gets to go to the gallows.” </p><p>“This is such a violent game…” Adrian mutters.</p><p>“All in favor put your hands up,” Andrew says, and most of the room puts their hands up. “Yeah, you’re done.”</p><p>Armando returns his card with a shrug.</p><p>“Another civilian down. If the Mafia keeps this up, y’all might actually win this thing…” Andrew says. “Anyway,” he claps his hands together. “Next round, so close your eyes if you aren’t Mafia, please…”</p><p>This time, Fee points beside Victor, and when he turns to follow their gaze, Victor can’t stop himself from shaking his head so vigorously, it could fall off his neck. Teddy rolls his eyes and shrugs, pointing at Tito, and they all shrug and nod in agreement. </p><p>They go through another round and Tito is eliminated. The deliberations begin again.</p><p>“Okay, Victor’s definitely Mafia,” Benji says, pointing beside him.</p><p>“No way, if anyone’s Mafia, <em> you </em>are,” Victor says.</p><p>“I think you’re a lot more suspicious, Benji. The only way you would know who’s <em> definitely </em>Mafia would be if you were also Mafia. Unless you’re the Detective?” Lake says.</p><p>“<em>I’m </em>the Detective,” Victor says quickly.</p><p>Benji narrows his eyes at him. He opens his mouth to speak but then closes it right away, pointing at Pilar. “Pilar hasn’t said anything the whole game, that’s suspicious.”</p><p>They argue some more, ultimately deciding to execute Victor’s grandmother, who is also a Civilian. </p><p>The rounds continue until only Victor, Benji, Lake, Pilar, Mia and Fee are left. Isabel had been the Doctor, and her loss means no one can be resurrected from death. They’d even sacrificed Adrian to throw people off, which was fine with him because he had already gotten bored of the game and went to his room to do something else.</p><p>Night falls again, and Victor and Fee eye each other, deliberating on who they want their next victim to be. They settle on Lake, who shrieks as she’s eliminated; she’d been a Civilian, too.</p><p>“Fee’s Mafia,” Mia says. “You keep smiling, stop that. Somehow you managed to keep it under control but like… it’s so obvious now.”</p><p>“You’re literally smiling right now,” Victor says.</p><p>“That’s different,” Mia snaps.</p><p>“No, Mia’s right, Fee is super obvious,” Benji deadpans.</p><p>“I want this to be over so I’m gonna agree with Benji and Mia on this one. To the chopping block with you, Fee!” Pilar says.</p><p>“The gallows aren’t a chopping block, it’s a thing for hanging people,” Andrew explains.</p><p>“Whatever,” Pilar says, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“But yeah, sorry, babe, you’re dead. Rest in peace,” Andrew says to Fee as they return their card. “Yeah, we all predicted that you were Mafia. Anyway..."</p><p>They continue one more round and Victor hides the victorious grin on his face as the next round comes, and he chooses Pilar as the next victim.</p><p>And now it's Mia and Benji left against him. </p><p>"You're not the Detective," Mia snaps at Victor. "It might be your birthday but you still need to die."</p><p>"Yeah. Sorry Vic, all's fair in love and war," Benji says.</p><p>"Don't you think it's a little bit... in bad taste to kill a man on his birthday?" Victor asks, holding his hands up in front of his face.</p><p>"Nah, you'll be fine," Benji says with a smirk.</p><p>"So is that your final verdict?" Andrew asks.</p><p>Benji and Mia nod with an air of finality; Victor huffs.</p><p>"And that means that the Civilians have won! Congrats. You guys can show your cards," Andrew announces.</p><p>“You were a pretty decent Detective, Benji,” Victor says with a chuckle as he eyes the King in Benji’s hand.</p><p>“And you were a surprisingly good Mafioso,” Benji replies. “Who knew you would have gotten the art of subterfuge down pat.”</p><p>“Well, you see, it comes from years of being in the closet and having to pretend everything’s fine, so,” Victor says, grin widening as he watches the way Benji’s eyes sparkle. </p><p>They play a few more rounds of Mafia until the evening, when Isabel brings out the birthday cake bearing twenty lit candles. When Adrian returns from his room and tells him to make a wish, he can’t stop his gaze from wandering to Benji’s face as it seems to glow even in the dimness; he doesn’t break eye contact even as he blows out the candles and the smoke billows through the air, wisps reaching and twirling around and when they part, the air now clear. Victor only sees Benji standing there, a lone beacon among the crowd. </p><p>Soon their guests begin to filter out, until only Victor’s family and Benji remain. Victor glances at the table piled with gifts, spotting the little green bag on the side. He gently removes it, remembering what Benji said about it being fragile, and turns it around in his hand.</p><p>“Did you wanna open that now?” Benji asks, and Victor jumps, heart clamoring against his ribs loud enough for those around him to hear as he almost drops the bag.</p><p>“Shit, Benji, you scared me,” Victor says, turning to face him. “But yeah, I’ve been thinking about what’s in here all day,” he adds with a small smile.</p><p>“Victor, Benji,” Isabel says as she approaches. “Don’t worry about all this, we can clean this up tomorrow. And you already helped so much, Benji,” she punctuates this with a kiss on Benji’s cheek.</p><p>“Are you sure? We can help and then get going back to campus,” Victor suggests.</p><p>“Absolutely not! It’s late, you two can just stay over and head back tomorrow morning,” Isabel says.</p><p>“I mean… I don’t mind borrowing your couch for the night. Or even just going down the road to my parents’ place because they live really close…” Benji says, but Victor stops him.</p><p>“My bed is big enough for us to share,” Victor insists.</p><p>Isabel pauses, eyes darting between them. “Well, you’re both adults, so it’s not like I can stop you… But Benji, you’re always welcome here whenever you need.”</p><p>“Thank you so much, Isabel,” Benji says, face flushing; Victor’s does the same.</p><p>“I guess we’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Victor says. “Goodnight, <em> mami </em>. Thanks for the party.”</p><p>“Happy birthday, <em>mijo</em>,” Isabel says. “I love you.”</p><p>“Love you, too.”</p><p>Victor sighs, taking Benji by the hand and leading him down the hall, the heavy bag dangling from his other hand. When they enter Victor’s room, the air becomes electric, as if Victor could feel the blocks of ice striking each other within a cloud and creating lines of friction across the sky. He shuts the door behind them and sits down on his bed, shrugging off his blazer before patting the spot beside him for Benji to join him.</p><p>“I’m guessing you helped plan all this?” Victor asks as Benji sits down.</p><p>Benji flushes and he tucks some hair behind his ear as he nods. “Mhm. It was mostly your mom and me and Lake helped a bit, too,” he says.</p><p>“That’s so nice of you… I guess it’s a little surprising, but thank you. I really appreciate it…”</p><p>“It’s my pleasure.”</p><p>“And it seems like you got to know my mom really well, which honestly freaked me out a little at first because I had planned to introduce you guys later. But I’m glad she likes you.”</p><p>“God, don’t even get me started, I was terrified of meeting her because I wanted to make a good impression.”</p><p>Victor kisses Benji on the temple and smiles. “I understand. But still… I’m so grateful.”</p><p>“Anyway, enough about that, let’s get to this,” Benji says, motioning at the gift urgently.</p><p>Placing the bag on his lap again, Victor raises his gaze to Benji as the other strokes his hair gently and watches him with a soft, concerned expression painted on his face. He presses his lips together before he rummages through the bag, setting aside sheets of tissue paper at each step.</p><p>“Read the card first,” Benji whispers, reaching into the bag and withdrawing a white, sealed envelope and holding it out to Victor.</p><p>“Whoa, you got me a <em> card, </em>” Victor remarks as he rips it open slowly so as to not tear it.</p><p>“Of course I did,” Benji says with a chuckle.</p><p>With a gasp, Victor stares at the card, eyelids brimming and distorting his vision. The card has a little cartoon depicting several animals--bunnies, kittens, puppies, ducklings, hedgehogs--all sitting together in a basket. Victor drapes an arm across Benji’s shoulder and pulls him close as he opens the card and reads the note that Benji had written.</p><p>“<em>Dear Victor, </em></p><p>
  <em> I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but somehow, it feels like a lifetime. Everytime I see you, I learn something new about the world and myself, and it makes me remember that there’s still so much more outside that we don’t know about. You remind me of how vast the universe is, but most importantly, you remind me of how important it is to be kind to each other. And just how there are millions of stars in the sky, there are that many reasons and more that I can think of to tell you just how awesome you are. I can see this card is getting long but I just wanted to say thank you. </em>
</p><p><em> Love,<br/></em> <em> Benji </em></p><p>
  <em> PS: I hope you like your gift, you don’t really want a lot of things which is cool but also makes you impossible to shop for so I made you something. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> PPS: IT’S FRAGILE PLEASE HANDLE IT WITH CARE (god what a mood).” </em>
</p><p>Chuckling morosely, Victor wipes his eyes in his wrist and sets the card aside; it’s as if he’d been caught in a deluge at the bottom of the valley as rain pools around his body. “Thank you… that’s really kind…” he says, pulling Benji into a watery kiss. </p><p>“But seriously, open the gift already because the anticipation is <em> killing </em> me,” Benji says when they part.</p><p>“Okay, okay…” Victor sighs, rolling his eyes as he finally finishes digging the contents out of the bag, pulling out a heavy wrapped package. He sets it down in the middle of his bed and pulls himself closer to it so he doesn’t drop it on the floor, then tears the newspaper away from it. Once the contents have finally shown themselves, Victor’s eyes widen and he can’t stop himself from beaming. “Wow… that’s gorgeous… Thank you.”</p><p>In his hands, Victor holds a smaller clay replica of himself in a black jacket and jeans, smiling down at a little white puppy in his lap. </p><p>“You remember that one time after we hooked up, we woke up the next morning and went for a walk and sat down in the grass and there was that guy walking his dog--”</p><p>“Yeah, and then it just like, jumped on my lap and started licking me,” Victor finishes with a giggle. </p><p>“Mhm. I took a few pictures because it was so cute and I used them as reference for this,” Benji explains. </p><p>“God… this is amazing,” Victor breathes, admiring the sculpture for a moment longer before he sets it carefully on his nightstand. “That must have taken a while.”</p><p>Benji shrugs. “It was worth it. I’m so glad you like it.”</p><p>“Oh, I <em> love </em> it. Like, I <em> know </em>my mom is definitely gonna want this in the living room but I’m not gonna let her have it,” Victor says fondly. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Hold on…” Benji says, rising from his spot on the bed and stepping over to the nightstand; he turns the figure around before he returns to the bed, then cleans up the remnants of the wrapping from atop the sheets and sets them aside. </p><p>“Why did you…?”</p><p>“You still have one more present to unwrap and I get stage fright,” Benji says, face flushed, voice low and husky, as he shoves Victor slowly back against his stack of pillows and climbs on top of him.</p><p>“How do you get stage fright if you’re in a band?” Victor breathes, hands gripping Benji’s thighs tightly.</p><p>“That’s different because I still get to wear my clothes.”</p><p>“Hmm… Fair,” Victor says, as Benji guides Victor’s hands to his own vest. </p><p>“I said you get to unwrap me, so… unwrap me already,” Benji insists.</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Victor says, stroking Benji’s cheek and feeling the way his own heart flutters in his chest like a fledgling taking flight for the first time. “I just wanna look at you for a second…” he says, before he unbuttons each of the buttons on Benji’s vest and slides it off his shoulders. “This is a good outfit but there are too many layers.”</p><p>“You just like me better when I’m naked.”</p><p>“Maybe so… if it were up to me, I’d keep you like that 24/7.”</p><p>Benji bites his lip, leaning down to kiss Victor again, this time, more insistent, mouth hot and begging even though they both have nowhere to be. Victor’s fingers lace through Benji’s hair and he peels the beret off his head, flinging it aside before limbs trail down to Benji’s neck and he undoes the ribbon nestled in the collar of his shirt. But Victor doesn’t even bother to unbutton the shirt all the way before he pulls it over Benji’s head and tosses it carelessly, too, then flips them around so he’s now sitting between Benji’s legs.</p><p>Arms resting next to his head in surrender, Benji stares up at him for a moment with a smirk, canines glinting in blinding contrast against his flushed face. </p><p>“Come on, you said I was wearing too many clothes,” he says, feigning innocence as he looks away.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Victor slips his tongue into Benji’s mouth to quiet him as he rubs himself against him, moaning. He squeezes Benji’s ass firmly as they grind against each other for a moment until Victor removes Benji’s pants and underwear in one go as his erection flops against his stomach; he’s left bare and exposed, like a freshly-shed crab without an exoskeleton lying on the seafloor. </p><p>Sighing, Victor unbuttons his own shirt before undoing his pants and leaning down with his hands pressing into the pillows next to Benji’s head, asteroids leaving craters behind in the earth. The way Benji’s nails dig into the flesh of his back makes Victor high and he kisses Benji even more eagerly this time, as Benji flips their positions again so he’s on top once more. </p><p>Benji takes his time, kissing down from Victor’s mouth to his chin, then traverses the plain of his chest, the normally arid, dry surface slicked with sweat and the microscopic skin cells Benji undoubtedly leaves in the wake of his lips. Victor watches Benji as he breathes him in, as if the quickening of Victor’s pulse is keeping him going. And with a sly look and crooked grin, Benji takes his cock into his mouth, wetting it with his own sweat, spit and tears as he relaxes his throat and massages Victor’s balls in tandem. </p><p>Victor threads his fingers through Benji’s hair and delights in the sight of his erection disappearing between Benji’s lips as if he’s savoring the flavor of Victor’s essence, in the little gasps and moans filtering from Benji that seem to penetrate into Victor’s very spirit, wringing it in a pair of imaginary hands to the point where he has to stop himself from crying another time. He watches as a lone tear slips from Benji’s eyelid, a shining track across a pink field, and swipes his thumb across to clear it away; he wonders if it’s the arousal that makes his chest ache just so. </p><p>But he can’t stop himself from murmuring sweet nothings, telling Benji how good his mouth feels around his dick, how gorgeous he is, how much he wants to fuck him, and he has to stop himself from saying he wants to make sweet love to him even though it’s true.</p><p>When Victor can barely take it anymore, Benji lets him fall from his jaw and he wipes his mouth in the back of his arm with a smirk, which softens as he looks down at Victor’s face. </p><p>“I know this is gonna be hard for you but you need to let me handle things… you shouldn’t have to work on your birthday,” Benji says with a soft chuckle, voice hoarse. “And right now I need lube.”</p><p>Victor grins, heart swelling and gaze averted; he searches around inside his nightstand, tossing a clear bottle to Benji, which he barely manages to catch. “Take your time. We don’t need a repeat of a few weeks ago.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I learned my lesson,” Benji says, squirting a generous amount of lube on his own fingers and staring at it, mesmerized, for a moment. </p><p>Benji hums and reaches behind himself, leaning forward on Victor’s chest and supporting his body on his arm as he fingers himself. Victor watches with rapt attention, his mouth suddenly losing all moisture as Benji’s face contorts and he bites his lip, eyelids shutting tightly as he works himself open. </p><p>Stroking Benji’s cheek, Victor brings their lips together again and he swallows Benji’s pathetic little moans, before he trails his hands down Benji’s neck to his shoulders and then finally to his nipples as he rolls and pinches them between his fingers and makes Benji kiss him back more feverishly, as if the sun is sitting between them, joining them together, and simultaneously threatening to collapse with each passing second.</p><p>After a few minutes, Benji shifts on top of Victor and settles himself over his cock before he slides down, engulfing him with a soft groan. Victor gasps into his mouth, the tightness of Benji’s overheated body overwhelming him; his hands squeeze at Benji’s ass before he gives him a few smacks, and Benji lifts himself up and slams himself back onto Victor’s hard length, clenching his muscles around it over and over again and making Victor lightheaded. </p><p>Their moans grow louder as Benji fucks himself faster on Victor’s cock, and the only way to stay quiet, to not get caught, is for them to stay connected at the mouth. But their attempts at keeping the sounds of their lovemaking under wraps proves futile when they hear a knock at the door, and they freeze just on the edge of release.</p><p>“Victor, <em> mi amor </em>, is everything okay?” Isabel asks from the other side of the door. “I heard noises.”</p><p>Smacking a hand over Benji’s mouth as his eyes roll back in his head, Victor can feel the adrenaline zooming through his veins, as if he only has a few moments before he gets a full-blown panic attack. He’d forgotten to lock the door.</p><p>“Y-yeah, mom, everything’s fine. We’re just… getting ready for bed,” Victor grits out.</p><p>Benji grins against Victor’s hand as he slides up and down on his dick once more, and Victor covers his own mouth just fast enough that no one can hear his yelp of pleasure. Victor glares at Benji before he flips them over as quietly as he can.</p><p>“Okay, you two. Just let me know if you need anything, all right? I’m going to bed,” Isabel says.</p><p>“We know. Thanks. Goodnight,” Victor says quickly, almost tripping over his own tongue.</p><p>He waits for the footsteps outside his door to recede before he grabs Benji by the throat, whispering in his ear and scolding him for almost getting them caught as Benji giggles and takes it.</p><p>When Victor finally plows him properly, gripping the back of one of Benji’s thighs with one hand, and the headboard with another so it doesn’t bang against the wall and get them a complaint from the neighbors, Benji almost screams as Victor cums inside him; he buries his teeth in Victor’s shoulder as he clings to him, moaning and writhing against his skin, their flesh slick with sweat and sliding and sticking together all at once. </p><p>Victor doesn’t even feel any pain because he’s under the influence of too much adrenaline; but he still knows it’ll be sore later, a reminder of the pleasure he’d managed to inflict on Benji that night.</p><p>They lay there in the afterglow in each other’s arms as they regain their senses, faces almost pressed together, both too tired to move and too enamored with the sensation of their bodies molded against each other to get up. </p><p>“Happy birthday, Victor,” Benji murmurs sleepily, as if speaking any louder would disturb the little sanctuary they’d created for just the two of them.</p><p>“This is definitely in my top… three birthdays ever, so thank you,” Victor replies with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.</p><p>“Only top three?”</p><p>“I’m kidding. This has been <em> by far </em> the best one I’ve ever had.”</p><p>With a satisfied hum, Benji nestles himself even closer to Victor with a giggle.</p><p>Victor doesn’t let Benji see it when he wipes the tears in the back of his hands before he nuzzles his face against Benji’s soft hair for a moment; he kisses him one last time and then drifts off into unconsciousness. They fall asleep with the lights on, the electricity bill the farthest thing from their minds.</p><p>A few hours later, they awaken to the sounds of birds chirping outside; the light is off, but neither of them have moved. They reluctantly separate and rise from bed as Victor lends Benji a hoodie, which is slightly too loose on him everywhere except the shoulders, and a pair of sweats, which drag on the floor when he walks. He ties the band tightly around his waist before they slip into the bathroom to wash up before they make their way into the kitchen, where Isabel sits at the kitchen table, curled up over a magazine.</p><p>“Good morning, boys, I hope you two slept well,” she says, not looking up from her reading material. “I thought I told you a hundred times not to waste electricity, Victor.”</p><p>Victor raises an eyebrow at her, and Benji smacks himself in the forehead. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Victor asks.</p><p>“She saw us,” Benji whispers into his ear, and Victor feels as if a wave of molten metal had just rained down on him.</p><p>“Oh god…” Victor mutters. “It won’t happen again. Sorry, <em> mami </em>.”</p><p>“And I hope you two were staying safe, I know you were having sex--”</p><p>“<em>Mom! </em>” Victor hisses, as Isabel closes her magazine and plops it on the table. </p><p>Benji makes a face and gestures vaguely; Victor nudges him with a smile. </p><p>“I’m not an idiot, you weren’t very slick the way you threw all your clothes all over the floor. I know what being in the throes of <em> passion </em>looks like--”</p><p>“Okay, we get it,” Victor says, clapping his hands over his ears and reddening, as Benji huddles over in laughter and leans against Victor’s shoulder for support.</p><p>“You obviously used a lot of energy so I’ll make you pancakes. I bought some nut milks that I’ve been wanting to try,” Isabel says, excitement tinging her voice as she rises to prepare their meal. </p><p>Victor smacks himself in the forehead this time and Benji snorts as they sit down at the table.</p><p>“Mom… please never say ‘nut milk’ ever again,” Victor groans.</p><p>“Why? That’s what it is!” Isabel snaps. </p><p>“Oh, just let her have it,” Benji mutters with a dry chuckle. “Gen Xers will never get it, there’s no sense in arguing.”</p><p>“Thank you, Benji. I like you. Finally someone who understands me and doesn’t tell me I’m <em> embarrassing, </em>” Isabel says as she gathers all her supplies to start cooking breakfast.</p><p>“I didn’t say you were <em> embarrassing, </em> just that you sometimes say embarrassing <em> things </em>,” Victor retorts.</p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em>you don’t want any help, Isabel? We’re both functional…” Benji says.</p><p>“Really, don’t worry about it. I know you both do a lot already,” Isabel insists with a wink, causing both Benji and Victor to redden instantly again. </p><p>Victor reaches across the table and takes Benji’s hand in his own, blinking slowly, but feeling the jolt surge up his arm nonetheless before he’s overtaken with warmth once more. </p><p>They continue chatting, hands joined the entire time even as Isabel puts plates full of fresh breakfast down in front of them. She glances at them but says nothing, but Benji and Victor unfurl their fingers regardless, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. </p><p>Once they finish their food, Victor unwraps the rest of his presents and puts everything away. He and Benji then pack their things, Victor careful to re-wrap his present from Benji so it stays safe, and they return to Georgia State. With each passing moment, Victor feels himself become even more overwhelmed with the weight of his infatuation bearing down on him like a mountain, the sensation he can feel whenever he looks at Benji. </p><p>Victor doesn’t know what comes over him when they arrive back on campus and get out of Benji’s car. He certainly hadn’t predicted that he would grab Benji by the arm, twirl him around, and pin him against his car as he kisses the life out of him, as if his heart would stop if they parted. It’s just the brain chemicals talking, he knows that, but when Benji kisses him back, clutching at his jacket as if it were a pack of cigarettes, Victor wonders if it’s more than that.</p><p>When they pull away, all they can do is gaze at each other as the morning sun casts shadows on them. Victor doesn’t want to go; but he has work to do.</p><p>Once they’re outside, coming to the fork in the road where their paths diverge, hands swinging like a wild pendulum between them, leaden and cold, Victor kisses Benji’s palm one last time before their flesh separates, and Victor wonders if amputation would hurt as much.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks so much for being patient with me once again and for being supportive of this storyI hope ya'll enjoy this chapter, things get a lil spicey hehe... I also figured it would be fun to have the gang play Mafia just because haha. Anyway, as usual, thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> for being my consultant and for being fire generally. Couldn't do this without her tbh!! Finally, 1 kudo and/or comment = 1 Venji having a nice time and not being stupid and in denial!! Anyway, see ya'll in the next installment!</p><p>Edit: I added a little bit more to the bit when they play Mafia bc I realized I wrote it sorta wrong haha so now it will make more sense lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Body</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji goes for a run.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“I was thinking—“ he stops as he looks down at the screen, where a “wyd?” from Chase bores into his gaze. “I um—<i>shit</i>, hold on. I need to take this.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Fee asks, resting a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Well… you know how I was hooking up with Chase and Kayden like, a while back?” </p><p>“You mean the guys from your hoetation you talked about fucking like… three times max before you completely forgot about them and then everything became Benji 24/7? Vaguely,” Lake says.</p><p>“Are you still seeing them?” Mia asks. </p><p>“Uhh… let me put it this way. We took an extended accidental hiatus, and now Chase wants to hook up,” Victor says, scratching the back of his head.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benji rests the tips of his fingers against his lips, shocking himself on impact. It’s as if they’re glued into that position as he strolls down the sidewalk, the breeze ruffling his hair as the memory of Victor’s face comes flooding back to him, the desire and affection blooming in his chest all at once as he remembers the heat of Victor’s mouth, the weight of his body bearing down on him, the sensation of hard glass and metal holding him upright, for without it, he knows he would have collapsed, breathless.</p><p>He smiles a crooked smile, the world around him dropping away. Somehow, his legs carry him across campus, as if programmed by a GPS that needs no conscious input from his brain, and he arrives outside the familiar red brick building. </p><p>But the whole time, all he can do is relive that kiss, heart bursting in his chest like a water balloon exploding against the pavement and leaving a dark stain behind until the sun pulls it back up. There was something about it that caught him off guard, but the momentary vigor it imparted in him almost frightens him. He can feel the capillaries in his cheeks swell even as he enters the warmth of his dorm; it must be from that.</p><p>With a sigh, Benji shuts the door behind him, humming as he enters. He pauses when he sees Andrew lying on the bed on his phone.</p><p>“Hey, what’s up?” Benji says, as he kicks his boots off. </p><p>“Oh, hey, man. Last night was fun. We should play Mafia more often, maybe it’ll teach Fee how to be a better liar,” Andrew says, sitting up and flashing a mischievous grin. “I’m guessing you slept over?”</p><p>With a chuckle, Benji plays with his hair. “Yeah, his mom is like… surprisingly cool about everything so she let me stay over and then Vic gave me his clothes, which is why I look like literally every straight boy at this school.”</p><p>“Did you and Vic… you know…?” </p><p>“S-shut up,” Benji stammers. “Why don’t you just mind your business, man. You’re <em> literally </em>the nosiest person I know.”</p><p>“Relax, I’m just playin’. But you look… <em> really </em> happy, so I’m guessing you <em> definitely </em>did,” Andrew teases.</p><p>Grabbing one of the pillows from his bed, Benji chucks it across the room, smacking Andrew directly in the face. </p><p>“Go to hell!”</p><p>“Fine, sorry,” Andrew concedes, gently tossing the pillow back onto Benji’s bed. “I deserved that.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji unzips his jacket and drapes it over the chair at his desk. </p><p>“Anyway…” Benji says, falling backward onto his bed and staring up at the crinkled ceiling. “What are you up to today?”</p><p>“I was actually gonna go to practice for a bit and then meet up with Fee later for a ‘sleepover’ of our own,” Andrew says, making air quotes and wiggling his eyebrows, before he unplugs his phone from the charger and slips it into his pocket. </p><p>“Gross,” Benji says, wrinkling his nose. “Well, have fun with that. I’ll probably head over to the library to get some essays done in a bit, not that you care.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, that reminds me. Lake and Mia were looking for you. They said they had something important to talk about.”</p><p>“Did they give like… a hint of what it was about?”</p><p>“They said it was top secret.”</p><p>Benji glares at him.</p><p>“Okay, fine,” Andrew concedes, “I didn’t ask. Mia said she texted you but you didn’t answer.”</p><p>“Oh… hm,” Benji says, looking down at his phone and at the notifications in the group chat. “I guess I’ll deal with this,” he mutters, tapping the message and opening a long text message; his eyes go wide. “Later,” he says, shutting off his phone’s screen and setting the device on his nightstand. </p><p>“Well, have fun, my guy.”</p><p>“Since when do you call me that?”</p><p>“I’m trying something new.”</p><p>“It’s not working.”</p><p>“No, shit… Anyway, I’m gonna go.”</p><p>“Have fun playing with balls,” Benji says with a grin.</p><p>“Oh, I will,” Andrew says, throwing his jacket over him and heading out the door. “See ya!”</p><p>“Bye!”</p><p>Benji rolls over onto his side, propping his head up on his arm as he stares out the window for a moment before he grumbles, not feeling particularly motivated to do his work. His mind wanders back to the kiss with Victor, and then further back still to the previous night, to when they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms after a bout of lovemaking. He bites his lip, heart rate suddenly spiking as he imagines once again the intimacy of their naked flesh slipping against each other like unsteady steps across a frozen pond. </p><p>There’s something about Victor’s eyes, the way he peers into Benji as if he’d extracting something buried and hidden deep within him that he’s trying to fuck out of him, and each time, it’s as if he’s worn away another layer of Benji’s resolve. It’s wearing thin, he realizes as the familiar tingling runs along his body, its destination in the tightening of his trousers. He swallows, glancing down at himself and seeing the ghost of Victor’s hand disappearing inside.</p><p>Rising from his bed, Benji pads across the room and draws the curtains closed, the jingle of metal on metal putting him further into a trance. The smell of Victor’s musk and spicy cologne engulfs him as he returns to bed. He clears his throat as his brain glimmers with static which turns to a haze that has his eyelids drooping, all his nerve endings on fire.</p><p>Suddenly, his clothes feel like a cage, and the gentle brushing of his nipples against the interior of his shirt drives him mad. He peels it away, casting it to the floor and rolling onto his stomach, rubbing himself against the mattress, thinking of how good Victor’s taut chest would feel pressing him down right now. The thought makes his pants feel even tighter, and so he sloughs those off, too, lying there in only his boxer briefs. </p><p>He reaches out to his nightstand, snatching his phone impatiently and bringing it to his face, unlocking it and opening his photo album. Licking his lips, he finds the folder labeled “<em> 🍆 </em>” and taps it; in the gallery, are an obscene amount of pictures of the body he’d become so familiar with over the course of the last few months.</p><p>Grinning, Benji opens up one of his favorites: the one Victor had sent him from the library before the end of term. Something about how ballsy Victor had been turned Benji on; and it’s generally a <em> gorgeous </em>photo of his dick, anyway, the lighting doing wonders for it and making Benji’s mouth salivate. His own cock protests and he grinds down against the bed, before giving into his urges and grasping himself through the fabric.</p><p>“Mmm… <em> fuck </em> ….” he groans, taking his already rigid erection in his fist and stroking himself, smearing precum across its length. “God, Victor, you and your beautiful <em> fucking </em> dick…” he mutters. </p><p>He knows he should be able to withstand a few hours apart, but as he rolls onto his back and slips his underwear off, discarding it with the rest of his clothes, he finds that’s becoming more difficult with each passing moment. Gasping softly, Benji speeds up the movement of his hand and thrusts into it as he stares at the picture of Victor’s dick on his phone.</p><p>But it’s not satisfying enough; he wants Victor inside him, even if he can’t be there with him physically. He lets his own erection flop out of his hand and he drops his phone beside him as he scrambles across the sheets to his nightstand, swiping his hand across his leg before he opens the drawer and pulls out a bottle of lube, his bag of toys, and a condom, setting everything down beside him.</p><p>Humming, he rummages around inside until he finds the toy he wants--a blue silicone dildo almost the length of his forearm--and places it on the bed before he returns the bag to its place. He then rips the condom wrapper open with his teeth and rolls it down the dildo as he lies down once more.</p><p>“There you go, Victor. You’re all dressed up,” Benji says, patting the dildo and chuckling to himself.</p><p>Benji takes a pillow and shoves it under his lower back as he brings his knees to his chest, then strokes his cock a few more times. He then takes the bottle of lube and cracks it open, dribbling it on his fingers, the coolness shocking his skin; he shivers, reaching between his own legs and sliding one finger inside his hole as the other squeezes his balls. Moaning, he crooks his digit as he slides it in and out a few times before adding another finger and stretching himself. </p><p>Head dropping onto the pillow behind him, Benji’s mouth falls open in tandem as he presses against his own prostate, before he picks up his phone again and returns his gaze to the screen, where Victor’s cock seems to beckon him.</p><p>Inserting a third finger with a groan, Benji swipes right to another photo, this one an amazing shot of Victor’s torso as he holds his dick in one of his huge, strong hands. Benji’s eyebrows furrow together and his face contorts as he curls his fingers inside his hole, imagining Victor sitting between his legs again, leaning over him and overwhelming him with his presence.</p><p>Soon, Benji knows he can’t take it anymore and so he removes his fingers from his hole and takes his fake blue cock in his hand, slathering it with the sticky, clear liquid and shoving it inside himself all the way to the base in one go, emitting the most wanton moan he could manage as he hits that spot inside himself full-on. </p><p>“God, Victor you’re <em> huge </em> ,” Benji groans, pulling it out and thrusting the dildo back inside, toes curling at the sensation that jolts through his entire sweat-slicked body. It feels <em> almost </em>like Victor, but not quite.</p><p>Through slits in his eyelids, Benji stares up at the image of Victor as he fucks himself, his hand-held dick filling him up just the way Victor does but without the sensation of Victor over him. Benji can feel his legs getting tired from the way he’s lying, but he doesn’t care; he thrusts faster, the ghost of Victor pinning him down, whispers of flesh against the backs of his thighs. </p><p>He wishes he could dig his nails into Victor’s back as he takes him in, wishes he could tug at his hair and bite his ear and <em> kiss </em>him as Victor fucks him almost like he hates him, but not quite. No, even when Victor’s choking him and pressing his face into the mattress or the wall, it’s never like that.</p><p>With a gasp, Benji drops his phone, eyes falling closed as he loses himself in the moment because pictures will never do Victor justice, body spasming with each thrust until he’s over the edge, Victor’s lips on his, kissing him until he can’t breathe or move as the whiteness explodes in the backs of his eyelids and all he sees is Victor, Victor, Victor and he cums, untouched, all over his stomach.</p><p>Shuddering for what seems like hours, Benji simply lay there like a corpse, blissed out and completely boneless as he comes down from his high, a wave of exhaustion knocking him down swiftly, along with the stickiness that seems to invade every crevice and orifice. He feels disgusting, but he doesn’t want to move, even though he knows he should. </p><p>“Hey, Victor, we should probably--” Benji says, head lolling to the side as he opens his eyes before he stops himself. “Oh. Right.”</p><p>Glancing down at his hands, Benji exhales, before he slowly rises to clean up after himself. He doesn’t know what compelled him to do any of this, but the emptiness panging in the cavity of his chest where his heart continues to blossom against his will feels out of place now. The lack of a warm presence beside him, the silence instead of a pulse under his ear, no embrace to bury himself into and find solace in… it’s too much for him to handle.</p><p>He ends up curled up on the floor in the shower, arms wrapped around his legs, simply letting the water cascade over him before swirling down the drain as he watches. Swallowing the lump in his throat with a frown, he brushes his hair out of his face before resting his cheek against his knee. In the slate of his mind, he sees Victor lying beside him in his bed, giving him that soft, gentle smile as he presses their lips together like little wisps of air. Something in his chest clenches and a hand cups his face for a split second; it must be the water.</p><p>Benji rises and shuts off the water before stepping out and wrapping himself in a towel. He shuffles out of the bathroom to his bed, sitting down on the edge and picking up his phone. Despite the thunderous palpitating radiating in his ears, he sends two messages.</p><p>------------------------------------</p><p>Victor sits in front of the computer in his dorm, leg tapping incessantly. He waves his pen around between his fingers and stares at the space between the words on the PDF of his physics textbook. In that very space, it’s as if God is playing a cruel joke on him, the image of Benji’s serene sleeping visage bombarding him. </p><p>He can’t stop thinking about last night. </p><p>It’s as if something within him had activated, bright and glowing and protective all at once as he recalls the way Benji’s fingers curled into his hands and his forehead relaxed as he drifted off to sleep in Victor’s arms. He wants more of it, the pull of Benji to him on that invisible string wrapping around him and binding his limbs to his side. Holding it inside, keeping the words tucked away in the trove of his brain, had been easier before; but now the box rattles dangerously, and Victor knows it will burst at any moment.</p><p>His thoughts drift back to before, the reins of memory snatched from his hands as he replays how Benji kissed him, clutching at him while Victor was still inside him, engulfing and intoxicating him all at once. Swallowing thickly, Victor shakes his head to clear it, but no amount of willpower will erase it from his brain; he doesn’t really want to, anyway. </p><p>Sighing as the wildfire slowly engulfs him, Victor slides his hand into his sweatpants, hissing as his cool fingers make contact with the hot flesh of his erection. Even though he’s gotten over his Catholic guilt for the most part and <em> theoretically </em>he shouldn’t be ashamed of himself, his hand feels foreign on him somehow, like an ill-fitting pair of boxer briefs. And in the times when he wasn’t having sex with Benji, he would always be too tired and overcome with tension to take care of himself.</p><p>Groaning softly and letting his head fall back, Victor’s eyelids drift shut. Even though it feels good, he’ll never be able to beat the sensation of being inside Benji, and he doesn’t know if he prefers when Benji draws him into his throat or when he lets him sheathe his cock inside Benji’s hole all the way to the hilt. As he thinks about the way Benji looks at him coyly through his eyelashes when he slides into him, the way he clings to him and scratches at his back when he urges him to fuck him harder, faster, Victor cums all over his own hand before he can catch himself, moaning Benji’s name and not caring who hears it. </p><p>In that moment, when the tears leak down his cheeks and traverse his neck, marking the collar of his shirt as their final destination, he realizes it’s him. It’s always been him, ever since Victor laid eyes on the photo of Benji on his Grindr profile, it was as if his subconscious knew right away. But it had taken his conscious brain too long to catch up.</p><p>Still shaking a bit, Victor removes his hand from his pants, wrinkling his nose at the sensation of cum all over his palm. He sighs, crossing the hall to the bathroom and washing his hands.</p><p>For a long time, he stares at his own flushed, tear-stained reflection in the mirror, nostrils flaring as droplets rain from the tips of his fingers. He leans against the edge of the sink, shifting the weight of his body forward as his shoulders meet his ears. His gaze flits away to his hands, the deep bronze contrasting against the porcelain white, before he stands up straight again and passes his arm over his eyes; he can’t even look at himself right now.</p><p>After he cleans himself up, he collects his laptop and books into his backpack and slides his arms through the sleeves of his jacket before he slings his bag over his shoulder. He makes his way through the chilly air to the library, mind still aflame and fuzzy as he makes his best effort to suppress the thoughts of Benji that drift in and out of his mind, taunting him as he glances down at the front of his pants every so often and thanks God that they’re loose enough to hide the evidence of his mind pushing him further to the brink.</p><p>He enters the library and runs up the stairs to the last floor, using the physical exertion as a welcome distraction from the sea storming within his belly as he climbs. Perhaps being out of his room and with his friends will provide a sanctuary from his thoughts.</p><p>Mia, Lake, and Fee greet him as he unloads his things and opens his computer before getting straight to work once more. For a short time, his mind is clear, focused, as he reads and scribbles noted furiously on his notebook. </p><p>But soon, the images start flooding back. And he finds his brain wandering and starts tapping his fingers against the table in a chaotic rhythm. His phone vibrates next to him, but it doesn’t register. Across from him, where Lake and Mia sit, two more vibrations erupt into the space.</p><p>Lake looks up from her book, picking up her phone and gasping quietly as she types something and nudges Mia with her elbow before motioning to her phone, pupils flirting to Victor and then away again.</p><p>“Hey, can you stop that?” Lake snaps at Victor, reaching out to grab his hand and halt his fidgeting. “You’re being extra distracting today, and that’s saying something.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’ve been looking all… frazzled ever since you came in here,” Mia says, eyebrows drawn together in concern</p><p>By now, Fee has also snapped out of their trance beside Victor, and cranes their head toward Lake. </p><p>“Uh… You should probably let him stim, Lake. He has ADHD,” Fee says, before turning to Victor. “You okay, buddy? What’s up? There’s still time before midterms, you know. No need to stress.”</p><p>With a loud sigh, Victor drops his pen on the table and takes his glasses off, then presses his hands into his face. Glancing around the half-full room, he leans across the table, and the trio lean in, too.</p><p>“It’s about Benji,” Victor says quietly.</p><p>“Tell us something we don’t know,” Lake snaps. </p><p>“I appreciate your perception,” Victor says, voice laced with sarcasm. “<em> As I was saying, </em>I’ve been thinking about this a lot and… IthinkIwantBenjitobemyboyfriend.”</p><p>“What’s that?” Fee asks, holding their hand up to their ear. “Didn’t catch any of that, slow <em> down </em>.”</p><p>“I want Benji to be my boyfriend,” Victor whispers almost inaudibly.</p><p>“I swear to <em> God </em> if you don’t speak up I’m gonna end you,” Lake snaps, grabbing Victor by the front of his sweatshirt.</p><p>“<em>Fine! </em> I <em> said, </em> I think I want Benji to be my boyfriend. I’m ready,” he says, enunciating each word, shoulders slumping from the Herculean effort of the admission. “Even though I <em> know </em> he said he doesn’t want to be tied down, I just… I can’t not at least <em> try, </em>you know? It’s gonna eat me alive.”</p><p>“Wait, you’re telling me you <em> haven’t </em>been boyfriends this whole time?” Fee asks, incredulous. </p><p>“Um, <em> no </em>?” Victor says slowly, face reddening as he raises an eyebrow. “We’ve literally just been hooking up. Where have you been?”</p><p>Mia and Lake share a look, and Mia covers his hand with her mouth as she clears her throat.</p><p>“Wow… um, that’s really big! I’m happy for you,” Mia says with a tight smile. “But, uh… I don’t know where you’re getting that ‘he doesn’t want to be tied down’ crap from, because he <em> absolutely </em>does want to be tied down, both physically and metaphorically. He told me. Well, not in those words, of course. But trust me,” she says, chuckling.</p><p>“Yeah, you two might as well just be a couple as it stands. You’re already all over each other constantly so it’s an obvious next step,” Lake says as-a-matter-of-fairly, fixing her hair and flashing a peace sign before she takes a selfie.</p><p>“Oh,” Victor says.</p><p>“It’s about time one of you bozos made a move,” Lake says, clicking her tongue as she gives him a pointed look over the top of her phone. </p><p>“All of us, except <em> Fee </em> , apparently, have been waiting for y’all to finally get together. So <em> do </em>it!” Mia almost shouts.</p><p>“Thanks, y’all. Maybe I should do something for Valentine’s Day, I’ve had a few ideas sorta bouncing around my head and I wanted to see if maybe I could plan a date or something,” Victor says, picking up his own phone from the table and flipping it over. </p><p>“I was thinking—“ he stops as he looks down at the screen, where a “wyd?” from Chase bores into his gaze. “I um—<em> shit, </em>hold on. I need to take this.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Fee asks, resting a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Well… you know how I was hooking up with Chase and Kayden like, a while back?” </p><p>“You mean the guys from your hoetation you talked about fucking like… three times max before you completely forgot about them and then everything became Benji 24/7? Vaguely,” Lake says.</p><p>“Are you still seeing them?” Mia asks. </p><p>“Uhh… let me put it this way. We took an extended accidental hiatus, and now Chase wants to hook up,” Victor says, scratching the back of his head.</p><p>“Well, for starters, you need to end things with the both of them if you’re serious about pursuing things with Benji for real this time,” Mia warns. </p><p>“I know, I know. Actually…” Victor says, opening the message and composing a reply. “I wanna do this properly, so I’ll just invite them each out to have coffee and break things off.”</p><p>“You don’t need to do all that, you can just text them,” Lake says, making a face.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, but I just feel bad doing that,” Victor says with a shrug. He sends a message with <em> “Are you free for coffee at the lib in like an hour? </em>” to Chase.</p><p>“I think that’s actually really sweet,” Mia says.</p><p>“It’s always better to just talk it out, because then you don’t have misunderstandings,” Fee says. “Like, how do you even get your tone across through text? What, you just say ‘nice knowing ya’ and block them? Seems kinda unfair.”</p><p>“Mhm. I would rather just tell them that they were nice and I had fun and maybe we can be friends,” Victor says. </p><p>His phone vibrates again, with a “<em> Sure see you then 😉 </em>” flashing on the screen.</p><p>“Okay, well that was quick,” Victor says with a nervous giggle as he wipes his hands against his trousers. “Um… god maybe this is a bad idea after all, a text probably would have been better…”</p><p>“Hey, relax, man. It’ll be fine. You’re just having second thoughts,” Fee reassures him, pulling Victor into a hug.</p><p>“Thanks,” Victor says, voice shaky as he claps Fee on the back. </p><p>“Yeah, just rip the gay band-aid off and then you and Benji can go ride unicorns into the sunset and all that,” Lake says with a dreamy grin, resting her chin in her hands and staring off into the distance.</p><p>He studies a bit longer, his thoughts diverted for a moment to the buzzing apprehension between his ears as he watches the seconds count down. Chewing on his nails, he rehearses his lines in his head, rotating them and committing them to memory, until the clock strikes 2 and he descends the stairs, leaving his things behind. </p><p>When he arrives in the café downstairs, he spots a cute, pale, blond guy waving him over from the sparse queue where customers await their orders wearing a small smile painted on his lips. Victor waves to him with a wavering smile as he orders himself a mocha and goes to wait.</p><p>“Hey, long time no see,” Chase says as he takes his drink from the counter and stands beside Victor, his voice smooth and cool.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy,” Victor says with a nervous laugh, his voice going higher than he wants it to. </p><p>Chase raises an eyebrow at him and gives him a bemused smirk. “I never pegged you for a coffee date hookup guy,” he says. </p><p>Victor can only chuckle again as he takes his drink and leads them both over to one of the tables. He pulls out one of the chairs and motions for Chase to sit before he takes his own seat across the table. They’re sitting right by the entrance, the light from outside casting a pleasant glow on them through the uncovered window, the students hurrying across the sidewalk and laughing with their friends are all oblivious to the roiling inside of Victor’s belly. </p><p>Victor clears his throat as he reaches across the table, taking Chase’s hand in his own. </p><p>“So, about that…”</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>Benji puts on a fresh outfit, one a bit more suited of his own style--a loose white knit sweater that hangs off one shoulder, paired with a cute pair of ripped skinny jeans. He tucks the front of his sweater into his pants and examines himself in the mirror before he pulls on his leather jacket.</p><p>Jamming his earbuds into his ears and putting his music on shuffle, Benji hums as “Kyoto” by Phoebe Bridgers floats gently to his eardrums. He suddenly remembers the message he’d gotten from Mia; he opens it up as he exits his building and reads as he walks.</p><p>“<em>Hope you’re having a nice time canoodling w Vic! Vday❤️ is coming up soon and tbh it would be a perfect chance for you to finally cuff him once and for all. You guys are like an old married couple it’s kinda disgusting but in a really cute and endearing sort of way. Maybe we can do a triple date or something? That might be cute🥰” </em></p><p>Benji pauses, snorting. “That most certainly would <em> not </em> be cute…” he mutters to himself, before he continues reading.</p><p>“<em>Anyways we’re gonna be in the library in the usual spot tomorrow so feel free to drop by and we can all hang out maybe talk plans. But istg you and Vic don’t admit your feelings for each other and get together Lake and I will literally lock you two in a closet with no food or water until you finally get together! That’s a promise😒🔪🔪🔪” </em></p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji sighs, closing the chat. He opens his banking application, shimmying his shoulders along to the rhythm of the song as he waits for it to load.</p><p>$12.37.</p><p>Gasping, Benji stops short in the middle of the sidewalk; a <em> thud </em>as a force collides with his back, and throws him off balance as another student crashes into him.</p><p>“<em>Hey </em> watch where you’re fucking going!” they yell, flipping him off. He barely notices.</p><p>“Shit…” Benji mutters, tugging at his hair. “What did I even buy?”</p><p>Scrolling through his transactions, his stomach drops: repairs for his car, mostly. And he may have bought takeout a few times for the nights when he was working late in the art building. But at least he’d stopped buying clothes.</p><p>He groans, stomping his foot as he pockets his phone again. Just when this day couldn’t get any worse. </p><p>“People have gone weeks without eating and have survived, I’ll be fine,” Benji sighs, as he continues walking, his mood soured for the rest of the day.</p><p>As he approaches the library, he sees a sign outside and squints, trying to read it. </p><p>“<em>Now hiring baristas--inquire within café”  </em></p><p>“Perfect…” he says, lips curling up as he pushes the door open and enters.</p><p>Benji removes his earbuds and sticks them into his pocket as he shuffles across the dark brown hardwood floor of the library entrance, turning toward the entrance to the cafe.</p><p>And it’s there in the middle of the walkway that Benji freezes in place once more, an arrow piercing his chest as he sees Victor, hand in hand with another man, lips pressed together as they lean across the table.</p><p>Victor withdraws, making a face, and his head snaps to the side.</p><p>“Benji! Wait!” he cries. </p><p>But Benji’s body is on autopilot. He dashes back through the doors, smacking into another student but not even able to stop himself from running. His lungs catch fire as his feet hit the cement. The ground punches him back but he doesn’t care. His eyes sting and all he wants is for the earth to swallow him up so he can just curl up and die.</p><p>“Please! I can explain!” Victor calls.</p><p>A vice on his arm tugging him backward interrupts him and he whips around against his will. He’s out of breath.</p><p>“Benji… Please,” Victor says, inhaling deeply. <em> “Please </em> let me explain. It’s not what it looks like, I swear.”</p><p>“Fuck off,” Benji snaps through tears as he tries to shrug Victor off, breathless. “Get off me, asshole.”</p><p>When Victor lets him go, Benji can’t even look at him, but something keeps him rooted in place. He doesn’t even bother to wipe his tears, instead letting them trail down his cheeks pathetically as the occasional passerby stops and stares, before whispering to their companions and marching on.</p><p>“I’m sorry you saw that…” Victor says, staying a respectful distance away from Benji. “But I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me.”</p><p>“Why should I believe you? It just looks like you were on a date with someone else,” Benji says, still staring at the ground, arms crossed over his chest.</p><p>“Look… it wasn’t a <em> date </em> …” Victor says, almost spitting when he says the word. “I don’t <em> want </em>him. I was just meeting him so I could break things off with him.”</p><p>Benji uncrosses his arms, glancing to the bench a few feet away and sitting down. He pats the spot beside him. “Go on.”</p><p>Victor sighs as he sits down, leaving a space between them as he does.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I should have told you about this before because I care too much about you, and I was so scared to fuck this up that I ended up doing it anyway. But I never wanna put you in a position where you feel like you can’t trust me ever again.”</p><p>A flock of sparrows flutters inside Benji’s chest and he can feel his lip curling up; he holds it down. “It’s okay. That was your business…”</p><p>“No, it’s not,” Victor says, shaking his head, voice cracking as a tear makes a path down his face. “I had two friends I was hooking up with aside from you and I forgot about them until literally today when one of them texted me. But I realized…” he says, fidgeting with his hands as Benji watches with bated breath. “I realized I didn’t want to be with either of them. I’m done hooking up for good. So I invited them here so I could end it. And clearly Chase had other plans but I promise you, I did <em> not </em>want to kiss him.”</p><p>For a long moment, Benji says nothing, picking at his cuticles as he listens and wipes his eyes in the back of his hands. He slides closer to Victor on the bench so their legs are touching now. But at the same time, he can feel something in his chest cracking painfully; he doesn’t know if it will hurt even more to say what he’s about to say, but he has to know.</p><p>“Why?” Benji whispers.</p><p>Victor rises from the bench and kneels on the pavement in front of him, taking Benji’s hand in his own.</p><p>“Wait, Victor, what are you doing?” Benji asks hurriedly, glancing around, voice wavering as his body goes rigid and more tears distort his vision. “Victor, get up. People are staring.”</p><p>“Let them stare.”</p><p>“Victor--”</p><p>“Hey, look at me. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. Ever since you kissed me before we went away for break. Actually, even before that.”</p><p>Benji swallows the lump in his throat as he stares down at Victor with wide eyes, pulse racing to the moon at the speed of light. His hand goes limp. </p><p>“You’re scaring me.”</p><p>“Look at me,” Victor says again, determined this time, cupping Benji’s face and smiling up at him through his own wet irises. </p><p>And Benji does, staring down at Victor’s earnest, puppy-dog-like expression and exhaling as his heart stutters in his chest. Something about the way Victor’s looking at him right now floods him with a sense of calm. His tears stop.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Victor clears his throat and takes a deep breath.</p><p>“Benjamin Oliver Campbell, will you be my boyfriend?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks once again for reading and supporting this story! It was definitely interesting for me to write because for one, I've never written masturbation scenes, and for two, there is a major stigma against it even to this day when it should be another healthy part of our sex life tbh. Like, why is having sex with other people more okay then giving yourself a little love? I don't get it haha. Anyway, this chapter did sorta come out of a conversation in the LV fic discord, and I did sorta bring up how I feel like B would have toys and how he would def name them after the guy he likes so... hence Victor the blue dildo idk. I thought it was fun. Hope you did too haha. Anyway, I want to thank <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> as usual for her help as my consultant even though I've gone a bit rogue lately haha. Finally, as usual 1 kudo and/or comment = 1 Venji having a nice time!! Thanks again!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Apple of my Eye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji eats an apple.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“I just… I just feel like I’ll slip up at some point, you know? And he’s gonna see who I really am and... not want me anymore,” Benji says, voice progressively quieting, gaze resting on the coffee table where he’d placed his laptop, as if looking at another human being when he says the words would physically hurt him.</p><p>“We get it, you’re scared to be vulnerable,” Lake says, rolling her eyes. </p><p>“Hey, come on—“ Mia says, but Lake plows on.</p><p>“Boo hoo, grow up.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s a little uncalled for, but fair,” Benji grumbles.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, wait… what did you tell him?” Mia asks from the couch, before popping a handful of popcorn between her lips and chewing.</p><p>The afternoon light pours in through the window of the living room in Mia’s house, the trees off in the distance still and quiet, the road devoid of cars because it’s the weekend.</p><p>“I… kinda... may or may not have thrown up before I could give him an answer,” Benji says quickly, cringing as he shields his face with his hand.. </p><p>Mia and Lake both make similar expressions and wrinkle their noses. </p><p>“Yep. It was bad. <em> And </em> I embarrassed myself not only in front of Victor but also like half of my classmates who all happened to be out that day for <em> some reason </em>,” Benji rambles from the couch opposite Lake and Mia, leaning forward on his knees, head dropping like a bowling ball into his hands with a groan.</p><p>“Ouch. That sucks,” Lake says, but her fae-like smile says otherwise.</p><p>“How the hell did you manage that? Are you really that stressed out?” Mia says through a mouthful of popcorn, words distorted.</p><p>“I… I don’t know. I just sorta panicked,” Benji says, resting his chin in his hands. </p><p>“Clearly,” Lake says, bringing her legs off the floor and crossing them in front of her. </p><p>“Leave him alone, he’s traumatized,” Mia says, half-serious as she smacks Lake’s arm gently.</p><p>“He’ll be fine.”</p><p>Benji’s eyelids hang heavy on his face and he rolls his eyes.</p><p>“<em>Anyways… </em> Like, I went from thinking he was on a date with another guy to seeing him get down on one knee and… I think it was because it looked like he was gonna propose that I just like… <em> lost </em>it,” Benji says, wiping the corner of his eye in his wrist.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Lake gasps. “He’s fucking <em> crazy.” </em></p><p>“Everything makes sense now,” Mia sighs, smacking herself in the forehead. “He should think more about the optics of these sorts of things, honestly.”</p><p>“But you would have said yes if it weren’t for your little…” Lake says, pausing to gesture vaguely before continuing, “right?”</p><p>“I don’t know, honestly,” Benji says. </p><p>“You seemed so sure about everything a few weeks ago… and recently... B, you need to make up your mind,” Mia says.</p><p>“Like, as Mia so eloquently put in her message, you guys already basically act like a married couple, you just need to get on with it,” Lake snaps. “What the hell are you waiting for?”</p><p>“I feel like I’ve let my guard around him a little too much… and I care <em> so </em>much about what he thinks about me and making a good impression on him and just constantly being on my best behavior… it’s—” Benji rambles, shoulders sagging.</p><p>“Tiring? Sounds like you’re just making excuses again,” Mia says, blunt. </p><p>“I’m not making excuses!” </p><p>“Okay, now you’re just getting defensive,” Lake says.</p><p>“Can you two stop psychoanalyzing me for <em> one </em> second, please?” Benji says with a loud exhale. “I’m <em> not— </em>“</p><p>“Look…” Mia says, holding her hand up to cut him off. “Relationships take work, just like anything. And trust, and vulnerability, too. But if you talk to each other it’s not actually that hard,” she explains, eating another handful of popcorn as her eyes shift to Lake, a small smile playing on her lips. “It’s worth it.”</p><p>“I understand all that. But I wasn’t finished.”</p><p>“Well, if you get it, then what’s the problem?” Lake asks, as if she were pointing out that the sky is blue.</p><p>“I just… I just feel like I’ll slip up at some point, you know? And he’s gonna see who I really am and... not want me anymore,” Benji says, voice progressively quieting, gaze resting on the coffee table where he’d placed his laptop, as if looking at another human being when he says the words would physically hurt him.</p><p>“We get it, you’re scared to be vulnerable,” Lake says, rolling her eyes. </p><p>“Hey, come on—“ Mia says, but Lake plows on.</p><p>“Boo hoo, grow up.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s a little uncalled for, but fair,” Benji grumbles. </p><p>“And I get that being around him is making you want to be better—which is a <em> good thing, </em>mind you—and maybe you’re holding yourself to some impossibly high standards, but he also seems like a good guy who’ll want to work with you and won’t just abandon you when shit pops off.”</p><p>“I guess that’s true…” Benji mutters more to himself than anyone else.</p><p>“Yeah. Seriously, B. He wouldn’t have stuck around so long if you weren’t a good person,” Mia says gently.</p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>Something in Benji stirs with these words, and he stares down at his hands, those worthy, validated hands illuminated in gold. He swallows the lump in his throat, vindicated, in the single, simple fact that he’s been avoiding, refusing to accept, all this time.</p><p>“Plus, like, you two met because you were hooking up, when you didn’t <em> care </em>as much, so you can’t tell me it was always 100% perfect smooth sailing. But he still wanted to see you after all the drama at the beginning,” Lake says, breaking Benji from his thoughts.</p><p>“Lake… you’re so perceptive,” Mia says, stroking Lake’s cheek and kissing her gently before turning to face Benji again. “Isn’t that part of what being an artist is about, B? And I guess, a human…? Being vulnerable and... <em> feeling </em>? Just let yourself be loved, dammit.”</p><p>“And don’t forget to love yourself first!” </p><p>There’s a pause and the remnants of the sound waves of their words peter out into silence, settling like sparkling dust around them. Benji closes his eyes.</p><p>“Shit, you guys are right,” Benji says, throwing himself against the cushion on the back of the couch and letting his body slither down so that his head almost reaches the bottom as he stares out the window, grey sweater crop top riding up ever so slightly to expose more of his middle, body entirely boneless like a jellyfish discarded on the beach by the sea.</p><p>“We know,” Lake and Mia say simultaneously, giggling and high-fiving each other with both hands.</p><p>“Okay… so I should probably talk to him…” Benji mutters, remaining in position as he reaches into his pocket and withdraws his phone. His eyes widen once he opens his inbox, the notification on the screen seeming to twinkle at him; he opens the unread message that had come yesterday.</p><p>“<em>Hey, are you okay? 😳 Can we talk? 💞” </em>It reads, and Benji’s stomach pools with warmth as he chews on his upturning lips.</p><p>“What’re you so happy about?” Lake asks him.</p><p>“Nothing, just… Vic’s emojis are funny sometimes,” Benji says with a chuckle.</p><p>“God, you’re so right!”</p><p>“Yeah, sometimes he—“</p><p>But Benji doesn’t hear the rest as he types a response, the world gently peeling away around him.</p><p>“<em>Yeah I’ve actually never been better. Are you free now?🥰” </em></p><p>The “send” button barely leaves his fingertip when Victor replies.</p><p>“<em>I’m glad to hear that🥺❤️ wanna come over?😇” </em></p><p>Benji grins.</p><p>“<em>Yeah gimme a few😎” </em></p><p>He slides his phone back into his pocket and rises slowly, stretching his arms as far as they’ll go before he leans down and shoves his computer into his bag before zipping it up.</p><p>“Oh, you’re leaving?” Mia asks, looking up from where Lake and her joined hands rest between them.</p><p>“Yeah, Vic and I are gonna hash this out once and for all. And who knows, maybe I’ll get a boyfriend out of all this,” Benji says, teeth glinting as he smiles.</p><p>“Good luck!” Lake says.</p><p>“Don’t worry, you’ll be <em> fine,” </em> Mia says with a click of her tongue. </p><p>“Thanks. And thanks for the pep talk. Again,” Benji says as he slips his arms into his jacket and zips it up before he pulls his bag on over it. “See ya,” he says with a wave.</p><p>“Bye!” Mia and Lake say in unison as he disappears out the door.</p><p>He hurries back over to campus, the bottoms of his feet scraping against the sidewalk and grating against his eardrums because he’d forgotten to bring his headphones with him. But something about the rhythmic, repetitive noise soothes Benji’s nerves, the calm before the storm. </p><p>Victor’s building grows as he approaches but as soon as it does this, he takes a breath, and then it shrinks, all helium being slowly let out until it’s a collapsed shell of itself, no more intimidating than a golden retriever. </p><p>Benji catches the door as someone enters, counting his steps and the seconds between inhales as he makes his way down the corridor. The door to Victor’s room clamors toward him at light speed. He doesn’t hesitate, knocking.</p><p>A quick scrambling on the opposite side startles him; he glances down the hallway, wondering if he should plan an escape, when Victor appears in the doorway, apron-clad, cheeks pink as he smiles down at him like a hearth.</p><p>“Hey, come on in,” he says, stepping aside and motioning for Benji to enter. </p><p>“Hey…” Benji says, as he does and drops his bag gently to the floor. </p><p>They stand there for a moment, each fiddling with his hands and looking past the other, as if in a trance. Something seems to stand between them, invisible, blocking them from their usual greeting. </p><p>“Oh. Uh… are you hungry?” Victor says, breaking the silence, words a soft but quiet blade. “I was just doing a little experiment making seitan chicken nuggets and I think they might have come out okay this time,” he says, giggling, as he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.</p><p>“Uh… yeah, that actually sounds really nice, thanks,” Benji says. </p><p>His stomach grumbles loud enough for Victor to hear and Victor frowns deeply.</p><p>They walk into the kitchen in silence and Victor opens the cupboard, pulling out a plate from within, the sound of porcelain clicking and scratching together the only thing that disturbs them, making Benji shiver. On the stove is a baking sheet with fresh nuggets splayed out across it and Benji’s mouth waters as he looks at it, the scent of breading and garlic and spices seeping through him.</p><p>“How many do you want—<em> ow </em>,” Victor asks, hissing and shaking his hand out before he grabs a pair of tongs.</p><p>“I’ll take as many as you give me,” Benji says before he chuckles, leaning against the table behind Victor. “Did you forget it was hot?” he teases.</p><p>“Maybe…” Victor admits, stacking on enough to cover the surface of the plate. “Is this enough?” he asks, twisting and presenting the food to Benji.</p><p>“That’s perfect,” Benji says as he wanders across the kitchen, rubbing soap on his hands and letting the lukewarm water from the tap run over them. “Thank you.”</p><p>Victor sets the plate down on the table as Benji slides into his spot—the one right in the middle of the table, so his back faces the window. Benji waits for Victor to take some food for himself, untie his apron, and sit down before he takes one of the nuggets in his fingers and examines it.</p><p>“Do you want some ketchup or something?” Victor asks, glancing at Benji through the corner of his eyes, a full-on stare too much for the occasion; Benji wonders if he’s glowing too brightly.</p><p>“Usually yes, but first I wanna see how they taste without it,” Benji explains, before taking a bite and chewing, contemplative. </p><p>Holding his breath, Victor pokes at the contents of his own plate. “How is it?”</p><p>“I haven’t had meat in a while,” Benji says, pausing to wiggle his eyebrows and earning a nudge from Victor, “but if you hadn’t told me they were vegan I wouldn’t have been able to tell.”</p><p>Smiling and pressing his lips together into a line for a moment, Victor’s face splits and he then takes a bite of his own. </p><p>“Shit, you’re right,” he says, the entirety of his form seeming to broaden. “That’s good.”</p><p>“You’ll have to make more, then, because I’m gonna ask you for them whenever I come over,” Benji says; and suddenly the momentary levity crashes down like a chandelier during an earthquake. </p><p>Clearing his throat, Victor stares back down at his plate. Benji nibbles at another piece of nugget, before he sets it down, the appetite he had dissipating instantly.</p><p>“We should—“</p><p>“Victor, I—“</p><p>They both look up, and something pulls Benji across the bench; he slides closer to Victor, their knees touching.</p><p>“You first,” Victor says, motioning to Benji, who points at himself as he makes a face.</p><p>“I wanted to talk about yesterday. I’m… sorry I freaked out on you like that. It was kinda embarrassing.”</p><p>“Benji, it’s okay,” Victor says gently, taking his hand in his own. </p><p>“So you’re not mad?”</p><p>“Well, I’ll admit. At first I was a little hurt. But then I thought about it and I tried putting myself in your place and I realized that… well, first I probably came on too strong. And second, you were dealing with so much already—“</p><p>“Yeah, exactly. <em> Exactly! </em>” Benji says, beaming, his humiliation floating away from his mind. “It was a lot to process in the moment.”</p><p>“Right? I can imagine. And I thought about… like, what I would have done, if I had seen you… kissing someone else. Hell, even how I reacted with Andrew—“</p><p>“I didn’t wanna say it…” Benji muses, face heating up. </p><p>Rolling his eyes playfully, Victor kisses Benji’s hand. “All I’m saying, Benji, is that I meant what I said. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if I saw you with someone else, because I <em> really </em>like you. And I feel kinda stupid that it took me so long to realize that.”</p><p>“God, don’t even get me started on the conversation I <em> just </em>had with Lake and Mia…” Benji groans. “But… yeah. I really like you, too, Victor,” he says.</p><p>Benji’s gaze softens as his face continues to heat up, despite the coolness of the words on his tongue; they’re ephemeral and can’t be unsaid; but he doesn’t want to take them back. </p><p>“Awesome,” Victor breathes.</p><p>“I don’t wanna keep denying it; I was gone for you as soon as you asked me about my fucking art history paper.”</p><p>“Yeah? It was the cookies for me,” Victor says, grin widening on his face; he looks as if he’s rubbed his face against a brick. </p><p>“Jesus Christ, we were a fucking mess, weren’t we.”</p><p>Victor nods. “I can argue we still kinda are.”</p><p>They sit there, smiling at each other like fools, hands joined on the table like the roots of a houseplant growing over the top of its vase and hanging down to the earth. Where Victor’s flesh meets his own, their sweat mingling, Benji feels the gentle pulsating of his heart; he wonders whose is faster.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Victor speaks again. “You don’t have to give me a concrete response now, obviously, but just—“ </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Victor stops, closing his mouth, a blank expression on his face as he simply stares. “Huh?”</p><p>“You asked me yesterday on that bench if I would be your boyfriend. And I’m saying yes. Let’s do it,” Benji says, bright, voice low and even, a lake on a still day, even if the waters below the surface are tumultuous and choppy.</p><p>“Cool,” Victor says, leaning forward a bit more. “Uh… can we kiss on it?”</p><p>“Of course, you absolute dork,” Benji says, throwing his head back before he leans across the table and takes Victor’s lips in his own.</p><p>The kiss is soft and sweet, not insistent like the others, more of a whisper against the side of a mountain than an avalanche. Herbs and salt and magic meander together in their mouths before they part, foreheads sticking together with hair as their irises flit to join between them through coy eyelashes. </p><p>“How did that feel… <em> boyfriend?” </em>Victor asks, a teasing lilt in his tone.</p><p>“Amazing… <em> boyfriend,” </em>Benji replies, his teeth leaping out against his rosy features.</p><p>When they separate, reluctant, to return to their meal, their hands stay rooted in place on the table, and Benji can only watch with a bemused smirk as Victor eats clumsily with his left hand; but neither of them care. </p><p>“Hey… so you know how we’re together now,” Victor says, voice light and sing-songy. </p><p>“Mhm?” Benji says, watching as Victor lifts a nugget and holds it in front of his face.</p><p>“And you know how sometimes couples feed each other…”</p><p>Benji laughs, a loud, piercing noise that makes him clap his hand over his face. </p><p>“You’re so cheesy,” Benji says after a few seconds. “Fine, go ahead.”</p><p>“Say ‘ah’,” Victor says, and Benji does as he asks.</p><p>“Ahhh.”</p><p>Victor sticks the nugget into his mouth and Benji bites off half of it. They both erupt into a fit of snorts and giggles before Benji swallows and opens his mouth again for Victor to pop the other half in. </p><p>“Okay, your turn,” Benji says once he’s finished, picking up one of Victor’s nuggets and holding it up to his face. “You know the drill.”</p><p>Nodding, Victor slides as close to Benji as possible before he parts his lips and takes the entirety of the seitan nugget in his teeth, chomping on it, cheeks expanding like a hamster’s as he covers his face with his hand and they both laugh like children who have discovered a new game on the playground for just the two of them to play.</p><p>They continue like this, taking turns feeding each other and each time, just like the first, they can’t stop themselves from almost choking from their laughter. </p><p>Once they’ve finished, they clean up their plates and Victor washes them as Benji wipes the table of crumbs.</p><p>“Thank you… <em> babe,” </em>Benji says, standing behind Victor and wrapping his arms around his middle; Victor jolts, but relaxes into the touch.</p><p>“I like how that sounds,” Victor says as he sets the plate on the drying rack before he wipes his hands and turns in Benji’s embrace, letting his palms rest on his hips. “What should I call you?”</p><p>“Okay… hear me out,” Benji says, trailing hands from his back to Victor’s chest and then finally up to his face, cupping it as he stares at the tiny bit of collarbone that peeks out from beneath the collar of his shirt. “I like it when you speak Spanish…”</p><p>“<em>Ahh… </em> so like, ‘ <em> mi amor’, ‘cariño’, </em> ‘ <em> mi—‘... </em>wait, no that one’s way too intense.”</p><p>“Which?”</p><p>“I was gonna say ‘<em> mi vida’, </em> but… I mean, hell, even ‘ <em> mi amor </em>’ is pretty major, too. ‘My life’, ‘my love’, that sort of thing.”</p><p>They’re quiet as Benji mulls over this, turning Victor’s words in his mind. </p><p>“It’s up to you, but… I like those a lot, actually,” Benji almost whispers.</p><p>“Yeah? You like it when I call you ‘<em> mi vida </em>’?” </p><p>“Mhm,” Benji says, pressing a kiss to Victor’s lips as Victor pulls him closer by the waist.</p><p>“<em>Mi vida,” </em> Victor says against Benji’s lips, and he kisses him again.</p><p>“Again…” Benji whispers.</p><p>Victor’s palms traverse down a few inches as he grips at Benji’s ass, squeezing roughly as Benji presses up against him.</p><p>“<em>Mi vida…” </em> he says, kissing him a third time before he grabs the backs of Benji’s thighs and lifts him off the ground.</p><p>Benji makes a little noise of surprise as Victor flips them around and sets him down on the counter, their faces still connected in the middle as Benji wraps his legs around Victor’s waist, beckoning him closer.</p><p>Fingers tug at hair, teeth click together and tongues caress until they part for air, panting as Benji gazes down at Victor, the lust between them palpable. </p><p>But Benji swallows as he smiles and gently shoves Victor away with a press against the chest, kissing him softly as he slides back down to the floor.</p><p>“We should have some dessert,” he says, clearing his throat and glancing around, spotting the bowl of fruit on the other end of the counter. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Victor asks. “I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”</p><p>“Oh, no. I’m fine. Just… not in the mood for anything else right now.”</p><p>Victor nods, rubbing Benji’s shoulder, and they smile fondly at each other as Benji washes two apples before taking the cutting board off the hook on the wall and setting the apples down on it. Benji then takes a plate from the cupboard, placing it on the counter as Victor leans beside him, observing quietly. </p><p>Benji hums as he cuts the apple into wedges, slicing away the parts of the core. Victor raises an eyebrow as he makes a little triangle on the skin, then peels the triangular strip away and sets the slice of apple on the plate face down so the two red points stand at attention.</p><p>“What does this remind you of?” Benji asks, amused, as he watches Victor’s expression crinkle.</p><p>“Uhh…” Victor says, picking it up and putting it on his hand. “Kinda reminds me of sushi, like the kind you put on top of the rice like this,” he says, motioning toward the apple as if he were putting a little hat on it.</p><p>Giggling, Benji shakes his head and cuts the second slice the same way. “Not exactly, but close. It comes from the same place, though. They’re rabbits. See?” He says, tracing the little ears with his fingers as he holds it next to his face. “Cute, right? My mom had a coworker from Japan who would always cut fruit into little shapes and she started doing it, too, so I would eat healthier,” he explains.</p><p>“Okay, that’s <em> actually </em>adorable,” Victor says, turning the slice so its ‘face’ looks at him. “Now I feel bad eating it,” he adds, eyebrows pressing together and eyes watering.</p><p>“I don’t,” Benji says with a sly grin as he puts the wedge in his mouth and snaps it in half with a loud <em> crunch </em> as the tart sweetness gushes over his tongue <em> . “ </em>Tastes better somehow.”</p><p>Making a mock scandalized face, Victor lets his head drop to his shoulder beside Benji as he goes back to watching him slice the apples until the plate is stacked high with little red and pale yellow rabbits.</p><p>“Can I feed you again?” Victor asks, picking up a piece of apple from the plate and turning the front toward Benji.</p><p>“Actually, I have a better idea…” Benji says, taking the fruit from Victor’s hand. “Let’s play a game.”</p><p>“Like… an eating game?”</p><p>“Not exactly. A kissing game,” Benji says, wiggling his eyebrow. </p><p>Victor doesn’t hesitate for a second. “Okay, I’m in.”</p><p>“Wait, lemme cut this in half…” Benji mutters, slicing the piece down the middle, the <em> snap </em>of the knife against the board startling him; Victor makes a noise like a strangled bird in response. </p><p>“Why would you do that?” Victor hisses, close to tears.</p><p>“Uhh… because it was too much apple?” Benji chides. “Oh no, babe, are you <em> crying </em>over a slice of apple with bunny ears? Okay uh… remind me to never do that again.”</p><p>“No, it’s okay. I’m fine,” Victor says, wiping his eyes. </p><p>“I can’t believe I made my big, strong, future vet boyfriend cry just like that,” Benji teases.</p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself,” Victor grumbles, shoving him with his shoulder.</p><p>“Hey, watch it, I have a knife!”</p><p>They burst into laughter again, falling against each other like clumps of snow from a branch as they calm down, realizing soon the proximity of their bodies, their faces so close to each other that their noses brush, like whispers in the mist. </p><p>“Okay, let’s play this game,” Benji says, holding the thin piece of apple in his hand. “Now, normally the goal is to get as close as possible without our lips touching, but, since we aren’t babies…” he says, a catlike grin blooming as he puts the slice between his teeth. </p><p>“Ahh… sounds fun.”</p><p>Victor leans forward, taking the other end of the slice and biting it, and Benji does the same. Another set of bites, and their faces move a millimeter closer.</p><p>And again. And again.</p><p>Until their noses press against cheeks and the ripe, fresh flavor of fruit overtakes both their mouths and mixes together like a dangerous, addictive cocktail, tongues tangling like ropes, wet and slow and sloppy. </p><p>When they part, feeling new all over again, smiles wide and faces flushed and tasting of youth and sweetness, crisp, Benji’s heart flutters again, paper-thin but blossoming nonetheless. </p><p>Benji’s face hurts as he eyes the plate of apples; he takes another slice and bites into it, glancing up at Victor through his eyelashes, and Victor does the same; they lean over the counter like that, crunching as the air hangs lightly around them and they giggle, stolen gazes and captured arcs of lips spurning them further into their own world as their shoulders mold together in quiet intimacy. </p><p>When they finish and clean up after themselves, they make their way to Victor’s room. Benji insists on leaving their time together for another day, because Victor has exams to study for, but Victor won’t hear it.</p><p>“I’ve been waiting too long for this,” Victor says gently, pulling his covers aside and sliding into his bed, patting the spot beside him.</p><p>Slipping into Victor’s arms and feeling protected, Benji bites his lip as Victor snakes limbs around his waist under the sheets, holding him like a treasure.</p><p>He can feel Victor’s mouth etching itself against his neck and Benji’s eyes flutter closed. </p><p>“How are you feeling, baby? Uh, I mean... <em> mi vida </em>?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Like I’ve opened a new and better chapter of my life.”</p><p>“I’m glad,” Victor says, stroking Benji’s hair. </p><p>Victor’s lying still against him, but Benji can feel the hardness against the back of his thigh.</p><p>“Is it okay if we just cuddle? I’m too full for anything else,” Benji says, burrowing against Victor’s chest and yawning. </p><p>“You don’t have to have an excuse for not wanting to.”</p><p>“I know. But in this case, I do.”</p><p>Victor chuckles, breath tickling Benji’s skin. </p><p>They lay like that for some time, breathing together as if their bodies had synced up, metronomic. Outside, the light has trickled away from the sky, leaving behind only blackness.</p><p>“Hey, are you still awake?” Victor whispers.</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>“I was just thinking… that since we’re now officially a couple, that means we get to go on like… dates and stuff together.”</p><p>Benji’s eyes open and he rolls around to face Victor, making the other jump.</p><p>“Are you asking me out?” Benji teases.</p><p>“Well… Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you already planned my party for me so I wanted to be the one to plan something for our first real date,” Victor says, raising a hand to stroke Benji’s cheek with his thumb.</p><p>Pouting, Benji groans quietly. “Is this because I don’t have any money?”</p><p>“Well… kinda, but also, I have a great idea already and I think you’ll <em> really </em>enjoy it. Pretty please?”</p><p>“Fine. But it’s only because you asked so nicely.”</p><p>“Yessss!” Victor says, triumphant.</p><p>“It better be good because technically it’s gonna be my first real date <em> ever </em> so you better deliver.”</p><p>“That still sounds fake as fuck but don’t worry. It’s gonna be lit.”</p><p>Benji rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless. </p><p>“I’m excited,” he says, flipping over on his other side again, face flushed and warm, lips crooked as he laces his fingers through Victor’s where they rest around his middle.</p><p>They awaken in the early morning with the birds, and Victor lends Benji a pair of sweats and a hoodie again, pupils sticking to all the places where Benji’s form is enveloped by his own clothes, and Benji shoots him a mischievous look when he catches him staring every time.</p><p>Victor lies on his bed with his laptop on his stomach and Benji stretches himself across Victor’s legs like a ferret as they study, pausing only to satisfy their urges brought on by a strip of exposed flesh and a brush in just the right place. </p><p>Another day of Victor shoving Benji’s face into the headboard, and another noise complaint from the neighbor that both Victor and Benji blush through, dinner with Fee, and then more studying—and it feels exactly the same as it did. </p><p>The only difference has come from the words spoken between them, ones they can’t remove from where they hang suspended in the middle of time and space. In reality, the world has changed for them, flipped on its head. But somehow, it’s just right, everything as it should be, stacked in neat rows and stretching out before them as far as the eye can see. </p><p>When Benji kisses Victor goodbye, cradling his chin in his hands, his chest swells as something within him hatches anew, maybe for the first and final time. </p><p>He takes a deep breath, slipping hands into pockets, and disappears into the starry tapestry outside.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks for reading another installment of this story!! Finally, our boys are boyfriends hahaha!! This was definitely a cute and fluffy chapter to write and I really enjoyed all the food and eating bc that's one of the ways I love to show affection and am a sucker for seeing it portrayed w my OTP as well haha. Anyway, as always, 1 comment and/or kudo = 1 nice time for Venji! See you in the next installment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. At Last</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji and Victor eat noodles.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“Thanks…” Victor says. “Now it’s time for <i>your</i> facial.”</p><p>Benji smirks.</p><p>“Not that kind,” Victor corrects himself.</p><p>“To be fair, semen is supposed to be good for your skin, too. Or at least, that’s what I read online, anyway,” Benji says with a wink.</p><p>“Okay… well, I’m making the rule that this is a G-rated facial.”</p><p>Pouting, Benji crosses his arms over his chest under the water. “No fun allowed.”</p><p>“Maybe if you’re good I can give you the other kind later,” Victor says with a sly grin of his own, cheeks warming up inadvertently.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s the afternoon on Valentine’s Day, but Benji didn’t think he would spend it sitting on the bleachers, checking the time every three minutes and watching a bunch of tall, sweaty jocks running back and forth across the basketball court in preparation for their upcoming game against Texas State next week.</p><p>The sound of rubber squeaking against polished wood and shouting and whistling and the repeated <em> thumping </em> of the ball against the floor are all lost on Benji as he lip syncs along quietly to the words of Britney Spears’s “Oops I Did It Again”, the pop-y vocals and explosive instrumentals causing the wave of nostalgia to crash over him. He doesn’t normally go out of his way to listen to pop music, but he won’t complain about a childhood classic, <em> especially </em>when it drowns out the din of sports that grates on his nerves.</p><p>Leaning over where his crossed legs balance a long sketchbook, Benji forces a smile as he fills in the shading on a picture he’d drawn of the familiar face of Victor, capturing the piercing, determined expression in his dark eyes as he stands before one of his teammates, hunched over slightly with his hands outstretched as he tries to block the momentum of an opposing player. </p><p>He looks up just in time to see Victor meet his gaze and raise a palm in greeting at him. Benji can’t stop himself from returning the gesture, waving a bit too wildly like a shrub in the wind and not caring that he’s the only one in the audience and also the only one making a complete fool of himself. </p><p>A few seconds pass and the coach whistles from the sidelines, indicating that it’s time for them to have a break. Shaking his pencil back and forth, Benji chews on his lip. </p><p>Benji tucks a stray lock of hair behind his ear as he watches Victor jog up the bleachers to where he’s sitting. He pulls out his earbuds and reaches into the bag beside him to produce a bottle of water, handing it to Victor as he approaches.</p><p>“Thanks, babe,” Victor says, breathless and heaving, as he takes it, popping the cap open and downing it so quickly that he doesn’t even react as some of it drips from the corner of his mouth. </p><p>“Whoa, slow down, I’m not gonna take it from you,” Benji says with a chuckle.</p><p>After drinking half the bottle in the blink of an eye, Victor closes it tightly before setting it down on the bleacher beside him, exhaling loudly as he tries to level his breathing.</p><p>“You know,” he says, taking another deep gulp of air, “ever since I stopped drinking Gatorade and Red Bull and started drinking this… lemon-ginger-lime-coconut concoction you made, I feel… healthier. It’s actually pretty good and… refreshing… Like what I imagine a piña colada tastes like.”</p><p>“I told you I did my reading; I just want you to be healthy,” Benji says, smug. “But it’s completely different from a piña colada.”</p><p>“Oh, okay. I mean, it’s <em> tasty </em>, is all I’m getting at. You were right.”</p><p>“I love hearing those three magic words from you…” Benji says wistfully, stretching his arms out wide with a smile to match.</p><p>Victor takes another swig of water and holds it in his mouth as he shakes his head fondly before he swallows. “I appreciate you caring about me.”</p><p>Clearing his throat and averting his gaze, Benji pauses as a pang erupts in his chest. Somehow, Victor always knows what to say to strike him right in the heart, and something about it makes him yearn for it. It’s not exactly an adrenaline rush, no, but more of a quiet light that warms his insides, and listening to that soft, melodic voice that Victor only uses for him makes Benji melt every time and want to hear it again and again. </p><p>“Anyway…” Benji says softly, “you’re doing really good out there. I think. But mostly because I like how you look in those shorts.”</p><p>“If all you wanna do is gawk at me, I can go,” Victor teases, turning dramatically on his heel as if to leave and marching a few steps down before he returns.</p><p>“Well, I can’t help it that you’re just really sexy when you’re all… sweaty and radiating testosterone,” Benji says, eyeing Victor up and down and not even bothering to conceal his lustful gaze. </p><p>He sets his hands down on the back edge of the bleachers and leans back, glancing up at Victor through his eyelashes and smirking as he makes a show of uncrossing his legs.</p><p>“That’s gross. But thanks,” Victor says sarcastically as he gives him a crooked smile and swipes his arm across his forehead. He rolls his eyes, knocking Benji in the knee gently with his shin. “Oops.”</p><p>Benji chuckles, reaching out and taking Victor’s hand in his own. “We could… disappear for a few minutes while you have your break so I can suck your dick.”</p><p>Victor strokes his chin, humming as he pretends to think about it. He sits down beside Benji, letting their legs touch. </p><p>“As flattered as I am, I wanna conserve our energy for later,” Victor says with a wink, a blush darkening his already exerted complexion. </p><p>“Oh, so you wanna wear me out, is that it?” Benji teases, cheeks tinging pink, too. </p><p>“Something like that…”</p><p>“You’re making me even <em> more </em> intrigued and the suspense is killing me, you know.”</p><p>“Unlike <em> you, </em>I can actually keep a secret.”</p><p>“Okay that’s not fair, that was <em> one </em>time, and it’s not my fault you’re smart--”</p><p>“Still not telling,” Victor says in a sing-song voice, and Benji pouts. </p><p>“You’re mean to me, you insult me, and you don’t appreciate anything I do,” Benji says, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away for a moment, before slitting an eye open and peeking at Victor with a smirk.</p><p>“Oh no, did I hurt the baby’s feelings?” Victor asks innocently, pinching Benji’s cheek.</p><p>“<em>Ow, </em>yeah. Fuck you,” Benji says through a giggle as he shoves Victor playfully.</p><p>Shaking his head and smiling, Victor nudges Benji with his bare shoulder in return. </p><p>“What are you working on?” Victor asks, tipping his head toward the sketchbook on Benji’s lap in an attempt to change the subject.</p><p>“Well, considering I came to watch my <em> muse </em> in action…” Benji replies, holding his charcoal sketches of Victor up for him to see. “I figured it would be a good way for me to practice something a bit more dynamic.”</p><p>Victor examines the drawings, biting his lip as he takes in the images of himself reflected back to him--his own figure running across the court dribbling the ball, him standing with an arm outstretched as the ball leaves his hand for a three-point shot, how his face looks scrunched up in concentration as he shoves another player out of his way, and various other stills of him in the throes of the game. </p><p>“Wow, these are awesome,” Victor breathes, beaming as he looks to Benji, the pride all but dripping out of him with the beads dotting his face. “You make me look so much cooler than I actually am.”</p><p>“No way, you’re giving me a lot to work with,” Benji replies, suddenly bashful. “But thank you. I really appreciate that.”</p><p>Benji giggles, a high-pitched and nervous sound, taking Victor’s chin between his fingers and pulling their faces together. He doesn’t even mind the sensation of Victor’s sweat on his skin and instead revels in it as Victor presses a hand to his lower back and draws him closer. </p><p>The sharp whistle that shrieks through the air cuts their embrace short and Victor pulls away with a pout, cupping Benji’s cheek for a moment before pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. And before Benji can say anything else, Victor is blowing him a kiss and leaping down from the bleachers back onto the court. </p><p>Grumbling, Benji sets his drawings on the seat beside him and stands up, shaking his legs out and bending back to pop his spine as he watches Victor and his team go back to playing as they had before. </p><p>He’d tried paying attention when Victor had explained the rules, but as much as Benji enjoys observation, when it comes to sports, he feels like a lost cause. And there’s only so many drawings of Victor he can do in a day before his hand cramps. </p><p>The stench of overheated and overworked bodies, coupled with the noise, is beginning to overstimulate him, the crackling of energy in his brain becoming louder and more pronounced. He doesn’t know how he’ll manage this times a thousand once the game happens; he contemplates lying about an assignment, but as he sits back down, crossing his legs again and leaning forward with his elbow on his knee and his head in his hand, honing in on Victor’s impeccable, god-like form as he sprints across the floor, Benji realizes he should count himself lucky, that whatever deity is out there watching over him has finally smiled on him, casting him in gold and telling him that yes, he deserves some good things in his life, too. </p><p>Watching for a few moments longer, Benji groans as he stands up again, wishing the urge to rip his hair out of his head would pass but knowing it won’t. He treks down from the bleachers with his hands in his pockets, shoving his earbuds back into place and slipping out of the gym into the afternoon air, inhaling the fresh scent of nothing and instantly becoming awash with relief.</p><p>Benji leans against the wall as the opening bars of “Toxic” by Britney Spears begin to play and he unconsciously shimmies his shoulders along to the melody as he stares off into the blue, cloudless sky, foot tapping. </p><p>He stays like this for an indeterminate amount of time, the songs in his ears blending together and passing without him even noticing; he blinks, and he’s at the end of his playlist.</p><p>A tap on his shoulder startles him from his reverie, and when his head whips to the side toward Victor’s gently smiling visage, Benji doesn’t know if he wants to return the expression or burst into tears; the corners of his eyes sting regardless. He pulls his headphones out.</p><p>“Hey,” Victor says, holding out Benji’s sketchbook to him with both hands, as if it were made of glass that would break with so much as a breath or gust of wind. “Are you okay?” he asks.</p><p>“Oh, god, I didn’t even realize what time it was, I’m so sorry,” Benji says quickly, taking the book from Victor. “I should go get my bag, I--”</p><p>“I have it right here, don’t worry,” Victor says, pointing to his shoulder as he smoothes back his freshly washed hair. </p><p>“Thanks…” Benji says, hesitating before he continues. “Are you… mad that I ran out of there?” he asks, fiddling with the corners of the pages for a moment and refusing to make eye contact before he reaches for his bag.</p><p>Victor passes Benji his bag before dropping his own in the grass and unzipping his jacket; underneath, he’s wearing a green hoodie. He plops down and crosses his legs before laying his jacket out in a layer over the grass, then pats it. “Sit,” he says gently.</p><p>Benji rubs his eye as he does what Victor asks. He draws his knees to his chest and finally looks Victor in the eye; his expression is soft, and he’s gazing at Benji with so much adoration glowing from him like a candle peering at him from the windowsill that Benji knows if VIctor keeps it up, he’ll break and blow it out. </p><p>“Look… I’m not mad,” Victor says, taking both of Benji’s hands in his own, flesh like silken pillows as he cradles Benji the same way one would a newborn kitten. “You must have been overwhelmed,” he says, a statement, objective. </p><p>Exhaling relief, Benji scoots closer to Victor, leaning against him, and Victor instinctively wraps an arm around his shoulders. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s just… a lot. Like, I <em> really </em>want to come and support you at your games and stuff but… I don’t really know what’s going on most of the time.”</p><p>“I get it. I know sports aren’t really your thing, and that’s okay,” Victor says, caressing Benji’s arm soothingly. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to come to practice or my games if you don’t want to.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that.”</p><p>“No, baby, listen,” Victor says, voice suddenly stern. “I appreciate the thought. And it can get <em> hella </em>chaotic and I know you have other stuff going on. Like, this is definitely not for everyone.”</p><p>That familiar sensation--a deep, stinging slice across his chest--makes Benji bury his face in his knees. </p><p>“Why are you <em> literally </em>so perfect and understanding? You do realize this isn’t helping me feel better, right?” Benji says, eyes pricking. </p><p>“What can I do to <em> actually </em>help, then?” Victor asks, kissing him gently on the hair.</p><p>Benji knows he <em> wants </em> to spiral into that black hole of despair, to tell Victor that he’s done nothing to deserve this unconditional affection and understanding he’s given him, that Victor is giving into him far too easily, that he <em> should </em>be angry at him for this one of many character flaws he has, because if he puts his hand in a hat, nine times out of ten he knows more vices than virtues will come out. </p><p>But the words from Mia that have echoed against the slate of his mind for a week come back to him. <em> Just let yourself be loved, dammit. </em></p><p>He takes a deep breath, holds it, then exhales slowly after a few seconds, then repeats the process, all while Victor holds him and doesn’t even make a movement to let him go. </p><p>“I feel like you just went through a whole face journey in these last… thirty seconds,” Victor says, amusement coloring his tone as he watches Benji expectantly.</p><p>“Okay, well… I kinda did, first of all,” Benji muses, wiping his eyes in his sleeves as he sniffles. “But I guess I was feeling bad about this whole thing because I <em> do </em> wanna be supportive, because you’re just… so wonderful and you deserve it and you’re also <em> so </em> supportive of my stuff even if you don’t really get it, either.”</p><p>“I understand,” Victor says with a nod. “And I guess… me saying not to worry about it might seem disingenuous and… I think the fact that you’re getting so worked up about it says a lot. About you, for the record.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You feeling guilty about this whole thing is actually… really sweet. Like, I hate that you’re beating yourself up over it, but also, if you weren’t at least a little bit empathetic, you probably wouldn’t even care.”</p><p>“Dammit, you’re making me sound like a sap.”</p><p>Victor chuckles. “But also, like… I don’t want you to feel guilty, even though I know I can’t control how you feel.”</p><p>Benji chews on his lip, tracing his fingertips over Victor’s knuckles where his hand rests on his knee. “Maybe I should bring Lake or Fee along with me, then,” he says after a moment of further thought.</p><p>“That’s a good idea. Fee comes to games sometimes, to support Andrew, but they <em> definitely </em> don’t come to every single one. And if you want, we can compromise a bit, for your own conscience’s sake. Because I’m being honest when I say that I don’t want to pressure you but I know that’s a bit of a different story in practice.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s actually kinda a relief…” Benji says with a nod as his mouth curls into a smile. “So like, every other game, maybe?”</p><p>“Yeah, if that works for you, then it works for me,” Victor says decisively. “I don’t want you to be more stressed out about this whole thing than you need to be. And also like… just fyi, you don’t need to show up at my games for me to know you support me. Just having you by my side, figuratively speaking, is enough.”</p><p>“You’re gonna make me cry, Victor Salazar,” Benji says, before pulling Victor down into a watery kiss as Victor grins against his lips, pulling Benji onto his lap and holding him close. </p><p>“It’s gonna be okay,” Victor says, pressing his forehead against Benji’s, their noses almost brushing like two branches from trees split apart by a ravine.  </p><p>“I know,” Benji says with a sigh. </p><p>They sit like that for a long moment, listening to the wind curl around them as distant voices chatter inaudibly, shrinking away from them. The sky has grown orange and pink and the cold of mid-February chips away at their bones; even their combined body heat will not keep them insulated for long.</p><p>“Did you wanna go to my place so we can get the Valentine’s Day festivities started?” Victor asks, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Sure. I’m excited,” Benji says, voice full of vigor once again. “Can we stop at my place real quick first? I need to grab something.”</p><p>“Of course,” Victor says, unlatching himself from Benji and pushing himself up to a standing position.</p><p>He holds a hand outstretched for Benji, hoisting him from atop his jacket. </p><p>“Thank you,” Benji says with a sheepish smile. </p><p>He scrambles to pick up the fabric, shaking out the grass from it with aggressive movements, picking off the blades that hadn’t detached with surgical precision before he holds the jacket up for Victor to shove his arms through.</p><p>“Thanks,” Victor says, shrugging into his jacket and zipping it back up before grabbing their bags and offering his elbow to Benji.</p><p>Kissing Victor’s cheek, he loops both arms around Victor’s bicep and they make their way through the lightly wooded area toward Benji’s dorm.</p><p>“Actually…” Benji says after they’d walked a few feet. “I wanna try something…”</p><p>Victor hums, curious, as Benji unfurls his arms from him and instead slides his fingers down the back of his forearm, nestling his hand snugly inside Victor’s much larger one and lacing their digits together like the stitches of a crocheted scarf. </p><p>“How does that feel?” Victor asks, a twinkle in his eye.</p><p>Benji covers his face with his other hand to hide his grin and flushed cheeks. “It definitely feels… like this is how it should be.”</p><p>“Wait… you’re blushing,” Victor says with a giggle.</p><p>“Shut <em> up </em>, it’s my first time actually holding hands in public, okay?”</p><p>“Oh… so I just took your hand-holding virginity,” Victor teases.</p><p>“I guess you did,” Benji replies, wistful. “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” he mutters to himself. </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“It’s just funny that you’ve literally put your dick in me a bunch of times but the hand holding is what gets me.”</p><p>“Well, <em> I </em>think it’s adorable, so there,” Victor says as-a-matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Thanks…”</p><p>Benji can’t find it in him to make a snarky remark; all he can do is smile and watch the way the dwindling sun kisses Victor’s features--the way he looks like a god and a man all at once--but he’s all Benji’s nonetheless. The fluttering in his stomach almost overwhelms him, almost paralyzes him, but he doesn’t let it; instead, he simply lets himself feel as the light dissipates from view entirely.</p><p>------------------------------</p><p>“Seriously, I can’t believe you picked me all these flowers, that’s so cute and gay,” Victor says, cradling against his chest the bouquet of red and purple and white wildflowers Benji had given him as he unlocks the door to his dorm.</p><p>“Did you not hear the ‘no homo’ that accompanied the gift?” Benji teases. “Obviously we’re just two bros being dudes.”</p><p>Victor chuckles quietly as he pushes the door open and motions for Benji to enter.</p><p>“Want something to drink?”</p><p>“Oh, no, is it too soon, did I ruin the mood?” Benji says, cringing as he removes his shoes. “And I know where the sink is at this point, but thanks.”</p><p>“No, it’s not that. I thought your joke was pretty funny, but… I’m gonna need to set everything up first because I didn’t get a chance, since it was, uh… a fire hazard.”</p><p>Benji raises an eyebrow, amused smirk playing at his lips. “Are we gonna commit arson? I’m kinda down.”</p><p>“Nope, but I’m still not telling you the surprise.”</p><p>Shaking his head, Victor takes a tall jar from the cabinet and fills it with frigid water before arranging the bouquet inside it and setting it on the windowsill.</p><p>“Should I cover my eyes or are you gonna blindfold me?” Benji says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.</p><p>Opening and closing his mouth quickly, Victor pauses for a moment, face reddening, before he holds up a finger. “I’ll be right back,” he chokes out, before he slips down the corridor into his room. </p><p>Victor pulls open the top drawer of his wardrobe and digs around before his skin connects with smooth fabric and he whispers a victorious “Yesss” under his breath before plucking out a black sash. </p><p>He returns a moment later, presenting the long strip of cloth to Benji, whose lip curls up immediately at the sight as he leans across the table, canines appearing more pointed than usual. </p><p>“Since you suggested it so nicely... may I blindfold you?” Victor asks, sliding into the spot beside Benji on the bench.</p><p>“Since you asked so nicely… yes, please.”</p><p>Victor sighs, wiping his hands on the top of his pants and watching as Benji turns slightly and brushes his fringe away before casting a sidelong glance in his direction. With shaky arms, Victor encircles Benji’s eyes with the slip of fabric, tying it just tightly enough to block the light but not enough that it would hurt; Benji simply allows it, humming.</p><p>“Is that fine? Not too tight?” Victor asks, heart racing like a comet in his rib cage, touching down in the pit of his stomach and bursting in a cosmic explosion.</p><p>“Mhm, it’s good. I can still kinda see, though…” Benji replies, pulling the blindfold down a bit before leaning back against the bench, letting his head rest on top of the windowsill. “There we go. I’m completely at your mercy now.”</p><p>Biting his lip, Victor smiles, cupping Benji’s cheek and swiping his thumb across it before rising from his seat. “I’m gonna be in my room so just shout if you need me.”</p><p>“I’ll be here,” Benji muses, draping his arms across the bench. “This is actually kinda nice. Like, no thoughts, head empty… I’m literally just vibing.”</p><p>“Glad you think so,” Victor says with a chuckle. “Wanna listen to some music?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’ve been really feeling Britney lately and I have no idea why.”</p><p>“Always a good choice,” Victor says, scrolling through Spotify and choosing “Lucky” from the list. The opening percussion and light melody segues into an upbeat song with the typical fixings of late 90s/early 2000s pop; Victor begins dancing instinctively.</p><p>“I feel like I’m being called out,” Benji says.</p><p>“That was unintentional; I just really like this song,” Victor says as he pads down the hallway to his room. “Going now.”</p><p>“I know we’re not supposed to be jealous of Lucky but I always was, aside from the crying and being lonely part, even though that was… relatable.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Victor says, taking out the lighter from his nightstand drawer and picking up one of the bergamot and vanilla scented candles from his desk and lighting it. </p><p>“It’s kinda embarrassing, I know.”</p><p>“No it’s… really sweet,” Victor says, lighting another candle, this one smelling of warm sweet spices.</p><p>They chat across the hallway as Victor goes around lighting the candles he’d arranged all over every surface of his room—his desk, his nightstand, his windowsill—and the sweet and citrusy and clove-y and cinnamon smells waft through the dorm into the kitchen. He pops into the bathroom in the meanwhile and runs the bath with hot water, fragrant and citrusy oils, and of course, bubbles. </p><p>“Okay, wait, now I understand why you were asking me all those questions about my favorite things,” Benji says, and Victor can hear the grin in his voice. “I should have known it had nothing to do with our zodiac signs…”</p><p>Victor chuckles as he pulls out a bottle of gently scented lavender massage oil from under his bed and sets it down on the nightstand, before he goes to his closet and takes out a few thick, soft towels. He sets them atop his freshly made bed with crisp and clean light green sheets</p><p>When he’s pleased with his handiwork, examining it with his hands on his hips and feeling heroic, Victor strips all his clothes from his form. He then reaches into his closet and removes a fluffy, white robe, wrapping it around his form and imagining that this must be what a lamb feels like on a regular basis, before he pulls out another identical one. Draping it over his arm, he treks across the hall to the bathroom where the interior has become misty and the scent of oils wafts through the air. </p><p>He shuts off the water quickly as the mass of bubbles jiggles precariously over the edge of the tub before him like a tower of jello that hadn’t had enough time to set. Staring up at the ceiling, Victor thanks whatever deity out there that he’d arrived just in time.</p><p>“I’m back,” Victor says as he re-enters the kitchen to see Benji resting his chin on his arms on the table with a smile on his face. “You’re not bored already, are you?”</p><p>“Mm, nope, this is actually kinda fun,” Benji says, sitting up straight. “I’m already kinda relaxed from all the… aromatherapy?”</p><p>“Close, but not exactly there,” Victor says with a grin, as he changes the playlist to one with soft flute music. </p><p>“Dang it,” Benji mutters. “So what now?”</p><p>“Well… I have a robe for you, and you can put it on yourself, or I can do it for you…”</p><p>“You know I like it when I’m at your mercy,” Benji says dramatically, draping his wrist across his forehead. </p><p>“All right, fine. C’mere,” Victor says, taking Benji’s hand in his own and gently pulling him to his feet. “Wait, lemme close the curtains…”</p><p>“No need,” Benji says as he stands in the middle of the kitchen, sly smile on his lips. “Just hurry up and take my clothes off.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Victor does as Benji asks, but takes his time with peeling off his shirt and folding it before setting it down on the bench. He then moves onto Benji’s pants, undoing them with tantalizing slowness, and continues onto the rest of the articles of Benji’s clothing until he’s left in only the blindfold, lips parted slightly as his hands dangle at his sides. </p><p>There’s something about having his eyes roving over Benji’s body while he stares sightlessly off into the voice that fills Victor with a deluge of sensations in the pit of his stomach. Even though Benji is trusting and pliant at his touch and lapping up the attention like an overwatered gardenia, Benji’s ignorance to his gaze halts its flow.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Victor asks as he cups Benji’s face in his hands and peers down at him, neck craned.</p><p>“Scandalous.”</p><p>“Is that… a good thing?”</p><p>“Yes… a very good thing, actually.”</p><p>“Oh, uh… cool,” Victor says, voice cracking.</p><p>Benji frowns. “You don’t seem happy about that.”</p><p>“I <em> am, </em>I just… I feel weird about like, eye-fucking you when you can’t see anything.”</p><p>Snorting, Benji shakes his head. “Well, that’s... kinda the point of this little experiment. Also, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but… I’m <em> extremely </em>turned on right now, just fyi.”</p><p>Victor glances down, biting his lips as his own eyes widen. “Oh.”</p><p>“<em>Yeah. </em>I guess I learned something about myself today. Looks like you cured me of my little… complex.”</p><p>Clearing his throat, Victor can’t help but smile even as his flesh ignites, a strange sense of pride filling the cavity of his chest as he allows himself to finally take in Benji’s body, inch by inch. </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Victor asks quietly, fingers trailing down Benji’s jaw, careful as always. </p><p>“I’d like that very much.”</p><p>He closes the gap between them, leaning down to connect their lips as Benji reaches around blindly before settling with his arms wrapped around Victor’s middle and clutching at the back of his robe the way the dawn clings to the clouds. </p><p>When they part, Victor doesn’t know whose grin is wider, but it doesn’t matter to him. His heart leaps as he strokes Benji’s hair. </p><p>“Okay, I think… we should probably hurry up before the bath gets cold and all the bubbles disappear,” Victor says as he takes the robes and drapes it over Benji’s shoulders with a chuckle. </p><p>“Wait, we’re taking a <em> bubble bath </em>?” Benji says, his voice light and airy. “How did you know I liked--okay, nevermind, I get it. You’re so thoughtful, babe.”</p><p>“Thanks. Nothing but the best for you,” Victor says as he scratches the back of his head. “I guess we won’t need this anymore,” he says, reaching behind Benji’s head and undoing the knot holding his blindfold in place.</p><p>“Whoa, how did you do that?” Benji says sarcastically.</p><p>“Okay, that’s enough,” Victor says with a chuckle as he crouches behind Benji and guides him down the hallway by the shoulders. They proceed a few steps before Victor stops them in their tracks. “Wait, I think we’ll have to do something about your hair…”</p><p>“What’s wrong with my hair?”</p><p>“It’s just… long. And it’ll get in your mask.”</p><p>“Ahh…” </p><p>“Yeah, no big deal…” Victor says as they resume the short walk to the bathroom.</p><p>“Shit, that’s a lot of bubbles,” Benji says as he unties his robe and hangs it on one of the hooks on the wall before he slips into the bath with a sigh. </p><p>Victor removes his robe, too, hanging it beside Benji’s before he glances at the little glass shelf over the sink, where several of Fee’s colorful hair clips lay scattered. He picks up a neon orange one along with a little glass tub of mint-green cream before he joins Benji in the tub, immediately sticking a handful of bubbles on his chin.</p><p>Benji has already gathered all the bubbles around him and he looks up at Victor from his nest, half his face adorned with an attempt at a bubble beard. </p><p>“What do you have there?” Benji asks, motioning to Victor’s hand before he cringes and wipes the bubbles off himself.</p><p>“Can I clip your hair?” </p><p>Benji nods and glides over to Victor. With a soft hum, Victor gathers a little pile of Benji’s fringe and clips it to the top of his head. “But <em> neon orange </em> ? <em> Really?” </em>he asks. </p><p>“It was the first one I grabbed. But to be honest, you look good in <em> any </em>color.”</p><p>“God, you’re so gay. But thank you,” Benji says, rolling his eyes with a fond smile on his lips. “How do I look?” he asks.</p><p>“Adorable,” Victor says with a grin. “Also, I made us this like… avocado face mask thing that smells really nice,” he explains, opening the green jar and presenting it to Benji. “Smell.”</p><p>Bringing his face closer, Benji inhales, eyes widening as the scent of avocado and coconut permeates through the air. </p><p>“Ooo, that’s awesome,” Benji says.</p><p>“Yeah? Cool.”</p><p>“C’mere, let me put it on you first,” Benji says, scooping out a little handful and rubbing it between both hands. </p><p>“O-Okay…” Victor says, closing his eyes as Benji smears the green concoction across his cheeks and forehead with nimble fingers.</p><p>“There. Very sexy,” Benji says, admiring his work. </p><p>“Thanks…” Victor says. “Now it’s time for <em> your </em> facial.”</p><p>Benji smirks.</p><p>“Not that kind,” Victor corrects himself.</p><p>“To be fair, semen is supposed to be good for your skin, too. Or at least, that’s what I read online, anyway,” Benji says with a wink.</p><p>“Okay… well, I’m making the rule that this is a G-rated facial.”</p><p>Pouting, Benji crosses his arms over his chest under the water. “No fun allowed.”</p><p>“Maybe if you’re good I can give you the other kind later,” Victor says with a sly grin of his own, cheeks warming up inadvertently.</p><p>A moment passes and Victor realizes what he’s just said, panic overtaking him as Benji eyes him with a bemused expression.</p><p>“I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant if you <em> want </em>me to—“</p><p>Benji chuckles, covering his mouth with his hand. “I know what you meant, but when you say it like that… it’s really hot. Even when you look like that,” he says, gesturing to Victor’s face.</p><p>“Oh,” Victor says, taking some of the mixture into his own hands and marveling at the slimy texture. “You actually like it when I talk to you like that?”</p><p>“Yeah, I kinda do,” Benji says with a shrug as he closes his eyes.</p><p>“Huh… interesting,” Victor says, applying the mask to Benji’s face in turn. </p><p>“You don’t always have to be super polite to me in bed, you know.”</p><p>“I guess that’s true,” Victor says, setting the jar down on the side of the tub before he rinses his hand under the water. “But I just feel weird about it. Like, I even felt weird about it when I was hooking up with people I didn’t know but saying some things to someone you really like is… hard.”</p><p>“That makes sense,” Benji says, sliding closer to Victor so their legs touch under the sweltering water. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, of course. All I’m saying is I wouldn’t be mad if you were a little mean to me, especially since you’re usually so nice,” he says with a mischievous grin.</p><p>“Hmm…” Victor hums, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Benji’s ear. “I guess if it’s just for fun…”</p><p>“It’s all sorta part of the fantasy, if that makes sense. Because I know you’re a good person and you wouldn’t actually mean anything cruel. But like I said, I’m happy either way. Because I like having sex with you and I just <em> really </em> like <em> you </em>, in general,” Benji reassures him, holding Victor’s hands. </p><p>“Human sexuality is really… wild,” Victor says after a moment’s contemplation. </p><p>“It is, isn’t it,” Benji says wistfully. “We’re all just a bunch of sexy clowns.”</p><p>Victor laughs, nudging Benji in the shoulder as he does so, gaze softening after a moment. Benji returns the gaze, reaching out to stroke Victor’s hair. He looks away, hoping Benji won’t see his heart erupting from his eyes. </p><p>“We should probably wash these off,” Victor says after a comfortable pause has settled over them. </p><p>“Yeah but <em> how </em>? This is oily as fuck.”</p><p>“I may not have thought that far ahead,” Victor admits as he grabs a bottle of face wash from the ledge of the tub. He offers it to Benji, squeezing a generous portion before pouring some into his own hand.</p><p>“As much as your planning abilities leave much to be desired, I still appreciate you putting this all together,” Benji says, scrubbing his face with the wash.</p><p>Chuckling, Victor splashes some water on his face to rinse it. “You deserve it, <em> mi vida </em>.”</p><p>“Wait, hold on, I wasn’t ready for that,” Benji says, hiding his pink face in his hands. </p><p>“For what, <em> mi vida </em>?” Victor teases.</p><p>“You know what I’m talking about.”</p><p>Victor grins and says nothing as he kisses Benji gently on the cheek before he takes a bar of soap in his hands. They wash themselves and chat some more until their bath cools and they grow weary of sitting scrunched up like accordions in the cramped tub. </p><p>They rise and dry off before enveloping themselves in their soft robes again and making their way to Victor’s room across the hall, where the candles arranged around his room flicker like fireflies in late summer. Victor sits down at the foot of the bed, stretching his legs out, as Benji hovers behind him like his shadow.</p><p>“I see why you were keeping this a secret,” Benji says as he crawls across the bed toward the bottle of massage oil on the nightstand, snatching it before he returns to his spot behind Victor. </p><p>“Wait, what are you doing?” Victor asks, as Benji opens the bottle and pours a bit of oil onto his hand.</p><p>“I’m being a generous lover,” Benji replies, rubbing his hands together and letting the scent of lavender waft through the air. “Plus, I don’t wanna fall asleep or something before I return the favor.”</p><p>“All right, fine,” Victor says with a grin as he shrugs his robe off his shoulders and lets it pool around his middle. </p><p>“Perfect. You have so much tension in your shoulders, it’s ridiculous,” Benji mutters as he rests his hands gently on the spot between Victor’s neck and shoulders. “I guess it’s from carrying <em> everyone’s problems except your own </em>.”</p><p>“You’re not creating a very relaxing environment, you know,” Victor snaps.</p><p>“Hush,” Benji whispers in Victor’s ear as he squeezes Victor’s trapezius muscles between his fingers gently, making Victor gasp. “Oh, you like that?” he asks.</p><p>“Yeah, <em> fuck </em>… do it again,” Victor sighs, letting his eyelids flutter closed.</p><p>Benji hums as he repeats the motion, pressing his thumbs along the sides of the spinal column at the base of Victor’s neck before gently sliding his hands across the surface of his skin and bringing the floral oil with it as the gentle woodwind music floats from the speakers. </p><p>The gentle pressing and rubbing and squeezing against his skin makes Victor’s body heavier with each passing second. Benji’s skillful and precise movements, coupled with the reduced friction as his calloused yet soft hands all but glide across Victor’s upper back, put him in a trance, as if Benji has him under some sort of enchantment that only his fingers can break.</p><p>“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Benji says with a giggle, and his voice is far away from Victor’s ears, somewhere outside, not in Victor’s room.</p><p>His head lolls to the side and Benji’s arm steadies him before he topples to the floor; Victor takes a deep, startled breath.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I probably should have had you lie down for this…” Benji says, wrapping his arms around Victor’s torso, letting him lean against him for support. “You good?”</p><p>Victor blinks a few times, rubbing his eyes as he shifts in Benji’s warm embrace.</p><p>“How long was I out?” Victor asks, voice muddled.</p><p>“It was just a second but… I got a little overzealous,” Benji says, kissing Victor’s crown. </p><p>“I’ve never been so relaxed, though,” Victor says, glancing up at Benji with a tiny smile playing at his lips. “You give good massages.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Benji says, mirroring Victor’s expression. “I’m ready for mine whenever you are.”</p><p>Nodding, Victor pushes himself to a seated position with a grunt, stretching like a lazy cat who’s just taken a nap in the sun before he stands up and ties his robe properly. He swats at Benji to get up before he unfolds one of the towels and spreads it over the sheets lengthwise, then takes another and places it widthwise. </p><p>“So I have to be naked for this,” Benji says, padding across the floor and taking Victor’s hand in his own. </p><p>“You don’t <em> have </em> to be, but if you <em> want </em>to be…” Victor says before he swallows, fidgeting with the front of his robe with his other hand.</p><p>“Well, I know you’re gonna wanna put <em> that </em>,” Benji says, gently smacking Victor’s hand with the back of his own, “in me at some point, so I’ll just make both our lives easier,” he says with a wink. </p><p>Victor’s body all but boils when Benji says this. He stops shifting and lets his hand drop to his side as Benji takes the other and hooks it around the tie of his robe. With a smirk, Benji takes a step back; before Victor can blink, Benji’s robe comes undone, falling open as he stares Victor straight in the face, golden eyes glinting. </p><p>Benji shrugs his robe off his shoulders and tosses in Victor’s direction. Even in his sedated state, Victor catches it with ease and sets it over the back of his chair. </p><p>“I’m cold,” Benji mutters, lying down on his stomach on the bed and covering himself with the towel, turning his head to the side and sending a wicked grin in Victor’s direction. </p><p>Rolling his eyes, Victor sits down on the edge of the bed next to Benji, removing the towel and folding it so it covers Benji’s bottom, leaving the rest of him exposed. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Victor squirts a few drops of oil onto his palm, rubbing it between his hands for a few seconds before he brings his appendages down to rest atop Benji’s skin and slowly working the oil into his muscles. </p><p>The position is awkward and unbalanced, and what’s worse, is that Benji watches him the entire time, hands tucked under his head, giggling every so often until Victor groans and climbs onto the bed, using Benji’s behind as a cushion and wanting to kick himself every time his hard cock presses into Benji’s ass. </p><p>“Did you maybe want the blindfold again?” Victor asks, smirking as he eyes Benji in return. “You keep staring at me and I don’t know what that’s all about.”</p><p>“Hey, you <em> know </em>I only stare because you’re cute,” Benji says as-a-matter-of-factly. “But... that actually sounds… kinda nice.”</p><p>“Okay, gimme a second…” Victor says, rising from his position and dashing down the hallway to the kitchen, thankful for the momentary distraction from the throbbing in his groin that grates at him like an electric storm.</p><p>He grabs the strip of fabric from the kitchen before returning to his room and tying it around Benji’s eyes. Finally, he sets himself back in position. </p><p>Victor imagines he’s <em> not </em>sitting on top of Benji right now, wrenching his thoughts away from the tightness that Benji provides him, instead spreading his fingers out as he pushes down into Benji’s shoulder blades to loosen up something else. Benji’s stare no longer distracts Victor thanks to the blindfold, and his lips hang open as tiny moans drop from his mouth each time Victor’s fingertips hone in on a pressure point. </p><p>“That feels amazing,” Benji breathes, wiggling beneath Victor’s weight as Victor runs his fingers slowly along the length of his spine. “You can… mmm… go harder.”</p><p>At this point, Benji’s back is pink and slick with oil, the tension beginning to slough off of him like the leaves of an autumn tree. </p><p>“Harder, huh?” Victor murmurs into Benji’s ear as he leans down and presses a kiss to the back of Benji’s neck. </p><p>Benji breathe-laughs and shifts under Victor’s weight again with a moan as Victor drags his hands down his back, indenting Benji’s muscles with his knuckles and drawing out a low, wanton moan from Benji’s throat. </p><p>“How’s that?” Victor asks as his hands work with surprising deftness on Benji’s flesh.</p><p>“<em>Awesome </em>, but you can go even harder.”</p><p>“Seriously? You want me to break your back?” Victor says, trying his best to keep his tone even. “On second thought, don’t answer that, I already know the answer.”</p><p>Giggling breathlessly, Benji says nothing in response as Victor repeats the motion a few more times. Victor stops just shy of using all his strength, feeling oddly impressed that Benji is able to handle it as he irons out the tension completely, leaving Benji a boneless husk smelling of flowers.</p><p>Victor’s digits finish their dance across Benji as they come to rest on his lower back, right above the curve of his ass. His own dick is startlingly rigid now; all that rubbing against Benji had only made the frustration burn more brightly and more maddeningly, his previously relaxed haze replaced with the haze of lust. </p><p>“Are you still with me?” Victor asks gently, smacking Benji in the cheek with the tips of his fingers.</p><p>“Yeah,” Benji replies, covering his mouth with his palm as he yawns, his voice strained. “And yes, I can feel you rubbing up on me, you’re not being discreet <em> at all </em>,” he grumbles.</p><p>Clicking his tongue, Victor sighs loudly. </p><p>“Good to know…” Victor mutters. “In that case, can I go lower?” he asks. </p><p>“<em>Yes </em> , god, <em> please </em>, I can’t take it anymore,” Benji whines, grinding up against Victor’s cock with his ass, movements desperate.</p><p>Victor holds Benji’s hips still with one hand as he slips the towel off his ass, leaving him bare and exposed, a shiver running up his spine. Pressing his lips together tightly, Victor slides backward and sits between Benji’s legs. He oils up his hands again before cupping both of Benji’s cheeks in his palms, using a firm but gentle touch as he rubs little circles around the soft but taut flesh, the sensation of Benji’s muscles tensing under his ministrations spurning him forward.</p><p>“Fuck…” Benji moans when Victor removes his hands for a moment as he fidgets and bucks down into the mattress. “Please don’t leave me hanging…”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I got you,” Victor says, spreading Benji’s cheeks and drizzling a liberal amount of oil. “I’m gonna finger you now.”</p><p>“Mm… okay. Just make it quick,” Benji sighs, a tinge of desperation in his voice.</p><p>Victor chuckles as he coats his middle finger in oil and slides it inside Benji’s hole with little resistance, pressing a kiss to the middle of Benji’s back as he slides in and out slowly, biting his lip as Benji’s tight heat engulfs his digit and Benji moans softly, rocking back against him. </p><p>He slips in a second finger, amazed at how easily it enters, as if Benji’s muscles had all unfurled and fallen from his body the same way the waves fall away from the shore when the tide is low. A third finger soon follows, and as Victor curls his digits inside, finding that spot that makes Benji’s body shudder despite himself, he memorizes the lines of Benji’s face and the colors pleasure paints it when Victor touches him.</p><p>Kissing a stripe down the middle of Benji’s back, Victor oils up his cock, stroking himself slowly because he knows he’s close to the edge as it is. Benji groans and gasps as he clutches at the towel and the sheets. </p><p>When Victor looks down at Benji, he remembers his words from before, and each stroke removes yet more reason from his brain. He leans down, letting his dick slide between Benji’s cheeks as he places his face in the crook of Benji’s neck and molds himself up against his back. What are a few words, after all? Wind.</p><p>“I’m putting it in now,” Victor murmurs, planting a kiss right behind Benji’s ear. </p><p>“<em>Yes yes yes </em>…” </p><p>Benji reaches blindly behind himself, tangling his fingers in Victor’s hair and drawing their mouths together as they share a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss just as Victor slides inside Benji, sheathing himself with ease as if Benji’s body wants nothing more than to join them as one, even though Victor knows it’s a theoretical impossibility. </p><p>Victor grips at Benji’s hip as he moves, sliding out slowly and then thrusting back inside Benji’s hole, body melting at the heat of their entwined forms. He raises a hand to tug at Benji’s locks, compelled by some unseen force to pull Benji’s head back until he grunts, and he only realizes a few seconds later that it’s not from pain at all but pleasure.</p><p>“Oh my <em> god </em> , <em> fuck, harder… </em>” Benji moans into Victor’s mouth before he kisses him again and Victor pounds into him harder and deeper just as Benji asks, their oil and sweat-slick bodies gliding against each other.</p><p>“You like that, huh?” Victor asks, almost scaring himself with how low and husky his voice sounds. </p><p>“Mhm… I’m just a hole for you, sir,” Benji whines, and as soon as the words leave his lips, Victor’s brain short circuits.</p><p>He slides his hands over Benji’s, lacing their fingers together as he pins him to the bed, using all his strength to fuck Benji into the mattress, wondering if he’ll even get enough of his tiny moans of pleasure. Victor could almost feel disgusted with himself due to his reaction, but all sense of logic and morality has vacated his brain entirely, cast off into the bottom of the sea.</p><p>“God, you’re such a slut--” Victor grits out.</p><p>“Holy <em> fuck-- </em>”</p><p>Benji’s body shudders around him so violently, his muscles clench so tightly that it almost hurts when Victor thrusts one final time and cums so hard inside Benji that he loses all sense of space and time, vision black and silence deafening, and the only sensation he can feel is the pulsating in his stomach as he’s wracked with an orgasm that gushes out of him along with the guilt and shame that he promptly forgets for the moment, the only thing on his mind the high that only Benji can provide.</p><p>His heart is pounding in his ears when he blinks. He swallows thickly as he pulls out of Benji slowly, the realization of what he’d done dawning on him again. A different haze suspends itself over him and all the tension Benji had not long ago pressed out of him has returned. </p><p>“Jesus, Benji, I am <em> so </em>fucking sorry,” Victor says quickly, waving his hands in front of himself in surrender. “I didn’t mean any of that, I swear.”</p><p>Pulling the blindfold off his eyes, Benji raises an eyebrow as he rolls onto his back and stares up at Victor. </p><p>“What are you apologizing for?”</p><p>Victor pauses, mouth twisting to the side. </p><p>“I just called you a… you know,” Victor mutters, burying his face in his hands.</p><p>“Yeah, it was fucking awesome, why are you apologizing?” Benji says with a giggle, opening and closing his hands like a lobster. “Let’s cuddle.”</p><p>“Do you not see the problem here?”</p><p>“The problem here is that you’re not cuddling with me.”</p><p>Groaning, Victor lies down next to Benji on his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he drapes his arm across Benji’s middle. “I’m being serious.”</p><p>“Okay, fine. Let’s talk about it.”</p><p>“You know I don’t actually think that about you, right?”</p><p>“I know,” Benji says with a giggle and a roll of his eyes.</p><p>“Like… are you <em> sure </em>?”</p><p>“Look… people say a lot of weird crap when they’re having sex and that’s honestly not one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. But the difference is, I know that at the end of the day, you actually respect me,” Benji says with a shrug. </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah. That’s why it’s <em> hot </em>. But also, like, if you were anyone else, it would just be mean. And, you know. There's a time and place and all that.”</p><p>Victor sighs, reaching out to stroke Benji’s cheek, as Benji rests his hand over Victor’s and interlaces their fingers. </p><p>“I think I mostly feel bad because I actually kinda liked it, too,” Victor admits, scratching his temple. “I guess I just have to remember that it doesn’t make me a bad person.”</p><p>“Of <em> course </em> you aren’t a bad person. You’re like, the most respectful, least slut-shamey person I know, so you don’t have to prove it to me. This is all just for fun.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Victor says, pressing his lips to Benji’s with a soft smile.</p><p>“Well, thank <em> you </em>for that awesome massage,” Benji says with a wink, as Victor shoves him in the shoulder with a laugh.</p><p>“So… what’s on the agenda for the rest of the night,” Benji asks, slithering out of Victor’s bed.</p><p>“I uh… had some food set to be delivered in a few minutes so we should probably clean up and put <em> something </em>on. Then if you want we can just like… watch a movie and cuddle and stuff.”</p><p>“That sounds super amazing,” Benji says, holding out his hand to help Victor off the bed. “You haven’t picked a movie yet, have you?”</p><p>“I was thinking you would pick something,” Victor says with a grin. </p><p>They clean up quickly, straightening out Victor’s room and blowing out the candles, then washing themselves before slipping back into their cozy robes. Victor leaves to pick up the food from the front of the building, ignoring the suspicious looks from his peers. </p><p>“Okay, so… in accordance with the information gathered from a source, your favorite dish is… drunken noodles. But I also got us some dumplings and pad thai for me, all vegan, of course, so if you wanna share, you know I don’t mind,” Victor announces, setting the little plastic bag packed to the brim with food in the middle of his bed. </p><p>“<em>Lake </em>…” Benji hisses, narrowing his eyes, before he looks up at Victor, beaming. “But seriously, thank you. This is so thoughtful.”</p><p>“No problem,” Victor says, reaching into the bag and pulling out a plastic carton of noodles and examining it from all angles. </p><p>“That’s for me,” Benji says, taking the container from Victor’s hand gently and setting it on his knee. He gives Victor a peck on the lips before fishing out two pairs of chopsticks from the bag and handing one to Victor. </p><p>They sit leg to leg against Victor’s headboard in comfortable silence as they both shovel food into their mouths, realizing just how hungry they are after the day’s exertions. The portions are just enough food for them both, and after they finish, they lie against each other in a heap for a bit before they retreat under the sheets with Victor’s laptop between them and Benji curled up into Victor’s side with his knees draped over Victor’s lap.</p><p>“Have you ever watched ‘The Notebook’?” Benji asks, as he scrolls through Netflix on Victor’s laptop. </p><p>“No, but I’ve been meaning to,” Victor says, stroking his chin. “Although I feel like we’ll both just end up crying.”</p><p>“Well, when was the last time you cried?” </p><p>Victor opens his mouth to respond before closing it quickly and making a face. </p><p>“I think for me it was when we had sex like--Oh wait no, it was the day after,” Victor says finally. </p><p>“That’s not so bad. I think for me was when you asked me to be your boyfriend. The first time, that is,” Benji says with a pointed look. “I mean, we could still stand to cry more, don’t you think?”</p><p>“Yeah, I can’t argue with that. Let’s do it.”</p><p>Benji raises a fist before he searches for the movie and presses the ‘Play’ button. </p><p>They spend the course of the movie cocooned in each other’s embrace while entirely engrossed, their eyes glued to the screen. By the end, neither of them bother wiping away their tears, their own spent bodies too exhausted to perform even the most menial tasks.</p><p>“That was… fucking tragic,” Victor says, with a sniffle. “Your movie choices always end up scarring me emotionally and psychologically in one form or the other.”</p><p>“I knew it was sad but I didn’t know it was like <em> that </em>,” Benji says, finally reaching for the box of tissues and dabbing at Victor’s tears before doing the same to his own. </p><p>“Yeah… I guess that’s what we get for being like… all those years late to the party.”</p><p>Smiling and shaking his head, Benji closes Victor’s laptop and sets it on his nightstand before he slips out of bed to quickly shut off the lights before returning to bed and to Victor’s warm arms in particular. </p><p>“Honestly, I had so much fun today,” Benji says, peeling his robe off and tossing it aside. “Seriously. Thank you.”</p><p>“I’m glad you had fun,” Victor says, lips curling up in the dark. “Happy Valentine’s Day slash first date.”</p><p>“Yeah… Happy Valentine’s Day slash first date,” Benji echoes.</p><p>“I hope there are a lot more where that came from.”</p><p>There’s a long pause as Benji burrows into Victor’s side, yawning against his neck. “Yeah.”</p><p>"Night."</p><p>"...Night."</p><p>As Victor drifts off to sleep, he tries to imagine a more perfect oasis, a place more ideal than where he’s embracing Benji--Benji who trusts him more than he even trusts himself, and who teaches him more about himself than he ever thought possible. The more he ponders this, the more clearly Victor can see through the fog. Each blink washes away a layer of dust, until one day, he knows it will be clean. </p><p>Benji’s breath evens and Victor tumbles into the abyss with him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks for waiting for this installment, I know it's been a while! In exchange for your wait, have a long chapter haha. A lot happened but I hope it was worth the wait and you have fun tbh, because writing these boys is just... (chef's kiss). They are simply... very fun and good. And this chapter was a good time to write as well because we got to see a bit of Venji's different sides and such especially with how they're handling the new relationship and such. Anyway, thank you for reading and supporting! As usual, 1 kudo and/or comment = 1 Venji having a nice time!! Your feedback is lovely and really motivates me to write! Thanks and see you in the next installment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Too Close</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang argues about pineapple on pizza.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“Don’t flatter yourself, fool. You’re lucky I’m letting you do this to me at all.”</p><p>“Oh, I <i>know</i>. I <i>am</i> a lucky guy,” Victor says, modest as always.</p><p>“See, when you say earnest shit like it makes it really hard to make fun of you,” Benji says with a fond chuckle as he kisses Victor on the cheek; Victor isn’t sure if his face has gotten to an even darker shade of red yet.</p><p>“Hehe, you said <i>hard</i>,” Victor says with a giggle.</p><p>“I can’t believe I let you have sex with me,” Benji says, giggling, too.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From across the long sidewalk, Victor spots Benji, leather jacket and skinny jean-clad, standing in a patch of grass to the side and staring down at his phone as other students walk around him on their way to wherever they’re meant to be that afternoon.</p><p>When Benji raises his gaze, a grin splits his face and he holds his hand up in greeting. Victor picks up the pace, the cool, late February wind whipping against his skin as he jogs across the cement. </p><p>“Hey, Benji,” Victor says, arms wrapping around the other’s waist as he pulls him in for a kiss. “You look… really nice, as always.”</p><p>“Hey! Thanks. You look cute, too,” Benji says with a chuckle as he plays with the lapel on Victor's black jacket. “So, um, listen. I may have… something for you,” he says as they separate.</p><p>“Like a gift or…? Shit, I didn’t get you anything.”</p><p>“Relax, nothing like that… look, when you blindfolded me on our date, it gave me an idea…”</p><p>“Oh, okay, we’re getting right into this, then, huh…” Victor says, sheepish, as his face warms.</p><p>“I figured I’d just be upfront,” Benji says with a shrug. </p><p>“Right. Sorry, go on.”</p><p>“So… I was thinking, what else can we do to make things a little more interesting in the bedroom?” Benji says, a small blush creeping up his cheeks as he walks backward, hands behind his back. “Because that was really fun.”</p><p>“Yeah, I had fun, too. And now I’m super curious about what you have in mind. Because I feel like it’s gonna be… <em> spicy. </em>”</p><p>“Well, I guess it depends on your tolerance... But I wanna know if you’re okay with it first.”</p><p>Victor raises an eyebrow as he tilts his head, eyes trailing down as he tries to peer over Benji’s shoulder. </p><p>“What’re you hiding?” he asks, smile playing at his lips.</p><p>“Okay… well, you know how there are those remote control vibrators, right?”</p><p>“Mhm,” Victor hums, lip twitching before he presses it into a line, trying to suppress a smile. </p><p>“I, uh... may or may not have saved up some of my library cafe money and bought one for myself,” Benji continues, cheeks fully red now as he stares at the sky before he swallows. </p><p>“<em>Oh… </em> ” Victor says slowly, inhaling sharply as his own cheeks flush and his mouth goes dry. “Wow. Um… that sounds… <em> interesting </em>.”</p><p>“I wanted to know how comfortable you are with uh… trying it out with me. More specifically, how willing you are to torture me sexually,” Benji says with a sly grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows.</p><p>“Define ‘torture’,” Victor asks, skeptical.</p><p>“Fine, maybe ‘torture’ is a strong word… How does… inducing prolonged, intermittent pleasure on your super cute and willing boyfriend sound?” </p><p>“Okay, that’s better. Yeah, I would <em> totally </em> be down for that,” Victor says with a smile, and Benji wonders if it’s a trick of the light or if Victor’s eyes really did just glint in that moment.</p><p>“Yeah? Okay, awesome,” Benji says, giddy. “Can you hold out your hand?”</p><p>Hesitating, Victor does as Benji asks, and Benji uncurls his arms from behind his back; he drops a little black remote with a few metal buttons on it into Victor’s hand, and their skin fizzles on contact. </p><p>Victor stares at it with wide eyes, holding it gingerly as if it were a precious stone. </p><p>“Wait, you don’t have it in right now, right?” he whispers.</p><p>Benji stares off to the side, innocent. “Why don’t you try pressing one of those buttons and find out? Just don’t ask me what anything does, I didn’t read the instructions.”</p><p>Gulping, Victor brings the remote to his face and presses the little up arrow a few times in succession, stopping when Benji pauses in his tracks and lets out the tiniest “<em> Oh fuck </em>” before he grabs onto Victor’s arm with a tight smile. </p><p>“How is it?” Victor asks, before biting the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from laughing as Benji squirms in the middle of the walkway.</p><p>For a moment, Benji closes his eyes with a soft moan, Adam’s apple bobbing as he leans against Victor for support. Victor simply watches, feeling as if the sun is casting itself across him when he looks at Benji’s contorting face; he counts the freckles on Benji’s nose and presses the arrow button a couple more times, making Benji shudder.</p><p>“I won’t make it to the library if you keep this up,” Benji chokes out, smirking despite himself. “It feels really good, though.”</p><p>Chuckling, Victor presses the down arrow a few times, leaving the intensity of the vibrations at a barely noticeable pulse, and Benji sighs as he rights himself again. </p><p>“But I’ll give you a break for now because I don’t want you to finish just yet,” Victor says with a wink, giving Benji’s ass a squeeze before glancing down at the front of his own pants and zipping up his jacket with a sheepish grin. “Just tell me when you want me to stop, all right, baby?”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I trust you,” Benji says, standing on his toes to kiss Victor on the mouth. “But just in case… my safe word is… chamomile.”</p><p>“Chamomile…” Victor echoes, slipping the remote into his pocket and offering his arm to Benji, who gladly laces his own through it. “Got it.”</p><p>“Honestly, I’ve been wanting to try this for a while but never had anyone to do it with… or maybe I should say, anyone who I <em> wanted </em>to do it with.”</p><p>“Aww, it’s really such an <em> honor </em>,” Victor says, voice mocking, as he holds his hand on his chest dramatically. </p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself, fool. You’re lucky I’m letting you do this to me at all.”</p><p>“Oh, I <em> know. </em> I <em> am </em> a lucky guy,” Victor says, modest as always.</p><p>“See, when you say earnest shit like it makes it really hard to make fun of you,” Benji says with a fond chuckle as he kisses Victor on the cheek; Victor isn’t sure if his face has gotten to an even darker shade of red yet.</p><p>“Hehe, you said <em> hard,” </em>Victor says with a giggle.</p><p>“I can’t believe I let you have sex with me,” Benji says, giggling, too. </p><p>“And I’m very grateful for that,” Victor says with a huge grin. “But yeah, <em> god. </em>This is gonna be so fun.”</p><p>They walk arm-in-arm toward the library, chatting along the way about their week. Victor’s fingers find the remote again, tapping the up arrow three times as he opens the door for Benji to usher him inside, chuckling as Benji pauses in the doorway, shuddering and sighing as another student almost collides with his back. </p><p>“You’re a real sadistic bastard, you know that, babe?” Benji mutters as they enter, face flushed with arousal again. </p><p>“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Victor says sarcastically, flashing his canines as he intertwines their fingers and leads them both up the stairs. </p><p>“I figured you would ease into it but <em> no </em>... You’re just... trigger happy,” Benji says quietly before gritting his teeth. He lets out a noise that sounds like a cross between a moan and a whimper, his breathing becoming labored.</p><p>Victor presses the down arrow several times until he’s sure it’s off, making a face as he does this. “Should I stop?”</p><p>“Did I say ‘chamomile’?” Benji says, watching Victor through his eyelashes. “It’s up to you; you’re the boss. Besides, you know I can handle much more than this,” he teases.</p><p>“Hmm… okay, fair,” Victor says, contemplating for a moment as his mouth scrunches to the side, before his expression turns wicked despite the blush coloring his cheeks. “I’ll surprise you.”</p><p>“That’s what I like to hear.”</p><p>The walk to the fourth floor is one full of electricity and tension erupting between them as Benji watches Victor chattering away, hands nowhere near his pockets. They arrive at the table where Lake and Mia are hard at work, typing away on their laptops.</p><p>“Hellooo everybody,” Victor says, pulling out the window seat and motioning for Benji to sit as he takes the spot beside him. </p><p>He waits until he’s fully seated before he takes out the remote discreetly from his coat pocket and slips it into the one in his jeans instead. Then he unzips his jacket and drapes it over the back of his chair; Benji laughs lightly as he watches.</p><p>“Hey, guys,” Benji says, before biting his lip and glancing to the side, fiddling with his hands nervously. </p><p>“What’s up, you two?” Mia says with a small smile as she eats a slice of orange from a napkin she’d placed on the table.</p><p>“Finally you showed up,” Lake snaps. “Did you bring any good snacks? I’m tired of eating fruit.”</p><p>“Sorry, I just have healthy shit,” Victor says with an awkward laugh, tapping the button on the remote.</p><p>“And you, mister?” Lake asks, turning to Benji. “Please tell me you have something.”</p><p>“Nope, I don’t have--<em> ah! </em>” Benji yelps, clapping both hands over his mouth as he takes a deep, shaky breath through his nose, eyes crunching closed as he presses his lips together hard enough to bruise, before he looks up again and says “money. For snacks.” </p><p>His voice is hoarse and wavering and he can feel the eyes around him piercing him to the core. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Mia asks gently. </p><p>“Yep. Never better,” Benji grits out quickly, sweat already beginning to bead on his forehead as he nods vigorously, the entirety of his face and neck looking like he’d just fallen asleep in the sun.</p><p>“<em>Victor… </em>are you giving him a handjob under the table again?” Lake hisses. Mia snorts before she pops her headphones into her ears.</p><p>“I swear I’m not this time,” Victor says, flustered, holding his hands up in surrender.</p><p>Benji shoots Victor an icy glare as his body shudders; truthfully, Victor hadn’t known what to expect when he pressed the up arrow thirteen times. But something about Benji’s expression, the way his eyebrows fuse together in frustration and pleasure, makes Victor want to continue. </p><p>“Well, you two are up to <em> something </em>,” Lake says, suspicious, as she narrows her eyes at them.</p><p>Victor taps the down arrow as quickly as he can, and the vibrations stop; Benji exhales slowly, chewing on his lip as he glances to the side, wistful.</p><p>“I have midterms to study for, I don’t have time to mess around with my <em> boyfriend </em>,” Victor lies as he pulls out his computer and sets it on the table, before he slides his glasses onto his nose. </p><p>“God, I love it when you call me that,” Benji says, swooning, as he follows suit. </p><p>“What? My <em> boyfriend </em>?” Victor teases.</p><p>“Mhm. I could listen to you say it all day,” Benji says, resting his head in his hands.</p><p>“Well, that can be arranged.”</p><p>“Can you two disaster gays get a room?” Lake asks over the top of her phone.</p><p>“Hey, are you recording us?” Benji snaps.</p><p>“Yeah, what the hell, Lake?” Victor says.</p><p>“I figured I’d have something to blackmail you with later but this is more… sad than incriminating,” she says with a sigh.</p><p>Mia can only chuckle at something on her screen, oblivious to the trio at the table around her as she pops more orange slices into her mouth.</p><p>“There’s nothing sad about me letting my boyfriend know I appreciate him,” Victor says as-a-matter-of-factly.</p><p>Benji can only smile and roll his eyes as he rests his hand on Victor’s leg as Victor winks at him.</p><p>“Anyway…” Benji says, crossing his legs under the table as he watches Victor from the corner of his eye. “I’ve actually got a lot of work to do.”</p><p>“You guys are being <em> so </em>weird today,” Lake says, wrinkling her nose.</p><p>Shrugging, Victor pulls out his own phone and writes: “<em> Chamomile? </em>”</p><p><em> “Nope </em>” Benji writes back; the single word makes Victor shiver.</p><p>Victor smirks as he turns his attention to his computer, opening his physics notes and sighing as he reads. He’s faintly aware of Benji’s hand creeping up his leg like a caterpillar making its way up a branch, the weight of that combined with that of the remote in his pocket distracting him from any sort of work that he had expected to complete. </p><p>With a soft inhale, Victor presses the button on the remote again, and Benji’s hand tenses as he coughs into his other arm to disguise the soft groan that erupts from his throat before he bites his lip. Victor crosses his own legs as he leans forward and pretends to read.</p><p>Benji removes his hand from Victor’s lap and sets it down on his own as he seems to curl into himself like a sensitive plant, breath hitching in his throat just loud enough for Victor to hear as he shifts in his seat.</p><p>Heart racing as if he’d just run across the entirety of the campus, Victor can feel the throbbing in his groin. There’s something satisfying to Victor in knowing that Benji is simply taking it without complaint and Victor decides to let it go, delighting in the soft noises of pleasure Benji makes as he tries his best to stay still while Mia and Lake sit opposite hiding behind their screens, oblivious. </p><p>Hands shaking, Benji swallows loudly as he takes his pen and begins to scribble in his notebook, sighing as his pupils flit to Victor for a moment; he says nothing, instead sliding his palm down his abdomen and making a show for only Victor of slipping his hand along the front of his trousers and touching himself through his clothes. </p><p>He doesn’t know how much time passes, focusing on the way Benji’s body jolts as he holds in the cries of bliss he would more than happily let fall from his lips if they were alone. Victor increases the intensity a few more steps to the point where he can almost hear the vibrations and watches as Benji inhales sharply, shooting him a glare again as Victor covers his own mouth to stop his grin from breaking it in half. </p><p>If he hadn't been so turned on, Victor knows he would kick himself for taking so much enjoyment from Benji’s state; but for now he can only observe as Benji writhes gently in his seat, uncrossing and re-crossing his legs, one over the other, every so often.</p><p>“Hey guys!” comes Fee’s voice, startling them.</p><p>Victor knocks his knee against the bottom of the table and hisses in pain as he almost falls face-first onto his laptop and Benji squeezes his legs together tightly as he sits up straight with a strained smile. </p><p>“H-hey!” Victor says quickly, raising a hand in greeting.</p><p>Benji can only wave.</p><p>“Fee, there you are! Please tell me you have food, I’m starving,” Lake says, grabbing onto their arm, voice tinged with desperation. </p><p>“Hey, Fee,” Mia says, turning to Lake with a sigh. “Do you wanna go get something to eat?”</p><p>“No, I don’t wanna move,” Lake snaps with a pout.</p><p>“Okay…” Fee says, setting down a giant leather-bound tome in front of the single empty seat at the table. They open their bag before withdrawing a paper bag, and from within that paper bag, a cardboard container. “Well, I have a slice of pineapple pizza I didn’t eat because I was too full if you want.”</p><p>“Ew, <em> pineapple pizza </em> ?” Lake groans, cringing. “I would literally rather eat my phone than put <em> that </em>,” she says, pointing to the container, “in my mouth.”</p><p>“You’ve had worse things in your mouth,” Mia says, not looking up from her computer. </p><p>The table erupts into a fit of giggles.</p><p>“Hey, pineapple pizza is actually really good,” Victor retorts once the laughter has died down.</p><p>“This is why you’re my best friend,” Fee says, finger-gunning in Victor’s direction.</p><p>“Ugh, fine. Gimme,” Lake says, opening and closing her fingers like a crawfish as she reaches out and Fee places the container of pizza into her hands.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Fee says.</p><p>Grimacing as she opens the container with the tips of her fingers, Lake stares at the slice of pizza with the little yellow pieces on it before she takes it into her hand carefully.</p><p>“Come on, Lake, you’re not diffusing a bomb,” Benji grits out. “It’s not <em> that </em>bad.”</p><p>“Shut up, I’m taking my time,” Lake snaps. She brings the slice to her nose and sniffs it before recoiling. “Ugh, gross,” she mutters, before she takes a bite and chews slowly.</p><p>“And?” Victor asks.</p><p>Lake swallows, her face brightening like a coin in a fountain. “Okay, that’s actually good.”</p><p>“Dang it, you’ve gone to the dark side,” Mia says dramatically with a click of her tongue.</p><p>“<em>Yessss </em> , that’s three to <em> three </em> for team ‘Pineapple <em> does </em>go on pizza’! We’re catching up,” Fee says, raising a victorious fist into the air. “Soon you will all,” they say, making a peace sign and then bringing it to their own eyes before pointing at Mia and Benji in turn, “be converted.”</p><p>Fee pauses, frowning as they walk around the table and press the back of their hand to Benji’s forehead, making Benji jump at the contact. “Whoa, Benji, you’re burning up.”</p><p>Victor’s own face scorches as he reaches out and pulls Fee’s arm away, panic gripping him like a pair of weighted shackles around his extremities. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Benji says, voice strained.</p><p>“You’re all red, you have a fever, and you’re shaking… do you feel cold, Benji? You might have… the <em> flu </em>,” Fee says with a gasp, taking a step back. “I should go wash my hands.”</p><p>“Wait, now that you mention it… you’re right,” Mia says. “B, you should go to the health center.”</p><p>Benji’s already flushed face reddens even further like an apple in the light and Victor scrambles around in his pocket, pressing the button repeatedly. </p><p>“I don’t need the health center,” Benji insists, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I’m seriously fine. It’s just a little warm in here,” he lies, glancing at Victor through his eyelashes. </p><p>“Actually…” Victor says, meeting Benji’s eyes with a glint in his own. “Maybe we should go… just in case.”</p><p>Adam’s apple bobbing as he holds Victor’s gaze, Benji nods, eyelids fluttering. “Okay,” he says quietly.</p><p>Victor rises, pulling his sweater down to cover his front as he offers a hand to Benji and they quickly slip away and around the corner.</p><p>“God, I’ve literally never been more attracted to you,” Benji whispers as Victor drags him along with him and instead of proceeding to the stairs, Victor leads them to the back of the library where the student meeting rooms line the walls.</p><p>“Yeah?” Victor asks, reaching into his pocket and tapping the button in quick succession and watching as Benji freezes in place and almost crushes his hand like a bear trap.</p><p>“I spoke too soon,” Benji breathes before clamping his teeth against his lower lip. “This is probably my… mm… new favorite toy.”</p><p>With a smirk, Victor knocks on one of the doors before he opens it, finding it empty. He tugs Benji inside and locks the door behind them.</p><p>“How many orgasms did you have?” Victor asks, pressing Benji up against the door and slipping his knee between Benji’s legs.</p><p>“A few,” Benji says with a grin as his head falls back with a <em> thunk </em> and his lips part with a low moan. </p><p>“Shut up, someone’ll hear,” Victor scolds.</p><p>“Then make me.”</p><p>Victor licks at his teeth, the gears turning in his brain. “Chamomile?”</p><p>“No way,” Benji says, rubbing up against Victor’s thigh. “And you remember what I said about you being… rougher.”</p><p>“I know. I just wanna be sure,” Victor says, grabbing Benji by the hair and pulling him away from the door before forcing him to his knees. </p><p>“I love this view,” Benji says, undoing Victor’s pants and pulling out his rock-hard erection. </p><p>“Me, too,” Victor says, patting Benji’s hair gently with one hand and using his other to press the up arrow a few times.</p><p>“Mm… keep doing that,” Benji moans, squeezing his legs together as he strokes Victor’s cock a few times, eyelids falling closed as he rests Victor’s erection against his cheek. </p><p>“You want more?” </p><p>“Yeah, as high as it’ll go,” Benji says, voice quaking, before he licks a stripe up the side of Victor’s dick.</p><p>“Okay…” Victor says, complying. “Looks like it won’t go any higher,” he mutters.</p><p>“Shit…” Benji breathes, legs shaking, before he drags his palm along Victor’s precum-slick cock as he sucks on Victor’s balls. </p><p>Victor can only lean back against the edge of the table and thread his fingers through Benji’s hair as he watches the way Benji gives his attention to all the parts of him that make him feel like he’s just walked into a flame--but in the best way. Benji hums, massaging his balls, before he takes Victor’s cock in his mouth, lapping at it as if he’d never tasted anything so delicious in his life as the little moans drop from his lips and his hand floats under Victor’s shirt, feeling the blistering skin of his torso.</p><p>“Do you want me to fuck your face, baby?” Victor asks gently, pulling Benji off him and tipping his head up to him by the chin. </p><p>Benji scrunches his eyebrows together as his body tremors like a tree on a fault and tears leak from the corners of his eyes; he nods. </p><p>“<em>Please </em>,” Benji begs, slipping his hand down the front of his trousers and sighing as he touches himself. </p><p>“Chamomile?” Victor asks, even though he knows he doesn’t have to.</p><p>“<em>Fuck </em> no,” Benji says, bristling as he opens his mouth and closes his eyes. “Just let me swallow your fucking sperm already.”</p><p>Chuckling and covering his face in his hand, Victor sighs as he grabs ahold of Benji’s hair and holds his head in place. </p><p>“Relax… and try not to get cum up your nose again.”</p><p>Benji opens one eye and peers up at him as he wiggles a bit in his spot on the floor.</p><p>“You don’t have to remind me every time I suck your dick. I could just <em> not-- </em>”</p><p>“Okay, okay. I’ll stop,” Victor says quickly. “Now can I please fuck my beautiful boyfriend’s adorable face now?” </p><p>“Sure, but make it quick because my knees are starting to hurt. Unless you secretly like watching me suffer,” Benji says, closing both eyes again and smiling as he blushes. </p><p>“<em>No! </em>” Victor almost shouts. </p><p>Benji rolls his eyes beneath his eyelids. “Very convincing.”</p><p>“Fine. Maybe a <em> tiny </em>bit.”</p><p>Chuckling, Benji shakes his head, making a show of shifting his weight from one knee to the other. “I want your dick in my mouth now, please, babe. We can chat later.”</p><p>“Right. Are you all… relaxed?” Victor asks. “I’m going in.”</p><p>Snorting, Benji opens his mouth, holding a thumb up. Victor grips his hair again before he slides his erection into Benji’s mouth slowly, groaning as Benji’s throat opens up, his muscles parting like the Red Sea.</p><p>Tears roll down Benji’s cheeks like little crystals glinting in the white, fluorescent light as he takes Victor into him, moaning around Victor’s cock.</p><p>Victor swipes his own thumbs across Benji’s cheeks as he pulls out slowly and slips back in between Benji’s lips.</p><p>“That’s a good boy…” Victor says gently with a smile, feeling bolder with each passing moment. “Or should I say… a good little slut?” </p><p>Humming, Benji opens his eyes and peers up at Victor for a moment, holding his gaze, before his eyes flutter closed once again. Benji strokes himself as if spurned by his voice and Victor thrusts into his mouth--he can’t stop himself from gazing, awe-struck, at Benji’s angelic face. </p><p>“Your mouth is fucking amazing…” Victor breathes, movements becoming more erratic now. “Fuck… I’m gonna cum…”</p><p>As soon as Victor focuses on how wet and warm Benji’s insides are, with how he shudders as another orgasm undoubtedly washes over him, he finishes down Benji’s throat, cumming so hard his legs almost collapse like a tower of untethered bricks from underneath him. </p><p>When Victor pulls out, panting as he leans back and tucks himself in, he can only watch the way Benji licks his own shaking fingers, a faint smile playing at his lips, as he makes eye contact with Victor.</p><p>“Chamomile,” Benji says after the long silence between them, his eyelids heavy.</p><p>“As you wish,” Victor replies, finally shutting off the vibrator. “Thank you.”</p><p>With a sigh, Victor leans down to place a gentle kiss to Benji’s lips, tasting himself, before he takes his boyfriend’s hand and slips the remote into it.</p><p>He crouches on the floor before sitting down and straightening his legs, leaning back against the wall and opening his arms wide.</p><p>“Wanna cuddle? That was pretty intense,” Victor says.</p><p>Benji nods, completely and utterly spent, and crawls into Victor’s embrace, warm body welcome against his own even as he cools.</p><p>“That was exhausting. But really fun,” Benji says, resting his head on Victor’s shoulder. “I should probably go home, though, because I’m a mess and… sticky everywhere.”</p><p>“Want me to walk you?”</p><p>“Yeah. But… in a few minutes. And don’t let me fall asleep.”</p><p>“It’s all good,” Victor says, taking a deep breath, holding it, and then exhaling slowly as he ruffles Benji’s hair.</p><p>They sit like that for a long moment in a sweaty, recovering pile on the floor.</p><p>“So I guess technically you don’t need my dick anymore if you have this super fun toy,” Victor teases, breaking the silence.</p><p>Benji laughs, a labored, weary sound as he tightens his hold around Victor’s middle. “You know it’s not the same. I can’t cuddle with a vibrator.”</p><p>“Fair point.”</p><p>“And it won’t appreciate how good I look.”</p><p>“Also true.”</p><p>“<em>And </em>it won’t cry over cheesy romance movies with me or let me paint it or tell me how much it cares about me or--”</p><p>“I get it,” Victor says with a chuckle. <em> I love you </em>, he wants to say, even though he knows it’s just the afterglow of the influx of happiness chemicals that have flooded his brain that compels this desire. But instead he says: “You’re adorable.”</p><p>“Well, <em> I </em> think you’re <em> more </em> adorable,” Benji retorts with a sly grin.</p><p>“We’re not doing this again,” Victor says, cheeks numb from his own smile.</p><p>There's a pause between them and Victor's tongue tingles as he stares at the ceiling.</p><p>"You mentioned you had some more... spicy ideas," Victor says, more of a question than a statement.</p><p>Benji slides a few inches across Victor's lap and looks at him, an indescribable expression on his face. "I may, but I wanna hear yours, too."</p><p>Victor's cheeks are like a flash fire. "Mine aren't that spicy."</p><p>"I mean, even if you think your fantasies aren't that 'spicy' I still wanna hear them. Especially since you just face-fucked me," Benji says as-a-matter-of-factly, face pink.</p><p>Pressing his lips together, Victor strokes his chin. "It was a lot easier when I was horny," he finally says.</p><p>"Well, you can be honest with me. I won't judge you. I just wanna try out new stuff together."</p><p>"I know... okay, how about this. How about we both make a list of stuff we're interested in trying? Like stuff we really like, stuff we might be okay with, and then stuff we definitely don't think we'll like? Then we can compare notes and go from there?"</p><p>Benji nods, his lip curling up as he takes in Victor's proposition. "I like that idea. Let's do it."</p><p>"Sick," Victor says. "Okay, but first... my legs are getting numb so I'm gonna need you to get off me."</p><p>Humming, Benji kisses Victor’s cheek before he pulls himself to his feet and offers a hand to Victor to help him up, too. Their fingers lace together on their own accord like vines up the side of an old stone house as they slip out the door. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks so much for tuning in once again. Hope this chapter was fun to read. I'm a fan of writing Venji communicating and trusting each other and experimenting a bit as a way of fostering intimacy tbh, we love that for them tbh!! So ofc this was fun to write as well. So this chapter was supposed to have even MORE spice but you can anticipate that next week hehe. I've been a bit tired lately and also I didn't want the next chapter to be too long. So those of you waiting for things to ramp up even more... buckle your seatbelts. Anyway, thank you again and as always, 1 comment and/or kudos = 1 Venji having a nice time! :D See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Tie My Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji and Victor study anatomy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“So, what’s the plan, B?” Victor asks, catching the ball of rope before rolling onto his side and propping himself on his elbow as he turns his gaze to his laptop.</p><p>“Well, maybe we should talk about why your top ten searches all have to do with either… surprisingly freaky porn or rabies,” Benji teases. </p><p>“Hey!” Victor almost shouts, face flushing as he sits up and reaches out to grab his computer. “That’s ‘cause I was doing research for my list--”</p><p>“Don’t you know how to use incognito mode?”</p><p>Opening and closing his mouth, Victor presses his lips into a line. He nods.</p><p>“But you don’t use it,” Benji says, the corner of his lip twitching. “I’m not judging, I’m just curious,” he says with a soft chuckle.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Benji enters Victor’s room, letting his bag slide off his shoulder and onto the floor, he peers out the opened window for a moment, exhaling gently as the early spring sunlight shines in along with the fresh air from outside. He perches himself on the edge of the bed like a sparrow on a blade of grass and chews on his lip for a moment. </p><p>“How did making your list go?” Victor asks as he sits down beside him so their legs touch.</p><p>“It was really fun. I actually ended up doing a little bit of research, too, and it kinda unleashed my creative energy a bit,” Benji says with a chuckle.</p><p>“Oh, really?” </p><p>“Mhm. What did you come up with?” Benji asks, pulling out a folded up piece of paper from his pocket and dropping it in front of him as he pulls himself further on to the bed across from Victor. </p><p>“Well… my list of things to try ended up being kinda… long. But I’m hoping we have a good amount of overlap,” Victor says, setting his list down between them, too.</p><p>“It’s all good. We can try a bunch of stuff today if you’re up for it and sorta play it by ear?”</p><p>“Ooo yeah, I’m definitely up for that.”</p><p>“Cool… did you wanna swap first and we can compare?”</p><p>“Sure,” Victor says, picking up Benji’s list and unfolding it before peering down at the small, neat handwriting that had been ordered in a bulleted list. </p><p>Benji picks up Victor’s list in turn, which had been scrawled almost illegibly across a piece of notebook paper in a combination of big, uneven and crooked letters. </p><p>“I knew you had to have some sort of flaw…” Benji mutters.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Victor says with a soft giggle.</p><p>“Your one flaw is your terrible but fitting doctor’s handwriting… and also the fact that you’re more versatile than me,” Benji teases. </p><p>Victor crosses his legs and slides closer to Benji on the bed with a smile. “Okay, well, I also wasn’t super hung up on the power exchange thing but I think I’m slowly changing my mind.”</p><p>“In what sense?” </p><p>“I felt kinda bad about it at first because I was enjoying it but… the fact that <em>you</em> actually seem to enjoy it is kinda making me think more about it.”</p><p>“You know I love to… <em> receive,” </em>Benji says, wiggling his eyebrows.</p><p>“I’ve noticed,” Victor says with a laugh. “And I can’t wait to spoil you some more.”</p><p>Benji smirks as he rests his hand on the bed and leans on it as his body warms. </p><p>“I mean, as long as you’re willing… which it seems like you are, based on your list. Which is awesome, because I love when you take charge,” Benji says, peering up at Victor through his eyelashes.</p><p>“Yeah, definitely. And it’s... actually deceptively fun. Even though I’ve had a lot of sex, I’ve never really done anything kinkier than like… choking from time to time.”</p><p>Benji tips his head to the side. “Y’know, now that you mention it, I never asked you what your body count is.”</p><p>Humming, Victor grips his heels and leans back a bit as he stares at the ceiling for a moment, mouth scrunching to the side. </p><p>“I kinda lost count. I think it was something like… close to like, 150 or something,” Victor finally says, scratching his forehead. </p><p>“Shit, Connor wasn’t kidding…” Benji mutters.</p><p>“Who’s Connor--oh, wait, that guy from the party. God, what a dick… I’m <em> so </em>glad I didn’t sleep with him.”</p><p>“Right, like, I’m not someone who hates other people, but he seriously sucks...”</p><p>“Yeah, but enough about that jerk…” Victor says, moving close enough to Benji on the bed that the tops of their knees touch. “What’s yours?”</p><p>“Actually, mine is around the same, I think.”</p><p>“But no one gives me shit about it.”</p><p>“Yep...”</p><p>“Did you top any of them?”</p><p>Benji scoffs and blinks, then purses his lips for a moment. “I did a few times and I was waiting for it to become fun but it just… wasn’t.”</p><p>Victor rests a hand gently on Benji’s leg as he nods. “I’m guessing it wasn’t enough stimulation?”</p><p>“Well, partially that and partially because I like shutting my brain off when I can, because worrying isn’t fun… or sexy. I guess a lot of it is psychological.”</p><p>“Ah, I see,” Victor says, before scrunching his mouth to the side in thought. “So you’re basically a total bottom.”</p><p>“I guess so. It’s just more fun for me, and the orgasms are way better,” Benji says with a shrug, eyebrows knitting together as he looks down at his hands. “You’re not… disappointed, are you?”</p><p>“<em>God </em> no,” Victor says, waving his hands in front of him quickly. “No, you’re <em> literally </em> perfect, I could never. <em> But </em> if we’re ever both in the mood to bottom… dildos exist,” he says with a chuckle.</p><p>“I’m gonna ignore that pun.”</p><p>“That was purely accidental, I swear,” Victor says with a sly smile.</p><p>Benji can’t stop the smile and the warmth that spreads over his face like the sun over the sand on a beach as Victor takes his hand and kisses it. He covers his mouth with his other palm.</p><p>“But I understand what you mean about the psychological aspect of it. Like, even though I might like bottoming from time to time, it’s ultimately more satisfying for me to top.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“It can also depend on the person for me. There have been like a handful of guys I’ve switched with but honestly… it’s not a necessity.”</p><p>“That makes me feel a bit better but I also feel a little called out,” Benji says, clicking his tongue. “So basically what you’re telling me is that I’m really obvious.”</p><p>“Kinda, yeah,” Victor says with a laugh.</p><p>“Good…” Benji says, swatting Victor’s arm, Benji giggles. “That explains why you never asked to switch with me…”</p><p>“Yeah that urge sorta goes out the window whenever I see you. I love the way you kinda… fall apart and beg for it,” Victor says with a grin. </p><p>Shivering, Benji shifts in his seat as his eyes flutter closed and he licks his lips. “This is kinda turning me on,” he says quietly.</p><p>“Well, there’s more where that came from,” Victor says with a dark chuckle. “I also love how your face looks when I’m inside you. It’s probably one of my favorite things ever.”</p><p>“<em>Shit </em>,” Benji says, reaching out blindly to take Victor’s hand and rest it between his legs as he hisses with pleasure. </p><p>“And I love the little noises you make when I pull your hair and pin your wrists down while I fuck you,” Victor murmurs as he squeezes Benji through his pants. “And… I love what you’re doing right now.”</p><p>“Okay, <em> fuck </em>, hold on,” Benji says quickly, removing Victor’s hand from him. “I think if we continue this, I won’t make it through any of our little kinky experiments.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“No, don’t apologize. But bring that energy, I love it,” Benji says with a wink.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Victor scratches his head. “Where were we?”</p><p>“We were talking about preferences and stuff. And limits.”</p><p>Victor nods. “Right, yeah, I get it. I was just curious about your reasoning, is all.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m pretty open to most things, just don’t make me top.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna <em> make </em> you do anything you don’t wanna do.”</p><p>“I know. I guess I just... don’t want you to get tired of me,” Benji says with a mischievous smile even as he averts his gaze.</p><p>“Honestly, I think we have enough stuff here to keep us busy for a while,” Victor says with a fond smile, reaching out and resting a hand on Benji’s cheek before he lets it roam down his face and to the side of his neck. “And also, I could never get tired of you,” he adds, his voice gentle but suddenly becoming serious, earnest.</p><p>A pang strikes Benji’s chest and he’s suddenly warm all over, not in the way that causes a rush, a scorching wildfire that fills the cavity of his rib cage to the brim, but rather, a roil like magma seeping out of a shield volcano, viscous and slow. He swallows.</p><p>“I could never tire of you, either,” Benji can’t stop himself from saying, just above a whisper as their eyes connect, and Victor’s hand twitches against his warm skin for a moment before he pulls it away along with his gaze like sap from a pine tree.</p><p>Benji clears his throat before glancing down at the page again. “Lucky for you, I brought some of my toys with me and may or may not have ‘borrowed’ some rope from the art building.”</p><p>“You really have no shame,” Victor says with a sigh as he gives Benji a peck on the lips. </p><p>“What? It’s nobody’s business what’s in my bag,” Benji says with a shrug as he opens his messenger bag and pulls out two balled up rolls of black rope and tosses them to Victor. “And why should I be ashamed of what I like?”</p><p>Victor catches each roll with ease and runs his fingers along the even yet scratchy surface. </p><p>“Good point. So, uh… what kinds of toys do you have?” he asks with a sly look, eyes narrowing.</p><p>“Well, I don’t have a whole lot, because money, and I’m not gonna buy a bunch of cheap shit since I have standards,” Benji explains, taking out a black cloth bag and setting it on the bed.</p><p>“We love that for you, being all responsible,” Victor says, eyeing the bag as Benji opens it and begins to unpack.</p><p>“I don’t want us getting infections or heavy metal poisoning.”</p><p>“True,” Victor concedes, bobbing his head.</p><p>“But yeah, It’s mostly just… some dildos,” Benji says, laying them out on the bed, a mix of realistic ones and more abstract ones and all in different sizes, “my favorite thing, of course,” he adds with a wink as he sets down the vibrator, “and some butt plugs,” he says, as he places a pile of them, also in different sizes, in front of Victor and punctuates his sentence with a gesture of his hands.</p><p>“Et voila,” Benji says with an air of finality.</p><p>“That looks cute,” Victor says, pointing to a steel plug with a grey tail attached to it. </p><p>“Oh, yeah. Another one of my favorites,” Benji says with a grin. “Did you wanna try one of them out?”</p><p>Victor taps his lips with his pointer finger as he searches the pile of toys with his pupils. </p><p>“I’m not looking for anything <em> too </em>wild,” he says, taking one of the simple medium black plugs and examining it. </p><p>“I think I’ll take this one, then,” Benji says, picking up the tail plug. His body shivers as if struck by electricity and water all at once. “Did you want me to put yours in or can you handle it yourself?”</p><p>“See, on one hand, I know how to put things in my own ass,” Victor says, his visage a deep mix of red and brown. “But on the other hand… it’s been a while so I don’t know if I even remember how.”</p><p>“Well, it’s kinda like ri--”</p><p>“Don’t say it’s like riding a bike.”</p><p>Benji rolls his eyes. “Well, it kinda is.”</p><p>“Okay, so… in the spirit of trust and me loosening up…” Victor breathes, peeling his shirt off before doing the same with his pants. “How about you put mine in and I’ll put yours in?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m down,” Benji says with a smile, giving Victor a soft kiss before he follows suit. </p><p>Victor hums as he lies down in only his underwear, resting his head on his pillow and watching as Benji pulls out a bottle of lube and sits between Victor’s legs. Benji gazes down at Victor, his heart corralling his blood through his veins so fast that it radiates in his ears. </p><p>“Can I take these off?” Benji asks, gripping the waistband of Victor’s underwear.</p><p>“Go for it. And my safeword is… ‘Tatooine’.”</p><p>“You’re a fucking nerd,” Benji says with a laugh. </p><p>“Well, so are you if you understand the reference.”</p><p>There’s a pause and Benji opens and closes his mouth before he pouts for a moment. “You were the one who made me watch Star Wars with you,” he finally says.</p><p>“I didn’t <em> make </em> you, I <em> suggested </em>it and you said, and I quote: ‘Lemme see what all the hype is about.’”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji shakes his head with a smile.</p><p>“Okay, fine. You win,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I did think the little green thing was cute though, for the record.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know, but this conversation is kinda, uh… making me lose my boner.”</p><p>“Right…”</p><p>Benji swallows before he tugs Victor’s boxer briefs down, watching as his erection flops against his stomach and all Benji can do is eye it hungrily before he clears his throat. He uncaps the bottle of lube, squirting a generous amount all over the plug. </p><p>“That’s… a lot of lube,” Victor says, eyebrow raised.</p><p>“Why do you sound so surprised? I don’t want it to hurt,” Benji says, setting the lube aside and resting his hand on Victor’s knee. </p><p>“Hmm… you got me there.”</p><p>“Are you emotionally and psychologically prepared for this?”</p><p>“Yeah, but come here so I can kiss you,” Victor says, opening his arms so Benji can slot himself against his chest.</p><p>“Okay,” Benji says with a chuckle before he leans down and joins their lips as his heart blooms like spring magnolias in his chest.</p><p>For a moment, all Benji can sense is Victor gripping at his back, engulfing him, his cologne filling his nostrils and intoxicating him, focus slipping away like sands through an hourglass until they’ve all accumulated at the bottom, leaving his head empty. Their cocks rub against each other and the friction makes them both gasp into each other’s mouths.</p><p>“You can put it in now,” Victor whispers against Benji’s lips as he brushes his hair away from his face.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, right,” Benji says, feeling around until Victor spreads his legs a bit further and Benji glances down as he presses gently against Victor’s hole. “I’m gonna need you to relax… And tell me if it hurts or just safeword me so I can stop.”</p><p>Victor kisses him again and Benji almost loses his senses again as Victor becomes pliant against him as he slowly presses into him. With a soft moan that hitches in his throat, Victor takes the last of it until finally, it’s in place.</p><p>“That’s it?” Victor asks, blinking as he shifts a bit under Benji’s weight. “Hmm… It feels… interesting. But I’m not sure if I like it or not yet.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s definitely not the same as a dick, but still fun,” Benji says, lying down next to him with a grin as their stares connect. “My turn.”</p><p>“Alright,” Victor says, propping himself up on his elbows before he sits up and Benji slides into the place where he had been. “Yeah, I feel it now. Mm… kinda nice.”</p><p>When Victor sets himself between Benji’s legs, Benji smirks as he crosses his ankles behind him and pulls him closer. He stares up at Victor, showing his teeth, as Victor takes the steel tail plug from the bed and douses it in lube. </p><p>“Ready?” Victor asks as he leans down while Benji wraps his arms around Victor’s middle. </p><p>Benji nods and cranes up to kiss Victor as he reaches between them, taking his time as he presses the plug into Benji’s hole. It’s cold against his skin and Benji shivers as he clutches at Victor, latching onto him like a sloth on a branch as he loses himself in the sensation while Victor fills him up slowly. </p><p>“How’s that?” Victor asks once the plug has been inserted all the way. </p><p>“It’s good. I appreciate you being so patient,” Benji says, unlatching himself from Victor and glancing down to where their erections rub against each other as the tail tickles the inside of his thigh. “I don’t know how long we’re gonna last with this, though.”</p><p>Victor sits back on his feet, pensive. “Yeah…”</p><p>“I tried some stuff on myself but I’m gonna need to show you how to do it…” Benji says, maneuvering himself around Victor and hopping off the edge of the bed; with each movement, he’s hyper-conscious of a foreign sensation between his legs that adds to the heat of his arousal.</p><p>Benji’s gaze catches on one of the many candles Victor had placed around his room and he strokes his chin. He reaches out to pick one of them up, bringing it to his nose and inhaling the scent of bergamot and spice, just as something tugs at the tail dangling behind him and he yelps, a shiver jolting up the nerves of his spine as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice water over him. </p><p>“<em>Ah </em>,” he sighs, whipping around to see Victor grinning up at him mischievously, the tip of the tail still between his fingers. </p><p>“Does that feel good?”</p><p>“Yeah, actually…” Benji says, swaying his hips. “Do it again.”</p><p>Victor pulls at it again and it makes Benji’s insides stir; he presses his lips together into a line between his teeth and groans. </p><p>He glances over his shoulder as Victor rises from the bed to stand behind him, gasping quietly to himself. His hands find Benji’s back, slowly tracing their way down to his backside before Victor cups his ass, kneading it with his digits as Benji presses himself up against him and clenches every muscle inside him just as Victor plants a smack on his ass; Benji can’t stop himself from smirking as a groan drops from his throat.</p><p>“Whatcha looking at?” Victor murmurs, resting his chin on Benji’s shoulder.</p><p>Benji chuckles as he flips the candle over and reads the ingredients. “What’s the chemical candles are supposed to be made out of if you wanna use them for wax play?” he asks.</p><p>“Soy,” Victor says, wrapping an arm around Benji’s middle; Benji sighs as he feels Victor’s dick poking against him. “Or… paraffin, I think.”</p><p>“Oh, well… we can’t use these, then. Do you have anything that isn’t scented?”</p><p>“Unfortunately, no. I didn’t think we were gonna be experimenting with kink when I bought these,” Victor teases, poking Benji in the cheek.</p><p>“Then maybe we should get some…” Benji suggests, setting the candle back down on the cabinet where he’d found it.</p><p>“I’m starting to realize that there’s a <em> lot </em>of prep work and stuff to consider in all this.”</p><p>“Yeah, but it’s supposed to be more fun,” Benji says with a shrug. “We can do stuff with wax some other time when we have the right equipment and… won’t make a mess.”</p><p>“We can still light them just for the ambience,” Victor says, picking up the lighter from the cabinet and bringing it to the wick of the candle; Benji watches the flame grow as Victor presses a kiss against his neck and he leans back into him again.</p><p>“Okay, you do this, and maybe I should find us a tutorial…” Benji says, kissing Victor on the cheek before he slips out of his arms. “Can I borrow your computer?”</p><p>“Of course,” Victor says absently as he gazes at the floating orange dots. “I told you the password, right?”</p><p>“‘PilarFuckOff’ is not as secure as you think it is,” Benji says, kneeling on Victor’s bed and opening his computer as he shudders at the sensation that crawls up his back. He types in the password and opens the browser to search.</p><p>Victor continues lighting the candles before he giggles, then puts the lighter back and plops down on the bed behind Benji. Glancing over his shoulder, Benji raises an eyebrow as Victor picks up one of the rolls of rope and throws it into the air before catching it; he does this again and again, metronomic, like the push and pull of the tides, as he stares, unblinking, at the uneven ceiling. Benji returns his gaze to the laptop with a sigh. </p><p>“So, what’s the plan, B?” Victor asks, catching the ball of rope before rolling onto his side and propping himself on his elbow as he turns his gaze to his laptop.</p><p>“Well, maybe we should talk about why your top ten searches all have to do with either… surprisingly freaky porn or rabies,” Benji teases. </p><p>“Hey!” Victor almost shouts, face flushing as he sits up and reaches out to grab his computer. “That’s ‘cause I was doing research for my list--”</p><p>“Don’t you know how to use incognito mode?”</p><p>Opening and closing his mouth, Victor presses his lips into a line. He nods.</p><p>“But you don’t use it,” Benji says, the corner of his lip twitching. “I’m not judging, I’m just curious,” he says with a soft chuckle.</p><p>“I don’t usually expect other people to use my computer,” Victor says with a shrug. “Also I just can’t be bothered, it’s too much effort.”</p><p>“Okay, fair,” Benji says, returning his attention to the computer; he leans over the keyboard and types. “I saw that you looked this up, and since you said you were interested in trying shibari… wanna give it a go now?” he asks, turning the screen to Victor and clearing his throat as he scoots aside. On the screen is a diagram of a person tying a rope harness around their torso. “Because I found this tutorial...”</p><p>Grabbing his glasses from the nightstand, Victor slides them on before he peers closer to the computer. “That looks hella complicated.”</p><p>“It just <em> looks </em> scary but it’s actually not. I can already see how it works,” Benji explains, taking the rope from Victor’s hand and unfurling it. “I can do it on you first to show you how it’s supposed to go, if you want.”</p><p>“That would definitely help since, you know I’m… spatially inept.”</p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll try to make it as comprehensive as possible,” Benji says, glancing at the computer. </p><p>“First we need our handy dandy scissors…” Victor says, reaching into his nightstand and pulling out a pair of scissors. He sets them down on top of the nightstand. “Just in case.”</p><p>“Right, I can’t believe I forgot,” Benji says, clicking his tongue and tapping himself on the forehead. </p><p>“I hope this doesn’t take too long because honestly… I’ve been wanting to smash since you got here.”</p><p>Benji chuckles, finding the middle point of the rope and folding it in half before he makes a knot a few inches down. </p><p>“It should be quick if you’re patient. Here,” Benji says, draping the knotted section of the rope over Victor’s head. “You’re not claustrophobic or anything, right?”</p><p>“Nah, I’ll be fine,” Victor says, glancing down as Benji makes another knot right below his collarbone. “Although once we get into limb territory, uh… that might be a different story.”</p><p>“Okay, cool. But I’m gonna need you to tell me if anything hurts or starts… tingling,” Benji says, making a series of knots a few inches apart down Victor’s torso. </p><p>“I know, I know.”</p><p>They fall into contemplative silence as Benji completes the series of knots before pulling the rope between Victor’s legs and up through the loop behind his neck. He hums as he separates the two pieces of rope and brings them both forward under Victor’s arms and loops them both through the space between the top-most knots before crossing the rope and pulling it to the back again, leaving the diamond-shaped opening between Victor’s pectoral muscles. </p><p>“How is it?” Benji asks as he repeats the motion, bringing the rope around underneath Victor’s nipples. </p><p>“I can see how it would be relaxing,” Victor replies, all the while studying Benji’s movements.</p><p>“Not too tight?”</p><p>“Nope, it’s just right. You seem like you have a knack for this.”</p><p>“I just practiced a little so I could understand the pressure and stuff,” Benji says with a shrug as he bites his lip to suppress his smile. “This is gonna look really cool, though… Would it be okay if I drew you?”</p><p>Victor breathe-laughs as Benji continues lower, bringing the rope around his abdomen. </p><p>“Would you have energy to do that after?” he finally says, reaching up to brush aside a loose lock that had fallen into Benji’s eyes.</p><p>Benji pouts as he shifts his body behind Victor, tying a final knot just above Victor’s tailbone before sitting back in his original spot in front of Victor, resting a hand on his shoulder and pressing him a bit to the side so he can admire his work. </p><p>“I’ll be <em> tired </em>later,” Benji says, giving Victor the best impression of a puppy he can muster. “You always wear me out.”</p><p>“All right, fine. The wait better be worth it,” Victor mutters.</p><p>“Not much longer now because you’re all done.”</p><p>“Oh. That was fast,” Victor says, picking up the other roll of rope. “I guess it’s your turn.”</p><p>“Can you manage on your own?”</p><p>“I think so,” Victor says, imitating the way Benji had folded the rope and knotted it. He then puts it over Benji’s head, before he glances to the laptop again. “Also, side note, it feels like <em> everything </em> is rubbing me <em> everywhere </em>, which makes it even harder to focus.”</p><p>Benji chuckles as Victor returns to his work, making uneven knots down the front of Benji’s torso before bringing it between his legs, too. </p><p>“What do I do now?” Victor asks, peering at the computer again. “Oh, wait, I got it.”</p><p>“I already kinda see what you mean,” Benji says, shifting in his seat with a shiver as the rope tightens against his spine and rubs between his legs, digging into his flesh and making any coherent thought he had vacate his mind. “Maybe loosen it a bit,” he breathes.</p><p>“Sorry,” Victor says, doing as Benji asks and letting the rope give a bit before he brings it back around through the knots on Benji’s chest. </p><p>“Don’t forget to sorta… criss cross the rope here when you bring it through,” Benji says, pointing to his chest. “That way it’ll naturally let you bring it down lower. And then just tie it in the back,” he explains.</p><p>“Ah. Okay. I see what you mean,” Victor says with a nod, pausing for a moment before he pulls the rope around and ties it once before bringing it forward.</p><p>Benji closes his eyes, body sloughing off its worries like an exoskeleton, and lets Victor work, each slide of rope and hands across his skin pushing him even closer to the edge. Victor’s touches are gentle but firm and despite the occasional muttering under his breath, he moves with control, taking care to ensure the tension in the rope is just right. </p><p>“I think that’s it,” Victor says quietly, tugging at the ends of the rope. “How do I tie this off?”</p><p>“You can just do a regular double-knot,” Benji says, opening his eyes and examining himself. “It’s kinda crooked,” he says, adjusting the lopsided diamond in the middle of his chest. “Eh, it’s fine. Not bad.”</p><p>“I’ll get better, I just need practice,” Victor says with a shrug and a scratch of the back of his head.</p><p>Rising from the bed, Benji pads across the floor to the mirror, every movement raising goosebumps across the surface of his flesh. He peers at himself and runs his fingers up the rope acting as a harness, turning around and looking over his shoulder as he shoves his hair from his face. </p><p>“Yeah, you look hot, what’s new,” Victor says with a laugh as he rests his hands down on the bed behind him and leans back, making a show of raking his pupils up and down Benji’s form slowly as he smirks, baring his teeth.</p><p>“You look hotter because I didn’t fuck up when I was tying you up,” Benji says, sticking out his tongue; Victor picks up a pillow and chucks it in his direction and Benji giggles as he dodges his attack.</p><p>“Hey, I <em> tried </em>!” Victor says with a pout. </p><p>“I’m kidding. I actually like it, it has character,” Benji says with a wink.</p><p>“Thank you…” Victor says, rolling his eyes as he smiles fondly. “But <em> please </em>, B, hurry up and draw me like one of your French boys so I can finally fuck you because if I’m being honest, my dick is starting to hurt.”</p><p>“So impatient…” Benji says, clicking his tongue as he pulls out his sketchbook from his bag, along with some charcoal, as he kneels on the bed again. “Maybe one day we can wear these under our clothes,” he says with a mischievous grin.</p><p>“That<em> does </em> sound fun,” Victor says, putting a pillow behind his back as he sits up and against the wall. “Okay, so how do you want me to pose for you?”</p><p>“However you feel most comfortable, because you’re sexiest when you’re, like… actually relaxed.”</p><p>Victor glares at him as he draws one of his knees to his chest, resting his arm across it and letting it dangle as he jiggles his fingers absently, then stares off out the window at the sky, where the sun is on its descent.</p><p>Benji taps the charcoal against his lip for a moment before he brings it to the page, making short strokes as he outlines Victor’s seated form, before he fills in the details of his face and pays special attention to the rope, darkening it before shading the areas where it digs into Victor’s skin. The gentle scratching of black carbon provides a peaceful melody for them; Benji smiles as he watches Victor’s jaw slacken, hand still twitching almost imperceptibly.</p><p>Holding back a gentle groan as his arms brush against his own rope harness, Benji tries his best once again to focus on everything but the pleasant pressure around him and the way he unconsciously tenses all his muscles when he shifts position. </p><p>He works quickly and in a few minutes, Benji has a full sketch of Victor that he adds finishing touches to--a lock of hair next to an ear, a shadow cast across a thigh--before he lets out a satisfied sigh and turns the sketchbook to Victor as he slips his charcoal back into his bag. </p><p>“You look so good,” Benji says, eyebrows knitting together. “I just needed to get this on paper because, <em> wow </em>…”</p><p>“Thanks…”</p><p>With a soft smile, Victor takes the sketchbook in his hands, cradling it like a newborn kitten as he brings it closer to his nose. He pulls his glasses off and sets them down as he gazes at the drawing, narrowing his eyes.</p><p>“Oh, come on, you <em> definitely </em>took some liberties with this. I don’t look this hot in real life,” Victor says modestly, face flushing.</p><p>“What are you talking about? Do you doubt my artistic abilities?” Benji asks, feigning offense as he covers his mouth with tops of his fingers.</p><p>“N-no, it’s just… my muscles and my… <em> dick </em>… look awesome,” Victor says, scrunching his face.</p><p>“That’s why they call it realism,” Benji says, looking at the ceiling as his own cheeks warm.</p><p>“Uh huh, sure…” Victor says with a chuckle as he closes Benji’s sketchbook and sets the drawing down on his nightstand gently before he slips two fingers through the topmost diamond-shaped loop of Benji’s rope harness and draws him into a kiss.</p><p>Benji grins against Victor’s mouth as he slots himself between Victor’s legs, their rope-clad chests pressing together, the knots catching against each other, as Benji slides his palms up Victor’s shoulders and lets them rest gently against the base of his neck as Victor’s tongue slips inside his mouth. Victor wraps his arms around Benji’s back and pulls him closer for a moment before he pulls away.</p><p>“Hold on…” Victor says softly.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“I was just thinking, and I know you mentioned how you wanna be able to relax and not worry, but…” Victor says, running his fingers down the rope on Benji’s back. “How comfortable would you be with choking me?” he asks.</p><p>Eyes wavering, Benji holds Victor’s stare for a moment. He swallows, chewing on the inside of his cheek. </p><p>“I mean, I don’t really know how, since I’ve never actually done it to anyone before.”</p><p>“I know you listed it as a soft limit… but if I showed you how, would you want to try? Or do you wanna make it a hard limit?”</p><p>“I would feel less like I could accidentally kill you if you taught me how to do it properly,” Benji replies after a moment as he scratches his forehead and slides a bit away from Victor. “I’m not entirely opposed to the idea, I just need to know exactly what to do.”</p><p>“So it looks like it’s time for a little anatomy lesson, then,” Victor says, picking up his laptop and typing quickly. </p><p>Benji looks him up and down with a smirk. “Okay, you have my full attention.”</p><p>“Not that kind,” Victor says with a light chuckle. “It’s important to know some things when you’re trying to choke someone,” he explains.</p><p>Nodding, Benji sits up straight, focus swaying as the rope rubs him externally and the plug shifts inside him when he crosses his legs. Victor moves closer to him on the bed. </p><p>“I’m listening… <em> Professor, </em>” Benji says.</p><p>Victor smiles, pressing his lips together tightly before his mouth scrunches to the side. “Side note, remind me to add ‘being called <em> Professor </em>’ to my list of kinks.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji’s face warms. Victor glances down at his laptop again and picks it up, raising it to Benji’s face.</p><p>“Anyway… this is the carotid artery,” Victor says, pointing to the diagram in the picture on his computer. “As you can see, it splits off to both sides of the neck. That’s what we’re trying to target here. What we<em> don’t </em>want to do is bother the trachea, because that can get damaged easily,” he adds, pointing to it on the image.</p><p>Peering at the diagram, Benji commits it to memory.</p><p>“Ah, I see,” he says, nodding decisively.</p><p>“Can I show you on yourself?” Victor asks, motioning in Benji’s direction.</p><p>“Yeah, go ahead.”</p><p>Victor reaches out, resting his fingers right under Benji’s ears, feeling around on the flesh before he takes Benji’s hand in his own and brings it up to where his own digits had been a moment ago. Benji furrows his brows as he touches the flesh there.</p><p>“It’s kinda hard to feel but it’s in this area,” Victor says, drawing stripes down each side of his own neck to illustrate his point. </p><p>“I think I get it,” Benji says with another nod.</p><p>“Now I’ll show you what it’s like on me,” Victor says, taking Benji’s hand to his own neck and resting it at the aforementioned points. “Your hands are kinda small though so you might need to use both.”</p><p>Benji pouts as Victor takes his other hand and puts it on the outside of his neck. The way Victor’s pulse quickens under his touch makes Benji’s breath hitch in his own throat. He meets Victor’s pupils with his own and swallows when Victor smiles at him, so full of warmth; Benji’s hand twitches and he hesitates.</p><p>“I still don’t know if I can do this,” Benji mutters. </p><p>“It’s okay. I know it’s stressful,” Victor says gently. “But the goal isn’t to crush my windpipe or actually hurt me, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Just squeeze the artery gently for a few seconds. I’ll show you how but if you don’t want to do it, I get it. You’re always allowed to opt out and say no.”</p><p>Benji bites his lip and nods. </p><p>“I mean... I know you’re only telling me all this because you trust me,” he says.</p><p>“Yeah, exactly. I never let <em> anyone </em> else try it on me because I know it’s a lot to handle. I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust you,” Victor says, face going solemn and opening the way it always does when Benji knows he wants him to see just how serious he is about his own words.</p><p>And Benji can’t help the way his lip curls up upon hearing those words and his hands seem to respond in kind, erupting with electricity against Victor’s flesh even as they hover there just on the surface like asteroids in the earth’s atmosphere.</p><p>“Show me,” Benji says.</p><p>“So you know how I do it to you, where it’s just on the sides?” Victor asks, holding Benji’s neck again. </p><p>“Uh huh…”</p><p>“It’s more about the illusion that you’re using a lot more force than you actually are.”</p><p>“Ah. That makes sense.”</p><p>“I’m gonna press down now and if you’re comfortable with it, try doing it the same way, just don’t press straight down on the trachea and keep looking at my eyes when you do it so you can see that I’m not passing out, okay? I’ll tap your hand three times if I want you to stop.”</p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>Victor hums as he looks him in the eye and gently closes his hand around Benji’s throat, keeping the pressure in the peripheral areas just as he’d explained. Benji’s head swims, fog descending over him and darkness creeping into the edges of his vision for a few seconds before Victor releases him from his hold and he breathes, taking in oxygen and adrenaline that bombards him like an avalanche all at once as his heart races and he gasps softly. </p><p>“Do you see what I mean?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Yeah…” Benji says, still reeling; he pauses, looking at his hands before he says: “I’m gonna try now.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” </p><p>“I mean my hands are already around your neck, so I may as well,” Benji teases. “But seriously. Yes. I think I got it.”</p><p>“Okay. Ready when you are,” Victor says gently, stroking Benji’s thigh in an attempt to soothe his nerves. </p><p>Benji swallows, taking a deep breath before he presses his fingers down slowly, staring into Victor’s eyes, just as Victor smiles and raises his hands to rest on the backs of Benji’s, holding them down for a moment before he pulls both their hands away.</p><p>Victor inhales through his nose as Benji watches him, their hands joined between them like chain links in a fence.</p><p>“Can you handle that?” Victor asks.</p><p>“I think so,” Benji says with a nod as he crawls across the bed and onto Victor’s lap. </p><p>It’s quiet between them for a moment as Benji raises his palm to Victor’s cheek, eyes drifting to his lips once he notices the way their noses ghost against each other. Victor’s arm snakes around his back, drawing him close, and Benji can’t stop himself from bridging the gap between them.</p><p>He shoves Victor back onto the pillow before he straddles him, not breaking the bridge between them as he presses Victor into the bed, overcome with the urge to kiss the life out of him as their bodies rub against each other, sending a spark like a match on the side of its box up through Benji’s insides. If he waits any longer, the arousal sitting like oil in his veins will make him combust.</p><p>Victor moans into his mouth as they pull apart finally, panting, while Benji gazes down at Victor’s dark eyes as his hands wander down to Benji’s lower back and then slowly to his ass, before he squeezes it firmly and uses his other hand to toy with the plug nestled between Benji’s cheeks, making Benji bite back a groan.</p><p>“Maybe I should tie your hands up so you keep them to yourself,” Benji teases as his mouth falls open and his eyelids flutter closed.</p><p>For a moment, Victor says nothing, movements ceasing immediately.</p><p>“Do it.”</p><p>“Huh?” Benji says, eyes snapping open again.</p><p>“You heard me. Tie my hands up. And while you’re at it, blindfold me, too,” Victor says decisively, smirking up at Benji. </p><p>“O-okay…” Benji says with a shudder. “Yes, sir, I’m on it,” he says as he digs through his bag and produces a smaller bundle of rope and a blindfold. “I can do this bit without a tutorial.”</p><p>Victor raises his hands over his head, tapping his fingers absently and watching as Benji binds his wrists, wrapping the rope in a column knot to distribute the tension, before curling it twice in the space between his limbs to ensure it’s not too loose. Finally, Benji ties the blindfold around Victor’s eyes before he returns to bed, climbing back on top of Victor’s form. </p><p>“How do you feel?” Benji asks, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Victor’s neck.</p><p>“I can’t tell,” Victor says after a moment, shifting against the rope and frowning. “But I can tell you right away that I hate being blindfolded. Take it off. Please.”</p><p>“Yep, I got you,” Benji says, untying the blindfold quickly and tossing it aside. “Better?”</p><p>“For now I think… I’m good,” Victor says, and Benji leans down to kiss him gently. “Also your uh… tail is tickling me.”</p><p>Benji chuckles as he reaches behind himself and grips the base of the plug before he leans on his elbow, resting on Victor’s sternum, and relaxes his muscles as he pulls the steel plug out of himself with a small <em> pop </em>. He sets it aside.</p><p>“Is that better?” Benji asks.</p><p>“Much,” Victor says, his dick and fingers twitching as he watches Benji. “But what I <em> really </em>want is to cum. Inside you, preferably.”</p><p>“Hold on a second,” Benji says, chuckling and rolling his eyes as he uncaps the bottle of lube; he pours a liberal amount on Victor’s cock and strokes him quickly before he pauses, grinning wickedly, and turns around. </p><p>“<em>Fuck </em>, are you serious…?” Victor mutters.</p><p>With a giggle, Benji positions himself right above Victor’s erection and sinks down onto it, head falling back as he moans and takes all of Victor into his hole in one go. He rolls his hips a few times, the sensation of Victor filling him up and hitting the spot inside him making him shudder like a leafy tree during a storm. </p><p>Glancing over his shoulder, Benji lifts himself up again, making a show of spreading his cheeks apart as he slams himself down, making both him and Victor groan in unison.</p><p>“Untie me,” Victor says all of a sudden, voice straining; his face is red, the veins in his neck bulging as he struggles against his restraints. </p><p>“Hm? Oh. Right,” Benji says quickly, turning around and doing as Victor asked. </p><p>As soon as Victor’s free from his restraints, Benji blinks, and all of a sudden, his side collides with the mattress and Victor’s hand digs into the underside of his thigh as he pushes it into Benji’s chest, the knots on his chest creating craters on his skin in the most pleasurable way as Victor holds him down and slips his cock repeatedly inside him.</p><p>All Benji can do is throw his head back and press himself up against Victor’s deep, powerful thrusts as he puts every ounce of frustration into each movement, the sound of skin slapping against skin mixing with their noises of pleasure. Throwing his head back against the sheets, Benji grabs Victor by the face and connects their lips, melting like putty against him as Victor penetrates him with his tongue, too, and Benji can only swallow his moans.</p><p>Victor pulls away and looks into Benji’s eyes as he slows down his thrusts, gritting his teeth as he reaches between Benji’s legs and squeezes his balls before he strokes him almost painfully slowly, his hand like a leaden vice around him. </p><p>“God, you’re such a fucking tease, B, you know that?” Victor growls and Benji shivers again.</p><p>Benji doesn’t have it in him to deny it, nodding as he brings his hands down to the sides of Victor’s neck. </p><p>“Are you gonna punish me?” he asks, peering up at him through his eyelashes.</p><p>“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Victor says, pulling out and sliding back inside and making Benji clench around him. </p><p>“I… <em> mm </em>… would, very much.”</p><p>“Not today,” Victor breathes, speeding up his pace a bit as he brings his hand to wrap around Benji’s throat. </p><p>Benji says nothing, the muscles in his arms slackening into pudding as Victor fucks him, his brain refusing to cooperate. Victor chuckles as Benji becomes a moaning disaster in his arms.</p><p>“And one more thing… don’t you <em> ever </em>,” Victor says, punctuating the last word with a thrust, “tie me up again.”</p><p>“Yes <em> yes, </em> whatever… <em> fuck </em>... you say,” Benji babbles, eyes rolling back in his head.</p><p>“Good boy,” Victor whispers in his ear, tugging at Benji’s hair and making him hiss in pleasure. “I hate… <em> mm </em>… not being able to touch you.”</p><p>Victor slides in and out of Benji’s hole even faster, reaching up to grip at Benji’s hands.</p><p>“I’m gonna cum…” Victor mutters, pressing down on the sides of Benji’s neck. “Choke me, baby.”</p><p>“Ah… okay…” Benji sighs, using the remaining strength in his hands and doing as Victor asks, holding his fingers down for a moment before releasing just as Victor shoots his load, warming Benji’s insides and filling him with his sperm.</p><p>Benji’s head floats outside his body as the wave of orgasm crashes over him, too, hitting him so hard he feels like he’s drowning, heart racing so fast the muscle fibers threaten to split down to their subatomic particles and the world goes quiet and black as he shudders underneath Victor, sweat and cum leaking all over him.</p><p>With a sigh, Victor lies down beside Benji, drawing him closer as Benji holds his breath for a moment in an attempt to even his breathing. His limbs anchor him to the bed and all he can focus on is the gentle brushing of Victor’s hand over his hair, the soothing sensation making him feel even closer to Victor than ever before, as if each stroke is another stitch in the tapestry of their souls. </p><p>He uses the last of his energy to slide his head onto Victor’s chest, letting his hand hang off from his middle, fingers dangling over the edge of the bed. </p><p>“All good?” Victor asks after a long moment of silence between them. </p><p>“Yeah. I… Yeah. That was fun and… intense as fuck. Again.”</p><p>“I see why people like it,” Victor says, tightening his hold on Benji’s back ever so slightly. “But also I was uh… serious when I said I don’t wanna be restrained. These rope harnesses are cool but I think being sorta… forced to stay in place gives me anxiety.”</p><p>Lifting himself up and gazing down at Victor, Benji strokes Victor’s cheek as his eyebrows knit together in concern. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Definitely. It helps that I have an attentive and respectful partner,” Victor says with a side-ways smile. </p><p>Benji’s chest clenches but he smiles nonetheless as he draws absent shapes in the spaces between the ropes on Victor’s chest. “Yeah, I mean… we’re dealing with some serious stuff so we have to be.”</p><p>“True…” Victor says, feeling around on the nightstand and picking up his list, along with a pen. “Let me just update this real quick…” he says, crossing off some of the items on his list and adding them to the section labeled ‘hard limits’.</p><p>“I should do that, too,” Benji says, groaning quietly as he opens and closes his outstretched hand. “Could you pass me mine?”</p><p>“Yep, here,” Victor says, passing Benji the other sheet of paper.</p><p>They update their lists and clean up before crossing the corridor to the bathroom to shower so they can wash all the fluids from their bodies, limbs heavy. By now, the sun has descended below the horizon, and their stomachs grumble loudly from exertion. </p><p>With a sigh, Benji stares at the three toothbrushes in the cup on the edge of the sink, taking the blue one and applying a stripe of toothpaste to it as Victor takes his place beside him and does the same with his yellow one. They stand there bare, watching their reflections in the mirror as the sound of bristles scraping enamel echoes over the tiles. Benji rinses his mouth before returning the toothbrush to the cup and doesn’t even bother dressing himself as he shuffles out into the kitchen.</p><p>“Do you still have that curry you made yesterday?” Benji calls down the hall as he peers into the fridge. </p><p>“Yeah, did you want some?” Victor says, peeking his head from the bathroom.</p><p>Benji shrugs as he takes the tupperware from the fridge and sets it on the counter before he opens the cabinet and pulls out two plates.</p><p>Just then, the front door opens and Benji whips around, making eye contact with Fee, who enters the foyer and kicks off their shoes.</p><p>“Oh, hey, Fee,” Benji says with a short wave, almost shocking himself with his own nonchalance; his cheeks are cool.</p><p>“Hey, Fee!” Victor calls from his room.</p><p>“Hey, guys! Benji, what’s up?” Fee replies as they enter, not even batting an eyelid. “We might as well add you to the lease at this point because I feel like you’re here all the time.”</p><p>With a tight smile, Benji scratches the back of his head. </p><p>“Huh… I am here a lot, aren’t I…” he mutters.</p><p>“I mean, it’s not a problem for me. It’s nice having another person for dinner every night,” Fee says with a shrug. “Did you guys get up to any fun experiments today?”</p><p>Benji chokes on his own saliva and breaks into a fit of coughs. He takes a glass from the cabinet and fills it with water from the tap before he gulps it down. </p><p>“Can you excuse me for a second?” Benji says politely as he holds up a finger and darts down the hallway back to Victor’s room, shutting the door behind him.</p><p>Inside, Victor is sorting through his closet, clad in a hoodie and a pair of sweats. Benji approaches, spotting something knit and burgundy on a shelf and taking it in his hands. He unfolds it.</p><p>“Did I leave this here?” Benji asks, staring at the sweater--<em> his </em>sweater.</p><p>“Yeah, this is all yours. Don’t worry, I washed it all,” Victor says, motioning to the shelf populated by folded up clothes that upon further inspection, Benji recognizes.</p><p>Swallowing the lump in his throat, Benji takes a pair of jeans and some boxer briefs from the shelf and slowly dresses himself before he sits down on the bed. </p><p>“Victor. We need to talk,” Benji says.</p><p>Freezing in his tracks, Victor stands silent for a long moment. He turns around, glacial, before he looks past Benji.</p><p>Adam’s apple bobbing, Victor nods as he sits down beside Benji. “That doesn’t sound good.”</p><p>Benji eyes his hands and fidgets before he raises his gaze, pupils connecting with Victor’s.</p><p>“It’s not actually anything bad, I just…” Benji says, picking at his cuticles and taking a deep breath. “I’m realizing now that I think… I need some space.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Victor asks, voice cracking.</p><p>“I love spending time with you, but I think it’s… too much right now. And Fee is right, I’m either here or just with you basically all the time when I’m not in classes and I think I need time to reconnect with myself.”</p><p>Victor bites his lip for a moment and then sighs. “I think you’re right, now that I think about it. We <em> have </em>been around each other a lot and we should be focusing more on ourselves and our work.”</p><p>“Yeah, exactly. We’ll still be boyfriends, obviously, just boyfriends who give each other space and who won’t be rubbing our relationship in people’s faces. As much,” Benji says with a grin. </p><p>With a sad chuckle, Victor shrugs. “I can live with that. Plus, it’ll make the time we <em> do </em>spend together more meaningful.”</p><p>“Mhm,” Benji says, cupping Victor’s face and pulling him into a soft kiss. </p><p>When they part, Victor brushes a stray lock of hair from Benji’s face. “One thing, though… Please don’t say ‘we need to talk’ like that ever again because I’ll expect that you’re gonna break up with me and I may actually cry.”</p><p>“Oh, god, you’re right,” Benji says, smacking himself in the forehead. “Sorry.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Victor says, rising from the bed. “So does that mean you’re not staying for dinner tonight?”</p><p>“No, thanks, I think I should go.”</p><p>“Well, at least take some food with you,” Victor insists.</p><p>“I will,” Benji says with a smile as he takes the sizable pile of folded clothes out of the closet and shoves it in his bag hastily.</p><p>“When should we meet up next?” </p><p>Benji pauses, playing with the end of his still damp hair for a moment. </p><p>“How about… at the game against Arkansas?”</p><p>“But that’s in a week…”</p><p>“Well, yeah, but we have things to do that’ll keep us busy.”</p><p>Victor pouts, wrapping his arms around Benji’s waist and burying his nose in the crook of his neck. “I’m gonna miss you…”</p><p>“It’s only seven days, babe. You’ll be fine.”</p><p>“All right…” Victor sighs.</p><p>Benji shakes his head before he places a gentle kiss on Victor’s lips one last time, allowing Victor to hold him for a few more seconds before he pulls away and removes Victor from around him.</p><p>“Bye, babe,” Benji says.</p><p>“Bye,” Victor says, eyebrows pressing together, but he doesn’t say anything more.</p><p>Blowing a kiss, Benji picks up his bag and slips out the door with a wave. Benji ignores the weight in his chest that piles on with each step; he knows it’s for his own good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks so much once again for reading this installment of the story. I hope you enjoyed Venji's first proper... foray into kinky sex play, because there's more where that came from. I figured I would include some of the resources I found when doing research for this story to ensure I was giving accurate information and such, because we are dealing with play that involves a good deal of risk and as a result, a real threat of injury if practiced incorrectly. I am someone who has a good deal of knowledge on this subject matter but if you're curious, I have some links. First, <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/erotic-asphyxiation#types-and-risks">some information on safe breathplay/choking</a>; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgDLndHpQtQ">information on waxplay</a> (which ik I mentioned but didn't show, but it's still good to know; the channel I'm linking to has a lot of great info on kink from an experienced practitioner and she includes sources from her own research, too); and finally, <a href="https://www.theduchy.com/karada/#1538169225028-067751b6-23923a62-eebb">here is a website with information on shibari and rope play with tutorials</a> (this page in particular is for the tie used in this chapter) if you're interested in learning more. And as with anything, make sure you have partner(s) you can trust and before you do anything, make sure everyone involved is consenting and aware of the risks involved, and stay safe! Anyway, hope to see you in the next chapter, and as always, 1 kudo and/or 1 comment = Venji having a nice and fun time; your feedback motivates me to work! Thank you again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Moment of Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang eats fried chicken.</p><p>(see the note at the end for translations)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Victor swallows, breathing loudly through his nose. “Oh god…”</p><p>“Yeah, I just… wanted you to be able to emotionally prepare for the ass whooping you’re about to receive,” Benji says, stroking Victor’s cheek and then the side of his neck with the pads of his fingers. “It wasn’t good. She hasn’t spoken for an hour and I was getting kinda worried.”</p><p>“<i>Great</i>.”</p><p>“Although it was partially my own fault because I did kinda provoke him…”</p><p>“It’s <i>not</i> your fault, he just has it out for you,” Victor says firmly. “It’s okay. Looks like the truth was gonna come out somehow…"</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Benji strides into the crowded gym, where the cheers of those gathered in the bleachers drown out the sound of his own thoughts, he immediately regrets it. Even as each movement makes him acutely aware that <em> something </em>is inside him, it’s not enough to provide a suitable distraction. </p><p>He gazes out in front of them to where Victor and his teammates race across the court, and Benji wants nothing more than for Victor to satiate that dull hunger within him, the kind he hadn’t managed to get rid of all week no matter how hard he tried. </p><p>Beside him, Fee prattles on about their theories on the type of granite used to construct ancient Egyptian obelisks during the New Kingdom, which Benji had been paying attention to up until the two of them had entered the deafening arena. Immediately the ground vibrates around them as Benji grabs Fee by the arm and pulls them into the bleachers.</p><p>“--and that’s just one of the <em> many </em>hypotheses… or theories? About how they managed to move all those rocks,” Fee says, their breath warm against Benji’s ear.</p><p>“Okay, you’re gonna have to… take a step back,” Benji says, grimacing and pushing Fee away from him gently. “I know it’s hard to hear but you’re way too close.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Fee says over the din as they sit down on the bleachers and roll out their sign that says “Watch out for Danger-ew Spencer” with the number 5 on it next to a drawing of a neon orange basketball.</p><p>Fee holds up the sign and whoops as they wave down to the court. Benji chuckles and rolls his eyes as he unfurls his own sign, with a simple “Don’t let your crown slip, King Sala-star” with a detailed color drawing of Victor shooting a three-point shot while wearing his white home jersey and a glittery crown. </p><p>Benji catches Victor’s eye on the court and blows him a kiss with a small smile as Victor’s eyes sparkle and he runs into the back of one of his teammates. Covering his face in his hand, Benji averts his gaze as a laugh wracks his body and he tries his best to suppress it as he turns his mind to other things than the throbbing between his legs.</p><p>“Whoa, Benji, that looks so cool,” Fee says as they examine Benji’s handiwork, eyebrows shooting into their hairline. “You really went all out, huh.”</p><p>“Oh, this? It’s nothing,” Benji says, waving his hand quickly. “But thanks.”</p><p>Waving his sign around and cheering, Benji does his best to focus on the game, remembering the rules as Victor had explained to him so many times before, but somehow his mind completely blanks, empty of the information and replaced by static instead.</p><p>“Hey, B,” Fee says, nudging Benji in the side with their elbow and pointing very obviously behind them as they squint. “Isn’t that Pilar? We should go over there, it looks like there’s a lot of space.”</p><p>Blinking, Benji peeks over his shoulder as discreetly as he can manage. Fee has already stepped into the aisle and makes their way up the creaky old wooden stairs. Benji cringes at the sensation of the sandpaper scratching against the bottoms of his boots before he pauses in his tracks.</p><p>“What’s up, Pilar? Mind if we join you?” Fee says.</p><p>“Hey, losers,” Pilar says. “Here to support your <em> boyfriends, </em>I’m guessing?” she says with a short wave. “Oh, and my mom’s here, too, but she’s gonna be back in a second.”</p><p>She raises an eyebrow and rolls her eyes with a smirk as she scoots over, shoving aside one of the boys sitting next to her, the familiar brunet with the face that activates Benji’s fight response instantly.</p><p>“Oh, <em> Benji </em>, my word, it’s been too long,” Connor says with a cat-like grin as he waggles the tips of his fingers. “Here, Pilar, babes, switch spots with me so B and I can catch up.”</p><p>“Hi, I’m here, too,” Fee says, but Connor ignores them.</p><p>Before Benji can say anything, they all shuffle around so Fee can sit between Connor and Pilar and Benji has no choice but to sit beside Connor. With a grin that could have been carved in stone, Benji sinks down to the bleachers, the plastic suddenly painful against his backside. </p><p>“<em>Hey… </em>I had no idea y’all were friends,” Benji says with a forced laugh.</p><p>“Well, we just met like a few minutes ago. But I didn’t know you and <em> Connor </em> were friends either, so,” Pilar says with a shrug and a pointed look in Benji’s direction. </p><p>“We… frequent some of the same circles,” Benji ekes out.</p><p>“Yeah, <em> Grindr </em>,” Connor says as he picks at his cuticles.</p><p>“Oh, you’re still on there?” </p><p>“You two really should be more concerned about how the app is <em> literally </em>keeping track of and harvesting your personal information and probably selling it to the government,” Fee says as-a-matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Well, good thing I’m not on there anymore,” Benji says with a shrug.</p><p>“Now who’s acting like he’s better, princess?” Connor says.</p><p>“Okay, I’m gonna let you guys talk about gay stuff on your own…” Pilar says as she rises and switches seats with Fee.</p><p>“I’m not saying I’m <em> better </em>because I have a boyfriend, I’m just--”</p><p>“That did sound a little shamey, I’m gonna have to agree with Connor on this one, B,” Fee says. </p><p>“Maybe you’re not as much of a nerd as I thought, Fee,” Connor says with a sly smirk.</p><p>“Although I will say the name-calling is a little unnecessary.”</p><p>“Okay, nevermind.”</p><p>“Does loyalty mean <em> anything </em>to you, Fee?” Benji snaps before he takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he exhales. “Okay, but that’s fair. I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant that--”</p><p>“Benji, <em> mi amor </em>, Fee! I wasn’t expecting to see you here!” Isabel’s voice cuts their conversation short as she almost yells over the noise. “Sorry, I just had to run out because Adrian called and asked me to explain how the oven works… Ahh, how are things?” she squeals, pulling them both into a hug. </p><p>“Hey, Mrs. S!” Fee says with a wide wave as they pull away before they sip from a bottle of orange juice with a curly pink straw.</p><p>“Hi, Isabel. Likewise,” Benji says sweetly. “Things are fine, I guess. But Victor and I haven’t seen each other in a bit because we were uh… giving each other a little space,” he says, scratching the back of his head as he squirms a bit in his seat.</p><p>“Ohh… Is everything all right with you two?” she asks, concerned. “Although I can see how sometimes you might need a break from all his… attentiveness.”</p><p>“It’s not that, things are fine. I actually like that he cares a lot,” Benji says with a fond chuckle as he shakes his head. “We just need to focus more on our studies and ourselves, that’s all.”</p><p>“Right, I hear you. I’m glad you’re both being responsible young men! Victor definitely knows how to pick ‘em,” she says proudly as she ruffles Benji’s hair gently. </p><p>Benji bites his lip, flustered, and tucks his hair behind his ear before he smiles. “Thanks.” </p><p>“And who’s this?” Isabel asks as she eyes Connor.</p><p>“<em>Hi, </em> Mrs. Salazar, it’s <em> enchanting </em>to meet you. You don’t look a day over twenty-five. I’m Connor, by the way,” he says, punctuating each word with a dramatic gesture and phony giggle. </p><p>“<em>Stop that </em>,” Isabel says with a modest chuckle as she swats the air.</p><p>“Also, I <em> love </em>your nail polish, I think I have the same color. Berry really suits your complexion.”</p><p>“Aww, thank you, I love you already!” she says, giggling, before turning her attention to Benji. “Anyway… Did you and Connor plan to match your outfits?” she teases, motioning first to Benji and then to Connor.</p><p>“Huh?” Benji asks, examining himself before his eyes rove over Connor’s front. </p><p>“Oh, snap, you’re right, Mrs. S,” Fee says, awestruck.</p><p>They’re both wearing striped rainbow tops--Connor’s is cropped every so slightly, so that his stomach pokes out from beneath it when he moves, where Benji’s exposes more of his middle and is tight enough to accentuate his muscles. And they both have on a pair of white jeans--Benji’s are ripped, of course. </p><p>“Same brain,” Connor says, looking smug. “Who wore it better?”</p><p>“Benji obviously looks better,” Pilar says flatly as she glares in Connor’s direction; Connor shrugs.</p><p>“It’s definitely an, uh… interesting look,” Isabel says as she takes a seat beside Connor and sighs. “How’s Victor doing out there?” she asks as she glances at the scoreboard.</p><p>“Victor is <em> killing </em>it,” Fee almost shouts. </p><p>“That’s my boy!” Isabel yells, cheering loudly and clapping along to the chants coming in from the cheerleaders on the sidelines. She returns her attention to Benji and the rest. “So… how do you all know each other?”</p><p>It’s as if a lightning bolt has struck them from the heavens and time stands still. All Benji can do is stare, the words catching in his eardrums but taking their time in entering his brain. But when Connor opens his mouth, Benji puts a hand on his shoulder, narrowing his eyes and giving the faintest shake of his head.</p><p>“Oh, Connor and I go <em> way </em>back,” Benji says quickly.</p><p>“How nice! I’m sure it makes making friends in a new environment easier,” Isabel says as she rests her head on her hand with a kind smile on her face. </p><p>A low, dark hum exits Connor’s throat and he nods a little too vigorously. “Exactly! And I met Victor through Benji. Small world, right?” he says.</p><p>“When was that?” </p><p>“It was just before break, actually,” Connor says with a sly grin. He pauses and gives Benji a look. “Before he decided to settle down with <em> this one </em>,” he adds, as he grates his knuckles against Benji’s scalp vigorously, mussing up his hair.</p><p>“Ahh, I see. That feels like it was so long ago...”</p><p>“Did Victor tell you about the party?” </p><p>
  <em> Wait… </em>
</p><p>“Which one?” Isabel asks, her face falling. “Nobody said anything about a <em> party </em>.”</p><p>“Victor and I met at the Kappa Sig party.”</p><p>“Connor, I swear to god…” Benji mutters.</p><p>Isabel’s face contorts and all of a sudden, where she had been beaming, her mouth is now a thin, deep curve, the lines and shadows on her face making her look like a Baroque painting in a dim room. </p><p>“<em>Qué jodienda </em> …” Isabel says, her fingers curling together into fists as she removes her hand from her chin. “A <em> frat </em> party? With <em> alcohol </em>?” she asks, her voice low but strained.</p><p>Benji and Fee stare at each other but say nothing as Connor shifts in his seat. “Well, I mean… there tends to be alcohol, yeah… and sometimes drugs. I <em> definitely </em>saw him drinking, though.”</p><p>Pilar grumbles something under her breath before she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back with a sour look on her face. </p><p>“I’m gonna kill him,” Isabel says, throwing her hands in the air, exasperated. “All this time, I thought he was doing what he was supposed to and now I find out he’s going to parties instead of <em> studying? </em> And <em> lying </em> to me about it all? I’m gonna <em> murder </em> him!” she says, her voice rising progressively both in volume and pitch.</p><p>“Isabel…” Benji says gently, his heart pounding in his chest and wanting to burst as a few more seconds pass and his blood pressure rises even further. “It wasn’t his fault. It was… I was the one who asked him to come with me.”</p><p>“No way, Benji. You didn’t force him at gunpoint to do something <em> illegal </em>,” Isabel snaps.</p><p>Benji chews on his lip as his face warms.</p><p>“Well, I mean, ‘illegal’ is a strong word, don’t you think?” Fee asks with a nervous chuckle.</p><p>“The drinking age is 21, Fee, what planet are you living on?” Connor snaps.</p><p>“Okay, everyone be quiet, please,” Benji says, holding his hands out in front of him. “Seriously, it was <em> my </em> fault, I basically <em> begged </em> Victor to go with me. So if you’re gonna be angry, <em> please </em> just be angry at me.”</p><p>Isabel’s jaw clenches as she eyes him, her stare icy and piercing enough to stab him through the spaces between his ribs, but a moment later she sighs, deflating, and beside them, Connor tips his head to the side.</p><p>“You’re a good boy, Benji,” Isabel says, reaching across Connor’s lap and patting Benji on the hand, her touch brief but warm; he knows that if he squints he’ll see his own mother sitting there with them. “But I still need to have a talk with him because that’s unacceptable… <em> qué mierda… </em>” she says, clicking her tongue.</p><p>Benji swallows, leaning forward and clamping his fingers around the back of his own neck, pulling his spine forward and down into the floor where he wishes he could simply disappear. Even the prospect of seeing Victor later isn’t enough to raise his spirits.</p><p>Connor scoffs, shielding his mouth with the tops of his fingers as he rolls his eyes slowly and it’s as if his entire body revolves with them. “Oh, honey, <em> no </em>… The only good he is, is good at sucking dick.”</p><p>Benji’s stomach drops out of him again and it’s like the shouts and cheers and screams around him cease to exist, as if he’d just pressed mute on a tv remote and shut off every sound except the deep thumping of his heart in his chest. </p><p>“Hey--” Benji starts.</p><p>“<em>Excuse me </em> ?” Isabel asks, cutting him off, and it’s like she’s underwater, her words muffled, drawn out and slow. "You are so <em>rude--</em>"</p><p>“That’s not cool, Connor,” Fee says, their voice also far away.</p><p>“Sorry, you’re right, I should be more specific,” Connor says. </p><p>When Benji’s eyes flit to the side, what greets him is the sight of Connor’s visage as he all but glows with malicious intent. </p><p>“I mean, I could say Benji has a little bit of a reputation for being the biggest whore on the planet, or maybe just here, but I’m pretty sure Victor has him beat by a few bodies,” Connor says gleefully.</p><p>“Connor… stop talking…” Benji grits out.</p><p>Isabel pulls her hand away from Benji inch by inch, the frown adorning her face somehow managing to deepen as she gazes out to the court. And when Connor opens his mouth again, Benji doesn’t think.</p><p>His body moves on its own, hands flying up to clamp down on Connor’s mouth, the vibrations from behind his lips radiating through Benji’s skin as Connor struggles, flailing about and biting down hard into the flesh of his palms and fingers before something wrenches him away.</p><p>“Get <em> off </em>me, you psycho bitch!” Connor shouts.</p><p>“Benji, bro, what the hell,” Fee mutters as they drag Benji aside, holding him, heaving, at a distance from Connor as the other wipes his face. “And Connor, calling someone psycho isn’t very nice.”</p><p>“Give it a rest, Fee, you’re so sensitive.”</p><p>“<em>Ay Dios mio! </em> What is <em> wrong </em> with you two?” Isabel asks, incredulous. “You’re behaving like children! Didn’t your mothers teach you how to act? It’s <em> disgraceful </em>.”</p><p>Benji stares at a point on the floor and says nothing as tears prick at the corners of his eyes; Connor rises from his seat and approaches Benji, getting close enough that they can breathe the same air.</p><p>“Nice try, but I bet your grip is as weak as your head game,” Connor says; Benji has never been more thankful for the ironclad hold of Fee’s fingers around his wrists.</p><p>“Well, at least I didn’t shit my pants sophomore year of high school,” Benji retorts. </p><p>“That was <em> coffee </em> --” Connor all but screams, face flushing before he lowers his voice. “It was coffee, you <em> know </em> that.”</p><p>“Mhm, yep, keep telling yourself that, Diaper Boy.”</p><p>“I—Don’t call me that! Ugh… You know what, I’m out of here,” Connor says, fuming, before turning on his heel to leave.</p><p>“Yeah, Connor. Piss off, <em> chota cabrón </em>,” Pilar says, holding up her middle finger, bored. </p><p>“Uh-uh, where do you think<em> you’re </em> going?” Isabel asks as she avoids Benji’s gaze, her voice suddenly stern.</p><p>“I’m leaving. Why do you care? You’re not my mom,” Connor snaps.</p><p>“That may be the case but I want to know if what you said before is true,” Isabel says, swallowing before she presses her lips tightly into a line, as if pleading. </p><p>“Yeah, I mean, if sleeping with over a hundred people makes you a whore, then...”</p><p>“A <em> hundred-- </em>” Isabel chokes, letting herself sink back down to the bleachers before she makes the sign of the cross. “I can’t believe this…”</p><p>“Well, you best <em> start </em> believing, Mrs. Salazar, because it’s the truth. Toodles!”</p><p>Connor chuckles before he descends from the top of the bleachers, his pupils following Benji like an old painting up until he exits the gym.</p><p>Fee finally releases Benji from their hold and Benji chews on his lip as he cautiously perches on the bench beside Isabel, leaving a canyon between them. He can’t bring himself to look at her as the guilt and shame and he doesn’t know what else swirls around inside him. All he can do is sip his water and try to keep his food down as the game on the floor continues and the masses huddled up at the front continue their cheering and chanting, oblivious. </p><p>The silence between them all is enough to make Benji wring his hands together over and over again and peel the skin off his lips with his teeth until they bleed, but he doesn’t notice it. And as soon as he glances up to the scoreboard, where the red <em> 26 </em>bleeds into his brain, the piercing whistle brings him back to reality if only for a moment.</p><p>As soon as this happens, the court clears and Benji, still prickling from earlier, goes to rise, but as soon as his gaze lands on Victor’s face and takes in his boyfriend’s wide grin as he claps his teammates on the back, Benji slumps backward and stays where he is, crossing his legs while picturing Victor on top of him and pressing him into the mattress.</p><p>The second half of the game drags on even slower. Benji pulls out his phone, arm shaking as he desperately searches for <em> something </em>to keep him occupied, but somehow it’s as if he’s forgotten everything he does with this damned machine. The scoreboard shows a 38 - 23 score for the Panthers with about seven minutes left on the clock, but even as the sweat from his skin smudges his screen, Benji can’t find anything there that will stop the roiling ocean of his insides.</p><p>He sighs, resting his head on his hand and finally settles on scrolling through Instagram before the pricking of paranoia attaches itself to Benji’s side. Flitting his eyes to where Isabel sits bouncing her leg with her hands folded in her lap, Benji’s chest clenches. He returns his attention to the game as Victor catches the ball and dribbles from one side of the court to the other, the lights from above glistening against his sweat-slick skin.</p><p>As the final buzzer sounds, the entire stadium erupts into a frenzy and Victor bolts across the field with his arms outstretched before he collides with the pile of his teammates as they all pull each other into a chaotic embrace. </p><p>Benji rises from his seat and runs down from the bleachers to the floor, shoving his way through the bodies as Victor peers at him over the heads of the other players. </p><p>For a moment, Benji forgets everything that had happened in the past hour and all he can see is Victor beaming and dripping with perspiration, radiating light when he approaches Benji as if each movement is pulling his limbs back down to the ground. </p><p>He wraps his arms around Benji’s waist and kisses him as he lifts him from the ground like a pile of feathers, and Benji has no choice but to snake his arms around Victor’s neck as they twirl about, his legs dangling and flailing in the air before he wraps them around Victor’s trunk as his heart soars in his chest.</p><p>When Victor sets him back down, both of them now breathless, he wipes his brow in the back of his arm as he gazes up at the bleachers. It’s in that moment that Victor’s expression falters, lips dropping before he focuses on Benji again.</p><p>“Hey, congrats,” Benji says before he takes a deep breath. </p><p>“Hey! I missed you so much,” Victor says as he plants kisses down Benji’s neck.</p><p>“Me, too,” Benji says, shivering before he presses Victor away from him by the chest. “As sexy as you are right now, there’s something I need to tell you that’s gonna totally ruin the mood. You’re not gonna like it.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Well… I’m not gonna sugar coat it. Your mom knows about the party and the fact that we both slept around because Connor just told her.”</p><p>Victor swallows, breathing loudly through his nose. “Oh god…”</p><p>“Yeah, I just… wanted you to be able to emotionally prepare for the ass whooping you’re about to receive,” Benji says, stroking Victor’s cheek and then the side of his neck with the pads of his fingers. “It wasn’t good. She hasn’t spoken for an hour and I was getting kinda worried.”</p><p>“<em>Great </em>.”</p><p>“Although it was partially my own fault because I did kinda provoke him…”</p><p>“It’s <em> not </em> your fault, he just has it out for you,” Victor says firmly. “It’s okay. Looks like the truth was gonna come out somehow…”</p><p>“I guess that’s true,” Benji sighs, his face warming. “Good news is, uh… I may or may not be wearing a butt plug right now because I, uh… really want you to fuck me later on.”</p><p>“<em>Oh… </em>” Victor says, swallowing loudly before his lips curl up into a devious smile. “I’m absolutely looking forward to that.”</p><p>“Good, because you deserve it after today,” Benji says with a wink as he takes Victor’s hand and brings it to rest on his own ass. </p><p>“This makes me feel a little better about what’s about to happen,” he says, giving Benji’s ass a light squeeze. “Well, I better get this over with…” he mutters, taking a long swig of water before he grabs Benji by the hand and leads him up the stairs.</p><p>They don’t get far as Isabel, scowling with her arms crossed over her chest, descends to meet them all while not making eye contact with either of them. She unwraps her limbs only to grab Victor by the bicep and pull him down the stairs.</p><p>“I’m sure you already know what this is about,” Isabel snaps.</p><p>“Relax, <em> mami </em>, I’ll go willingly,” Victor groans, shrugging Isabel off. </p><p>“<em>No me digas </em>‘relax’, I’ll give you ‘relax’.”</p><p>“And you do realize I’m legally an adult and don’t have to listen to you, right?”</p><p>“Don’t test me, Victor. I’m <em> really </em>not in the mood right now,” Isabel warns, her voice dangerous.</p><p>Victor gulps and nods. “Okay.”</p><p>And they disappear into the crowd.</p><p>Benji clenches his fists, blunt nails digging into his palms for a moment before he turns on his heel and his legs take him through the double doors at the entrance to the gym. The metallic <em> clang </em>of the door rings out into the hallway and through Benji’s bones but a few seconds later, the din from within ceases. </p><p>The corridor is devoid of human life, just as Benji likes it, and picks a spot against the wall, sliding down it and plopping down onto the cool, smooth linoleum floor as he brings his knees up to his chest and stares straight ahead at the glass case packed with trophies and plaques as he grips his shins hard enough to leave marks. He inhales, holding it for a few counts, before exhaling slowly. </p><p>It’s on the third inhale that a noise floats through the hallway, like muffled whispers in Benji’s ears. He cranes his neck and squints for a moment before he pushes himself to his feet. Cocking his eyebrow, he wanders toward the source of the noise, biting his lips to keep quiet.</p><p>“—I <em> don’t </em> wanna hear anything about this from <em> you </em> after you cheated on dad!” Victor bellows around the corner, his voice so powerful it ricochets off every surface like a gunshot and cuts through Benji’s core.</p><p>Benji gasps quietly and presses himself with his back against the wall, knowing he shouldn’t be there. </p><p>“Lower your voice!” Isabel hisses. </p><p>“<em> No! </em> You’re the <em> last </em> person who should be judging us!” Victor growls, primal, and somehow even louder this time. “I wasn’t <em> hurting </em>anyone!”</p><p>The words whip against Benji and his insides churn, heart booming as he clutches at his own chest; he’d never heard Victor speak like that to anyone before. </p><p>“I’m not trying to <em> judge </em> you, that’s not my job. All I’m saying is you need to be more careful; you could have been hurting <em> yourself </em>!” Isabel says. “I’m not gonna be around forever. What if something happens?”</p><p>“Of course I’m careful. Do you think I’m an idiot? I read; I <em> know </em> what can happen,” Victor says, his voice a bit softer now but still with enough edge to make Benji run his hands through his hair over and over again.</p><p>“What am I supposed to think when I find out you’ve been lying to me this whole time about what you’ve been doing? I thought you were good and responsible and that I didn’t have to worry about you, <em> mi lindo </em>.”</p><p>“Well, sorry to disappoint.”</p><p>“I’m not disappointed in you, Victor. I could <em> never </em> be disappointed in you,” Isabel says, her voice defeated. “I was just… surprised, is all. But I had time to think about it. To ask, what would Jesus do in this situation? I spent the last hour <em> praying </em>that God would give me some guidance.”</p><p>“Are you ashamed of me?” Victor asks almost inaudibly. </p><p>“No,” Isabel says with a heavy sigh. “I just want you to be honest with me. I know I can’t tell you what to do because as you said, you’re an adult. But you’re still my son and I’m <em> always </em> going to be here for you, even if I might not always agree with your choices, okay? So <em> please </em>. Just don’t lie to me anymore.”</p><p>There’s a pause and shuffling in the hallway. Something keeps Benji rooted in place, the bottoms of his feet sticking to the floor and preventing him from escaping even though he <em> knows </em>he should go back into the gym or at least leave the vicinity; but some force stops him. </p><p>“Okay, I won’t. What do you wanna know?” Victor finally says.</p><p>Benji’s swallows, curiosity getting the best of him as he leans into the sound of Victor’s voice. </p><p>“Well, I don’t need to know exact numbers because that’s your business. And honestly, I don’t know if my heart would be able to handle any more stress today...”</p><p>Victor chuckles, tense. “I get it.”</p><p>“All those times I called you in the evenings… when I asked you what you were doing and you said you were in the lab again… were you, uh… hooking up with people?”</p><p>There’s another pause. And something stirs within Benji, acrid and sour, as time drags.</p><p>“Not <em> all </em>the time… but yeah, like 80% of the time that’s what I meant,” Victor says slowly, voice quivering.</p><p>“Oh, Jesus… okay. Not judging, not judging. Of course,” Isabel says quickly. “Are you at least… staying safe?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Victor…”</p><p>“Okay, fine. I <em> was </em>, and Benji was, too. But now since we’re not seeing anyone else it’s not really… that necessary.”</p><p>“I’m buying you condoms as a late birthday gift.”</p><p>Benji claps his hands over his mouth and holds his breath to stop himself from bursting out in laughter.</p><p>“Mom, seriously. You don’t need to. We’re fluid bonded and get tested regularly; so far we haven’t had any issues.”</p><p>“That’s good to hear. I’m glad you’re taking this seriously.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course we are. But also, to be fair, STIs aren’t a death sentence like they used to be and are actually pretty common and treatable.”</p><p>“Okay, but that’s not the <em> point </em>.”</p><p>“I know, the point is to just not get them in the first place, obviously. But yeah, Benji is actually really responsible and reminds me when I need to get tested and stuff so you really don’t need to worry.”</p><p>“Oh. Well… that’s reassuring.”</p><p>“I just don’t want you to think he’s like, a bad influence or anything like that because it’s actually the opposite. I think we just push each other to be better.”</p><p>Benji can’t stop his lip from curling up when Victor says these words, his head light all of a sudden. </p><p>“No, I don’t think he’s a bad influence, I just… Maybe I just had a picture in mind of what your life would be like and when I find out things that go against that, it can be shocking. But I can’t force you to fit into these expectations I have of you because that’s not realistic or fair.”</p><p>“I… understand that feeling very well,” Victor says sheepishly. </p><p>“At least when you came out, I kinda had a feeling so I almost expected it. But this… it just caught me off guard.”</p><p>“Yeah… that makes sense. But to be fair, you don’t have to worry about me going to any parties anymore because after that one I realized that it wasn’t... really my thing.”</p><p>“Oh, thank goodness,” Isabel says, exasperated. </p><p>“But I’m going to try to… be more honest about what I’m up to. I think the times when I had to hide things from you when I was younger have still stuck with me. It would help if you didn’t freak out, though.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I can make any promises that I won’t freak out but I’ll… try, too.”</p><p>Benji’s pocket vibrates and he jumps, swallowing the lump in his throat before he tiptoes down the hallway as quickly and as quietly as he can. He re-enters the gym and darts up the stairs to the top of the bleachers where Pilar sits scowling at her phone. </p><p>“Where were you?” she asks him as he sits back down. “I just texted you.”</p><p>“Oh, uh… I needed some air,” Benji lies, breathless.</p><p>Pilar squints at him before she shrugs. “I hope Victor didn’t get too much of a lecture from mom, she can be a lot.”</p><p>“I think he can handle it,” Benji says with a soft smile. “Hey, where’d Fee go?”</p><p>“They’re napping,” Pilar says, jutting her thumb over her shoulder to where Fee is curled up in a heap, snoring. “I really don’t know how, it was so loud in here.”</p><p>The previously crowded gym had almost emptied and now only a few stragglers remain, roaming about. </p><p>A few more minutes pass before the doors burst open again and Isabel enters, followed by Victor, who’s now clad in a clean pair of jeans and a black button-down, hair freshly washed. They both look refreshed, the tension from before dissipated into the air. With a wave, Victor jogs up the stairs and takes a seat beside Benji. </p><p>“How did things go?” Benji asks, before he lowers his voice. “I may have heard a bit of the sex talk by accident but please don’t tell your mom, it’s super embarrassing,” he says, face heating up.</p><p>“Oh, shit,” Victor says, cheeks flushing cherry-red, too. “How much is ‘a bit’?”</p><p>Benji remembers the way Victor’s voice had jarred him on an existential level, but he shakes his head to clear it. “Around the time when your mom threatened to buy you condoms.”</p><p>“Not that…” Victor mutters.</p><p>“Yeah… but you also did say some <em> really </em>nice things about me and it makes me wanna return the favor later on...”</p><p>Victor chuckles, shaking his head. </p><p>“I’m actually glad we had that talk,” Isabel says as she makes her way to the top of the stairs. “It’s going to take me some time to… be okay with all this new information. It was definitely… surprising.” </p><p>She leans down and pulls Benji and Victor into a tight embrace. </p><p>“But we can’t really change anything so I don’t have much of a choice,” she chuckles.</p><p>“Uh… thanks, I guess,” Victor says.</p><p>“Yeah, thanks, Isabel. I definitely wasn’t expecting you to learn all this from my mortal enemy…” Benji says.</p><p>“Why didn’t you say that from the beginning?” Isabel asks as she pulls away.</p><p>“I didn’t wanna be rude,” Benji says hastily.</p><p>“Benji, you definitely <em> should’ve </em>. He’s fake as hell. Not to mention he looked like a clown... I can’t believe I fell for it all,” Pilar groans. “I used to be so good at spotting fake people… what happened?” she says, staring down at her hands in horror.</p><p>“<em>Hey! </em>So you’re indirectly saying I look like a clown, too.”</p><p>“No, you look normal. Somehow it works for you.”</p><p>“Oh. Cool.”</p><p>“Anyway... I understand not wanting to be rude, but it would have saved us a headache in the long-run,” Isabel says.</p><p>They chuckle as they gather their things from the bleachers. Victor nudges Fee awake with his foot and helps them up.</p><p>“So, now that all that’s over with… who’s in the mood for food? We ought to celebrate Victor making it to the semis,” Isabel says, beaming as she slings her purse over her shoulder.</p><p>“Ooo yes that sounds amazing,” Fee says as they yawn into the back of their hand as they clap Victor on the back. “Congrats, buddy.”</p><p>“I still have no idea where anything is around here...”</p><p>“There’s supposed to be a new soul food place down the road where they have a pretty extensive vegan menu if y’all are interested,” Victor says.</p><p>“Yes, let’s do that. Any objections?” Isabel says quickly. “I’m <em> starving </em>.”</p><p>The others murmur in agreement and they all make their way out of the building and into the warm evening air. Benji slips his hand into Victor’s, intertwining their fingers as they walk across the sidewalk and swing their joined hands back and forth. The sun hovers just over the horizon, a giant orange ball radiating pink and red across the sky. </p><p>When they arrive at the restaurant that sits beside a park, with its typical diner-style setup equipped with retro red and black and white furniture, they’re seated at a booth in the corner. Victor and Benji sit on one side and Fee, Pilar and Isabel take the other. They chit chat over the menu, talking about everything except what had transpired earlier.  </p><p>They order the classics--some piping hot, crispy fried chicken, mac and cheese, sweet potatoes, cornbread and collard greens, the scents of fried breading and spices and sweetness and umami all swirling around them in a chaotic amalgamation that makes their mouths water.</p><p>“Funny story, actually, now that we’re on the topic of rocks…” Fee says as they peel a bit of chicken off the drumstick in their hand. “Last week, I was supposed to have a group project with this guy named Mark, right. And his name sounded <em> really </em>familiar. Mark… Fiennes?”</p><p>Benji tenses and Victor pauses in the middle of bringing a spoonful of mac and cheese into his mouth, his other hand gripping Benji’s leg under the table. </p><p>“Didn’t you hook up with him, Vic?” Fee asks, before they pop a piece of chicken in their mouth and chew it. </p><p>“Uh… yeah,” Victor says slowly as he raises his gaze across the table to Isabel, who shifts in her seat. “Why?”</p><p>“Wait, seriously?” Benji asks, putting the fried seitan between his fingers back down on the plate. Something gnaws at him. “Me, too,” he says.</p><p>“Oh. Uh… maybe we should talk about something else?”</p><p>“Oof. Okay, noted…” Fee mutters before silence tangles itself like a malicious vine around them all and refuses to let go.</p><p>“So… this is awkward as fuck,” Pilar says, breaking the silence and raising her head from where she’d been chasing a lone piece of collard greens across her plate with a fork. </p><p>“<em>Language </em>!” Isabel hisses. </p><p>“I hear you say ‘<em>hijo de puta’ </em>all the time!”</p><p>“That’s different!”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I’m a grownup.”</p><p>“Newsflash, so am I! Hell, we <em> all </em> are.”</p><p>“Wow, I <em> really </em> missed this,” Victor says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes. “But to be fair, Adrian isn’t even here, so can we please just… chill out? They’re just words.”</p><p>Isabel sighs. “You’re right, you’re right. I can be a cool mom who lets her kids say ‘fuck’.”</p><p>“We stan!” Fee cheers.</p><p>They continue eating and chatting, the conversation flowing more freely again as they finish their meals. When they finish, leaning back against the red leather seats, the waiter arrives with the bill and sets it down in the middle of the table. Isabel snatches it, putting on her glasses before she glances at the bill.</p><p>Benji reaches into his pocket, grimacing as he pulls his wallet out.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Victor asks. “Put that away, you’re not paying.”</p><p>“Don’t be silly, Benji. It’s on me. You, too, Fee,” Isabel says as-a-matter-of-factly as she pulls out a card and slips it into the little black leather booklet on the table with a smile. “I’m not gonna make a bunch of college students pay for dinner.”</p><p>“Oh, uh… Thanks,” Benji says, face warming as he slides his wallet back into his jeans.</p><p>“You’re the best, Mrs. S!” Fee says.</p><p>Benji eyes Victor, who grins at him in turn, irises sparkling in the dim light as he drapes an arm over Benji’s shoulders. Benji burrows closer into Victor’s side, letting his head fall against Victor’s shoulder, and his heart flutters as Victor pulls him even closer and rests his own head atop Benji’s. </p><p>“<em>Ahh, </em> you two are <em> so </em>cute!” Isabel squeals. “Let me take a picture.”</p><p>Chuckling, Benji reaches up to hold Victor’s hand, squeezing it gently as he cranes his neck up to kiss Victor. </p><p>“Ugh, no, <em> mom, </em> do you have to document <em> everything </em>we do?” Victor says, covering his face with his other hand. </p><p>“<em>Basta </em> ! Yes, I <em> have </em>to, it’s just one picture,” Isabel says, swatting at Victor across the table. “Now smile!”</p><p>“Yeah, <em> smile, </em>” Benji teases, grabbing both of Victor’s cheeks in one hand and pressing them together. </p><p>They chuckle as Benji lets Victor go and they pose for a photo as Isabel taps the button on her phone a few times.</p><p>“You guys are <em> so </em>corny…” Pilar says but grins nonetheless.</p><p>“Okay, now let’s get one with all of you. Fee, Pilar, go over there,” Isabel says, motioning with her arm across the table.</p><p>“I was <em> literally </em>just about to suggest that, Mrs. S,” Fee chirps, popping into the booth beside Victor and pressing their shoulders together.</p><p>Benji eyes Fee and pulls Victor closer to him as he slides up against the wall of the booth, hand slipping down Victor’s leg and into his lap as he turns his attention to Victor’s gaze. </p><p>“Tatooine,” Victor whispers into his ear, and Benji pulls his hand away.</p><p>“Nah, I’m good,” Pilar says before she slurps a bit of Sprite from her cup.</p><p>Victor shoots her a pleading look and Benji snorts as she sighs, then rises from her seat and packs onto the bench beside the trio. </p><p>“Mom, can you please hurry up, it’s getting kinda… <em> tight </em>in here,” Victor says; Benji can’t help but smile. </p><p>“Okay, okay, everyone ready?” Isabel says.</p><p>There’s a chorus of “Yes”es and Isabel snaps a few photos as she directs them all to pose accordingly. </p><p>Once they’ve finished with their photo shoot and paid for their meal, they reconvene outside on the sidewalk, leaning against the red brick building for a moment as they say their goodbyes. Isabel leaves them all following a round of hugs, and Fee and Pilar return to campus together, leaving Victor and Benji standing shoulder to shoulder and staring off across the road as they watch cars zip by, their glowing red and white lights casting streaks in their wake. </p><p>“Did you wanna go back to your place together?” Benji asks after a moment of contemplative silence between them. </p><p>“B… I know we wanted to spend time together, but honestly… I’m exhausted,” Victor says.</p><p>“I mean, we could just talk, if you want. We don’t have to have sex… I think that plan went out the window a while ago.”</p><p>Victor chews on the inside of his cheek, contemplating. “As nice as that sounds, I feel like I just need to be by myself right now,” he says.</p><p>“It’s all good. I get it, <em> so </em> much shit happened today. But I’m always here if you want to talk about <em> anything </em>.”</p><p>“I know,” Victor says with a soft smile. “I appreciate you.”</p><p>Benji runs a hand through his hair and bites his lip as he holds back the words that sit at the tip of his tongue. He says instead: “Get some rest, okay, babe?”</p><p>“Yeah, I will,” Victor says, pulling Benji into an embrace and wrapping his arms around Benji’s back as Benji’s hands instinctively join around his middle. He kisses Benji on the forehead. “I’ll see you around, <em> mi amor </em>,” he says.</p><p>They separate, standing a few inches apart among the fireflies that had congregated nearby in the evening air. Benji rests his hand on Victor’s cheek, tipping his head down to close the gap between them as their lips press together, like two pieces of a puzzle.</p><p>“Goodnight,” Victor murmurs when they pull away again.</p><p>“Night,” Benji whispers, waving before he spins around in the opposite direction and makes his way across the sidewalk and through the park next door.</p><p>Benji pauses his stride after a few steps with a smile and glances over his shoulder to where Victor stands like a tower in the darkness, mirroring him. </p><p>He shakes his head and continues onward.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First, translation notes:</p><p>"Qué jodienda" = basically translates to "you're kidding/joking/fucking with me" in this context<br/>"Qué mierda" = basically "shit" or "what the hell/fuck" in this context <br/>"chota cabrón" = basically "snitching motherfucker"; "chota" is basically a "snitch"/"tattletale" in this context and "cabrón" is basically like calling someone a bastard or a motherfucker depending on context (and can sometimes be used as a friendly title for a friend) <br/>"No me digas" = "don't tell me"<br/>"hijo de puta" = literally "son of a whore" but basically like calling someone a "son of a bitch" in English</p><p>Now for my note...</p><p>Hey all, thanks for hanging in there and waiting patiently for this update! I know I promised some Spicey for this chapter but this one got away from me so it'll come in the next installment haha. This one was fun tho bc yall thought Connor was gone but... he is not! Haha! God he's the worst but he's also fun to write, I hate to admit it lol. Anyway, thank you once more for reading and keeping up with the story! As usual, I'm curious to hear yall's thoughts on this and on how characters reacted throughout this chapter. Have you had similar convos w parents (maybe not about the particular subject matter lol)? Anyway, 1 comment and/or kudo = 1 Venji having a nice time and making good decisions. Your feedback helps motivate me to work so thank you again! See yall next time! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Love Me Harder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji reads a book.</p><p>(the power exchange chapter)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“I guess I’ll need to buy a pair of thigh-high leather boots…” Benji says with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “And I’ll <i>finally</i> be taller than you.”</p><p>“Shit… that would be <i>so</i> hot.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to pole dance, though, and I would probably die if I tried to learn.”</p><p>“Well <i>I</i> would probably be good at it.”</p><p>“Uh huh… sure,” Benji says with a roll of his eyes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benji sighs, turning the page of <em> A Hundred Years of Solitude </em> as he untangles his legs before re-tangling them again atop his covers. The ambient hum of the air conditioner and the occasional swish of a turned page provide a peaceful melody in the otherwise silent room.</p><p>There’s a loud, insistent rap against the door and Benji raises an eyebrow as he places his book face-down on the bed and rises. </p><p>“Who is it?” he asks as he approaches, cautious.</p><p>“It’s Victor,” says the voice on the other side. </p><p>With a smile, Benji opens the door. Before he can think any further, he’s grabbing at the front of Victor’s jacket as he pulls him close, pressing his own back against the scratchy textured wall as their lips connect, hot and needy, as if separating would cause them both to expire on the spot. </p><p>“Whoa,” Victor breathes when they finally, albeit reluctantly, part.</p><p>“Yeah,” Benji says with a smirk. “I wasn’t expecting you.”</p><p>“I didn’t expect to come, either, but I think I just… walked over by accident and figured I’d check if you were around,” Victor says, scratching the back of his head.</p><p>“Oh. That’s... kinda sweet,” Benji says with a chuckle. </p><p>“Am I interrupting anything?”</p><p>“I was actually in the middle of reading and kinda got in the zone…” Benji says, narrowing his eyes slyly. “Maybe we can study together for a bit? And I have the rest of the day free so we can… play, later? Perhaps?”</p><p>Victor purses his lips as he shrugs his backpack off his shoulders before he smiles. </p><p>“That would be great,” he says. “But first, I wanted to apologize for the other day. I know I was being kinda weird after the whole thing with my mom and… <em> Connor </em>…”</p><p>“You have nothing to apologize for,” Benji says, before standing on his toes as he presses his mouth to Victor’s gently enough to be a whisper. “It’s okay to ask for space for yourself.”</p><p>“Thanks for being so understanding,” Victor says as he kicks off his shoes and places them beside the door.</p><p>“No problem. Seriously.”</p><p>Victor hums as he pulls his laptop out of his bag and puts his glasses on before he crosses the room to Andrew’s desk, where he normally sets himself up for studying when he and Benji are together. But this time, Benji grabs him by the arm and stops him in his tracks.</p><p>“Wait. I have an idea. I’m remembering what we put on our lists,” Benji says, lips curling up on one side as he pulls the chair out from his own desk. “Sit down here instead. Please.”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but… would it be distracting if we tried a little bit of cockwarming? You know, since we’ve got the place to ourselves… I can sit on your lap and read while you study.”</p><p>Slipping into the seat and setting his computer down, Victor pauses, mulling it over as his visage takes on a dark red hue. He slips off his hoodie and hangs it over the back of the chair.</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds fun,” Victor says, wrapping an arm around Benji’s middle and pulling him close before he cranes up to kiss him again.</p><p>“I was gonna ask if you needed any help but it looks like…” Benji muses when they separate, motioning to Victor’s lap. “You get turned on so easily,” he adds with a wink.</p><p>“Is that a problem?” Victor teases, hand wandering down to grip at Benji’s ass firmly. </p><p>“It’s not a problem, just an observation,” Benji says innocently, something within him stirring at Victor’s touch. “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>Benji slips out from Victor’s embrace as Victor plants a light smack on his ass, making him jump and giggle. </p><p>“You better give me more of that later when we play for real,” Benji says over his shoulder.</p><p>“Oh, you <em> know </em>I will.”</p><p>Brainwaves on high alert all of a sudden, Benji shuffles across the floor and opens the top drawer of his nightstand, removing a bottle of lube from among his toys. Then, he picks up his book from his bed before returning and setting both items on the corner of his desk.</p><p>He slips his shorts along with his underwear off and tosses them onto his bed, standing beside Victor as he undoes his jeans and takes his throbbing, hard cock out.</p><p>“Hop on, babe. Your throne awaits,” Victor says with a smirk, patting his lap as he holds his erection in his other hand. “I can’t make any promises but I’m gonna try not to tap my leg so much.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Benji says with a wicked grin, uncapping the bottle of lube and drizzling a long stream of it on Victor’s dick. </p><p>“Ready when you are,” Victor says as Benji swings a leg over Victor’s lap and positions himself over his erection. </p><p>“Mm… okay, stay still.”</p><p>Benji rests one hand on Victor’s chest and the other on Victor’s dick as he takes a deep breath, before he sinks down slowly until the bottoms of his thighs meet the tops of Victor’s and the sensation of Victor inside him makes him let out a soft groan as his lips fall open. </p><p>“This should be interesting…” Victor says as he loops his arms under Benji’s and opens his laptop, tapping his fingers against the desk. “How is it?”</p><p>Twisting to the side, Benji grabs his book with his left hand as he wipes his right one on his leg. He shifts a bit, regretting it immediately as he slides up and down inadvertently before he wraps one arm around the back of Victor’s neck and brings their chests together as he peers down at the book over Victor’s shoulder. His feet dangle just above the floor. </p><p>“At first I was skeptical, but… it’s nice. Unusually peaceful,” Benji says, his cheek vibrating against Victor’s. “I like that I get to be close to you.”</p><p>“Me, too. I <em> think </em>if we both stay super still I’ll be able to focus,” Victor says with a chuckle. </p><p>“What are you working on?”</p><p>“Just some physics,” Victor groans, arms brushing against Benji’s sides as he types on his computer. “At least it’s a bit more interesting because we get to deal with quantum stuff and space and that sort of thing, which is really cool.”</p><p>“Ooo yeah that does sound really fun,” Benji says, doing his best to ignore the dull throbbing between his legs. “I hope it’s not too complicated.”</p><p>“Ugh, don’t even get me started…”</p><p>“Sorry,” Benji says as he unfurls his hand from around Victor to flip the page of his book. “Do you wanna listen to something?”</p><p>“Right, I forgot. Gimme a second.”</p><p>After tapping around for a few seconds, he puts his music on shuffle and “Montero” by Lil Nas X comes on.</p><p>“Oh my fucking god, <em> this </em> song,” Benji says, shimmying his shoulders along to the rhythm.</p><p>“Do you want me to change it to something else?”</p><p>“I just think it’s really on the nose, don’t you think?”</p><p>“Wait... does that mean... <em> I’m </em>Satan?”</p><p>Benji laughs, smacking Victor on the chest gently. </p><p>“I guess I’ll need to buy a pair of thigh-high leather boots…” Benji says with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “And I’ll <em>finally</em> be taller than you.”</p><p>“Shit… that would be <em> so </em> hot.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to pole dance, though, and I would probably die if I tried to learn.”</p><p>“Well <em> I </em>would probably be good at it.”</p><p>“Uh huh… sure,” Benji says with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>Victor breathe-laughs to himself as his hand wanders under the back of Benji’s shirt, giving his ass a light squeeze before it roams up his spine like a spider creeping up a wall. Benji shivers, becoming aware of Victor’s cock inside him once again as he flips the page of his book before he flips it back.</p><p>“You’re really handsy today,” Benji says, his voice strained.</p><p>“Is it distracting you? I can stop.”</p><p>“No, it keeps me on my toes.”</p><p>“So you want me to keep going.”</p><p>“Mhm, <em> please </em>.”</p><p>With a soft chuckle, Victor trails his hands down to Benji’s waist, touches becoming feather-light for the moment as he moves toward Benji’s front, lifting the hem of his shirt and exposing his torso. He brings his hands up to Benji’s nipples, squeezing and rolling them between his fingers roughly as Benji gasps; his arm shakes and he clings harder to Victor’s back. </p><p>“<em>Fuck </em>…” Benji mutters as he squirms in Victor’s lap as he tries to focus on the page again despite Victor’s ministrations. </p><p>“Okay, this is <em> really </em>fun,” Victor says with a giggle as he pinches Benji’s nipples again. “You’re always full of good ideas.”</p><p>“Are you even studying at all?” Benji says before he bites his lip hard enough that it almost draws blood.</p><p>“Of course I am. Right now I’m reading about special relativity,” Victor says, continuing to tease Benji with his touches. “What are <em> you </em> reading, by the way?”</p><p>“It’s a really serious… <em> mm… </em> but beautifully written book about a guy who kills another guy and then he and his-- <em> fuck </em>--wife move somewhere else and settle a new city after he had a prophetic dream…” Benji rambles, pausing for a moment to catch his breath. “God, your hands are amazing... I wanna see what happens next, though, so please. Stop talking.”</p><p>“Yep, I got it,” Victor whispers.</p><p>Benji returns his eyes to the page with a wide grin, his cock twitching as Victor gives his nipples one final tug before he releases them. He clenches around Victor’s dick unconsciously, the loss of Victor’s skillful hands playing him like his very own instrument leaving Benji at a loss; he never could have predicted that Victor would ever become so shameless, but there’s a part of him that always <em> knew </em>, on the basest, most primal level.</p><p>The hand Victor rests on the curve of Benji’s ass tenses but this time Victor doesn’t go any further, his attention instead on the screen before him, just as Benji focuses on his book, the only sound between them coming from the music and occasional clicks from Victor’s keyboard. </p><p>“Babe?” Benji says once he’s three quarters of the way through his book, toppling the wall of concentration they’d built around them.</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>“I don’t know if it’s just that your dick is doing something to my brain or what,” Benji says, running a hand through his hair as the warmth in his veins courses through his entire body, rendering him aflame as Victor chortles. “But, like, I’m already almost done with this book.”</p><p>“So you’re telling me my dick made you a speed-reader,” Victor says with a hint of a laugh in his voice.</p><p>“Seriously, though. It might seem counter-intuitive, but this has given me time to think. And I’ve never had a partner who’s known me as well as you, or who I’ve trusted enough to even consider asking about this…”</p><p>Tensing, Victor brings his hand to the back of Benji’s head and pats his hair before he puts his fingers to the keyboard and types away. </p><p>“You really know how to make a guy feel special,” he says.</p><p>“Good, because I <em> really </em> want you to dominate me. Hell, not even want. <em> Need </em>.”</p><p>Victor’s typing ceases and he tenses under Benji, Adam’s apple bobbing against Benji’s shoulder. </p><p>“Like right now?” he asks.</p><p>“Whenever you’re done with your work. All I know is… I really just need you to throw me around and tell me what to do. Just… I’m all yours. Do anything you want with me.”</p><p>“<em>Anything </em>?” </p><p>Benji unlatches himself from Victor’s neck and leans back to look him in the eye, gasping softly. He grins when he faces Victor, irises sparkling like little brown galaxies with their millions of stars twinkling away, the way Benji had learned to recognize. When he rests a hand on the side of Victor’s neck, he loses count of the beats of his heart.</p><p>“You know my limits. But I will say I really liked what you were doing to me before…” Benji says, letting his head tip to the side. “You can act all innocent but we both know you love it when I get all…”</p><p>“Whiny? Needy? Dare I say… <em> slutty </em>?” Victor says, averting his gaze.</p><p>Benji grins. “I was gonna say ‘sexually frustrated’ but yeah. You’ve been holding yourself back; I wanna see what you’re capable of.”</p><p>“And you will. Once I finish reading about uhh… whatever this is.”</p><p>“Sure. <em> And </em> you get to pick if I’m gonna be good or maybe even a little bit bratty…” Benji says, staring up at the ceiling innocently. “Or both…”</p><p>“That sounds like a challenge… and you know I like a challenge.”</p><p>Victor swallows, holding Benji’s gaze again for a long moment as his hands slip off the edge of his computer limply. Neither of them blink, but Benji can’t help but shiver as Victor’s normally warm eyes peer through him. But when Victor makes a show of raking his pupils down Benji’s form as he rests his palms on Benji’s thighs before he lifts Benji’s shirt and takes his cock firmly, dragging his hand up and down the shaft a few times. </p><p>“So I guess we’re not--” Benji says.</p><p>But the words don’t finish leaving his tongue when loud footfalls echo from outside the door, followed by voices and metallic clinking.</p><p>“<em>Shit </em>,” Victor mutters, flailing his arms about.</p><p>“Oh my <em> god </em> …” Benji says, spotting Victor’s hoodie and draping it over his lap just as the door to his room swings open with a <em> bang </em>.</p><p>“Oh, hi, there’s my bestie. And Andrew,” Victor says, wincing as he adjusts the piece of fabric on Benji’s legs.</p><p>“Hey, Benji! Victor! Long time no see!” Fee chirps as they enter, arms outstretched. “Aww you guys are having a cuddle sesh, that’s adorable!”</p><p>“Exactly, you know us. Always… cuddling,” Benji says, wrapping both arms around the back of Victor’s neck and squeezing their faces together as Victor makes a little noise in the back of his throat and draws him closer in turn. </p><p>“You’re always doing <em> something </em>, all right…” Andrew says from behind them. “Hey, guys, I wasn’t expecting… well, anyone, really,” he adds with a wave.</p><p>“Reminds me of when Andrew and I play League together…” Fee says.</p><p>“No, <em> you </em> play League, I play Warcraft, because I’m a <em> grownup </em>…” Andrew says.</p><p>“And you didn’t invite <em> me </em>? Rude,” Victor mutters.</p><p>“Vic, you always say you’re too busy to play League with us,” Fee says.</p><p>“Yeah, but I would still have appreciated an invitation, even if I say no…” Victor says.</p><p>“You guys are nerds…” Benji says with a roll of his eyes. He gives a tight-lipped smile before he says: “What, Andrew. Did you and Fee wanna bone?”</p><p>“Maybe…?” Fee says, eyebrows dancing as they glance at Andrew, who shakes his head. “No. We were <em> not </em>going to bone.”</p><p>“That’s really convincing, Fee,” Victor says.</p><p>“You guys know I can’t lie.”</p><p>“It’s okay, that’s what I love about you,” Andrew says as he kisses Fee gently on the cheek. “Well, looks like we’re gonna have a change of plans.”</p><p>“Not a fan of that…” Fee sighs as they flop down on Andrew’s bed like a fish on a deck.</p><p>“We can still take our shower,” Andrew says suggestively as he crosses the room to his closet and opens it, pulling out some fresh clothes from within. </p><p>“True!”</p><p>“Can you guys hurry up? We’re trying to work,” Benji says as he returns his gaze to his book and pretends to read. “You’re ruining Victor’s focus.”</p><p>“No, don’t worry about me, I’m fine,” Victor says hurriedly with a nervous chuckle.</p><p>“Oops, our bad,” Fee says. “Right, don’t wanna mess things up when you’re in the <em> zone </em>.”</p><p>“I’m almost done.”</p><p>Andrew scoffs as he hands some clothes to Fee. He pauses, squinting at Victor and Benji, who hadn’t moved from their spot at the desk. </p><p>“Wait…” Andrew says, gesturing from Benji to Victor and then back again. “Were<em> you </em> guys in the middle of fucking?”</p><p>“Nope,” Victor says quickly.</p><p>“Mind your business,” Benji says, not looking up from his book. </p><p>“Jeez, Andrew, can’t you see there’s nothing going on?”</p><p>Victor shifts his hips beneath Benji and the movement causes him to slide a bit deeper into Benji’s hole, making Benji moan softly as he clenches around Victor’s cock.</p><p>Benji claps his book over his mouth, scorching all of a sudden. </p><p>“Yep, spoke too soon,” Fee says with a click of their tongue. “Always keeping it freaky, I see. We love that for you guys.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Victor murmurs.</p><p>“Well, we’re gonna go take a shower now, so if you wanna… put some pants on, now’s your chance,” Andrew says with a knowing smirk and a wink before he takes Fee by the hand and they both disappear into the bathroom.</p><p>“Hmm… yeah I should probably do that,” Benji says, grabbing an orange sticky note from the stack on his desk and sticking it inside the page of his book before setting it down on his desk. “Hope your dick will be warm without me.”</p><p>“Oh no, how will I ever survive?” Victor says, laying the back of his hand limply against his forehead with a smirk.</p><p>“You’re the worst…” Benji teases as he claps Victor on both shoulders before he stands from his lap and allows Victor’s cock to slip out of him with a wet <em> squelch </em>. </p><p>Benji sighs, already at a loss as he removes the hoodie from his lap and tosses it on his bed before he takes his shorts and pulls them back on him. Victor shifts in his seat, tucking himself in again. </p><p>“I’ll wash this for you, babe,” he says, motioning at the hoodie as Victor shrugs.</p><p>“Thanks,” Victor replies, glancing over his shoulder. “I guess we should postpone our playing to another time?”</p><p>“We could always just kick them out. I mean, we <em> were </em>here first.”</p><p>Victor hums, pondering, as Benji plops backward on his bed with his book hovering over his face.</p><p>“I can’t focus anymore, I’m gonna take a break,” Victor says after a few minutes with a sigh as he stands up and stretches his arms straight up like a cat rising from its nap, shaking his legs out before leaping up and tapping the textured ceiling. </p><p>“Stop showing off how tall you are,” Benji muses, eyes still on the page. </p><p>“Oh, is someone jealous?”</p><p>“Mmm… I’m just kidding,” Benji says with a chuckle. “I really like it.”</p><p>Grinning, Victor shuffles over to the bed and Benji wiggles to the side so he’s pressed with his shoulder against the cool wall. Victor climbs onto the bed beside him and lies down on his side with his head propped up on his hand, draping the other arm across Benji’s middle and drawing him close.</p><p>“May I help you?” Benji asks after a moment, Victor’s gaze pricking his skin; his head drops to the side and their pupils connect.</p><p>“Nope. Just admiring,” Victor says sweetly as he raises his hand gently and traces Benji’s jaw with the side of his finger.</p><p>“That’s gay,” Benji whispers, taking Victor’s chin between his fingers and pressing their lips together.</p><p>Benji’s eyelids flutter closed as they kiss, their lips barely brushing like carnation petals beckoning each other closer as they grow upward from the earth and sway in the breeze. When Victor kisses back with equal levity, Benji breathes against his mouth as he pulls away.</p><p>“Not too much, for now,” Victor says.</p><p>Crossing his legs, Benji pouts. “Fine. But as soon as they go, I’m giving you permission to just not even ask.”</p><p>“I was thinking we could role play a bit...”</p><p>“Should I be afraid?”</p><p>“A little bit,” Victor says with a Cheshire cat grin.</p><p>With a dramatic shudder, Benji rolls his eyes as he presses his forehead against Victor’s gently. “I probably won’t be.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“You’re more vanilla than me.”</p><p>“I’ve done some… research.”</p><p>“What did your research say?”</p><p>“Well…” Victor says, trailing his hand down Benji’s chest, running across one of his nipples over his shirt before his fingers stroke the outline of his abs, stopping at the waistband of his shorts. “There was a lot of stuff about…”</p><p>Benji watches with rapt attention, the book he’s holding still hanging in the air but an abandoned weight. As Victor gently drags his digits over the fabric, he dips the tops of them underneath for a moment, tugging ever so slightly at the waistband before sliding out again, slow and teasing like kindling in a furnace.</p><p>“About what?” Benji whispers.</p><p>Victor chuckles and says nothing as he continues his journey down Benji’s legs instead, the caresses tickling the insides of his bare thighs. Benji swallows, slowly setting his book down beside his head as Victor caresses his middle again.</p><p>“Are you gonna stop messing around and touch me already?” Benji snaps.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>Benji’s lip curls up as Victor’s hand trails back over his chest and to his neck, each point on its journey setting the very atoms in his cells alight like little candles until Victor has his hand on Benji’s throat, and all Benji can do is stare, unblinking, into Victor’s eyes. Victor’s brows furrow together, his focus laser-precise, no movement out of place. </p><p>They stay like that for a moment, Victor simply resting his hand on Benji’s neck as his eyes flutter closed and all he can do is swallow. Each breath reminds him of why he’d trusted Victor in the first place; he doesn’t need to know what he’s going to do next before he does it.</p><p>“How do you feel?” Victor whispers.</p><p>“Relaxed.”</p><p>Victor chuckles, shifting beside Benji. Behind his eyelids, Victor’s shadow looms over him. </p><p>“Can you open your eyes?”</p><p>Benji opens one eye a crack and peers up at Victor. “I don’t know, <em> can </em>I?”</p><p>“You know what I mean.”</p><p>“Then just <em> tell </em>me and I’ll do it. Don’t ask.”</p><p>“Okay…” Victor says, clearing his throat. “Open your eyes and uh… sit up.”</p><p>“With conviction,” Benji teases, doing as Victor asks but taking his time. “And give me a time limit. Like… <em> now. </em>”</p><p>Victor presses his lips together into a line and narrows his eyes; Benji chuckles as he crosses his legs and sets his hands in his lap. </p><p>A loud <em> bang </em>echoes from the bathroom followed by an “I’m not dead!” from Fee, and Benji and Victor can’t stop themselves from bursting into laughter. </p><p>“This is why I don’t believe in shower sex,” Benji mutters.</p><p>After a few minutes, the door to the bathroom opens, a cloud of steam billowing out into the room as Fee and Andrew exit, Fee rubbing their sopping head and hissing quietly as Andrew trails behind them. </p><p>“Oh, wow, finally, y’all are wearing pants,” Andrew says sarcastically; Benji rolls his eyes.</p><p>“You’re not concussed, right, Fee?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Nah, I’m fine. I’ve sustained… worse injuries,” Fee says with a wave of their other hand.</p><p>“Remember when you smashed your nose on the sidewalk because you tripped running away from a bee?” Andrew says.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I remember that,” Benji says with a laugh. “But you <em> didn’t </em>get stung!”</p><p>“I mean, I’m allergic, so,” Fee says with a pout. “And that’s why I can’t breathe right.”</p><p>“Do you still have the tampons?” Victor says with a cheeky grin.</p><p>“Ha-ha, very funny,” Fee says, scrunching up their face. “But yes. I’m glad Mia was prepared, unlike <em> some </em>people...” they say with a pointed glare in Andrew’s direction.</p><p>“Anyway…” Andrew says, taking his bag and unzipping it before loading a few of the books on his desk into it. He picks up his phone and frowns down at it. “Shit, I forgot I have a group project to do today… I’m already late to meet them… <em> Fuck… </em>”</p><p>“Oh… that sucks. I guess I’ll stay here with Benji and Victor, then. See ya later?” </p><p>“I swear to god…” Victor mutters more to himself than to anyone else; Benji glares in Fee’s direction, as if this action would make them disappear into thin air.</p><p>“No, babe, let’s go together. It’s pretty obvious Vic and Benji wanna rip each other’s clothes off or do… whatever they were doing before. C’mon. See ya,” Andrew says with a smirk and a nod.</p><p>“Okay… bye guys,” Fee says, waving.</p><p>As soon as the door slams shut behind them, Benji swallows. </p><p>“You still up for this?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Yeah,” Benji says immediately. “You know my safeword. I’m all yours.”</p><p>Victor’s complexion darkens and his lips part ever so slightly and he takes a deep breath. “So I was thinking… we can do a little professor and student role play.”</p><p>Benji smiles, shifting in his seat. “Okay… <em> professor </em>. What do you need me to do?” </p><p>“Hmm…” Victor hums, stroking his chin and eyeing Benji up and down. “I uh… want you in a different outfit.”</p><p>“What kind?” Benji asks as he uncrosses his legs and slides off the bed onto the floor. He walks over to his closet and throws the doors open. “We have a lot of options here.”</p><p>“Let me see…” Victor says as he stands up and shuffles across the room, taking a spot directly behind Benji. “I like those little white shorts you have. They make your ass look good.”</p><p>“These?” Benji asks as he holds up a pair of shorts barely longer than a pair of boxer briefs.</p><p>“Yeah. And…” Victor says, pausing as he drags his eyes over the contents of Benji’s closet, mostly consisting of crop tops and a few expensive silken blouses. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in this,” he says, taking one of the hanging shirts--a black, green and red floral cropped hoodie--and holding it up.</p><p>“You want me to wear… <em> this </em> ? With <em> this </em>?” </p><p>“Is there a problem?”</p><p>Benji smiles sweetly and shakes his head before he grabs the collar of his shirt and tugs it over his head. </p><p>“Not at all,” he says, taking the hoodie and sliding it over himself. </p><p>“Good…”</p><p>Humming, Benji slips his shorts off and tosses them aside before taking the pair of tiny white shorts from Victor, only for Victor to stop him.</p><p>“Wait. And this,” Victor says, reaching across Benji’s shoulder and pulling a jockstrap from the shelf. “I’ve never seen you wear this before.”</p><p>Face heating up, Benji swallows as he takes the jock from his hand. </p><p>“I never had the occasion,” he says, eyeing it before he drops his underwear, too, and steps into the jock, all while Victor watches him quietly. “Wanna see?”</p><p>Victor nods and Benji turns around but brings his chin to his shoulder, averting his gaze coyly for a moment. </p><p>“Looks really… nice,” Victor says.</p><p>“Can I put my shorts on now?” Benji asks.</p><p>There’s a pause, Victor’s gaze glued to him.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Benji slides his shorts up his legs before shutting his closet and twirling back around to face Victor, resting his hands on his hips.</p><p>“Okay. Anything else we need to do before we start?” Benji says.</p><p>“So, here’s what I was thinking… I’m gonna be the sexy professor who’s ‘in my office’,” Victor says, making air quotes as he sits down at Benji’s desk. He picks up his computer and all but dumps it into his bag before he pushes his glasses up his nose. “And you’re gonna be my student who’s struggling in my molecular biology class and asking for some extra help. Got it?”</p><p>With a chuckle, Benji walks over to the little corridor by the door. </p><p>“I think that’s enough to go by. No wonder I’m struggling, though, that sounds <em> so hard </em>,” he says, drawing out his words dramatically, winking. </p><p>“It was the first thing I could think of off the top of my head,” Victor retorts, waving his hands in front of him. “<em> Oh. </em>I get it now.”</p><p>“You don’t need to explain yourself, you’re the boss, remember? Just relax, <em> professor </em>,” Benji says with a cheeky grin.</p><p>“Right,” Victor says, taking a deep breath as he scrambles around the desk, grabbing a book at random and opening it up. “Okay, let’s start.”</p><p>Benji grins and taps a knuckle against the wall beside his desk.</p><p>“‘Scuse me, hi, Professor Salazar,” Benji says as he approaches the desk, jutting out one of his hips as he peers down at Victor. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”</p><p>“Oh, hi, Benji, it’s nice to see you,” Victor says, pausing for a moment before he shuts the book and pushes it to the corner of the desk awkwardly. “How can I help you?”</p><p>“Um… <em> professor </em> , I’ve been struggling on this assignment you gave us in class the other day and I was wondering if you could give me a… <em> private lesson </em> and explain it to me… in detail?” Benji asks, looking down at Victor through his eyelashes as he twirls his hair on the end of his finger.</p><p>“Of course, Benji. What were you having trouble with?” Victor asks, peering at Benji over the top of his glasses.</p><p>“Ugh, <em> everything </em>,” Benji says, exasperated, as he leans over the desk, resting his hands on the edge and stretching his shoulders out as he arches his back. </p><p>“Hmm… I don’t know if we’ll have time to go over it all tonight…”</p><p>Benji pouts, standing back up before he puts his hands behind his head and laces fingers, staring at the ceiling as his crop top rides up to just under his nipples, exposing most of his torso. </p><p>“Oops… silly me. Look at what I'm wearing,” he says, bringing his arms back down to wrap around his body as he smirks wickedly. “Hope I’m not being too distracting. I’m <em>so</em> forgetful about the dress code sometimes.”</p><p>“It… is a little distracting... But unless you have specific questions, I don’t know if I’ll be able to help you.”</p><p>“If that’s the case… I could always, uh… do you a favor… in exchange for an A in this class. We both know I don’t have a future in uh… what class is this again?”</p><p>“Molecular biology.”</p><p>“Yeah. That. I don’t have a future in molecular biology, I just need to pass this class.”</p><p>“What kind of favor were you thinking?” Victor asks, Adam’s apple bobbing as his eyes hone in on Benji’s middle.</p><p>“Hmm… I don’t know… I have a lot of other… skills. And I see how you look at me during class… Didn’t you ever wonder what it would feel like, to have my mouth around your--”</p><p>“That’s enough,” Victor says, standing up as if he were forced by a spring. “I could lose my job <em> and </em>this is super unethical!”</p><p>“Nobody has to know…” Benji whispers, pressing himself closer to Victor so their lips hover just a few hair's lengths away. “I won’t tell anyone. I won’t even brag to my friends about how good you are in bed.”</p><p>“How do I know I can trust you?”</p><p>“I’m not a snitch, professor,” Benji says, running a finger down Victor’s chest and biting his lip. “And I’ve been wanting to tell you how cute you are for months, but I just… I didn’t know you felt the same way.”</p><p>“T-thank you… I was very close to writing you up for a dress code violation. But I didn’t want you to get in trouble.”</p><p>“That was nice of you,” Benji says, nose brushing against Victor’s. “So, do we have a deal?”</p><p>“What are your terms?”</p><p>“You get to use me however you want in exchange for an A in your class.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Well, you agreed to that really fast, professor.”</p><p>“Shush. Don’t make me change my mind,” Victor says, before he presses his lips against Benji’s, hand trailing down to his ass and kneading it between his fingers. </p><p>Benji wraps his arms around Victor’s neck as Victor swipes his arm across the surface of the desk before he shoves Benji on top of it, pulling his legs apart and slotting himself between them as their clothed cocks rub against each other like tectonic plates on a fault line. </p><p>“Ugh, professor... your desk is<em> so</em> uncomfortable,” Benji breathes when they separate, finger pressed against his lower lip. “Can I… <em> get off </em>? Please?”</p><p>“Because you asked so nicely… sure,” Victor says, stepping back and taking Benji by the hands as he slides from the desk onto the floor. </p><p>“Thank you. What else can I do for you? I wanna make myself useful.”</p><p>“Hmm… how about…” Victor says, glancing around the room. “Be a good boy and go and grab that book over there,” he says, pointing to the other side of the room, where a textbook lies on the floor.</p><p>Benji raises an eyebrow, chest fluttering nonetheless. “Okay…”</p><p>“<em>Now </em>.”</p><p>“Right,” Benji says, swallowing as he rises and does as he’s told.</p><p>When he arrives at his destination, hovering over the hardcover textbook, he glances over his shoulder and grins as he makes a show of standing with his ass in full view of Victor, slowly bending over to pick up the book.</p><p>“I knew you would do that. You never <em> could </em> resist...” Victor says, his voice suddenly right over him. “And now I want you to stay like that,” he says, a chuckle in his voice.</p><p>“And here I thought I was being clever…” Benji mutters, wrapping his hands around the backs of his calves. “How long do I have to do this?”</p><p>“Uh… until I tell you to stop?” </p><p>“Fine. You’re lucky I’m flexible, <em> professor </em>.”</p><p>“We’ll see how long you can hold that, then… How are you doing down there?” Victor says as he crouches down beside him.</p><p>“I’ve been better.”</p><p>“Would you like to stop?”</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>“Good,” Victor says as he stands up again and Benji follows his feet with his eyes. There’s a smack and Benji hisses. “Keep your legs straight,” Victor says sternly.</p><p>“Yes, sir. Er... <em> professor </em>.”</p><p>“Don’t make me have to correct you again.”</p><p>Benji shivers, the stretch in his back following the same route as the chill that Victor’s words send up his spine. Something about Victor’s voice compels him to obey, even as Victor stands behind and grips his hips, shifting him back against him as the familiar sensation of something rigid presses against his ass.</p><p>“Mmm…” Benji moans, rubbing himself on Victor, the shock wave going straight to his dick. “<em> Fuck </em>.”</p><p>“Stop moving.”</p><p>As soon as the words leave Victor’s mouth, Benji ceases his movement, going as still as if he’d been flash-frozen. </p><p>“You’re listening really well,” Victor says, dragging his palms along the sides of Benji’s thighs up to cup his ass. “But you have a filthy mouth, you know.”</p><p>“Does it bother you when I say ‘fuck’, professor?” Benji teases.</p><p>“Hmm… a bit, to be honest.”</p><p>“What was it you said the other day? ‘It’s just a word’? I thought we were adults.”</p><p>Victor’s hand tenses. “I’m not here to have a philosophical discussion on curse words with you. Stop.”</p><p>“What’re you gonna do about it? Fuck, fuck, fuckity fu--”</p><p>“Get up. Now.”</p><p>Benji’s voice dies in his throat and he doesn’t think, his body acting on its own as he unwraps his arms from the backs of his legs and stands up straight. </p><p>“Turn around and look at me,” Victor says.</p><p>“Did I upset you, <em> professor </em>?” Benji asks, smirking as he does what he’s told.</p><p>There’s a pause for a moment and Victor simply stares at him, eyes dark, shoulders heaving as he takes a deep breath through his nose, before his pupils travel to his own hand. </p><p>Benji’s heart picks up speed in anticipation. And when Victor raises his hand, bringing the back of it down across Benji’s face with a loud <em> smack </em>, he almost passes out.</p><p>“<em>Ow </em>!”</p><p>The impact sends Benji reeling, head snapping to the side as the sharp sting radiates through his cheek and into his bones before it dissipates like ice on an iron block. Benji moves his jaw back and forth, lip curling up. </p><p>“<em>Shit </em>, sorry that was… way harder than I wanted it to be,” Victor mutters, eyes going wide. “I got really into it.”</p><p>“No, it was <em> really </em> good,” Benji whispers, shivering as he opens one eye. “You’re doing an awesome job.”</p><p>“Oh, uh… thanks,” Victor says, scratching the back of his head, modest.</p><p>“I was like <em> this, </em>” Benji says, holding his thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart, “close to subspace, so… keep going. This is super fun.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. Now hit me again. Please, <em> professor,” </em>Benji says as he closes his eye again and braces himself. “I’ve been a very bad boy.”</p><p>Victor clears his throat. “You <em> have </em> been a <em> very </em>bad boy and you need to learn to… watch your mouth.”</p><p>Another slap sends Benji’s face in the opposite direction and it’s as if Victor had just slapped the breath out of him, and all of a sudden the adrenaline flooding his system gives way to that rush of euphoria he’d only felt a handful of times in his life. </p><p>“Will you behave now?” Victor asks. </p><p>Benji wipes his cheeks in the sleeves of his hoodie and shakes his head, grinning. “Fuck no.”</p><p>Sighing, Victor slaps him a third time, a bit harder than before and the room spins, throwing him off balance.</p><p>“How about now?” Victor asks.</p><p>A tear drips off the end of Benji’s nose and this time, he says nothing. </p><p>“So, you’ve had enough?”</p><p>“I said fuck no,” Benji says, voice wavering. </p><p>“Okay, clearly this isn’t working,” Victor says, reaching out and hesitating, Adam’s apple bobbing, before he grabs Benji’s hair at the roots. “C’mere.”</p><p>Benji’s head instantly empties of any thoughts he had as Victor drags him across the room by the hair, leading him to the desk, and his breath hitches in his throat as Victor shoves him down, face-first against the cool, smooth, polished wooden surface.</p><p>He doesn’t even have it in him to fight back, all his energy going into holding himself up and anticipating Victor’s movements, every one of his senses honing in on Victor’s presence right behind him as Victor pulls Benji’s shorts down in one swift motion. Benji gasps, his skin immediately breaking out in goosebumps. </p><p>“Did you wanna say something?” Victor whispers in Benji’s ear, breath hot against his skin, rubbing and squeezing his ass as he leans over and presses himself against Benji’s back.</p><p>Swallowing, Benji’s eye finds Victor’s face hovering over him. </p><p>“No,” he murmurs.</p><p>“In that case, I’m sure you’ll find it easy to stay quiet,” Victor says with a soft chuckle before he plants a kiss against Benji’s temple before he pulls away. “I don’t wanna hear a sound out of you. Got it?”</p><p>“Yes, professor.”</p><p>“Good boy,” Victor says, before his strong hands part his cheeks and he runs his tongue around Benji’s hole.</p><p>Benji claps his hands over his mouth and bites back a groan as Victor licks him, the heat radiating into his cock as it rubs against the desk. He presses back against Victor’s face, only to have him grip his hips hard enough to bruise to hold him in place. Biting his lip until there’s iron in his mouth, all Benji can do is take it as a tear drips down his cheek and lands on the polished surface beside his face.</p><p>As Victor presses his tongue inside him, Benji’s legs buckle and he scrambles against the desk with one hand to have <em> something </em>to hold onto. And when Victor slips two fingers inside him, curling them and igniting the flame within him that had been simmering and growing into a wildfire, Benji almost can’t hold himself back from moaning aloud.</p><p>But he holds his breath as Victor massages his insides, stroking in and out and hitting that spot just right, over and over again. He doesn’t want to disappoint Victor.</p><p>“You’re being so nice and quiet right now,” Victor breathes as he adds a third finger, twisting his wrist as he presses deeper into Benji’s hole, making Benji’s eyes roll into the back of his head. “What a good little slut you are.”</p><p>Squirming, Benji does his best to stay still, which is becoming increasingly difficult, and it’s as if the ground is quaking beneath him and his brain can only focus on Victor the more he touches him with his expert fingers. He trails his hand down his body, slipping it down the front of his jock and stroking himself once before there’s a hand around his wrist.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” Victor asks.</p><p>Swallowing, hand still around his cock, Benji whines against his other hand before he pulls it away.</p><p>“Did I give you permission to touch yourself?” Victor says, wrenching Benji’s hand away from his dick before he can even think.</p><p>“N-no… you didn’t, professor,” Benji says quietly. “I’m sorry,” he says, as if on instinct.</p><p>“That simply won’t do,” Victor says, as he places Benji’s hand on the desk. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to…” he pauses, taking a loud breath before he says, “punish you.”</p><p>Benji’s heart speeds up and he grins.</p><p>“Oh, <em> no. </em> Not <em> punishment </em>,” he says sarcastically.</p><p>“Stay right there,” Victor says, punctuating the order with a smack on Benji’s ass. </p><p>“<em>Ah— </em>What sort of punishment will I get if I don’t listen?” Benji asks.</p><p>“I haven’t decided yet,” Victor fires back. “Now shut up before I shut you up myself.”</p><p>Benji does as Victor commands, shivering and shutting his mouth as he watches him retreat, hands balled up into fists on each side of his face. </p><p>“Can I—“ Victor says, before he stops himself. There’s a rolling wooden sound and Victor chuckles. “When did you get handcuffs?”</p><p>There’s a long pause.</p><p>“You can answer the question.”</p><p>“Like last week, but they were supposed to be a surprise.”</p><p>“Well, I’m definitely surprised…”</p><p>“Damn, professor, I didn’t know you were a freak,” Benji teases.</p><p>“I said you could answer that question, nothing else.”</p><p>Benji falls silent.</p><p>“But yes, I, uh… use these to restrain naughty students like yourself,” Victor says, returning to the desk. He glances around, pupils catching on something outside Benji’s field of view. “Oh, wait, this is perfect…”</p><p>He sets a ruler down with a <em> clack </em>and Benji eyes it, spine tingling.</p><p>“Hold on… let me take this off first...” Victor mutters, running the tips of his fingers along Benji’s hoodie.</p><p>Benji follows him with his eyes as Victor grabs the bottom of his hoodie, peeling it off him and over his head before tossing it behind him on the floor. He shivers like a leafless winter branch as the air hits his torso, body bare aside from the jock; he could almost envy Victor for being fully clothed, while he’s on display, but he wouldn’t trade his position for anything. </p><p>Victor then gathers Benji’s arms together behind his back and clasps each cuff around Benji’s wrists with a gentle <em> click </em>as they lock in place. </p><p>“How do those feel?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Mmm… kinda loose.”</p><p>“Let me fix that for you…” Victor murmurs, pressing the cuffs one more notch so they fit snugly against Benji’s wrists. “Better? Or do you want them <em> even </em>tighter?”</p><p>“N-no, thank you. This is fine,” Benji says quickly, voice rising an octave. </p><p>“Good. Now you can’t touch yourself,” Victor says, as he picks up the ruler from the desk. “Do you have anything to say?”</p><p>“I’m <em> not </em>sorry,” Benji says with a mischievous grin. </p><p>“I knew you would say that…”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Victor smacks the ruler against his hand and Benji jumps when it almost cracks through the air. Victor kneads Benji’s ass again for a moment before he rests his hand right above Benji’s tailbone, fingers like little bolts of electricity against his flesh. </p><p>Pressing his lips together into a line, Victor raises his arm and Benji shuts his eyes tightly in anticipation just as Victor brings the ruler down with a loud <em> smack. </em></p><p>Benji bites the inside of his cheek as he slides forward a bit, the sharp sting creeping like a mass of ants across the surface of his ass and leaving behind a dull ache. It’s <em> exhilarating. </em> And it all goes straight to Benji’s dick. </p><p>But he doesn’t have enough time to think any further as Victor brings the ruler down again in a different spot with equal force, the blood rushing to the spot of impact immediately.</p><p>“How is that? Better than touching yourself?” Victor asks, kneading the point he’d just smacked before he spanks Benji again.</p><p>The third hit doesn’t even hurt but it’s all Benji can focus on, and where his muscles had braced, imbibed with tension, he instead relaxes, everything but Victor sloughing away from him--Victor’s voice penetrating his eardrums, the scent of his woody, spicy cologne filling his nostrils, his hands smooth and touching him everywhere that he wants him to without needing to be told.</p><p>“Mmm… it’s amazing,” Benji breathes, voice slow, head lolling as Victor hits him again.</p><p>“That’s a good boy,” Victor says. </p><p>He loses track of how many times Victor spanks him, each subsequent impact pulling him away from the world around him and forcing him to focus on the sensation, the pain that becomes pleasure that engulfs him to the point where he can barely even speak, his entire body light--pure euphoria.</p><p>“Okay, that’s enough. I think you’ve learned your lesson,” Victor says, tossing the ruler aside. </p><p>“<em>More </em>…” Benji begs, pressing back against Victor. “Please…”</p><p>“You want… more?” Victor asks, pausing for a moment. “No. I already said that’s enough.”</p><p>Benji pouts, shifting as Victor undoes his belt behind him, honing in on the sound of the zipper. </p><p>Humming, Victor runs his hands down Benji’s back as he leans over him to press kisses against his neck, before he slides into Benji in one swift motion. </p><p>Victor grips Benji’s hips and pulls him back toward him, Benji’s sweat-drenched chest sliding with barely any friction on the surface of the desk as Victor thrusts into him and Benji can only gasp and struggle against the handcuffs as they dig into his skin, rubbing it raw, but all it does is increase the pleasure coursing through his veins.  </p><p>Grabbing Benji by the hair, Victor bends down again as he gives a particularly hard thrust and presses their lips together, giving Benji a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss as he slows his movement to a glacial pace, pulling out completely before he slams into Benji again as their tongues dance, entangled with each other. </p><p>All Benji can do is take it, his legs turn further into gelatin with each passing second as Victor’s cock stretches him open. Even without a hand around his own cock, he’s close enough to orgasm that his body begins to shudder more violently than ever before. </p><p>And just as he does, his muscles clenching around Victor’s hard cock as he cums from being fucked alone, Victor pulls out of him and drags him off the desk by the hair like a rag doll, forcing him to his knees in front of him, where he almost collapses on flimsy legs.</p><p>He’s in a daze as Victor groans and strokes himself a few times until he’s cumming right on Benji’s face, the viscous liquid oozing down his cheeks and in rivulets to his bare chest as Victor smacks him gently with his softening cock until he’s emptied every last ounce of sperm on him. </p><p>Victor sighs as he tucks himself into his pants before he crouches down beside Benji, pulling the key from his pocket and undoing the handcuffs around Benji’s wrists. He kisses where Benji’s skin had chafed, massaging it gently and tossing the cuffs aside as Benji collapses against him, spent.</p><p>“Can you stand?” Victor says gently.</p><p>Benji nods and Victor drapes his arm around his shoulder, standing slowly and guiding him to the bed. Victor takes a tissue and wipes Benji’s face carefully as tears spill over his eyelids, the roiling within him coming to a peak before it all bursts out of him, until he’s heaving so hard he almost throws up.</p><p>Lying down on his back, Victor pulls Benji to him, letting him rest on his chest as he cries. Victor strokes his hair lovingly as he runs his palm up and down Benji’s arm soothingly.</p><p>“You did so well,” Victor whispers, eyes sparkling as he peers down at Benji, and even through his tears, Benji can see him. “You’re so good,” he adds, kissing Benji on the hair and nuzzling against him as Benji clings to his middle.</p><p>When Benji finally sniffles and wipes his eyes in the back of his hand, he props himself up on his elbow and sighs. </p><p>“Can I get some water, please?” Benji asks quietly, as if his voice hasn’t yet returned to him.</p><p>“Yes, of course,” Victor says quickly, grabbing a glass from the shelf against the wall and filling it with water from the fridge before he brings it to the bed. “Here you go,” he says, handing it to Benji. </p><p>Benji’s hand shakes as he brings the glass to his lips, gulping greedily until he downs the contents and sets the glass on his nightstand. </p><p>“Do you want anymore?” Victor asks.</p><p>“No, thank you,” Benji says.</p><p>Victor climbs back into bed and pulls Benji on top of him, wrapping his arms protectively around his back. He drapes the blanket around him, too, so only Benji’s head is visible from underneath. </p><p>“How are you feeling?” Victor says after a long moment has passed.</p><p>“I think… I’m okay,” Benji says slowly, staring at the wall absently. He raises his gaze to Victor with a small smile. “Thanks.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For taking care of me. And for… this whole thing. But mostly for cuddling the shit out of me.”</p><p>“It’s the least I can do,” Victor says with a cheeky grin. “How did you like our uh… playing? I definitely did a number on you.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I mean, it was really fun for me. I got to the point where I wasn’t even feeling any pain, everything just felt really good. Like…” Benji says, tapping his chin as he contemplates, “Kinda like being high.”</p><p>“That’s really interesting… I don’t think I’d like that very much.” </p><p>“I mean, I trust you enough to be able to let go and let you do your thing because I know you won’t hurt me for real. It’s… liberating.”</p><p>“Yeah, that makes sense… it was cool for me, too, because I got so focused on what we were doing and on being super careful… but I wasn’t stressed or anything? It was weird.”</p><p>“It’s probably one of those things where you, like… feel comfortable because you know the boundaries and you just need to trust yourself and let go, too. Or maybe you were just in topspace?”</p><p>“Hmm… maybe…”</p><p>“I hate to say ‘I told you so’, but… I knew you would be good at this. When you stop worrying about being too mean, that is.”</p><p>“Thank you… but, why?”</p><p>“Well… you’re really attentive, you <em> care </em> about me and respect me, which are the main things. And I think you’re starting to embrace your own duality,” Benji says, shoving the covers off his form and lying bare on Victor’s chest.</p><p>“I guess I wanted to see what I was capable of myself. I’m glad I didn’t disappoint.”</p><p>“You definitely <em> did not </em>disappoint. With a bit more practice you’ll be amazing. But I didn’t actually think you had it in you to slap me, though,” Benji teases.</p><p>“Well, I’m getting… more okay with the whole thing,” Victor says, pushing some of Benji’s hair out of his face. “Your ass is <em> really </em>red though. Like… it looks like you got a sunburn,” he says with a chuckle.</p><p>“Gee, I wonder whose fault that is?” Benji retorts, glancing over his shoulder and poking himself, hissing. “<em> Ow </em>. This is probably gonna bruise.”</p><p>Victor grins sheepishly and scratches the back of his head. “I’ll put some lotion on it for you after we wash.”</p><p>“Thanks, babe,” Benji says, craning up to kiss Victor on the cheek. “Or should I say… <em> professor </em>.”</p><p>“Stop, you’re gonna turn me on again,” Victor says, covering his face in his hand.</p><p>“I mean… we can do this again next time we see each other, if you want…” Benji suggests, staring up at the ceiling. “No pressure, though, of course.”</p><p>“Are you kidding? Of <em> course </em>I wanna try this again. I’m already thinking of ideas for what to do next time.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“It’s a surprise…” Victor says innocently.</p><p>“Okay, well, I like surprises,” Benji says, burrowing into Victor’s chest. “Let’s clean up before we fall asleep, though. I might need you to carry me.”</p><p>They shower, allowing the cool water to cascade over their exhausted muscles before they dress and change the sheets. </p><p>Benji plops down face-first on his bed and Victor sits beside him, stroking his cheek with his thumb as Benji peers up at him. </p><p>“Are you sure you don’t need me to stay?” Victor asks.</p><p>“I’ll be okay. I don’t wanna keep you,” Benji says, covering his mouth with his hand as he yawns. “I think I’m gonna sleep in a bit.”</p><p>“Don’t forget to eat something.”</p><p>“I won’t. Don’t worry.”</p><p>Victor smiles softly before he leans down, bringing his lips to Benji’s, nibbling gently on Benji’s full lower lip for a moment before holding it between his own, then releasing as they separate. Benji sighs, the loss of Victor’s presence filling him with a deep void of unease. </p><p>“See you tomorrow, babe,” Victor says gently.</p><p>“Bye,” Benji says with a smile that fades as soon as Victor leaves.</p><p>They meet at the library the next day as promised, joining Lake and Mia at a table, arm in arm. </p><p>“Wait, don’t sit down yet,” Victor says, pulling out an ice pack from his bag and setting it down on the chair beside him. </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Benji’s face warms and he bites back a grin as he sits down on it, sighing in relief as the cold grips his skin pleasantly. </p><p>Victor smiles as he reaches across the table and takes Benji’s hand in his own as he sits down, too.</p><p>“What did you two freaks get up to lately that you need ice?” Lake asks.</p><p>“N-nothing. It’s just a… sports injury,” Victor says quickly.</p><p>“Uh huh… what sport leaves you with <em> ass </em> injuries?” Mia teases.</p><p>Chuckling, Benji takes a sip of water and eyes Victor from the side, neither of them saying anything. </p><p>“I’m surprised it took them that long,” Lake says, sliding a stack of bills across the table to Mia. </p><p>“To do what?” Benji asks, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“We made a bet to see when one of you would sustain a sex-related injury and which one of you would be first. I said Victor would definitely trip and hurt himself by accident first,” Lake explains.</p><p>“I do have a bit of an advantage though because Benji tells me <em> everything,” </em>Mia says with a wicked grin.</p><p>“Yeah that’s not even fair, I want my money back,” Lake whines.</p><p>“Too late.”</p><p>Benji and Victor share a knowing look before they peer down at their computers and get to work, their joined hands resting between them like two ribbons tied loosely together, strengthened only by a pull. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thanks for tuning in for another installment of this story. As usual, it was fun for me to write so I hope it was as fun for you to read it! The training wheels are coming off so that means Venji are becoming more comfortable with their relationship dynamics which will be interesting to explore further... I've included <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201502/the-surprising-psychology-bdsm">an article</a> here as well on the psychology behind subspace (aka transient hypofrontality) and topspace (aka flow) for any of yall who might be curious about it and who want to understand what's going on. Anyway, how did you find this chapter? Was it spicy? Shocking? Unexpected? I'm curious to hear what yall think! And as usual, 1 kudo and/or comment = 1 Venji having a nice time (and more kinky sexytimes hehe). See you next time and thanks again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Skin Deep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benji and Victor play dress-up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Stroking his chin, Benji frowns. “I was thinking that the theatre department would be good but I would want to go during a time when we could get some privacy and also I don’t have access to it.”</p><p>“Dang it… wait!” Victor says, holding a finger up. “I feel like it was either Fee or Lake who said they do theatre stuff. Something about an extreme game of D&amp;D, but a play…”</p><p>“Babe, say that again and think about which one of our friends would say that. It’s <i>not</i> Lake,” Benji says, barking with laughter. </p><p>“Shit, you’re right. But <i>in my defense</i>, she got really into her character when we played last time.”</p><p>Benji reaches behind him and picks up his phone from the nightstand as he plops back onto the bed. He holds it over his face as he unlocks it and taps around on it. “Hey, I’m not denying that it’s fun as hell. I just know <i>she</i> would deny it and act like we’re nuts if we mentioned this out in public.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What a good boy,” Victor murmurs from his spot between Benji’s legs, as he tips the candle to the side, sending a cascade of wax that lands in cherry blossom petals across Benji’s chest. </p><p>Benji hisses before his mouth falls open and his head drops back to the sheets behind him. He arches his spine as he struggles against the rope rubbing against his chest and binding his arms behind his back. When Victor pulls out of him and thrusts back inside, Benji moans and Victor grins.</p><p>Victor leans down to shove his tongue down Benji’s throat as he grips the underside of his thigh, pressing it up against his chest as he rocks his hips into him again, swallowing Benji’s tiny gasps. Sweat and wax mix together on their torsos as they rub together, the heat enough to keep the wax from solidifying between them.</p><p>“Can I please look at you?” Benji asks, barely able to get the words out before he groans from a particularly hard thrust. “S-since I’ve been so good…?” he grits out.</p><p>“Of <em> course, </em>baby,” Victor says as he reaches down to pull the blindfold off Benji’s face and chuck it aside. “It’s only fair, since you’ve been so patient, as usual.” He taps his fingertip lightly against the tip of Benji’s nose.</p><p>“Thank you--” Benji says sweetly, a small smile curling his lips, before he takes a particularly hard thrust and almost cries out. </p><p>Another tip of the candle and Benji sighs as he peers up at Victor through heavy-lidded, golden eyes, pupils raking down Victor’s body just as Victor pulls Benji’s legs up and drapes them over his shoulders, framing him. </p><p>He blows the candle out before setting it on the nightstand beside the bed, a wisp of smoke dissipating into the surrounding air, forgotten, fleeting, just like the compulsion Victor has to blurt out something he knows he’ll regret.</p><p>“You look so pretty like this,” Victor says instead, as he rolls his hips again, leaning down to press his lips to Benji’s neck, nose dragging against the soft, silken skin of his throat and vibrating as Benji moans. “<em> God, </em>you’re so tight…”</p><p>He inhales Benji’s scent, the warmth of spice and sweat mixing together and spurning him on, and he almost can’t control the rocking of his body, moving faster and with bolder strokes.</p><p>“O-oh, yeah?” Benji asks, stuttering before he bites his lip to contain himself as Victor fucks his hole over and over again. When he wriggles, unable to break free from his bonds, he smirks. “How tight am I… <em> daddy </em>?” he teases.</p><p>Even folded in half, Benji can only chuckle breathlessly as he clenches around Victor and all Victor can do is pause mid-thrust as his face blooms with heat. </p><p>“For fuck’s sake…” Victor murmurs as he pulls out of Benji, smacking him hard on the ass before he grabs him by the ropes spider-webbing his chest. “Why are you so… <em> mouthy </em>?”</p><p>But Victor’s words hold no bite as the corner of his lip curls up ever so slightly and he flips Benji over with ease so he’s lying with his cheek pressed into the bed. Benji watches him from the corner of his eye but doesn’t move as Victor clutches at the roots of his hair when he leans down and presses their lips together, tangling their tongues in a suffocating dance. </p><p>Victor slips back inside Benji with ease before he lifts Benji up by the hips, slamming into him and making him yelp in pleasure before he changes his pace, thrusting quick and shallow as Benji’s moans turn to soft staccatos. </p><p>“<em>Mm… </em> yes…” Benji says slyly, voice muffled by the sheets, but Victor can’t help but notice the mischievous grin on his face even still. “Fuck my hole, <em> daddy </em>.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes as an odd, molten pride pools within him, Victor hooks his fingers around the rope binding Benji’s arms behind him and lifts his chest off the bed.</p><p>“Whose ass is this?” Victor breathes against Benji’s ear.</p><p>“Y-yours… yours, daddy,” Benji’s words slip out this time, as if his mouth can’t hold them any longer and Victor plunges into him, slapping him on the ass again.</p><p>“That’s right.”</p><p>And when Victor grabs Benji by the throat, thrusts getting so erratic, making the backs of his legs almost seize from exertion, he almost falls out of Benji, who shudders and writhes and whines around him.</p><p>But when the sensation in the pit of his stomach is back again but different this time, stronger, Victor cums with such a ferocious intensity that even connecting his and Benji’s lips isn’t enough to drown out the sound of his groan as he shoots his load inside Benji’s shaking, overheated body.</p><p>Once Victor unties Benji’s arms, wrists and forearms littered with pink and red mottles to match the wax cooling on his skin, they lay together on Victor’s bed, Benji in his favorite spot under Victor’s arm as Victor strokes his hair and kisses his forehead. Benji picks at the smooth pink layer covering him absently, leaving behind bits of broken wax in its wake. </p><p>Benji props himself up on his elbow and reaches his hand out toward the nightstand, opening and closing his fingers. He doesn’t even have to say anything as Victor picks up the glass of water and passes it to him to drink; then Benji passes it to Victor to have a sip, too, before he sets it back down and wipes his mouth in the back of his hand.</p><p>“Did you have fun?” Victor asks after he’s swallowed the mouthful of water he sloshed around in his cheeks.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, it was nice. I can already feel my thighs getting sore,” Benji says with a giggle, sliding over so he’s lying chest-to-chest on top of Victor. He crosses his wrists under his chin. </p><p>“I wasn’t expecting you to pull the ‘daddy’ card so early on,” Victor says as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and slips his arm between the pillow and his head.</p><p>“What do you mean? It’s been… over four months at this point?” </p><p>“Already? Shit,” Victor says, sliding his hand through Benji’s sweat-slick hair and pushing it out of his face. “It feels like it’s been longer. But in a good way.”</p><p>Benji stares up at the ceiling for a moment and opens his mouth before closing it again, face flushing. Victor wraps his free arm around Benji’s back with a sigh of contentment. </p><p>“You okay?” Victor asks gently after a moment’s pause. “Did I say something wrong?”</p><p>“No, not at all,” Benji says, returning his gaze to Victor’s face before a weak smile stretches across his lips. “I’m just… thinking.”</p><p>“About what?” Victor says, running his thumb across the divots in Benji’s spine, trailing over each of the bony vertebrae that poke out like pale little hills.</p><p>“It’s just… really surreal that I’ve managed to have you for that long,” Benji admits as his pupils flit off to the side. “And that you haven’t gotten tired of me.”</p><p>“That’s actually really relatable. I think about that from time to time, too. And it makes me a little anxious.”</p><p>Nodding solemnly, Benji slides off Victor’s chest and lies down beside him on the bed again as Victor does the same. Benji raises a hand to cup Victor’s cheek and they simply lay there for a moment, breathing in tandem, with the only other sound being the gentle electronic rhythm of Dua Lipa’s “One Kiss” playing in the background. </p><p>“I think the only thing we can do is just--Well, I don’t actually know. I could say it’s best to just take it day by day, and to not think about the fut--” Benji says, but his voice catches in his throat, his face falling as he swallows. “Not think about the future,” he finishes, his voice trailing off, but he smiles nonetheless, lip quivering.</p><p>“You’re right,” Victor says, eyes sparkling, before he encircles Benji again and pulls their faces together. </p><p><em> One kiss is all it takes<br/></em> <em> Fallin' in love with me<br/></em> <em> Possibilities<br/></em> <em> I look like all you need </em></p><p>When they pull away, Victor presses their foreheads together, eyelids fluttering closed as if looking at Benji straight-on would blind him, like looking directly into the sun without a filter. </p><p>“Oh, by the way... I do have some feedback from… earlier. On how to improve for next time.” Benji separates them but lets his hand rest on Victor’s arm.</p><p>Victor hums. “I’m listening.”</p><p>“First, I wanna say that <em> overall, </em> it was super fun and you know I <em> love </em> when you get a little… <em> possessive </em> ,” Benji says, peering up through his eyelashes at Victor. “It’s <em> really </em>fucking hot.”</p><p>Chuckling modestly, Victor bites the inside of his cheek before he says: “Typical Scorpio,” and sticks his tongue out.</p><p>Benji giggles and smacks him on the arm. “What can I say? Like obviously I hate it normally but like… Well, I guess that explains it, then.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I think it’s just because I know you wouldn’t normally act that way.” </p><p>“True. I mean… I respect you too much,” Victor says with a nod.</p><p>“And I appreciate that. But anyway…” </p><p>“I’m guessing you were a fan of the wax?”</p><p>“Yeah, god, that was fire,” Benji says, laughing quietly to himself, and Victor can’t help but join in. “I’ll have to add that to my list of ‘likes’. But it wasn’t stressful for you, right?”</p><p>“Once I got over the idea that I might drop the candle and set my room on fire, it was <em> actually </em> pretty fun. And it’s definitely a turn on that you’re really into it. You know I’m a simple bitch. You’re happy, I’m happy.”</p><p>Snorting and tucking a lock of hair behind his own ear, Benji blushes before he runs his fingers absently across Victor’s collarbone and bites his lip for a moment. </p><p>“I just have one little… small criticism, though. Like, nothing major. Just something to keep in mind,” Benji says slowly, as if picking through a container of words and examining each one with a magnifying glass before choosing it, as he stares out through the window behind Victor at the grey clouds in the heavens.</p><p>“Don’t worry, babe, I can take it.”</p><p>“Okay, well… you can make me wait a <em> little </em> longer and make me beg a <em> little </em>more when I ask you to do things. Does that make sense?” Benji sets his hand on the little strip of sheets between them, running his finger over its slightly rough surface. </p><p>Victor exhales the breath he was holding. “Oh, that’s it? Yeah, I can do that.”</p><p>Benji breathe-laughs, shaking his head. “Did you think it would be worse?”</p><p>“I don’t know what I was expecting, but I’ll admit our little discussions have made me more okay with receiving less-than-positive reviews,” Victor says sheepishly as he scratches the back of his head. </p><p>“‘Reviews’... seriously? You’re not a product,” Benji says, a hint of amusement in his voice.</p><p>“You know what I mean.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Benji leans up and presses a kiss to Victor’s forehead before he rolls onto his back, letting his arm hang off the side of the bed as the other rests on top of his forehead. Victor drapes an arm over his middle and slides over so he’s lying on Benji’s chest.</p><p>There’s a deep rumbling beneath Victor’s ear and he glances up at Benji as he lets his other arm drop beside them before he slips his fingers through Victor’s hair, tangling with the curly strands.</p><p>“Oh, yeah. You know how I have that photography project that’s due in a few days?”</p><p>“The one you haven’t started on yet?” Victor says, a teasing lilt in his voice.</p><p>“I didn’t know what to do, but I think I have an idea. Although, I’m not sure if you’re gonna be down for it or not.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?” Victor asks as he picks his head up off Benji’s chest and sits up, resting on his arm as he gazes down at Benji.</p><p>Benji hesitates before he sits up, too. “Well, since the prompt I chose is ‘unorthodox’, right away I thought of drag. And since you’re my muse--”</p><p>“That sounds like it would be fun, yeah,” Victor says quickly. “Of course I’ll be your subject.”</p><p>Beaming, Benji bounces his shoulders before he wiggles closer to Victor on the mattress and gives him a quick peck on the lips. “Awesome, thank you so much.”</p><p>“What’s the plan, B? Since I’m pretty sure you don’t have any dresses lying around, <em> especially </em>none that would fit me,” Victor says, motioning up and down at his bare form with a grin.</p><p>Stroking his chin, Benji frowns. “I was thinking that the theatre department would be good but I would want to go during a time when we could get some privacy and also I don’t have access to it.”</p><p>“Dang it… wait!” Victor says, holding a finger up. “I feel like it was either Fee or Lake who said they do theatre stuff. Something about an extreme game of D&amp;D, but a play…”</p><p>“Babe, say that again and think about which one of our friends would say that. It’s <em> not </em> Lake,” Benji says, barking with laughter. </p><p>“Shit, you’re right. But <em> in my defense, </em>she got really into her character when we played last time.”</p><p>Benji reaches behind him and picks up his phone from the nightstand as he plops back onto the bed. He holds it over his face as he unlocks it and taps around on it. “Hey, I’m not denying that it’s fun as hell. I just know <em> she </em> would deny it and act like we’re nuts if we mentioned this out in public.”</p><p>“You know if you need to chat with Fee, they’re across the hall,” Victor says as he rolls off the bed with a grunt.</p><p>“Good point,” Benji says as he drops his phone next to him and rises. He makes a face as he turns around and wrinkles his nose. “We should probably, uh… shower first.”</p><p>“Right.” Victor peers down at the sheets and smiles wryly before he pulls them off the bed and shoves them into his laundry bag. “I’ll take care of that later.”</p><p>“And I’ll help,” Benji says, standing on his toes and grabbing onto Victor’s shoulder as he pulls him into another kiss.</p><p>Victor can only smile and shake his head. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever actually been on this side of campus before,” Victor says. </p><p>Benji stands beside him in front of the low, red brick building that doesn’t know if it wants to be older or modern, its concrete overhang casting a long shadow across the grass as the early May afternoon sun beats down on everything it touches. </p><p>Victor peeks over his shoulder, glancing through the brick columns on both sides as Benji fiddles with the key card before he adjusts the strap of his bag on his own shoulder and swipes it through the card reader next to the door.</p><p>“Babe, stop doing that. You look suspicious,” Benji whispers as he pulls the door open and motions for Victor to step through as a wall of cool air bursts out from within.</p><p>“Sorry…” Victor whispers back. “Thank you, kind sir. How chivalrous,” he teases as he approaches the door.</p><p>“Fine, you can get the door yourself, then,” Benji replies, sarcastic, as he goes to shut the door right before Victor jogs inside.</p><p>Giggling, Victor catches up to Benji and drapes an arm over his shoulder as Benji leads the way through the deserted, open atrium, the glass panels before them providing a magnificent view of the garden.</p><p>“Did you wanna do our shoot out there?” Victor asks as he points ahead. </p><p>Benji purses his lips, eyes going wide as he searches the grove inhabited by a little concrete walkway, along with some bushes of purple and pink flowers that flank the path on each side. There are a few blossoming magnolias, along with a cherry blossom tree losing its petals in sheets that look like pink raindrops.  </p><p>“Yeah, that would be awesome,” Benji breathes. </p><p>“So where are we going?” Victor asks, squinting at one of the signs on the wall.</p><p>“Fee said it’s… down here.” Benji points down the right-hand corridor as he snakes his arm around Victor’s waist, then pulls him along with him.</p><p>Their footsteps echo in the empty building, everything around them still, as if life had ceased to exist within this space. Even when Benji spots the door labeled ‘Costumes’ and unlocks the door, the noise continues its eerie ricocheting as they enter the spacious room filled with racks of clothes of all colors, sizes and fabrics, along with tables lining the walls that are littered with makeup and costume jewelry. </p><p>“Whoa…” Victor breathes, as Benji gazes around the room in wonder.</p><p>“It’s like being at the mall. But without pushy staff members.”</p><p>Victor nods but doesn’t say anything as he unfurls his arm from Benji’s shoulders and approaches one of the racks. </p><p>“Did you need any help figuring out what to wear?” Benji asks as he follows Victor’s lead. </p><p>“No, thanks. I wanna surprise you,” Victor says quickly. </p><p>Benji pouts, stepping back. “Oh. I guess I’ll go… hang out. Over there.” He motions toward the opposite end of the room and ducks behind a tall rack of clothes so he can’t see Victor anymore.</p><p>“I’ll miss you, baby,” Victor calls and Benji licks at his teeth as he rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Wonder what he’s gonna come up with...” Benji mutters to himself as he cards through some gaudy primary-colored polyester shirts, cringing as he moves them across the steel pipe they hand from, the loud scraping of metal on metal grating at his eardrums.</p><p>His eyes quickly glaze over and Benji sighs as he finds a spot in the corner with a single red couch that looks suspiciously similar to the ones he’s seen at the library but he doesn’t question it, instead shrugging as he plops down in the seat. </p><p>He hums to himself as he peels the strap of his bag off him and sets it beside him before he unzips it and rummages around in it. When his fingers brush against cool, smooth plastic, he slowly pulls out his camera and sets it on his lap, pressing the ‘on’ button and waiting for it to load.</p><p>With a small smile, Benji flicks through the photos he’d taken, chuckling to himself when he comes across one of Victor, mid-sneeze, that he hadn’t had the heart to delete. There are mostly candid photos of Victor interspersed with landscapes and artsy pictures of rain and buildings. He finds himself focusing more intensely with each passing moment.</p><p>“All right, I think I have…. <em> something </em>,” Victor says from across the room, voice growing. “I didn’t feel like taping my dick to my leg, so...”</p><p>“You don’t tape it to your leg--”</p><p>When Benji looks up, his breath leaves his body as if someone had crushed his lungs in their hand; all he can do is stare, muscles in his hands seizing and making him almost drop his camera.</p><p>Victor strides over, teetering atop a pair of black six-inch tall stilettos that make him tower over the ground on long, twig-like legs. </p><p>The world stops its rotation and Victor seems to glide toward him in slow motion, clad in thigh-high fishnets and a faux fur jacket reaching his knees that looks as if it would swallow him whole like a giant furry beast. Underneath the monstrosity is a short, strappy and unsurprisingly, <em> tight </em>, satin slip so close to Victor’s skin tone it blends in almost seamlessly, as if he’s not wearing anything at all.  </p><p>His shining, blood-red lips and smoky black eyeshadow, coupled with the glossy gelled down curly fringe on one side of his face, create an imposing image; Benji swallows the lump in his throat. </p><p>“Holy shit…” Benji breathes, setting his camera aside as Victor approaches, his serious, focused expression breaking into a smile.</p><p>“What do you think?” Victor asks in a high-pitched voice, standing before Benji and bringing one knee in as he pops his hip to the side and sets his knuckles on his waist. “And how’s my makeup?”</p><p>“I’m questioning my sexuality again,” Benji says, eyeing Victor up and down as he stands, mouth dry.</p><p>“Girl, me too,” Victor says in the same voice. “Okay, I should stop, that feels unnatural.” He clears his throat.</p><p>“You look incredible. Surprisingly, I don’t see anything wrong with your makeup, either.”</p><p>“‘Surprisingly’, thanks,” Victor replies in his normal voice but with a hint of sarcasm, beaming as he twirls around slowly. He rubs his silver-ring-adorned hands along his body. “I feel… <em> fierce,” </em>he adds, growling dramatically as he makes a clawing motion in the air. </p><p>Benji chuckles, face flushing, but he can’t peel his gaze away from Victor. “I never understood people who would look at someone hot and be like ‘step on me’ but honestly… now I get it.”</p><p>Covering his mouth with his hand as he laughs, Victor stumbles a bit with an “oops”, hands shooting out to the sides as panic flashes across his face for a split second before he rights himself again. </p><p>“You good?” Benji asks.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine. These things are just… mad high. Not easy to walk in and I feel like a baby gazelle which kinda kills the vibe,” Victor says, balancing himself on the tips of his toes. </p><p>“Wanna sit down?” Benji says, sitting down again and patting the spot beside him on the couch.</p><p>Victor pauses, before another grin blooms across his lips. “How about I sit on your lap so we can play the tall queen and short king couple,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. </p><p>Biting his lip, Benji nods and opens his arms. “Hop on.”</p><p>Shuffling over, Victor gently crouches down and slides onto Benji’s lap, draping his own arm around Benji’s neck. He crosses his legs and rests his heeled feet over the edge of the sofa, letting them dangle. </p><p>“I’m not crushing you, am I?” Victor asks, brushing the hair from Benji’s eyes.</p><p>Pressing his lips together into a line as Victor’s weight bares down on him, Benji’s legs shake ever so slightly, as if someone had dropped a bag of cement on his femurs, and he grits his teeth. </p><p>“You <em> are </em>… a bit heavier than me, no offense,” Benji says, voice strained.</p><p>“Okay, well, I don’t wanna kill you,” Victor mutters, sliding off Benji and instead taking the spot beside him before crossing his legs again. “And it does feel kinda weird…”</p><p>“I honestly can’t stop staring at you like… I don’t know why but I’m really into this look.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Benji contemplates a moment, staring up at the metal-clad ceiling. “It’s probably because it’s you, though. I don’t think I would get this turned on if it was anyone else.”</p><p>Victor’s mouth scrunches to the side as he raises an arm, letting it descend over Benji’s shoulders. “You’re turned on by me in drag.”</p><p>“I guess so,” Benji says with a shrug. </p><p>“Then maybe we should do something about that,” Victor says with a coy smile as he rests the tip of his finger against his plump bottom lip. </p><p>“The whole ‘acting like a stereotypical woman’ thing isn’t really working out for you, I hate to say it.”</p><p>“That bit isn’t my thing but the aesthetic is nice, I’ll admit,” Victor says, pulling his finger away from his lip and wrinkling his nose at the red that comes with it, before glancing off to the side of the room at the mirror on the wall and fixing his hair.</p><p>“It really <em> does </em> suit you…” Benji says, resting his hand on Victor’s leg and brushing against the rough fishnet as he draws closer to him, pulled like a leaf to a puddle. “And I guess it’s kinda like… I don’t know, sociologists say your behavior isn’t dictated by how you dress, right?”</p><p>“That’s true, too,” Victor sighs, lips hovering just a few hair’s lengths away from Benji’s. His other hand reaches up to cup Benji’s cheek, rubbing circles on it with his thumb.</p><p>“I guess what I’m <em> trying </em> to say is that I want you to fuck me while wearing this whole ensemble,” Benji whispers. “ <em> Especially </em> the heels.”</p><p>Grinning triumphantly, Victor straightens out his back a bit and thrusts his chest out. “That can be arranged.”</p><p>“Not now, though. I don’t wanna ruin your makeup.”</p><p>“How about we do this photoshoot first and then we can take a little break… and I can thank you for all the beautiful pictures?” Victor asks, voice low as he trails his hand to Benji’s chin and grips it as he stares down at him through kohl-lined eyelids.</p><p>Benji nods vigorously; he doesn’t remember the last time he’d been so horny that his insides ache with not just desire but a feral <em> need </em>. He has no idea why the haze has taken hold of him so strongly that the only thing he can fixate on is Victor towering over him and pressing him down into the couch as he leaves a trail of sanguine kisses all over him and makes him scream in pleasure. </p><p>“Okay… let’s go outside, shall we?” Victor says, breaking Benji from his thoughts as he glances out the window behind them where the sun hangs suspended in the middle of the sky.</p><p>“Good idea…” Benji says absently, searching around for his bag, camera and supplies. </p><p>“I think you’re gonna need to help me, though,” Victor says, pushing himself to stand very slowly as he attempts to balance again.</p><p>“Right…”  Benji sidles next to him, letting Victor drape his arm over him for support. “You should be okay but be careful so your heels don’t go <em> through </em> the dirt. Because that would suck.”</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind…”</p><p>They wander into the garden through the glass doors, sun showering them as they walk across the path. Most of the area is paved, aside from the little patches of mulch with flowers scattered about, along with the stony areas underneath the trees that give way to grass that sprouts out of the packed earth.</p><p>Benji assists Victor across the ground as his ankles wobble dangerously with each step. </p><p>“You’re gonna have to learn to walk in those at some point,” Benji teases, taking a few long strides backward as Victor poses against the tree. “It’s not like it’s hard.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Then show me how easy it is,” Victor argues, crossing his arms over his chest and almost knocking himself off balance again.</p><p>“<em>Fine, </em>I will,” Benji grumbles, making his way back to the door. “I’ll be back in a few.”</p><p>“So you’re just gonna leave me here alone to be <em> bored </em>, I guess,” Victor says, sarcasm dripping from his voice.</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Benji says, rolling his eyes and smiling as he shakes his head.</p><p>Relief floods Benji as he re-enters the building, and he’s pleased that for at least the moment, he doesn’t have to watch Victor’s lithe frame bombarding his pupils like a lighthouse cutting through the darkness and guiding him to shore. It lasts but a moment before something within him crackles and ignites, kindling that he wishes he could put out.</p><p>He sighs as he retreats back to the room that resembles something more like a forest of clothes. At the back of the room, he spots a rack where dresses and coats hang. In the back corner, there’s a nook for hats and scarves and other accessories and finally, the point of contention—shoes.</p><p>Benji scans the pairs aligned neatly on their shelves, a few of them misaligned where Victor had undoubtedly disrupted them—he knows it’s a struggle finding heels to fit him. His eyes catch on a strappy silver pair of stiletto sandals and he checks the size—9, a bit too small, he realizes, upon doing a size comparison with his own shoe.</p><p>“Right… the thigh-highs…” he mutters to himself, giggling as he slips the shoe back into its spot meticulously.</p><p>Humming, he sits down in front of the shelf and digs around a bit more until he finds a pair of spiky burgundy stilettos studded with silver beads, and his mind is made up immediately. He examines them, plucking his shoes off before sliding the heels on his feet not unlike Cinderella with her glass slipper.</p><p>Pushing himself off the ground with his hands, Benji stands, barely making any unwanted movements as he examines himself in the mirror, noticing that the floor is much farther away now. He takes a few steps, the muscle memory making his feet much surer; he’s still got it.</p><p>He found what he came for, so Benji knows he should head back outside and not keep Victor waiting. But something compels him to turn back around. </p><p>Through the racks of clothes in front of the window, Benji catches a glimpse of Victor sitting on the grass in the garden, hunched over as he rips apart a blade of grass. Benji smiles and rolls his eyes; he should have more faith in his boyfriend’s ability to entertain himself.</p><p>He returns to the dress rack and peers down at it, tapping his feet excitedly at his newfound height, which is one of the many advantages of wearing heels, he’s come to realize. He cards through the clothes, the flapping of various textures of cloth like sails in the breeze, as he examines each item in turn—too floral, too short, too much like a potato sack, too--</p><p>“Wait…” </p><p>Bobbing his head, he pulls out a long, black A-line dress with loose, black puffy sleeves and shoulder cut-outs that remind him of something a vampire would wear. It has a diamond-shaped cut-out for the cleavage with laces halfway down that attach to a corset. </p><p>Benji strips off his shirt and tosses it onto the pile of clothes that Victor has left behind, then peels his skinny jeans off—or at least tries to—without taking his shoes off. He almost topples over like a stack of precariously placed pebbles in a fit of curses, but grabs the rack before he plummets face-first into the tile floor.</p><p>Once he’s standing in the middle of the room essentially bare aside from his underwear and heels, Benji examines the dress, turning it his hands and in his mind as he decides on a strategy for how to put it on. </p><p>He can already tell it won’t get over his shoulders. Pursing his lips, he loosens the laces on the corset and steps into it carefully, before pushing his arms through the sleeves and tightening the laces at the waist. </p><p>Gathering the flowy black skirts together, he gives himself a once over in the mirror, grinning at the hourglass figure enhanced by the corset and the lower half of the dress that offsets the broadness of his shoulders. The little bit of cleavage, along with the exposed skin of his arms and the tops of his shoulders makes him feel a bit… <em> scandalous </em>. </p><p>He doesn’t bother tucking, because the pang of arousal sends shivers up his spine and he knows that will only make things even more uncomfortable; the dress is voluminous enough to make it unnoticeable.</p><p>But still, <em> something </em> is missing.</p><p>The makeup table calls out to him and he sighs as he sits down in front of it. A quick glance out the window again, and Benji shakes his head at the sight of Victor picking flowers now.</p><p>“Okay nothing too fancy…” Benji mutters, as he rummages through the palettes of eyeshadow and lipsticks and even bronzers and concealers he doesn’t use frequently. </p><p>He opens a lip palette and contemplates for a moment before he chooses a shade of deep burgundy similar to that of his shoes, lining the outer part of the lip with expert precision, before dabbing a bit of lighter red and blending the shades together to create an ombré effect. </p><p>Once he’s satisfied with his lips, he opens a liquid eyeliner pen and lines his eyes in black for a simple winged look, before swiping a bit of red eyeshadow onto his lids and examining the final product. He then rises from his seat and takes one last look in the mirror, running a hand through his hair before he makes his way out the door again.</p><p>“How long does it take to find shoes?” Victor says, not looking up as Benji marches across the path, dress billowing behind him.</p><p>“I decided to do a little more,” Benji says with a sly grin as he takes his camera in his hand again. “Need any help?”</p><p>“I got it,” Victor says more to himself than to Benji as he rises, shaking, from the ground, reaching out a hand to steady himself against the tree. </p><p>“Whoa,” Victor says when he finally turns to look at Benji, raking his gaze down his form slowly and then back up again. “Damn… you look… like the mom from the Addams family. But way hotter.”</p><p>Benji throws his head back and laughs, smacking Victor on the arm and almost sending him careening back into the dirt. “Not what I was expecting, but I’ll take it.”</p><p>“No, but seriously. I love it.”</p><p>Biting his lip and averting his gaze, Benji’s cheeks warm as he takes a step back. “Thanks… Are you ready for our photoshoot?”</p><p>“Yeah… yeah. You’re gonna have to direct me, though.” Victor pops his hip to the side, seductive, then sets one hand on the tree and the other on his waist. </p><p>“Hmm…” Benji hums as he takes several steps back, ending up in the shade of one of the magnolias. He brings his camera to his face and looks through the lens. “I’m gonna take a few test shots. So you can just… do whatever.”</p><p>Victor gives him a wan smile as he stands up a bit straighter but his expression falters even further quickly. “My feet are… hurting already. I can’t believe people wear these <em> all day </em>.”</p><p>“I know, right?” Benji says as he snaps a few photos before he glances down at the screen. “These look good. I’ll show you later, though.”</p><p>“Cool,” Victor says, holding a thumb up as he turns slowly, looking down at his feet as he adjusts himself atop the packed-in stones on the ground. “Tell me what I need to do.”</p><p>“So… I need you to move over to that branch…” Benji says, stroking his chin as he wanders off to the side, before he motions to where the branch juts out from close to the roots of the tree. “I think it would be nice if you like, leaned against it. Maybe do a little ‘come hither’ thing.”</p><p>“Okay…” Victor says as he teeters over to the branch and does as Benji instructs. “What do you mean by ‘come hither’?”</p><p>“Are you familiar with the term ‘smizing’?” Benji muses.</p><p>“I’ve heard of it. I think.”</p><p>Benji chuckles as he crouches down, waddling a bit closer to Victor. </p><p>“It’s basically smiling with your eyes. But keep your face neutral--like this.” He points to his own eyes as he squints slightly and fixes his gaze on one of the azalea bushes behind Victor. “Don’t think too hard about it. Just relax.” </p><p>Victor raises an eyebrow before he squints, the beams of sunlight streaming through the flowering branches above shining in his face. “Huh?”</p><p>“I mean, you’re kinda doing it right now.” Benji snaps a photo, the repeated <em> click </em>of the button ringing in his ears. “Just keep doing that. But tip your head up a little bit more, please.”</p><p>“Like this?” Victor asks as he inclines his head, skin glowing in the light, ethereal.</p><p>“Yes, that’s <em> perfect </em>. You’re a natural.”</p><p>Soon they fall into a comfortable rhythm, with Benji directing Victor into various poses--leaning against different parts of the tree, later reclining against it and sitting in the grass once Victor’s feet had begun to protest. </p><p>“All right, I think this’ll be the last set,” Benji says as he stands over Victor, who is lying in the grass with his arms splayed out around his head. </p><p>“I should get some pictures of you, too, once we’re done.” Victor peers up at Benji with a smirk.</p><p>“We’ll see,” Benji says, face heating up again as he snaps a few more photos. “Can you, uh… pull the coat down a bit? So we can get some… shoulder?”</p><p>Victor bites his lip for a moment before his mouth curls up like a dangerous, upturned arch. “I’ll do some spicy poses if you let me take some pictures of you.”</p><p>Benji sighs as he pushes his hair away from his forehead, but can’t stop his facial muscles from giving him away. “Okay, okay. Fine. Deal. Now, let’s see some skin.”</p><p>Chuckling, Victor slips his jacket down as Benji asked, exposing the bare flesh and the thin strap of his dress. He stares up at the bits of sky peeking through the tree as Benji takes a few more photos. </p><p>“Damn, that’s pretty,” Benji mutters, pausing when Victor undoes the coat and lets it fall open around him.</p><p>Gasping softly, Benji captures the image of Victor’s vulnerability, the way he looks so dainty among the folds of faux fur, like a kitten peeking out from the warmth of its mother’s belly.</p><p>Victor finally peels the jacket off him completely before he sets it aside, lying in the grass in only the light brown slip, one of the straps hanging off his shoulder.</p><p>“Okay… I think that’s enough…” Benji says quietly before he swallows, cheeks burning. </p><p>Sitting up slowly and giving Benji a sly grin, Victor then brushes the loose grass off himself before he reaches out. “Your turn. We had a deal.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. Just give me a second to breathe and set myself up.” Benji hands his camera over to Victor before he searches around and stands up.</p><p>Without thinking much further, Benji examines one of the branches of the tree that juts into the sky from the middle of the trunk, then latches onto it and hops up, the rough bark digging into his skin as he does this. But he doesn’t even mind.</p><p>“I didn’t know you could... climb,” Victor says with a laugh as he shuffles closer to Benji, pointing the camera at him.</p><p>“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me, Victor Salazar.” Benji brushes his hair with his fingers and adjusts his dress before he holds his hand up in front of his face. “Don’t take any yet.”</p><p>“Just let me know when you’re ready.”</p><p>After a few minutes of fiddling with his hair, Benji sighs. “Okay. Let’s get this over with.”</p><p>“<em>Stooooppp, </em>you look stunning,” Victor says, pouting as he snaps a few photos. He brings the camera away from his face for a moment. “Holy shit, these look good and I don’t even know what I’m doing…”</p><p>“Are you done?” </p><p>“No, just a <em> few </em> more. Move over a little more so you’re leaning against the trunk. <em> Carefully </em>,” Victor says, flapping his hand. </p><p>Benji groans and shimmies across the branch and Victor takes several more photos a bit <em> too </em>eagerly.</p><p>“Okay, I think that’s enough. One of these is gonna become my new wallpaper for my phone, though, just FYI,” Victor says with a chuckle.</p><p>“<em>Brilliant… </em> I’m gonna come down now.” Benji glances down at the ground, where it sits only about two feet away from him and he shrugs.</p><p>“Wait, let me help you, you’re really high up,” Victor says, voice rising an octave as he hustles over. </p><p>“It’s not that high.” Benji raises an eyebrow. “Ohhh. It’s ‘cause of the… fear.”</p><p>Victor scratches the back of his neck as he stands between Benji’s legs, their faces almost aligned. “C’mere.”</p><p>“I’m not a baby.”</p><p>“But I thought you liked being carried?”</p><p>“Sometimes I do, but not now.” Benji shoves him away gently before he slips out of the tree with ease, just as Victor takes a step back.</p><p>But as soon as his heel-clad foot makes contact with the earth, Benji wonders which god he’d offended that day as his ankle twists, sending him careening forward.</p><p>“<em>Ow!”  </em></p><p>There’s a <em> thud </em>. Benji’s head knocks against something solid but soft. Ribs?</p><p>When he looks up, rubbing his eyes, Victor is groaning and rubbing his head where it smacked into the grass. Benji’s feet are tangled up behind him in his skirt but otherwise, nothing on him is broken.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Benji asks as he sits back on his legs.</p><p>“Yeah. The grass is nice and soft,” Victor says. He takes a deep breath and smiles as he props himself up on his elbows. “I’ve had worse injuries.”</p><p>For a moment, they simply stay like this, gazing at each other as the wind caresses the leaves and petals and blades of grass and finally, their skin. Benji has to stop himself from leaning down and taking Victor’s lips in his own.</p><p>“<em>Shit </em>, that’s right. Where’s my camera?” Benji asks, scrambling around and searching the ground frantically.</p><p>“Don’t worry, it’s right there,” Victor says, pointing to his discarded coat. “It broke the fall.”</p><p>Benji heaves a sigh of relief, clutching at his chest. “Oh, thank goodness.”</p><p>“But yeah, we should do this more often, it’s really fun.”</p><p>“You actually like it? I thought you were just sorta going with it,” Benji says, tucking some hair behind his ear as he slides off Victor and sits cross-legged beside him.</p><p>“Of course. It’s cool… Like, when I was younger, I thought it was just, like… role play, I guess. But it’s one of those things that sorta just lets you be yourself. I get it now.”</p><p>Benji purses his lips, taking in Victor’s words like a fresh towel soaking up water. “Right… like at the end of the day, we’re still the same people, just… we look a little different.”</p><p>“Honestly, I used to be a little scared of the ambiguity. Of, I guess… giving myself too much freedom. And just having fun.”</p><p>“<em> Mhm, </em> I know,” Benji teases, knocking his shoulder against Victor’s. “But in all seriousness, I’m glad we did this and that we both learned something about ourselves.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Victor sighs, laying his head on Benji’s lap.</p><p>Benji’s breath hitches in his throat and all he can do is rest a shaky hand on Victor’s cheek, delighting in the way the spring sun bounces off the sheen of his hair. Victor’s deep brown eyes peer up at him and Benji’s brain short circuits as Victor cups his cheek and gently pulls him down for a kiss, mingling their lipstick so that when they pull away, the red stains the sides of their mouths.</p><p>He wonders if Victor can hear the way his heart pounds as he reaches up and swipes his finger along the corners of Benji’s lips before he sits up again, simply watching Benji for a moment.</p><p>“Your pupils are <em> massive </em>,” Victor says, breathless.</p><p>“So are yours,” Benji mumbles.</p><p>“What’s that?” Victor shoves Benji backward into the grass and straddles him as he runs his fingers down Benji’s face gently before he plants a smack on Benji’s lipstick-stained cheeks.</p><p>“I’ve literally been hard this whole time so can you please just fuck me?”</p><p>“Hmm… I don’t know, can I?” Victor clamps his hands down on top of Benji’s wrists, pinning them next to his head.</p><p>Benji shifts underneath Victor’s weight, their clothed cocks pressing against each other and Benji’s throbs with need from that alone. But Benji finds that the struggle yields nothing, his hips held firmly in place. This only makes his dick twitch as he stares up at Victor’s form hovering over him like a beautiful giant.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>.” Is all Benji can say as he struggles, even though he knows he won’t get out of it so easily.</p><p>Victor kisses him again, and it starts off slow, their lips barely brushing, sweet, before they’re gliding against each other, tongues and teeth and spit, as Victor presses Benji’s arms together over his head. </p><p>Moaning into Victor’s mouth, Benji squirms as Victor holds both of his hands down with one of his own as he slips his free hand inside the top of Benji’s dress, caressing the prickly, pale skin. But Benji can only focus on the way Victor’s tongue tangles with his own at the same time, just before his body wracks with waves of pleasure as Victor pinches one of his nipples.</p><p>When Victor finally pulls away, releasing Benji from his hold, he gazes at him with dark eyes, holding their stare as he unties the top of Benji’s dress and pulls it open to expose his chest. Benji bites his lip as Victor leaves a line of red splotches across his pale skin before he takes one of Benji’s nipples in his mouth and nibbles gently. </p><p>“Please, just…” Benji breathes, arching up to meet Victor’s mouth, “don’t get lipstick on the dress.”</p><p>“I know,” Victor says with a smirk as he trails his hands down to Benji’s waist, his mouth dropping. “I hate this thing. It’s in the way.” He tugs at the corset before he lifts Benji’s skirt and exposes his lower half, too.</p><p>Benji swallows thickly as Victor pulls Benji’s underwear down swiftly and his leaking, rock-hard erection springs out. </p><p>When Victor takes Benji’s cock in his mouth, all Benji can do is gape as Victor drags his red lips along his shaft, leaving behind bits of color in their wake. Benji tries to buck into Victor’s mouth but Victor’s steel grip on his hips keeps him grounded in his place.</p><p>Letting his head drop back into the grass, Benji reaches down to press Victor’s head down onto his cock, holding him down as Victor peers up at him, before he takes him deeper into his mouth, making Benji cry out in pleasure. </p><p>A little flock of birds that had gathered in the corner of the garden startles, the frightened flapping of wings ringing out as the birds depart, but neither Victor nor Benji pays this any mind.</p><p>Victor grins as he pulls his face away from Benji’s cock, a little line of saliva and precum still connecting them for a moment before he lifts Benji’s legs and presses them up against his chest. </p><p>All Benji can do is grab the backs of his thighs as Victor takes his balls in his mouth, before he parts Benji’s cheeks and laps at his hole as he reaches up to play with Benji’s nipples some more with one hand while he touches himself with the other. </p><p>“W-wait…” Benji moans, disheveled, eyelids heavy on his face as he grips at Victor’s back. </p><p>“What’s up?” Victor says, before he kisses the inside of Benji’s thigh.</p><p>“Can I… suck your dick, too?” </p><p>Pausing, Victor sits up before he pulls his underwear off and tosses it aside as he grins. “I think I’d much rather sit on your face.”</p><p>Benji ignites as soon as those words leave Victor’s lips and he nods so quickly he gets dizzy. “Oh my god… <em> please </em>.”</p><p>With a chuckle, Victor hikes up his dress before he shuffles over, throwing a leg over Benji’s face as he positions himself right above him. Benji separates Victor’s cheeks, licking at Victor’s hole as he moans, before he leans over to attend to him again. </p><p>It’s difficult for Benji to focus as Victor touches him, alternating between wrapping his lips around his cock and tonguing his hole, making Benji’s mind go hazy. When Victor slides his fingers inside him, loosening him up, he gives him a hard smack that brings him back to reality, and he remembers what he needs to do. </p><p>Soft sighs floating from his mouth, Benji slips his own fingers inside Victor, too, shivering when Victor groans atop him. He fingers Victor, and at the same time, he takes his dick between his lips. </p><p>“You’ve gotten so good with your mouth, baby,” Victor coos as he grinds his hips down against Benji’s face.</p><p>Benji’s eyes roll back in his head as he whines and curls his fingers inside Victor just as Victor does the same to him. The warmth pooling in his stomach almost overwhelms him as he sucks harder on the head of Victor’s cock before he takes him into the back of his throat.</p><p>Feeling his peak nudging at his insides, Benji sucks at Victor’s dick more insistently just as Victor climbs off him, panting, as he swipes his arm across his forehead. </p><p>“Get up,” Victor says.</p><p>“O-okay.”</p><p>But Benji doesn’t have to think beyond that as he obeys, only to have Victor grab him by the hair and pull him toward him before he slips his tongue into his mouth and rubs up against Benji’s backside. Victor’s stiff erection pokes at Benji’s hole.</p><p>“Do you wanna fuck my ass?” Benji asks.</p><p>“That’s a silly question,” Victor teases, nipping at Benji’s earlobe. “But in all seriousness, I would if we had lube.”</p><p>Benji motions across the garden. “Check my bag. Front pocket.”</p><p>Victor separates himself from Benji before he crawls across the grass and rummages through Benji’s bag. He returns holding a bottle of lube that he brandishes triumphantly. Then, he kneels behind Benji and kisses him hard as he lifts the back of his skirt again, exposing his ass.</p><p>He drizzles the lube generously over his shaft before he grips Benji’s hips and slides inside him deep enough that their bodies press together like two pages in a book. Before he continues, Victor fiddles with Benji’s bodice, undoing the laces and pulling it apart before he kisses him again. </p><p>Moaning into Victor’s mouth, Benji rocks his hips back in time with his gentle, slow thrusts before Victor raises his hand to slip inside the top of his dress once again for a moment before he pushes Benji gently up against the front of the tree. Benji reaches under his dress and touches himself as obviously as he can as he glances over his shoulder. </p><p>“It sure is nice to… <em> ah </em>… be able to touch m-myself,” Benji teases.</p><p>Taking Benji’s hand in his own before he twists it so it’s behind his back, Victor grumbles. “God, you’re such a… <em> naughty </em> boy.”</p><p>Benji’s heart speeds up and his skirt falls back down in front of him as Victor starts thrusting harder and deeper, massaging his insides as each movement sends his rational thought processes farther and farther away. He floats off with a smile, eyelids fluttering closed as he lets Victor take the lead fucking him into oblivion.</p><p>When Benji opens his eyes again, he gasps when he comes face to face with the last person he’d ever want or expect to see him on the opposite side of the glass.</p><p>“<em>Shit </em> , Connor’s… <em> mm... </em> here.”</p><p>“Huh?” Victor says before he plants a kiss between Benji’s shoulder blades and gives a particularly hard thrust, making Benji gasp. </p><p>Benji chuckles, mouth dropping open as he braces himself against the tree with one hand, raising the middle finger on his other and making eye contact with Connor, who stands wide-eyed and petrified in place as if Medusa herself had turned him into a statue. </p><p>Something about the image fills Benji with a sick sense of glee as he arches his back against Victor with a wide grin. Even as he’s spilling out of his clothes, torso a battlefield of kiss marks, the wave of satisfaction is too intense to stop him. He wraps Victor’s arms tightly around him, possessive, as he winks and rubs his hand across his own chest.</p><p>“J-just… c’mere,” Benji breathes, gaze unwavering, as he pulls Victor’s face up to meet his, fingers twining through his hair, and their tongues slide together.</p><p>As soon as Benji does this, his body shudders and he cums so hard his vision blurs, just as Connor frowns, red-faced, and darts away, defeated.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe Connor saw us,” Victor mutters, covering his face in his palm, cheeks boiling and not because of the sunlight.</p><p>Laughing, Benji presses back up against Victor’s chest and tightens his hold on the hand wrapped around his waist. “To be fair, I’m actually surprised we haven’t been caught sooner. Although that one time with Fee and Andrew was pretty close…”</p><p>“God, don’t remind me.”</p><p>“But yeah… something tells me he won’t bother us again…” Benji says with smug satisfaction. He peeks over his shoulder at Victor, whose softening cock is still buried inside him. </p><p>“Weren’t you embarrassed?” Victor asks, nuzzling his face against Benji’s neck as he shifts a bit closer to him on the grass that sticks to their sweat-slick bodies.</p><p>“Uh… kinda. But I also don’t know if it was the fact that he’s so goddamn annoying or just that I have a humiliation kink, but it was a huge turn on.”</p><p>Victor giggles and presses a kiss to Benji’s shoulder before he sighs. “We should probably get out of here before someone else sees us.”</p><p>“You’re right but I <em> really </em>don’t want to. I could just stay here with you forever. I--”</p><p>Benji stops himself and tenses under Victor’s arm. He takes a deep breath but doesn’t continue, instead running his fingers along the skin of Victor’s knuckles. </p><p>“You okay?” Victor asks, voice soft and gentle like the breeze ruffling their hair.</p><p>Exhaling loudly, Benji shifts in front of him before he rotates in Victor’s arms, coming to face him. Benji stares at him for what seems like an eternity and Victor wonders if the flower bushes behind him are more interesting as he glances behind him before returning his gaze to Benji, who is still focusing intently on him, eyebrows knitted together, expression grave.</p><p>“Well, I think I just… realized something, is all.”</p><p>“Do you wanna talk about it?” Victor asks slowly.</p><p>“I love you, Victor.”</p><p>Victor blinks, as if the wind has spoken to him. “You do?”</p><p>“Yeah. I think I knew like… pretty quickly, but I was… I was scared to say it. Because I didn’t know how you would react and now I’m starting to realize that I should have just kept my mouth shut--”</p><p>“No, no. Wait--”</p><p>“I know I told you that it’s better to not think so hard about the future. You seemed… happy to do that. But I can’t. I--I can’t <em> not </em>think about the future. Because every time I do, I just see you,” Benji says, his words cascading from his lips like the rain from storm clouds, furious and uncontrollable, as if he had wanted to drop the bomb and run away before he sees its impact.</p><p>Victor is quiet for a long time as he takes in Benji’s words, eyes glistening as he peers at him with an unreadable expression painted on his face. </p><p>“I should go…” Benji mutters as he turns away, passing his wrist across his cheeks and sniffling as he sits up. “This was a mistake--”</p><p>“Benji, no--” Victor says quickly, body acting on its own accord as he bolts up, his arm jutting out, and he grabs Benji by the hand. “I’m--hold <em> on </em> , I was just surprised. <em> Please. </em>Stay.”</p><p>“You don’t have to say it back, like, I understand if I  said it too early or you don’t feel the same way--”</p><p>Swallowing, Victor pulls Benji back to him, concern creasing his face as he brings them face to face again. “You didn’t,” he sighs, taking Benji’s face between his hands so he has no choice but to look at him. “I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to say it, but… I want to. Give me a second.”</p><p>As soon as the words leave his throat, the clamoring of Victor’s heart drowns out the sound of the birds and crickets in the surrounding trees as everything falls away from him. </p><p>Even the sun focuses its beam of light on Benji alone, as if the universe itself has prepared for this very moment. Benji’s eyelids flutter closed in anticipation as he glows in the afternoon warmth and Victor knows it’s not just the fault of the giant floating ball of fire in the heavens.</p><p>Victor’s voice is heavy on his tongue, sticking to it like a leech, and the only way he can get it out is through force of will alone. He takes a deep breath, cradling Benji’s kiss-stained cheeks in his palms.</p><p>“B-Benji… I love you. I love you <em> so </em> much that it terrifies me,” Victor says, his voice getting quieter and mistier with each word. Benji cranes his head up closer to hear. “And I’ve never wanted anyone else more than I want you. So, I’m, uh… sorry I probably made you feel <em> terrible </em> just now. But I mean it when I say I love you.”</p><p>Biting his lip, Benji nods as a tear drips down his face, only for Victor to brush it away with his thumb. Victor sniffles, blinking back the salty drops that threaten to spill from his own eyelids. </p><p>“I forgive you,” Benji says gently, their noses brushing. “Now, will you finally kiss me, Victor Salazar?”</p><p>And even though Benji won’t see it, Victor nods before he does what he asks, connecting their lips as if it were the first time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all, thank you so much for your patience. I appreciate you sticking with the story after all this time and hope you continue to enjoy it. Also, I hope you had fun reading this chapter because it was hella fun for me to write it! Of course, as yall can imagine, this was inspired by Michael's photoshoot from a few months ago because I honestly thought that the photo of him (that I, ironically, have as my profile pic) is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen haha. Anyway, I we love Venji being horny as fuck in public and having a good time saying 'fuck gender' amirite yall? I also wanted to give a little shoutout to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_the_ships_are_sailing/pseuds/all_the_ships_are_sailing">all_the_ships_are_sailing</a> for giving me some info on college theatre departments haha. Anyway x2, thanks for reading and supporting. And as usual, 1 kudo/1 comment = 1 Venji having a nice time! See you in the next installment!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story came into existence thanks to the lovely <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji">callmevenji</a> who suggested I write a story inspired by Dua Lipa's "Good in Bed" and that's what I did, because I thought it would be fun. You can expect more of a lil bit smutty a lil bit fun bc and a lil bit romantic bc that's how I operate. Idk how long this will be but here it is. Tune in for the next installment at... some point! And as always 1 comment = 1 venji... being in love.</p><p>Also, if you would like to follow me on social media, hit me up on my <a href="https://twitter.com/comradesalazar">twitter account</a> or on <a href="https://comradesalazar.tumblr.com">tumblr</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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